She's Royal
by halojones
Summary: The Cullens are in Hawaii on holiday, but only Alice knows the reason why they are there-she's had a premonition that Edward would finally meet his true love. But when their meeting is ruined by unforeseen circumstances, will Alice set things right again?
1. Chapter 1

**She's Royal**

**note: This story came to me while I was vacationing in Hawaii this week. It will be a shorter story, but fun I hope.**

**note: The title comes from a reggae song that I heard repeatedly in Hawaii--if Bella's lullabye was a reggae song, it would be this song!lol I put the youtube link up on my profile. You can also go to youtube and simply type in "she's royal" and it will come up first. **

**APOV**

**a/n: The actual conversations and external happenings in the club are in italics/underlines; the regular format is Alice explaining things in her head.**

_"Where did Edward go this time?" I stomped my foot in fustration. "He needs to be out here right this minute!"_

_Jasper rubbed my shoulder softly, trying to calm me down as he let out a gentle laugh. "Edward's a big boy, Alice. I think it's okay if he disappears for a couple minutes to use the potty." _

This night-this very moment actually- was the direct result of a good 9 months of planning on my part. Everyone thought it was the most random idea for a graduation present for my twin brother-and I let them think that. I let them think that I was just being crazy, extravagant Alice, letting her over-the- top party planning skills get the best of her.

The last thing Edward would ever wish for was a vacation to Hawaii. One look at him would answer the question why-he had the palest skin possible. It looked beautiful against his striking features and perfectly messy, copper hair. But the thought of that delicate outer layer exposed to the hot Hawaiian sun only made you cringe in anticipation of lobster colored "tan lines" and painful sunburns.

One look at his lifestyle would also explain why Hawaii and Edward didn't mix. He is a winter person through and through. While I complained constantly growing up in one of the wettest, soggiest towns in the Continental US, he thrived in the environment. He loved the rain, the snow in the nearby mountains, the slow pace of our small town setting. He was actually saddened when summer brought on a drier, warmer climate. An ideal vacation gift for Edward would be a skiing holiday in Aspen during Christmas break--not a 10 day sun and surf holiday on the busiest island of all in the Aloha State-Oahu.

_I quickly hurried out towards the outside area of the club, where I had seen Edward escape to several times during the evening. I scanned quickly for a shock of copper hair, but to no avail. As I whirled around to head back to the entrance to look for him, I bumped into Rose._

_"Oh!" We both started giggling, since my head bumped right into her chest--as if I wasn't lacking in height enough between Jasper, Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie, Rosalie had to put on 4 inch heels on top of it to rub it in._

_"Sorry, hon," I said as I tried to move past her swiftly. She grabbed my arm and searched my eyes for a moment._

_"What, Rose?"_

_She scrunched her nose. "What's going on Alice? You've been acting so high strung the last couple days--and I don't even know how to describe the way you are treating Edward this whole night."_

_I tried to play it off innocently. "What? I just want to make sure he's enjoying himself, that's all. You know how he shies away from things like this."_

_Rose gave me a suspicious look. "When has forcing him to wear a suit you picked out for him, and making him stay by your side all night equaled good times for Edward? It's the first evening we've gotten away from your parents, and you are outEsme-ing Esme in terms of coddling him. I wouldn't be surprised if he made a break for it and went back to the hotel."_

_My eyes widened with the distinct possibility that he did just that- I rushed off to the entrance dragging Rose along. "Rose, I need a favor from you-- can you go check the upper level dance floor for him while I check the front door area. I really need to find him--"_

_She looked at me, silently demanding an explanation. So I pulled out my old standby- I threw her the most rounded puppy eyes I could conjure up and pleaded, "Please Rose."_

When I insisted on this trip, my whole family was resistant-but my relentlessness paid off in the end. Everyone saw this trip as yet another example of Edward's loving but overbearing twin insisting things be done her way-her overly lavish way.

The reality was that it was much more...complicated than Alice overextending Daddy's credit card for a blowout holiday in Hawaii.

Most people realize that twins have a very special connection. That didn't even come close to explaining what Edward and I had though . We were eachother's best friends and confidantes. We finished eachother's sentences. And we did have our own special language-but not like other twins have. Our "secret language" was something we never explained to others--we didn't even try to process it for ourselves. There was nothing to explain really-we didn't know any other way. We simply knew we needed the other to survive in this world-we were, in effect, eachother's saviors.

I was seen as the bold, free spirited twin; Edward was seen as the thoughtful, cautious one. Those qualities somehow shaped how our special connection manifested. Edward's watchful yet introverted ways made him one of the most perceptive people on the planet-he could peg a person's character within a few minutes of observing them. But when it came to reading me, his gift was much more powerful. He knew what I would think or how I would act or react before I did half the time. He was constantly influencing me to think before I acted rashly on pure emotion and intuition.

Yet it was that emotion and intution that helped me to save him on many occasions as well.Something deep inside me would let me know when Edward needed to be nudged in one direction or another. That something deep inside came up to the surface of my consciousness in dreams-and Edward had come to respect those visions I had concerning his life. Most of those nudgings dealt with the "small things"--but I had my share of dreams that dealt with important, life altering choices as well.

And that's where Edward's random graduation present comes in. My dream was so short and without any context back in September of last year, when Edward just started his final year of undergraduate school.

Edward was in a dark, crowded club. The music wasn't the usual club music you hear in the states-it was a reggae/dancehall style. And among the sea of tanned, after beach clubbing, swaying bodies, Edward looked out of place. He was overdressed, undertanned, and standing alone. Then something caught his eye- a girl with her back to him was dancing gently to the music. Her thick, long, brunette hair swayed about a beat behind her moving hips. She was alone too, and Edward started closing the distance between them. In the background, a musical refrain could be hear loud and clear:

_"she's royal yeah, so royal,_

_and I need her in my life,_

_I never knew anyone, so one of a kind_

_until the night that I seen your eyes,"_

Edward softly tapped her on the shoulder, smiling so widely and openly as she turned around to meet his gaze. I couldn't see her profile as she turned, because a flower behind her ear blocked my view-- but I heard Edward clearly say, "Finally."

And then I woke up. I woke up and wrote down every detail I could remember-how the club goers were a mix of Asian, Caucasian, and Hawaiian looking patrons. That made me conclude Hawaii was the location. How the inside of the club was decorated--with good day of googling, I located the club in Waikiki-a place called "Pipeline. How the song playing in the background went lyrically. And most importantly--what the mystery girl looked like. I didn't get a good view at all, but I wrote down what I could. Petite, frame and height wise. Thick, beautiful dark brown hair that went down her back. A simple but pretty summer dress in a deep shade of blue. And a lone plumeria tucked behind her ear. From there, my plans for a graduation "present" for Edward began furiously.

_I checked the front entrace area-he was nowhere to be found. I scurried back into the club and checked the other three dance floors. No luck either. When I caught up again with Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, they all looked at me like I was insane._

_My brother Emmett looked at me cautiously..."Alice, what are you doing?" He said it in a tone that people must use right before they throw someone into a car and committ them to the psyche ward involuntarily._

_I tried to calm down in front of them. "Nothing. I just need to find Edward and tell him something..." I glanced around as casually as possible, trying to spot his hair in the crowd. Out of nowhere, I started having THAT feeling I get when dreams and reality begin to align. My body always reacted strongly when future and present meet in front of my eyes. Suddenly things began to drown out around me-faces, voices, anything that distracts from the realization of a dream. All I could see now was darkness, the song that I heard so vividly in my vision--and a flash of white and yellow plumeria beside a mane of dark, thick hair. _

_(song playing in the background):_

_"No, I never been someone shy_

_Until I seen your eyes "_

_I couldn't move though, or even talk at that moment-all I could do was see things happening. And realize that Edward wasn't in the picture to complete the vision._

_From the side I could barely hear Jasper whisper in my ear, "Alice-there's Edward over there-he's actually dancing with someone. It's a miracle."_

_I tried with all my might to focus-to find Edward, despite the tunnel vision I was experiencing. I finally locked in on his copper hair to the right of me-and saw him dancing tenatively--with a cute girl who had...shoulder length blonde hair._

_I pushed my way towards him, but I could tell I was going too slow._

The main motivation for my furious planning was seeing the look on Edward's face when he saw the girl in the dream-as if he recognized her, and had been waiting for her all this time. It was so easy to accept Edward's reasons for not having a relationship since high school-and not even a real date in the last year that wasn't forced upon him by me. He was so focused on following in our father's footsteps as a doctor, he had finished his premed program in just under three years--just like Carlisle. With his intense schedule and long term goals, most people accepted that Edward "just didn't have time" for a relationship.

But that wasn't the whole truth-and Edward knew it. His gift of perception, his sixth sense of reading people quickly, was a blessing-but also a curse. Being able to understand a person's character in a matter of minutes, without even having to interact with them much, changed how Edward did things next to everyone else. There was no room for lightness and flirtations and possibilities when it came to meeting girls-he knew what he was getting into right away. It made the prospect of love much more tiresome and daunting for him when he didn't even get to enjoy the infatuation stage of a relationship. And so he did what he's been doing since high school, after a brief relationship with a harmless, but incompatible girl. He dove headfirst into his studies and individual pursuits--and maintained very strong relationships with friends and family.

This worked just fine when we were in high school. We didn't need anyone else back then frankly-even Emmett was included in our bubble world alot of the times. But as we were starting our new lives in different directions, I could feel Edward being left behind. I had been with Jasper for two years now--Emmett had been with Rosalie for three. And all I wanted more than anything was for my dearest brother and best friend to have someone to love deeply-and for that someone to love him deeply back.

_I walked groggily towards Edward a couple steps but couldn't keep my footing well._

_"Alice, are you okay?" Jasper rushed to my side and kept me propped up. _

_"She's blacking out, "Emmett said casually-he'd seen me do this before, and everyone dismissed it on me getting up too suddenly. _

_By the time I came back to, Edward was by my side, along with the others-and everything was back to normal. Nothing was drowned out now, the song was over, and as I looked hurriedly around, there was no plumeria flowered mane of hair in my field of vision._

_"You okay, Alice?" Edward was patting my head sweetly. I closed my eyes at that moment--I couldn't look at him. I felt like I had just failed him--9 months of planning, and the moment passed without him even knowing..._

_Edward said firmly, "Let's call it a night. She needs to get home and rest."_

**BPOV**

"So, do you want to go back in, or call it a night?" Angela looked at me with concern as Ben offered to get us some sodas across the street. We had been planning this trip for over a year, and three months ago she had gotten together with Ben. He joined us at the last moment with my blessing--how could I refuse Angela anything? But after just one day of our vacation here, she was regretting letting him tag along. As much as she was attending to me like a good friend and Ben was being equally wonderful, I was feeling somewhat like a third wheel. I didn't want her to know I felt that way though, so I kept up a brave face.

I checked my watch. "Yeah, we better go. We don't want to miss the last bus to get us back to the right side of the island." We had gotten a great deal on a condo, beachfront even-we just didn't realize it was a whole 2 1/2 hours away from the center of Oahu's hustle and bustle. If we didn't catch the last bus, we'd be stuck on the wrong side of the island for the night.

Ben ran back with sodas for us as we headed to the bus stop. I walked behind them casually as they held hands. They were the rare couple that actually deserved eachother--in a good way. But there was a part of me deep down that was slightly envious of them in that moment. We were stuck on one of the most romantic places on earth;and after a whole night of clubbing, I had only been asked once to dance. I spent the majority of the night swaying to music on the side alone, feeling slightly awkward and invisible. Some things never change.

As we waited at the bus stop, I people watched the club patrons leaving. Beautiful people, tanned and casually glamorous, were streaming out consistently. I looked down at my summer dress that I was so excited to have found on sale at the mall a couple of weeks ago-suddenly it didn't seem so bold and attention getting as I imagined at that time. I tried to smooth out the wrinkles on my lap, when I watched a group of patrons come out who actually stood out among the beautiful. They were all tall, save one of them-and yet she stood out because she was so petite. They all had beautiful hair, beautiful skin, beautiful clothes. There were two couples among them--with a spare tire behind them bringing up the rear. He looked around disinterestedly before putting his head down as they walked away, his brightly auburn hair falling into his face.

I laughed slightly, finding some consolation that even the beautiful people can leave a club looking as alone as me. " I know exactly how you feel," I mumbled.

Angela turned my way. "Did you say something Bella?"

I shook my head and smiled reassuringly at her. "No, Angela." I looked up distractedly. "I think that's our bus coming now."

I looked back, and took one last glimpse at the most beautiful of the beautiful people disappearing within the crowd. The last thing I could make out of them as I hiked up onto the bus was that brilliant auburn hair, bobbing down the street.

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a/n:okay, tell what you think...lol


	2. A Leap of Faith

**Chapter 2: A Leap Of Faith**

**note: Okay, you HAVE to check out the picture on my profile of Waimea Beach to appreciate the scene that goes down there in the chapter. The high, black rock in the middle of the picture is the rock everyone jumps off of--the lower areas range from 10-15 feet above the water, and the higher points to jump off of are about 20-25 ft up. I'm afraid of heights normally, but jumping off that rock into the water is so much fun-slightly scary, but fun...lol**

**note: Thanks for the reviews-they are always appreciated. :)**

**APOV**

"Did you hear that, Alice? Nina is in graduate school--she's going to be a nurse." Rose glanced at me hopefully-she was trying desperately to find a nice hook up for Edward on the vacation. The reason for her desperation was simple--I had decoupled everyone room wise so that it was truly a "family" vacation instead of a romantic holiday. The boys were in one suite, while the girls were in another. It sounded like a great idea at the time so that Edward didn't feel like a fifth wheel-but Rose and I sharing a bathroom every morning was an impossible task. We weren't making it out of our hotel until late morning, which was annoying the guys.

"And you are training for a marathon too, Nina? That's great." Rose winked exaggeratedly at me as I saw the boys coming back from their quick dip in the ocean. Rose cued Nina in on their impending arrival.

"Here come the boys now, Nina. Edward is the one in the green swim trunks.."

Nina would normally catch my match making attention-she was pretty, athletic, smart, well spoken--but she wasn't the one I came all the way out here to find. I was hoping against hope that we would still find her-I concentrated all night on the possibility. And although I hadn't had another vision yet, I didn't feel like all was lost. I would just have to try harder now, to make everything align once more.

"Boys, this is Nina, Nina this is Emmett, Jasper...AND Edward," Rose said suggestively while gesturing Edward to come sit next to Nina. He obliged, but definitely found the whole exchange awkward.

"Hi, Nina, I'm Edward." Edward sat down next to her and offered her his hand to shake as he flipped his hair back out of his face with his free hand.

And like it happened so many times before, the Nina we had just acquainted ourselves with over the last hour by the pool had left the building. And in smart, well spoken Nina's place? Was a deer in headlights-a bumbling, cat-got-her-tongue shadow of her former self. **(a/n: okay, if you read ferrin landry's "foundations," didn't you just cringe with the very words "deer in headlights!"lol)**

Rose looked over at me and just shook her head as we watched them attempt to have a coherent conversation. Edward was patient, gentle, and comforting; and yet, it wasn't enough to help Nina compose herself. After an excruciating 15 minutes of interaction with eachother that had more awkward pauses than you could count, Nina excused herself. And another one bit the dust.

"Edward, what the hell do you do to these poor girls?" He shot Rose a glare and then ignored her as he laid back on the lounge chair, closing his eyes. "Seriously Edward, you need to find a girl who is either amazingly beautiful or amazingly arrogant who won't crumble in front of you. Too bad I'm taken."

Edward let out a snort, his eyes still closed. "You give off a seriously intimidating vibe for whatever reason." Rose nodded in agreement to her own assessment.

Emmett laughed out loud. "He's too pretty. I think if Jasper and I broke his nose, he'd have more luck with the ladies. "

Rose looked slightly unconvinced. "You are just as pretty, and have a better body and can actually tan." Emmett smiled pridefully before Rose continued.

"But you come off more warm and approachable. Unfortunately." Rose gave him a look that wiped the smug look off his face. "No, it's Edward's demeanor. Even when he's being polite, he still comes off intimidating and unapproachable."

"ENOUGH," Edward spat out. "Why is this turning into a let's-try-to-find-Edward-a-date trip? I thought the theme of the whole holiday Alice was that it was a FAMILY getaway."

"It is, Edward," I reassured him. "That's why I planned what I did today, " I said with a sly smile as I got up from my lounge chair. "Boys-come and see." I handed them each a backpack that I had packed previously this morning for them, and then we headed out to the front of the hotel.

As we stopped in front of a bright red Hummer, Emmett let out a low whistle. "Will you get a load of that."

"I know you boys are getting antsy just hanging out poolside in Waikiki, so I rented the Hummer for you three to go do boy things together-this baby can go offroad even." I kicked the tire, and then handed them a pamphlet. "And this guide gives you all the directions you need to get to the best hike trails and beach spots to do sweaty, burly, manly things. While Rose and I enjoy the comforts of the resort spa in peace, of course."

Edward looked at me regrettably. "Don't you want to come along, Alice? You don't mind hiking that much-you can do spa treatments anytime at home. But you can't go to Hawaii anytime you want."

I giggled. "Silly Edward. I'm totally doing the Hawaiian experience at the spa right now-I'm marked down for the native Lomi Lomi massage as well as a facial treatment using indigenous seaweed!"

They all quickly got into the car as I shouted last minute instructions to them. "Now make sure Edward gets a second coat of sunblock on his back, because we don't need any ER trips for third degree sunburns they we had to for Edward in the Bahamas!" Edward nodded sheepishly at me. "And all I ask is that you guys be back for dinner-Mom and Dad want to take us all out before we go clubbing again."

Edward grimaced. "No more clubbing, Alice. Let's just go see a movie or something."

I shook my head. "Not on your life, bro. Indulge me this once-we need to go clubbing." I gave him a wink and Jasper a quick kiss before they headed off onto the highway, the music blaring at full volume.

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**EDWARDPOV**

Emmett turned my way as we got onto the highway. "So, now that Mommy has let you out of her sight for a couple hours, what do you want to do Edward? It's your choice." Jasper laughed out loud at the reference to Alice-they both thought she was overly intrusive when it came to my personal life.

I was looking through the pamphlet when a couple things caught my eye. "Well, I definitely want to head to the North Shore, since everyone says that's the most beautiful part of the island. And I want to check out Waimea Beach. The waves get as big as 30 feet there during the winter."

Jasper chimed in. "The concierge told me that the North Shore water is completely flat right now though for summer and it's great for swimming and snorkeling."

I turned to Jasper. "That sounds good. We'll go to Waimea Beach, and then find someplace to snorkel near there."

Emmett used the navigating system on the car to get directions. "Woah, it's a good hour and a half to get over to that side of the island. You sure?"

I nodded. "I'm sure. The farther away out of town we are, the better. I want to see the country side of the island."

--

We arrived at Waimea just before noon-and the view we got from the highway as we turned around a bend was spectacular. The water was a clear and bright blue, the sand was pristinely white, and a huge black rock in the middle of the beach had scores of sunbathers leaping off it into the ocean.

Emmett saw the jumpers and got excited. "I want to do that," he said with childlike exuberance. But then we got into the parking lot-and it was completely full, with scores of other cars waiting. It didn't look promising.

Jasper took the guide from my hands. "Hmmm, this says that Sunset Beach is just a couple miles down. You guys want to try the next beach over instead of dealing with the traffic?"

"No," I interjected as I impatiently looked out the window. "Let's just wait it out. We've come this far, it won't hurt to wait a little bit longer."

"This will be more than a little bit of a wait, " Jasper mumbled.

The music blasting from our radio was getting more attention than I wanted-I turned it off quickly. "So ostentatious, Emmett," I said scoldingly.

Emmett put the radio back on, and countered, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I left Mama Alice back at home."

"Hey! Hey, you!!" A girl appeared out of nowhere on Emmett's side. "You need a parking space?," she said flirtatiously.

"In fact I do, beautiful," Emmett said with a wide grin. She smiled back, and then pointed to where her car-and friends- were parked. "Ostentatious can work in your favor sometimes, Edward. Give it a try."

Another car with an elderly tourist couple were waiting for the girl's parking space, but she motioned them to move on. "My boyfriend's taking this spot, " she yelled at them, while winking back at Emmett.

"I'd love to see how ostentatious you'd be right now if Rosalie was in the car, " I murmured.

Emmett rolled his eyes, "Like Rose wouldn't flirt in a second to secure a parking space, Edward-grow up!"

Emmett parked; and in exchange, the girls wanted to take some pictures with us. As they honked their horn and "beautiful" quickly flashed Emmett as they peeled out of the parking lot, Emmett patted my shoulder. "See what ostentious gets you, Edward?"

--

**EMMETTPOV**

The beach was amazing- and I was fully planning on making the most of our time here with Edward. I eyed a good spot just in between two sets of girls by the big, black rock. On the right hand side were a group of obvious tourist girls, and on the other side was a group of local looking girls. Best of both worlds, I thought-let Edward take his pick. I threw my backpack down and laid out a towel.

Jasper reached me next and I whispered in his ear: "The sooner we hook Edward up with someone-hell, anyone-the sooner we can stop being bedroom buddies. So, let's help Edward out here. " As I motioned to both sides of us, Jasper nodded with a sly grin.

"Be more than happy to help. You snore too much and your bathroom etiquette is disgusting." He scanned both sides quickly. "The girl in the tiny black and white bikini at 9:00 o'clock looks promising." I leaned over to look, and she was gorgeous. Tan, long black hair, looked like she was part Asian or Hawaiian, great body. She didn't seem meek either-Rose was right. Edward needed to meet a girl who could stand her ground with him.

Edward fell down next to us finally. "That's a long walk--the sand is hot." He was so busy checking the soles of his tender feet, he didn't even both to glance at who was surrounding us. He took out his suntan lotion and handed it to me. "Can you get my back?"

A snort came out of me involuntarily. "Damnit, Edward, taking you to the beach is like taking a child sometimes! Or a grandmother-take your pick..." I was about to start on his back when I got an idea. I looked back over at the pretty local girl Jasper pointed out and got her attention.

"Hi, I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor."

She raised her eyebrow and smiled, waiting for me to explain.

"Could you spread some suntan lotion on my brother? He's one step away from being an albino, and I'm afraid I'm one of those caveman types who doesn't feel comfortable enough rubbing lotion on another man."

Edward shot me a look of complete mortification-maybe calling him an albino wasn't the best way to hook the guy up--but thankfully the girl laughed in response. "Sure. Turn around,..." She looked at Edward, waiting for him to give his name.

"Edward. Sorry, you don't have to do this--"

She interrupted him. "I don't mind. Edward. I think I'd mind with your brother." She leaned in closely towards his ear: "He looks like trouble." She leaned back upright. "But you? You seem decent. And that pale skin is gonna burn quickly if you don't get some sunblock on." She swiftly went to work on his back and Edward actually let out a slight blush as he sat there. Jasper shot me a quick look and a knowing nod. Leave it to us to find Edward a girl in less than 10 minutes, while Alice and Rose had failed everyday so far on this vacation.

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**EPOV**

"What the hell, Edward?" Jasper looked back at where we had been sitting in the direction of Nalani- or "sunblock girl" as Emmett referred to her. "The girl offers to put sunblock on your legs and you tell her "no thank you."

We were stepping on top of the big black rock now, heading out to the spots where people were jumping. "She didn't mean it like that, Jasper. I can tell when a girl is flirting and when a girl is being nice. And Nalani was just being nice."

Emmett let out a drawn out sigh as we continued to climb up the backside of the rock. "You are an idiot, Edward. She was flirting with you."

"No, " I said pointedly. "She pitied me-you two kept saying embarrassing things, which made me feel uncomfortable, which made her feel bad for me. Big difference."

Jasper gave me a puzzled look. "Who cares what the reason is, Edward. A girl who looks like Nalani isn't going to ask a stranger if he wants to get rubbed down unless she wanted to. Most people would THANK us for putting you in such a position, even if you are right."

We were now at the lower part of the jump off. It was about a 15 feet jump, which seemed doable from the sand. But as I looked over the edge, it seemed much less inviting. Emmett jumped in first--just throwing himself off haphazardly, ending the graceless dive with a bellyflop. Jasper was barreling over with laughter as he came back up to the surface and yelled, "Shit, that hurt!" first thing.

Jasper by contrast took a minute to dive in. He checked out the bottom, made sure it was clear from swimmers, inched backwards to the edge with his back to the water, and then did a graceful flip off the rock. His landing was quiet and smooth, arms and head first.

"You're up, Al," Emmett yelled out-short for Albino. I stepped up to the edge and tried to copy what Jasper did. I checked out the bottom to make sure no one was around. But then the more I looked down, the more I felt a growing unease spread through my body. The water was at low tide-I began wondering if the water was too shallow as a result to be perfectly safe.

"Come, on, Edward!" Jasper yelled out.

I called back, "I"m just waiting for a set of waves to come in so that the water is less shallow."

They both laughed-knowing I was stalling. I didn't care though-I needed a moment to get the urge up to jump. I watched the water until a new set of waves came in-the water was definitely not shallow now. And yet my feet were stuck to the rock.

"Excuse me, " said a little boy about 10 years old. He hopped right in front of me, and leapt into the sea. Jasper and Emmett were cracking up below.

"You just got owned by a second grader, Edward," Emmett called out.

I tried one more time to will my feet to jump-but they wouldn't. The dread was evenly spread throughout my body now, and I seriously began to consider just walking back down the rock. I didn't want to do it.

The light pressure of a hand was suddenly on my shoulder. "Are you okay?, " a soft voice asked gently.

"Uh, yeah." I mumbled as I continued looking at the water-and the mocking faces of Jas and Emmett.

"Don't look down like that. Whatever you do, don't look down. You won't jump if you keep staring at the water."

I finally looked to my side to acknowledge the voice. A girl with long, brown hair was beside me, with a flower behind her ear. She had almond shaped, dark brown eyes that seemed to empathize with my situation.

"What a chicken shit you are," Emmett cackled out from beneath.

The girl looked down to see where the voice was coming from and glared at Emmett. "Don't listen to that idiot. People can be so rude sometimes."

I let out a small laugh. "Actually, I sorta have to listen to that idiot. He's my older brother."

Her nose scrunched in disbelief. "Well, I'm sure he's nice most of the time, but he's not being very nice right now."

"But that's a big brother's job, isn't it? " I countered with a smile, trying to keep the conversation going-which kept me on the rock that much longer.

"I don't know what a big brother's job is since I don't have one. But if you want to jump, you need to not look down AND not listen to your big brother-doing his job apparently."

I let out a small laugh, but I was only half listening. She bit her lip while looking at me-she looked like she was trying to figure out how to approach me.

"I came here for the first time yesterday, and I was frozen in this very place just like you. I just couldn't get my feet to move. I was this close to just walking back down the rock and calling it a day."

I tried to not look down and focus on her instead. "And did you get over being frozen?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Some nice boy came up beside me, told me to stop looking down, and offered to jump with me. He held my hand, and without giving me time to think, he leapt off with me."

Before I could respond to her, she grabbed both my hands and said, "Your turn."

In an instant, I was airborne with some girl I didn't even know, my hands holding hers fiercely. I looked at her face for an instant-she was smiling casually-and then I looked down, at the water. My stomach couldn't take the steep drop and I closed my eyes on impact. The next thing I knew, it was completely silent as water rushed into my nose. And instead of looking down-I was looking up. Upwards towards the light and the surface of the water. I didn't need to do much to swim to the surface--my body felt like a cannonball, speeding up to the top. I gasped for air quickly as my arms paddled around me. I looked around, and saw the girl I jumped with not too far away from me.

"I hope you're not mad. I would have tried to reason with you, but the look on your face made me think you weren't going to be reasoned with and I needed to just leap with you." She looked at me with a slight cringe, not sure if she had done the right thing in retrospect.

I was still in a little bit of shock-but the jump overall was exhilarating. Somewhat scary, but definitely an experience to take home with me from Hawaii. I gave her a smile.

"No, I'm not mad. That probably was the only way to get me down. But maybe give me a little warning so I can actually take a breath next time."

She let out a sweet laugh. "Well, I'm glad you aren't mad, and you seem happy you did it." She gave me one last smile before swimming away from me towards the shore. I watched her paddle for a moment before my mouth opened on it's own accord.

"Wait, where are you going?"

She turned around, not sure if I was talking to her. She paused and waited for a confirmation. I looked her straight in the eye and repeated my question.

"I'm going back to jump again. On the higher ledge this time." She paused as she looked at my face. Shyly, she added, "Do you want to give it a try?"

She must have been reassured by my facial reaction, because she then smiled widely and added mischievously, "I even promise to push you off the ledge without allowing you to take a breath-just like the first time..."

I didn't honestly know if I wanted to, but my head answered for me with a nod.

She doggy paddled in place as I caught up to where she was.

"My name's Edward by the way." It sounded somewhat stuffy after jumping off a cliff together, but it was the only way to ask politely what her name was.

"Bella, " she answered, smiling unassumingly at me.

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	3. Mermaids and Lost Boys

**Chapter 3: Mermaids and Lost Boys**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews-I love them all!**

**note: I have a picture in my profile under chapter 3 with a shot of the beach as well as the various rocks off the shore that people swim to and sunbathe like this chapter. And a partial lyric from "She's Royal" plays in this chapter also. This song is in my profile as well.**

**note: Some perceptive people mentioned that Edward's reaction to seeing Bella for the first time is somewhat underwhelming when in Alice's vision he basically recognized her right away and said "Finally." Let's just say that human Alice's visions are a little less "clear" in their context than vampire Alice's visions...lol:)**

**Also, I was hoping to make it clear that Edward is a little immune to beauty at the moment-he's around high maintenance beauties like Alice and Rose constantly, and is constantly getting alot of attention for his looks by beautiful women as well. So, how he relates to beauty is different than your average red blooded American. I'm taking a page from Twilight here--Vampire Edward withstood the beauty of Tanya for instance, and yet he is completely disarmed by the more human and modest looking Bella. Hope that answers things a little.**

**xxxxxx**

_From Chapter 2:_

_She let out a sweet laugh. "Well, I'm glad you aren't mad, and you seem happy you did it." She gave me one last smile before swimming away from me towards the shore. I watched her paddle for a moment before my mouth opened on it's own accord._

_"Wait, where are you going?"_

_She turned around, not sure if I was talking to her. She paused and waited for a confirmation. I looked her straight in the eye and repeated my question._

_"I'm going back to jump again. On the higher ledge this time." She paused as she looked at my face. Shyly, she added, "Do you want to give it a try?"_

_She must have been reassured by my facial reaction, because she then smiled widely and added mischievously, "I even promise to push you off the ledge without allowing you to take a breath-just like the first time..."_

_I didn't honestly know if I wanted to, but my head answered for me with a nod._

_She doggy paddled in place as I caught up to where she was._

_"My name's Edward by the way." It sounded somewhat stuffy after jumping off a cliff together, but it was the only way to ask politely what her name was._

_"Bella, " she answered, smiling unassumingly at me._

**xxxxxxx**

**EPOV**

We swam side by side towards the shore in silence. I kept sneaking glances to get a good look at the girl who pushed me off the cliff with a smile. She had delicately pretty features that were expressive; her wide-set brown eyes took in her surroundings keenly, and she had a dimple that threatened to appear every time her full lips curved into a smile.

Emmett and Jasper were still in the water, darting their stares back and forth between Bella and myself. But they were far out enough away that we could avoid them-for the most part.

Emmett managed to yell out, "Nice going, Al," but Bella didn't realize who he was talking to.

Bella looked behind us. "Okay, paddle hard - if we catch this wave coming up, we can body surf all the way into the shore..." She started paddling her arms in earnest as her legs began kicking. Bella was small in height and stature, but she looked determined as she cut through the water. I dove into an arm stroke to keep up with her.

"Darnit..." Bella pouted as we were just a tad too late to ride the wave in.

"We aren't too far away now, keep on paddling," I encouraged.

We finally made it to the shore and were beginning to stand up, when another wave came up from behind and broke right on top of us. The force of the water toppled us farther up the shore--but not before tumbling our bodies over and over again against the rough sand bottom. I could feel my limbs twisting with Bella's, and I worried I hurt her in the process. Our haphazard flip-flopping came to an abrupt end as the water withdrew back to the ocean, just as quickly as it appeared. I was face down; when I raised my head, I could feel the dead weight of wet sand smashed onto the side of my head.

"Bella," I called out frantically, realizing that there were two sets of limbs tangled together now--and mine were weighing heavily on top of hers. I flipped myself onto my back to free her up. That's when I finally got a glimpse of Bella. She was lying face up, both elbows elevating her upper body. Her head and hair were packed in wet sand, just like mine, with sand dribbling out of her right ear. Her eyes blinked back at me in shock.

It dawned on me that she was about to cry. She was a petite girl, and she just took a beating right now. What's more, a sea of amused faces were watching our tourist faux pas. Lord knows Alice had cried over less, like the time I splashed her at the hotel pool in Cabo San Lucas after she warned me she ran out of waterproof mascara.

"You..." Bella's voice was shakey, and it drifted off for a second. My face braced for something; braced for what, I wasn't sure. But something that perhaps involved me apologizing profusely after that something.

"You...look...RIDICULOUS!" She let out a huge laugh while her head swung backwards. A huge clump of sand fell off her head in turn.

"You look a little ridiculous too, " I chuckled back in relief. I scurried to my feet and helped her up. Her hand still in mine, I led the way back to the water to rinse off.

"Don't bother," Bella called out. "We'll get cleaned in one quick dip when we jump."

My face fell slightly. What was with this girl and heights?

She saw my hesitancy of the impending jump, but Bella continued in the opposite direction.

"Come on, you can't go back on your word now." Her hand began to pull me up against the side of the big, black diving rock again.

**xxxxxx**

**EMMETTPOV**

Jasper and I watched in awe as Edward found yet another girl vying for his attention--the girl who pulled him off the rock. She was grabbing his hand and leading him up the diving cliff again. We were more used to seeing girls get reduced to bumbling idiots instead of them handling Edward with such confidence.

"Jasper, how long have we been here?"

"No more than fifteen minutes, Chief."

I grinned in his direction. "I can't wait to tell Rose and Alice. If they just gave the boy some breathing room to work his natural Cullen magic, he'd be unstoppable. Two girls flirting with him without being reduced to puddles of grease in under twenty minutes..."

Jasper snickered as we watched Edward trip slightly on top of the black rock while the girl came to his aid. "I'm not sure if Cliff Girl is flirting with him so much as wanting to adopt him. She's treating him like a lost child in Wal-Mart."

**xxxxxx**

**EPOV**

We were standing right by the area we jumped off just minutes ago. I was planning on asking her if we could just jump off this lower ridge again, but she shook her head before I could even make the offer.

"No way-what's another 10 or 15 feet at this point?" She dragged me along to the upper part of the cliff that had the longest drop. This area was where the biggest crowd gathered. Yet, curiously, the majority of the crowd were not jumping. The huge assembly was silent as whole, with everyone's eyes concentrating on the water below.

Bella leaned into me. "That's their biggest mistake. The boy who made me jump yesterday told me the two Cardinal Rules with rock jumping. Number 1: Don't look down. And Number 2: Don't think about what you are doing." She nodded dramatically at me while smirking. "That's why all these people are just standing here in a daze-they are breaking the two Cardinal rules."

I looked at her incredulously. "I have to wonder about the wisdom in something where the Cardinal Rule is that you aren't suppossed to think."

She cracked up, but continued to drag me to the highest jump off ledge. Bella had to navigate now around people to get to the drop off. She stopped quickly a few feet away from the ledge and turned around towards me. "Okay, don't look down. Just look at me." She began to make small talk that was meant to distract me as she backed up against the cliff's edge. She had to keep looking behind her to make sure she wouldn't trip as she edged down to the edge, her back to the ocean.

"What are you doing," I asked as she took both my hands now. I tried to peek around her at the drop before me.

"No! Don't look down. On the count of three. One, two..."

On the count of two, she jumped off backwards, pulling me with her. I didn't look down this time as I was falling-her face caught my attention. She had such a peaceful smile as she looked back at me. I could feel my stomach drop yet again and my feet moving quickly as if I were running in place. But as I descended into the water and the silence as I made impact, I was still staring at Bella.

This time our hands kept their grasp as we went under. Once we stopped descending, I freed one of my hands and put it over my head as I started guiding us back to the surface. I shot out quickly through the water and Bella followed soon after. She shot out with even greater force and let out a huge gasp.

"Was it better that time," she asked breathlessly.

"Much better." I looked up from where we jumped-it seemed even higher when this viewpoint. "But I'm taking a break now. I earned it, " I added with a smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said with some newfound concern," Am I keeping you from your brothers and friends?" She looked around trying to spot who I came with.

"No, not at all!"

"Well, thanks for jumping with me." She smiled and then promptly turned away while swimming-out towards the ocean.

"Where are you going?"

"There are rocks out a little ways past the jumping rock. I'm just going to swim out that way and rest on one of them." She didn't invite me to join her this time. I could tell by her change in demeanor that she thought I was trying politely to make my exit. It bothered me that she would think that for some reason.

"Can I join you," I called out.

"Sure, if you want to, " she answered back, her head not turning around as she continued swimming.

I caught up with her and we began swimming in silence for awhile. I could see her destination now, and it was farther out than I expected.

"Am I keeping you from your friends and family," I inquired.

She shook her head. "Nah, I came alone."

"You came on vacation all by yourself?"

She let out a laugh. "No, but it seems like that sometimes." She caught the confused look on my face and she continued."I came here with my best friend, but her new boyfriend tagged along at the last second. So, I've been trying to give them their space by going off by myself in the mornings."

I chuckled. "I know the feeling. I'm technically on a family vacation, but my brother and sister brought their significant others. I wish they'd let me give them space. Instead they make me tag along everywhere while worrying I'm feeling left out."

Her eyes widened in recognition with what I said. She twirled her body around and began a back stroke. "The couple pity and guilt is the worst, isn't it? My friend's boyfriend means well, but he totally stops hugging her or holding her hand when I come into a room. And my friend keeps pointing out single looking guys to me left and right and nudging me to approach them. I feel like telling her, if my goal here was to flirt awkwardly, I could have just stayed home to do that, thank you very much!"

A barking laugh escaped from me. She was describing my life on vacation with my family to a "T." Alice was constantly pushing Jasper away when he got too affectionate-and then would give me an apologetic look. Rose kept introducing me to girls she obviously handpicked for me, while Emmett would point out girls left and right. He had this ridiculous habit of even pointing them out by time: "Blonde at 2:00" or "Brunette in glasses at 8:00." And the uncomfortable flirting that ensued by forced meetings staged by meddling family members. There was nothing worse.

"So, if I go off by myself for part of the day, they can be in love without feeling guilty. And I can make the most of my sightseeing without being bogged down by distracted love birds."

I nodded. "That's brilliant(,) actually. It never even occurred to me to sneak off to give everyone a little room." But then again, I was a twin with an ever present sister-there was a reason why it never occurred to me.

We were at our destination now. I climbed up first and then offered her my hand. We both collapsed onto the rock, tired out from the swim. She smiled with her eyes closed as she laid down on. I was about to follow suit when it hit me. I was sitting on a little rock island, below a beautifully blue sky, and on top of a beautifully blue ocean. Palms trees were swaying in front of me. Background reggae music was even being delivered right to my ears, compliments of a blasting radio on the shore.

"_I Know Everyone Can Relate To When They Find That Special Someone_

_And She's Royal, Yeah So Royal..."_

And then there was the girl next to me. The strange, pretty girl whose hand I kept grabbing without a second thought. She kept taking my hand too, which was odd. Rose was right; there was something about me that intimidated most girls, and even casual physical contact was avoided, even with the most blatant of come-ons. But it never felt flirtatious when Bella did it; she grabbed my hand as if she'd known me all our lives and it was the most natural thing to do.

I had the luxury of looking at her now uninterrupted as she laid beside me, eyes closed. Bella still had a good amount of sand in her hair, which made me laugh silently. She was wearing board shorts with a modest one piece underneath. She was definitely dressed more for sightseeing and swimming than for "awkward flirting," as she put it. And yet she looked so beautiful in that moment, with a faint smile grazing her lips. Her eyes opened suddenly.

"What," she asked as her eyes fluttered back shut.

"Nothing. Just thinking I feel like I"m stuck inside a storybook. This view is incredible." She slowly sat up Indian style, shaking her hair for a second, then took in our surroundings.

"It doesn't get much better than this, does it?" She smiled while inhaling deeply through her nose. "Even the air smells good here-like a mixture of salt water and flowers."

When she breathed in and arched her back slightly as the wind played with her hair, she reminded me of a mermaid. "I feel like I'm stuck specifically in Peter Pan's Neverland, and I'm hanging out with a mermaid." I gave her a smile as she laughed out loud.

"I'm too clumsy to be a mermaid. And my hair's too messy too--Mermaid hair is always very well styled, you know. I'd probably make a very good Lost Boy though."

"Clumsy? You move very gracefully-that's why I thought of you as a mermaid."

She eyed me sagely. "Edward, you've spent almost your whole time with me in the ocean. Even hippos look graceful when their bodies are underwater."

I cracked up and then laid down on my back finally, closing my eyes.

"So, are you a Lost Boy or Pirate," she asked.

"Oh, I"m definitely a Lost Boy. Pirates can't be afraid of heights."

She giggled as something else hit me. I had just spent the last hour or so with Bella. And we had been having a normal conversation--the whole time. She would say something. I would answer. I would say something. She would answer. No pauses, no strained efforts to keep the conversation going, no desire to run away from the situation as quickly as I could.

But more importantly, my brain was at peace. The only time my brain was at peace was when I was alone. But when I was around anyone else, my brain was in overdrive, placing thought after intrusive thought about the person before me. Giving me information about them that I neither wanted nor needed. The slightest tilt of the head would have my brain telling me the meaning behind the gesture. The way someone would say my name, or stick out their hip, or rub their hands together--every last movement, word, or intonation was processed by my brain and offered up for analysis.

I hated this reality of mine. Alice always tried to tell me it was a blessing-that I was lucky to be so perceptive of others. But being so perceptive of others had a dark side. I would know too much about people, just minutes after meeting them. It always made me want to withdraw from them, as soon as I met them--because what's left to chat about when you know more than you wanted to know about them to begin with? My "blessing" isolated me, and made me cling to my family more than I probably should at this stage in life.

But not one interior thought had crossed my mind the whole time I had been with Bella. Was all the cliff jumping messing with my brain? I sat abruptly, eager to test my abilities, now that my head was clear.

"Is something wrong, " Bella asked as she placed an arm over her eyes to shield them from the sun as she opened them. She had offered up several hand and facial gestures, as well as talked to me. But nothing. Not one commentary shot through my brain. I narrowed my eyes slightly in her direction. I decided to to throw my brain a bone. I would make her react to me. With a slight twinge of guilt, I leaned a little closer in her direction as she stared at me.

"Bella, why did you take my hand and jump off the cliff with me?"

She narrowed her eyes back at me and appraised my face--suddenly I felt like I was being judged, instead of her. "Why do you ask?"

I just shrugged my shoulders, waiting for the attention to go back her way.

She sat up now. " Mainly because I heard people making fun of you, and I was you just yesterday. I didn't know at the time they were actually people you knew. So, I thought I'd give the gift that keeps on giving-pushing people off cliffs who wouldn't jump on their own accord." She gave me a smile. She gave me a nice long explanation. Tons of body language were had by me to comb over while she talked. Yet nothing came into my head.

Well, with the exception of one thought--a thought I consciously formulated. When she sat up, she didn't use the normal sitting stance many girls use when they talk to boys-where they round their backs slightly while sitting straight otherwise, arms to the side. This stance makes the shape appear more svelte. Bella actually sat up normally. It threw me off my game and made me smile.

"That's nice of you," I said distractedly.

"Bella!" Bella turned around and looked up toward the highway and waved back at two people. Said friend and said friend's boyfriend, I concluded. She waved at them as she stood up on our rock.

"I'll come in right now!" Bella yelled out. The girl put her hands up quickly though as if to say "Stop!"

"No, Bella! Stay there! You are fine. Don't mind us!" She looked at me quickly, and then gave Bella an expectant grin.

"Oh, God, did you see that?" Bella mumbled in my direction. "She's acting like my mother when someone finally asks me to dance at a wedding reception." She shook her head and laid back down.

Nothing still. I was laughing at her last remark, but I was almost disturbed that I couldn't get any sort of reading from her now. It felt unnatural.

"EDDDWARDDDD!" It was my turn to look around. Emmett and Jasper were on some rocks on the side of the shore, gesturing me to come back in. Nalani was walking behind them, and waving too. Bella started cracking up.

"You know what this reminds me of, Edward? Summer days where you are 10 years old and having a playdate with your best friend on your bikes and it's past curfew and dinner is getting cold. And now our mothers are yelling for us to come inside." She smiled at me brightly before trying to shake out her head a little more of the excess sand.

"Bella, that's IT in a nutshell." I gave her an apologetic smile as Emmett started screaming my name again.

She motioned with her hand for me to head back. "Go, before you get sent to your room. Thanks for the great playdate." I thanked her back and felt weird as I plopped back into the water to head back to shore.

"Do you want to come in with me?" I asked. Bella looked over at Emmett; and just like perfect Emmett timing, he was standing behind Nalani, pointing at her and sticking out his tongue at me.

Bella's lips formed a sly smile.

"No, you go ahead. I have a feeling Mommy just set up a new playdate for you right now."

I winced at her perceptive statement, and started to swim back. I only got a couple strokes in though before I turned back towards Bella as she was laying down again. "Bella, thanks-this was the best time I've had so far on vacation."

She tilted her head up with an appreciative smile. "Thanks back, it's the best time I've had too."

I didn't move--it didn't seem right to just swim away. "Bella?"

She raised her eyebrows at me in acknowledgement.

"Are you coming back here tomorrow morning again?"

She paused for a second. " I guess it depends on whether I have a playdate set up or not."

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"I call passenger seat, "Jasper yelled out as he gave me a quick smirk. Nalani was heading back with us to town--Emmett invited her to dinner with our family. Emmett had just snatched a flower off a tree and was handing it to her.

"A pretty flower for a pretty lady." I shook my head slightly in shame at the spectacles they were both making of themselves in front of the poor girl. She seemed to take it in stride though, with mild amusement.

"Thank you, Emmett." My brother had a dopey grin on his face now. I was starting to wonder if all the girls he handpicked for me all this time were simply girls he'd want to date for himself if he were single.

"Nalani actually lives in Honolulu Edward-she was just visiting some friends for the day this way. She lives no more than 15 minutes away from our hotel." Emmett gave me a wink as I tried to nod in a way that showed my interest without seeming desperate.

I helped Nalani step into the Hummer and then I followed. She smelled the flower and then offered me a whiff. I breathed in-the fragrance was so perfumed it was hard to believe a single flower could emit such a scent.

"That smells so good. What kind of flower is it?"

"A plumeria, " Nalani answered with a wide smile before plopping it behind her ear.

As Emmett circled out of the parking lot, I caught a glimpse of Bella-she was heading to the showers outside the restrooms, and still shaking her hair of all the excess sand. A smile escaped as I craned my head to keep her in my field of vision. She told me she was getting around everywhere by bus; in that moment, I wished she would wait for her friends to accompany her home. I hated the idea of her traveling alone on a bus.

"Hey, Emmett. Can we come back here tomorrow morning again? Get an early start of it too? I don't want to wait until late morning to come again."

Emmett shook his head. "No can do, bro. Mom and Dad want us all to go to Pearl Harbor Memorial together tomorrow morning."

I froze with the realization that I had no way to get a hold of Bella. We simply made plans to meet tomorrow morning early before I scurried off in the water. We had no time to exchange numbers even.

"Edward?" Nalani called.

I startled at the mention of my name, and apologized for tuning her out momentarily.

"That's okay. So, I hear you have a twin sister," she asked, as she leaned back in her seat and her hands cupped together in her lap. And the normal, intrusive thoughts and analyses that were commenting on her every move and word came flooding back into my head again. My brain was back to work doing what it had always done, and my couple hours of freedom from that work while talking with Bella suddenly seemed like a distant memory.

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	4. Malasadas and Lukewarm Coffee

**Chapter 4: Malasadas and Lukewarm Coffee**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews!**

**note: So, this chapter came out really different than I intended. I don't know if it works. If it doesn't, I can always erase it and make a new one...problem solved in fanfictionland...lol**

**note****: **_**A quick note about why Edward didn't get her number last chappie**_**: Alot of times I imagine the story in my head-and forget I don't put all that I imagine down on paper.lol What I imagined is Edward feeling self conscious in two ways during the moment that he asked Bella if they could meet up again. The first way is that Emmett and Jasper are embarrassing him, Emmett especially by sticking his tongue out behind Nalani and making it look like he was crude by association. So, he's trying to confirm something with Bella the next day but also doing it as quickly as possible before Emmett embarrasses him further. So, to get a phone number would prolong everything. Also, Bella is playing it pretty cool with him, not acting overeager at all. She basically joked how it looked like he had a new "playdate" already. So, in his head, he is trying to reflect that casual way back at her. That was how I imagined it anyways.lol**

**note: **_**Why is Bella the more brave one when it comes to jumping**_**.**** Two ideas for this. She actually liked the cliff dive she did in New Moon--sure she was in a bad way mentally(lol), but she wasn't scared to do it. Second idea is I wanted to show Edward completely out of his element in Hawaii, since he's this cold weathered, pale skinned creature who likes living in rainy,cold places. Snow and rain would be a natural element for him. But I imagined water activites being much less a comfortable fit for him. Bella in contrast though is someone who always liked the warmth and she's always been clumsy. Water is a natural solution for her clumsiness and goes along with her love of all things tropical and warm. In Twilight she even talked about maybe going to Hawaii for college.**

**BPOV**

The bus ride seemed to take longer this time around, heading over to the Honolulu side of the island. Or maybe I was more impatient tonight, with a mixture of dread and unnecessary anticipation.

It was just Angela and I this evening. Ben insisted we have a "girls night out" in town and some alone time. I needed to treat him to some shaved ice tomorrow, for being so understanding. He was probably the only guy who I could imagine deserving my dearest friend.

'So, Bella, is it "later" now?' Angela asked with a smile. Earlier, she had attempted to interrogate me about the boy on the rock. She had recognized him instantly, just as I had, from the club the night before. His height, good looks, and bright copper hair were hard to forget. I swore I wouldn't talk about it until we were alone, however.

I nodded sheepishly. "It is later, but it's not exactly a dishy tale to tell, I'm afraid."

She shot back a knowing look. "I don't know Bella. You two looked rather cozy on that rock together."

"That's exactly why I have nothing dishy to tell you, Ang. That's the problem." I told her the circumstances that brought about us meeting-how I saw him frozen on the rock, unwilling to jump. How I recognized him from the night before; but that this time around, he looked like a little lost boy on the rock, with hecklers chiding him from the water. How that made me momentarily pity him and encourage him to jump in with me. How I would never do that otherwise-approach a gorgeous guy and take his hand without provocation. How he followed me back to shore, and we jumped again. How both of us didn't think twice about grabbing the other's hand as we jumped or swam together. How we talked easily throughout, never having an awkward moment.

But Angela pegged it exactly. It was cozy. As in comfortable, convenient. There was no tension or butterflies in my stomach while we interacted. And that was because he was not showing a romantic interest in me in any way, shape or form. He said I had pegged it in a nutshell what we were to eachother today-we were eachother's playdates.

My first sight of him at Waimea Beach was not on the big black rock. My Edward radar had picked him up almost immediately in the parking lot as I came from the restrooms. His brother and him made an entrance in a huge Hummer, attracting attention from the get-go. Edward wasn't even out of his car before a big group of girls were taking pictures with him and flirting shamelessly. A couple of them even flashed him on their way out of the parking lot. By the time he made it to the beach, a beautiful girl was putting suntan lotion on him within seconds. It was that same girl he ended up leaving with as well. His brother and friend never seemed to notice me at all, especially when they yelled to retrieve Edward from our sunbathing rock. His brother didn't think twice about pointing out Nalani and making a crude gesture with his tongue to Edward while I watched on. It was a big sign to me that I was not Edward's type. At all.

And yet, I actually took Angela's suggestion to head back to the same club as last night--the main club to go to for tourists on a slower weekday. A part of me wondered if Edward would be there too. I assumed he would be encircled by many girls. I wouldn't bother him or approach him if he was there. But nothing would be wrong with saying "hi" briefly either if he did see me. I would feel comfortable enought to do that...

"What's the problem, Bella?" Angela pulled me out of my overanalysis.

"The problem is we are just on friendly terms. Well, it's not a problem even. I had alot of fun with him. But it's definitely more of a chummy vibe than...an interest on his part. Which is good really. It makes it easier for me to be around him without getting nervous. The less nervous I am, the less chance of breaking bones and spranging ankles."

Angela shook her head while frowning. "Oh, Bella, you always underestimate yourself."

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**APOV**

I watched as Edward and Nalani huddled in a corner at the club. I wasn't sure what to make of it all. Her appearance right away seemed familiar-but my vision of the girl matched about half the girls in the state--long dark hair and a plumeria behind the ear was not exactly a unique look on Oahu. Edward didn't make her nervous-if anything she seemed to be the one to make him a little self conscious. He acted slightly shy around her, which was an interesting turn of events. And yet, as I watched them talk animatedly with eachother at that moment, words like "destiny" and "fate" weren't bursting into my head either. I felt more confused than ever.

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**EPOV**

I leaned into Nalani again to hear what she was trying to say to me. The music in the club was so loud, I was tempted to ask her if she wanted to finish our conversation in a more private setting. We were scrunched onto a little corner part of a sectional on the opposite side of the room my family was sitting in. I wanted some privacy with her, and my family seemed more than happy to give it to me. Although Alice did keep giving Nalani the most appraising of looks. And Emmett seemed especially alert to our every movement; well, Nalani's every movement in relation to me.

"I said no, a "gift" like yours isn't strange to me. But look at the source. My grandpa reads clouds to tell the future for crying out loud-he just let my cousin know she was going to have a baby girl because of the shape of the cloud over her house," she said with a boisterous laugh.

It was an extraordinary day, truly. I'd met not one but two girls I felt so comfortable with, and who seemed to see me for me. My afternoon with Bella became more extraordinary the more I pondered what had transpired between us. Little details that I took into account but didn't dwell on at the time were taking centerstage now: how Bella's breath tickled my ear when she leaned in and whispered about the Cardinal Rules of cliff jumping; the small beauty mark that sat right below her bottom lip that I focused on again and again as she laid on the rock with her eyes closed; how she casually intertwined her fingers with mine whenever she grabbed my hands. All of my senses were engaged when I was around her.

And then there was Nalani. My constant internal commentary picked up on something singular about her right away as we drove back to the town side of the island. She showed no sign of self consciousness as we began the normal, useless small talk all strangers are forced to engage in to better acquaint themselves. Her body gestures displayed someone who was self assured and insightful. And yet her stare was something I found almost intimidating. Exposing even, like she could see right through me. As we began to rattle on about our plans post-college, a foreign thought popped into my head:

_"Edward. Edward, can you hear me?" _

I jolted backwards for a second, disoriented. Another thought rushed to the front of my brain:

_"Edward, I think the look on your face just answered my question. I'll stop getting inside your head now." _

Nalani stared at me peacefully, with a knowing grin on her face.

Emmett turned around at that second, perhaps worried that the silence between us was a sign I had hit a conversational snag. "So, Edward, did you mention to Nalani that we are all going out to dinner tonight?" He raised his eyebrows patronizingly in my direction.

She glanced at Emmett briefly and let out an amused smirk. I was still in shock so I simply mumbled that I would be happy to have her join us.

She said yes outloud but then added silently in my head:

_"We can talk more about this tonight. I can tell this is new for you."_

The day progressed in a blur for me. Lani, as she preferred to be called, kept up appearances throughout our family gathering, socializing in a poised manner. But when we finally found a place to sit alone at the club after dinner, she retold the events of the day that led her to me. I was right initially at how she viewed me. She felt bad that my older brother was teasing me and trying to set me up with her. She said that wasn't all though. Her "gift" was one that was selective. She couldn't get a "read," as she called it, on every person she came by. But she said when she did get a "read" on someone, it was very obvious by the aura enveloping that person.

"It's almost like I can see a sort of presence around someone, their welfare and emotions all visible to my eye. And yours Edward...the aura around you is disturbing. Your aura looks like a sponge that is being infiltrated and absorbed in all directions by everyone you come in contact with. Your gift is so sensitive to everyone around you, it looks like it's eating you alive."

I shuttered at her description, because it was how I felt sometimes. "Can you see what my gift is exactly," I asked her quietly.

She paused. "It's hard to say, my gift is pretty limited. But this is what I noticed. When I get a "reading" on someone, I'm observing from a distance. It's not affecting me and I can ignore it if I want to. Your gift of reading someone, on the other hand, works the opposite way. You get readings on people, but the readings are coming at you from all sides, and intruding onto your personal space. That's why I tried to talk to you in your head. Seeing how you absorb everything, I thought you'd maybe hear my thoughts as well since we both have similar gifts."

I shook my head slightly. " I don't read people's minds though, Lani. I just pick up on external cues to base judgements on. I'm perceptive, but I"m not psychic."

She raised her eyebrow as a thought popped into my head.

_"I think you need to rework your theory, Edward. I know you hear this."_

The hours passed quickly as she explained more. How her gift came from her grandma, a woman with strong "gifts" herself. How she thought her grandma may be able to help me harness whatever abilities I have better so they weren't so intrusive. Her concern made me wonder just what EXACTLY she saw around me-it must not be a pretty sight.

I had to ask her. "I'm a little curious, Lani. What made you decide to share this with me? I'm just some guy on the beach."

She tilted her head to the side. "Edward, when I come across people from Hawaii when I travel to New York or San Francisco, it's like we are instant family. We have a common background. It's similar to us sharing a common background, Edward. Seeing you today so bogged down by your gift, to the point of it looking like an absolute curse? It really affected me-I've never seen an aura scream out at me like that before." Her voice lowered slightly. "There's alot of pain and loneliness surrounding you." She gave me a sad smile.

"But I have one more thing to ask you. Who was the girl on the rock with you today?" I leaned in to tell her about Bella; as I glanced across the room while I spoke, I caught Jasper and Emmett giving me thumbs up signs. Rose smacked Emmett hard and he quickly put his arms down.

_"Edward, let me say this inside your head, since it's a little personal."_

I nodded, finally feeling comfortable enough to accept her thoughts inside my head. Especially if they pertained to Bella.

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**BPOV**

I walked into the third and last dancefloor, feeling slightly faint. It was very humid and hot on all three levels, but this room in particular felt like a sauna. As I looked around subtly, I saw him. Edward's brother. He was sitting on a couch by his friend from today, his legs spread open and his arms extended wide along the couch. His girlfriend was outrageously gorgeous-I almost startled at her appearance. Beside his friend was an distinctly different but equally stunning beauty in tow. I couldn't decide if she looked more like a ballerina or a beautiful wood sprite. It all made sense suddenly, why Edward's brother didn't even seem to notice me on the rock this afternoon-you'd have to be a supermodel to even appear on their radar.

It felt like a big mistake all of the sudden to try to casually greet my "playdate." Angela was on the lookout for him now, and was beating out a path out in front of me for a better view of the entire room. I quickly grabbed her hand.

"Ang, it's too hot in here. I'm don't see him. Let's go. I'm going to meet him tomorrow anyways..." I began pulling her towards the exit-when she pulled back.

"No, wait..." She tilted her head to the side of a body in front of us. "There he is!" She yanked my arm again quickly, making me trip slightly.

"NO, Angela, really-- I just want to leave..."

Angela scurried right behind me and began to shove me gently forward by my shoulders." Fine, we'll leave...right after you say hi to your new friend."

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**EPOV**

I concentrated on her face, as she did on mine.

_"Why I asked if you knew her was because your aura changed two times during the day. The first time was when you were on the rock with her. Your aura was lighter, noticeably more sunny, and hopeful. I thought maybe it was just because you were isolated from everyone on the beach and your brother. But the second time proved that theory wrong. The second time was in the car with all of us, and you craned your head around to look at something. You smiled widely, and your aura completely lightened again suddenly. You were looking at the girl from the rock at that moment. It was like her presence around you was fortifying your whole being, even from a distance."_

A smile spread across my face slowly. That's exactly how I felt this afternoon when I was able to get one last look at her. Like I got an extra shot of energy before heading back to my normal existence.

_"I'm not surprised she had that effect on you, Edward. Her aura shone through at me today as well. And this girl is powerful. I don't know if she even realizes what she has-but she embodies qualities that could disarm even the most armored of people. In other words, you."_

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**APOV**

The song. The song was playing again-the one from my dream. And it was happening all over again like it did last night. I gripped the sides of the couch as I felt my balance unsteady and my surroundings drown out. Everything except:

The song.

The dark hair with plumeria behind the ear...

Edward.

And...

But wait, not the dark hair I was expecting. My eyesight wasn't focusing on Nalani, but on another figure in the crowd of dancing bodies. I tried to get up again, knowing full well that my movement would be too slow to be effective. But I had to lock into the figure in the crowd. I needed a better look at her face, some detail to recognize her by finally.

Wobbling slightly, I was finally upright on my feet. I tried to take a couple steps, but realized that was too ambitious. I needed to just lock my eyesight on the dark hair. I scanned what I could from my vantage point. Dark hair, plumeria, about 5'4", small build, deep blue dress. It wasn't enough. I used my tunnel vision to look for any detail I missed. And this time I came up with something as the girl quickly glanced over her shoulder--a pair of very full, rose colored lips and deep brown eyes. Those eyes were distinct-something I would remember...

"Alice, honey...you okay?" I could hear Jasper's voice distantly. I didn't want to faint, so I just closed my eyes as I sat back down. I leaned my head on his shoulders for a couple minutes, willing myself to keep conscious until my "episode" had passed. The sooner it past, the sooner I could see if I could find those eyes again.

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**BPOV**

Angela's advance towards Edward's side slowly dissipated. Our view was unobstructed finally. Edward was sitting unusually close to the girl he left with from Waimea Beach today. She had obviously changed clothes, and was in a pretty summer dress that showed off her tan and trim curves. Neither of them were talking. They were face to face, mere inches apart, looking into one another's eyes intensely. Even if I hadn't known him, I would have looked away. They were sharing a very private moment not meant for my eyes.

"Ang, let's go. He's busy. I'll talk to him tomorrow, "I said in as reassuring and calm voice as I could.

Angela looked back at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, Bella. Let's go to the other dance floor upstairs. I like the music up there better anyways. And we'll dance right next to the bar-that bartender was totally giving you the eye."

"Sure thing-he was cute too, " I quipped as lightly as possible. I didn't want her to pity me. I had already told her what I expected to see if he was there. The reality was actually less unsavory than I expected. Instead of him encircled by several girls at once, he was only engaged with one girl. A girl so stunning that it would be hard NOT to look at her with such intensity, really.

Angela and I danced for a couple hours more before rushing to catch the last circle island bus back to the North Shore. Angela fell asleep on my shoulder before we even left Honolulu, leaving me to my thoughts.

It was good that I saw Edward tonight, I concluded. That way I wouldn't harbor any secret questions anymore about what our time meant to him today. If I was being totally honest(and I hadn't until this very moment), there were moments that didn't feel completely...comfortable. Or cozy. Or convenient. But those moments were one sided on my part. Tomorrow I would see him again, and I wouldn't have to stress about what exactly what happening between us now. Maybe I wouldn't even see him-maybe he wouldn't make it out tomorrow. Maybe I wouldn't see him because instead of waking up early to try to catch a bus over from my condo to meet him, I would choose to sleep in tomorrow. Isn't that what I should be doing on my vacation- sleeping in instead of standing at a bustop just after dawn?

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**EPOV**

"Damnit," I whispered as I stubbed my toe on the corner of the wall. Dawn hadn't broken yet, and the curtains were drawn in the bedroom I shared with Emmett. I slowly felt my way around the wall until I found the door. I was prepared to tiptoe to the suite door to make a quick escape, but there was no need. I should have known I wouldn't be the only one up this early in the morning.

"Couldn't sleep either?" My father didn't look away from the newspaper he was perusing as he put a cup of coffee to his mouth. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry about that. I wish that was one thing you hadn't inherited." It was true-everyone always assumed that I was consciously trying to follow in my father's footsteps at every turn, right down to getting my undergraduate degree in three years like him. I did try to follow in his footsteps in many ways-medical school being one of them. But what few people realized was that inability to get a normal night's sleep lent itself to us working harder than others. We both graduated in three years, mainly because we up 1/3 more of the day than your average person using that time to get ahead.

"Not a problem, Dad." I paused for a second, realizing instead of leaving a note, I just needed tell him. He interrupted my thoughts however with another topic.

"Nalani seems like a very nice girl."

I nodded innocently.

"Very pretty girl too...did Emmett pick her out for you?" A faint smile washed over his face as he inquired.

I gave him a puzzled look before he added, "She seems more Emmett's type than your type, that's all."

"What's my type, Dad?"

He laid his cup of coffee down. "I'm not sure what your type is anymore honestly. But I do know Emmett's type. He always goes straight to the prettiest girl in the room."

I let out a laugh-nothing ever got past my father. Not that Emmett was good at getting things past people in general though...

"Listen, Dad. I'm heading out right now. And I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to skip out on the Pearl Harbor Memorial excursion. I made some plans before I knew about the outing and I have no way of canceling the plans now. Tell Mom sorry if you could."

My father looked at me, bemused. "Are you sneaking out this early so you can get out of Pearl Harbor--or to get away before Alice is breathing down your back about what those plans are?"

"Um...I'm leaving because I made plans very early on the other side of the island and I'm taking the bus. And yes, Alice still scares the hell out of me at times."

Dad shook his head but was grinning as he did. 'You know, Edward, it's okay to tell Alice "no" when you need to, right? "None of your business" is another phrase that comes to mind as well.'

"I know. It's just hard. I can tell she has certain ideas in her head with this trip, and she only means well. It's hard to say no to her--like you aren't aware of that already."

My father stood up and gave me a hug after he walked me to the door. "Just remember son--the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

--

I had to change busses twice before I was on my way to the North Shore. If the bus kept on time, I'd get there by 6:30 AM, a half an hour before Bella would arrive. Bella sang the praises of public transportation, but I was wondering if we were taking the same bus line. My bus had a mysterious mixture of odors fused together. If I were a betting man, I would identify the "blend" as 2 parts body odor to one parts surf wax and cooked cabbage.

And yet I could see Bella enjoying the sights of the bus. The sights outside the windows, yes. But the sights within as well. A host of eccentric characters traveled beside me this morning, and I imagined Bella people watching with interest. I sat by an old grandma for part of my trip, who shared some fresh bakery goods she just bought with me. She told me they were called "malasadas" and that they were a Portuguese version of a donut. They tasted so good, I decided to try to pick some up if I had time for our breakfast as well.

I arrived earlier than expected- 6:17 AM to be exact. I headed down the road a ways until I came upon some shops. I found Malasadas by chance, and bought two dozen of them. Why I needed that many, I wasn't sure. But they looked more impressive in the two dozen, pink bakery box than the one dozen wax bag. Next I decided on getting a big thermos that I could fill with already-made coffee at the local supermarket. I headed back to the beach, sat myself on top of the big, black rock, and waited for Bella to arrive.

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**BPOV**

I purposefully didn't set my alarm. I woke up at my leisure, made some coffee, took a shower. Just in case he did come, I wouldn't try to dress extra special for him. I put on the same board shorts and bathing suit again, as well as a tshirt from our favorite local Mexican restaurant.

When I finally was making my way out of the condo, Angela wished me luck. "Wow, you are going all out for him today, gracing him with your 2.00 drug store slippers and the "El Cholo" t-shirt!"

I rolled my eyes and threw her a kiss as I headed out. By the time I reached Waimea by bus, I checked my watch. 9:48 AM. Three hours late almost. It would be a miracle if he was still here-if he ever made it here in the first place.

The beach was suprisingly sparse. I could tell right away he wasn't there-no bronze hair was visible against the neutral sand. I threw my belongings down by the jumping rock and decided to take a quick leap. This was the time to come-I hated having to wait in line to jump and no one was even on the rock at the moment.

As I finally weaved around the side path and made my way to the top of the rock, I froze right in place. A beautiful head of copper hair was sitting on the farthest end of the rock, looking out into the ocean. He had laid out a couple mats around him--there was a thermos and a bakery box sitting beside him. My heart skipped a beat. Please don't tell me he'd been here the whole time.

I slowly approached him and decided to let my presence be known with a casual remark. "You actually ended up coming after all?" I tried to sound pleasantly suprised; but once it came out of my mouth, it almost sounded accusatory. I'm such a coward. All I needed to do was apologize. Silly pride.

"Why wouldn't I come," he asked softly, never turning his head towards me. I sat down beside him, Indian style.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm idiot." He still wouldn't look at me. "I just thought after you left yesterday, that maybe you'd be...preoccupied today and not have time to come afterall."

He finally faced me. "If I were preoccupied, I wouldn't have asked you to meet me then." It shocked me slightly how troubled his face looked in that moment, as if my tardiness meant something bigger in the scheme of things than just that I was late.

"Can I be honest, Edward?" His stare gave me no other choice, I just needed to tell him the truth. Well.. as much truth as I could give without completely humiliating myself.

"I just thought after you left with that girl yesterday at the beach, maybe you'd not have time to come back today." I couldn't tell him that I saw him at the club, I didn't want to sound like a stalker."I decided that I would still come to the beach, but not so early--just in case you didn't show up afterall."

He inhaled deeply and slowly, like he was trying to calm himself down. "I've been here since 6:17 AM, Bella. I had to leave my hotel in Waikiki before 5:00 AM to get here on time by bus."

My mouth dropped open; my face must have amused him, because he let out a slight smirk. My hand grabbed his and I started apologizing profusely.

"I even bought you Portugese Doughnuts and a Coffee Thermos!" He was smiling wickedly now, watching as my blushes were deepening in crimson shades with each new revelation he offered.

"I'll make it up to you, Edward, I swear!" I took a big gulp of lukewarm coffee and then began gnawing on the doughnuts; they had been sitting so long, their oils had basically leaked through the box.

"Delish..." I said as I hopped up and took his hand. "Let's go jump off a cliff now, that seems to make everything better in our world."

He pulled me back down to sit again. "Wait, let's just sit here a little longer. It's really beautiful to look out at the ocean at this time of day. I should know, I've been doing it for 3 hours now." He was laughing silently as I sighed. I placed his hand in my lap, and did what came naturally for me in that moment-I softly laid my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks, Edward. This was probably one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me."

His head rested tenatively on top of mine after a moment, and then slowly relaxed into position. He let out a drawn breath before answering:

"Sure thing."

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	5. Sugar and Spice

**Chapter 5: Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews!**

**note: If you were confused with the whole Nalani/"gifts"/Edward section: You weren't alone.lol I need to go back and rewrite that section sometime. But let me give a quick little rundown of what I was attempting to do with that whole exchange between Nalani/Edward. a) Edward and Nalani are "alike" in terms of the gift to read people. Their gifts manifest in different ways. b) Edward's "gift" is more intrusive though, and affects his sensitive nature negatively. Nalani can see that with her gift, she can also see how Bella can affect him positively in contrast. c) What I was trying to attempting to do here is basically have Edward realize he's not alone and not crazy. Nalani confirmed many things for him in one sitting. That he does have a "gift" that is more expansive than he realized, that the "gift" is truly weighing down on him in ways that are repressive, and his strong feelings for some girl he just met(Bella) aren't just random. There was a real connection he made there, and Nalani was able to make him not reason otherwise. **

**note: I have to dedicate this chapter to vampy and her snickerdoodle of a story that must have subconsciously inspired me to reference nursery rhymes in this chapter...sugar and spice...lol...**

**note: I have a picture up on my profile of Shark's Cove if you want to take a look.**

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**last chapter:**

_My mouth dropped open; my face must have amused him, because he let out a slight smirk. My hand grabbed his and I started apologizing profusely._

_"I even bought you Portugese Doughnuts and a Coffee Thermos!" He was smiling wickedly now, watching as my blushes were deepening in crimson shades with each new revelation he offered._

_"I'll make it up to you, Edward, I swear!" I took a big gulp of lukewarm coffee and then began gnawing on the doughnuts; they had been sitting so long, their oils had basically leaked through the box._

_"Delish..." I said as I hopped up and took his hand. "Let's go jump off a cliff now, that seems to make everything better in our world."_

_He pulled me back down to sit again. "Wait, let's just sit here a little longer. It's really beautiful to look out at the ocean at this time of day. I should know, I've been doing it for 3 hours now." He was laughing silently as I sighed. I placed his hand in my lap, and did what came naturally for me in that moment-I softly laid my head on his shoulder._

_"Thanks, Edward. This was probably one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me."_

_His head rested tenatively on top of mine after a moment, and then slowly relaxed into position. He let out a drawn breath before answering:_

_"Sure thing."_

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**BPOV**

We sat on the cliff in silence for a good 15 minutes, head on head, looking out towards the ocean.

Edward eventually broke the quiet moment. He lifted his head and began to tell me animatedly about his first experience with public transportation, and all the characters he watched and talked to along the way. There was the old lady who gave him some fresh Malasadas and reminded him to put sunblock on his pale skin. Then there was the odd man in the back with a butter knife sticking out his back pant pocket, and Japanese beachgoers who finally figured out they were on the wrong bus an hour into the ride.

After he finished his story, Edward turned expectantly toward me. "What did you do last night?"

I was vague enough in my reply so that I didn't have to straight out lie to him. I told him my friend and I got girl bonding time in while the boyfriend stayed home. I didn't go into specifics though.

"What did you do this morning," he asked more cautiously. I was evasive again. How could I tell him that I took my sweet time to prove to myself that I didn't care about seeing him with that pretty girl at the club last night? That I hoped he hadn't ever come to the beach or else left before I got there, so I wouldn't have to see him again? It was only now that I could admit what caused me to wait so long before heading over to the beach. My pride was seeing him so intimate with someone after I secretly hoped we had shared that type of intimacy yesterday.

Edward was looking at me to answer his question. I told him I slept in this morning, which was factually true but emotionally false. It was time to change the subject, I decided. I was feeling guilty having to conceal so much from a sweet boy with copper hair who bought me Portuguese doughnuts and took a bus before sunrise to come and see me.

"So, how do you feel about snorkeling?" I asked in an overly serious manner.

"How do I feel about it?" He looked up for a moment. "I honestly don't feel anything for snorkeling as a concept. I've never done it."

"Have you ever wanted to try," I asked hopefully.

He nodded his head up and down as enthusiastically as he could, though his eyes told a slightly different story. I let out a laugh.

"Okayyyyy...would you at least be willing to give it a try?"

He sat up straight and thought for a moment. "Sure. It has to be easier than cliff diving, right?"

"Much easier." I told him about a great little snorkeling area right around the bend from Waimea Bay called Shark's Cove. I jumped up, grabbed his hand, and we headed back down to the sand. I smiled gently to myself as I decided not to offer to jump off the rock once before leaving Waimea. He was being a big enough sport about the snorkeling, I thought I'd let him off the hook-this time. As we passed the lower rock jumping ledge, I stared at him teasingly. He smiled back.

"Thanks," was all he said. I knew what he meant. He couldn't say no to me if I had asked him to jump again, even if he didn't want to. ...

My thoughts jarred me at that moment. They seemed to get ahead of me--and the situation at hand. The left side of my brain understood the situation well. Edward had stared into the eyes of that girl last night so intensely, it made blush as just a bystander--a girl he spent the whole day with. In contrast, Edward took my hand like I was his 8 year old cousin and played with me in the water for an hour. He bought me breakfast, sure. And waited for me for three hours so that we could still have our playdate today. But that could be the actions of a good person not wanting to leave an 8 year old cousin unattended. That was what my left side told me anyways.

But the other side, the pesky right sided brain, kept getting ahead of things. Assuming that pained expression on his face when he first looked at this morning indicated something much more . Assuming I understood him, and that even in his silences he was communicating things to me. I felt torn, to say the least, about what my true intentions were for Edward. And even more torn about what Edward's intentions were for me. If any at all for that matter...

"Bella?" Edward's soothing voice shook me out of my overanalyzing. "What do you say?"

"What do I say to what?" I asked in confusion.

"About hiking up the side of the hill here to get to the highway. That way we don't have to trudge all the way back to the parking lot to get to the road. This would be a lot faster. "He nudged his head up towards the area he wanted to "hike up." We _were_ far away from the beach parking lot. But then I checked out the alternative path he was offering. Huge rocks laid against eachother haphazardly to form the "hill" that eventually led to the highway. I let out a huge laugh.

"Remember when I told you I was clumsy on land?" He nodded with a smile." When I look at that "hill," I see an emergency room visit waiting to happen."

"The student has now become the teacher," Edward said with a laugh holding out his hand. "I'll give you the advice you gave me yesterday. Don't look down as we climb, hold onto my hand, and don't think. Do those three things and we'll avoid an ER visit."

"Well, you made a good case for questioning things that require you not to think, remember?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "If I had stopped to think, I would have never jumped. With you." He threw me one of those devastating smiles, and the debate was over. I gave him my hand and off we went. For a couple of minutes at least...before I tripped and fell down on only the third rock I was hiking over.

Edward picked me up quickly and asked if I hurt my ankle. I told him I was fine, but that I took it as a sign for us to head back out the other way. He narrowed his eyes at me for a second.

"Do you trust me? On land at least?" It was my turn to shrug my shoulders.

"Get up." As soon as I stood, Edward lifted me up quickly and swung me like a sack of potatoes around towards his back. I reflexively wrapped my arms around his neck to stop the momentum while my legs clamped around his waist.

"Woah...what was that," I said in shock.

"Think of it as my version of you taking my hand and jumping off a cliff without asking." I could tell he was smiling as he said this. I looked down as he began hiking gingerly up and over the rocks. I started panicking.

"Oh, God...I"m going to throw up, everything is wobbling around me."

"Don't look down, Bella," Edward gently teased. "Isn't that one of your Cardinal Rules?"

"Yes it is--for jumping into water, which doesn't hurt by the way if I do fall into it, unlike having my face smash into rock hard boulders." I tried to take his advice however, and looked upward instead."Okay, I"m looking at the sky, and it's wobbling too. Oh God..."

Edward laughed at my panic. "I think the solution for you is to simply close your eyes. I'm not going to let you fall. So shut those pretty lids of yours right now and it will be over in a minute."

Pretty lids? Odd. But I did it. I closed my eyes and leaned my head forward towards the nape of his neck. It was easier with my eyes closed. I still felt the jagged movements he was making as he manuevered around the rocks, but it was less pronounced now. More importantly, I was being distracted by the scent coming off his shirt. Or was it his skin? Maybe both-it was a scent that was hard to pinpoint. It didn't have a trace of cologne to it all-it was more organic smelling. But it couldn't have simply been..._Edward _either. It was too sweet smelling for a guy who just spent his morning trapped in a stinky bus. I tried to be as subtle as possible as I leaned in closer onto his bare skin and inhaled. The only thing that came to mind was a nursery rhyme that I would have to alter slightly..._Sugar and spice and everything nice...That's what little Edwards are made of..._I couldn't help myself. I inhaled a little more slowly this time.

"You okay back there? You sound like you are hyperventilating," Edward asked with some worry in his voice.

"No, I"m fine." _I'm just sniffing you up like some freak as you try to carry my uncoordinated self up a hill._ Snap out of it Bella...

We made it quickly to the top, and Edward kept his promise-he didn't drop me. He swung me over the high railway like a sack of potatoes yet again.

"There, see that cove over there? That's where we are heading."

Edward jumped over the railing now, scooped up my hand, and set off in that direction.

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**EPOV**

"See, your back and shoulders aren't red like a lobster, like they would have been otherwise!" Bella looked at me triumphantly. Earlier, as we were getting our flippers on and washing out the snorkeling equipment in the water, Bella had grown very quiet. I asked her what was wrong.

"I hope you don't think this is weird...but I sorta bought this for you yesterday on my way home from the beach. It was a two for one sale at the shop; and since I was hoping you'd want to go snorkeling today with me, I thought you could use some extra sun protection for your back and shoulders." She took a quick glance at my already sunburnt upper body."It's just that, you are even more pale than me, and I've heard snorkeling is prime sunburning time because you are in the water for so long."

She had said more words in a rapid succession in the last minute than the last two days put together. It seemed to be a nervous reaction-of what I wasn't sure. Maybe she thought I'd be offended. But her mentioning the two-for-one sale made me wonder if it was hard for her to admit she was thinking of me yesterday. Thinking of me...I let out a slow smile.

She looked away as she handed it over limply. "It was totally cheap too, so yeah, if you want to wear it...or not..it's not a big deal either way." Her voice trailed off, making my smile even wider.

"Thanks, Bella. That was really thoughtful of you." I put my hand on her shoulder so that she'd finally look back at me. When she could see I genuinely appreciated her gesture--and that was an understatement--she smiled back brilliantly.

"You're welcome."

Within seconds of putting on my new top, she was tugging me out into the water by hand. She gave me a quick tutorial on the do's and don'ts of snorkeling, showed me how to spit into my goggles, and made sure I had good suction on my mask before pulling me back out to sea. I marvelled at the fact she wasn't an older sister, the way she was so mindful and protective of others. She reminded me of Alice in that respect. Alice was born to be an older sister, even if chronologically she was the youngest.

It took a little bit of time to get used to snorkeling, but it was worth it. We saw all sorts of fish throughout the cove-- we even swam beside a turtle at one point. I found a small cave that I started swimming into, but Bella pulled me out, motioning there could be eels inside. The look on her face after she pulled me out was priceless. Her eyebrows were so high up on her forehead, I chuckled underwater, making me get some water into my mouth.

She held my hand the whole time as swam side by side, pointing excitedly every time she came upon a sight to see. Even with a huge mask over her face, her expressions were so animated. She was more fun to watch with her reactions half the time than the actual wildlife we were observing. It seemed like we had only been out for a couple minutes when she motioned for us to head back out. But when we checked the time, we had been snorkeling for almost an hour and a half. Bella took pride in her handiwork of keeping me unfried with the top, while I was shaking excess water outside my ear.

"Score one more day in Neverland with my very own personal mermaid guide, " I teased. She laughed as I looked out into the water a little ways out. "You know what I loved most about yesterday?"

"The jumping?" She said asked innocently, but with an undercurrent of mocking in her tone. I raised my eyebrow.

"Like I said, you know what I loved most about yesterday?" I gave her a pointed look. "Laying down on the rock out in the ocean. It was so relaxing." I gave her a hopeful look. "Want to give it another go on that one over there?" I pointed out at one rock that was especially made for two. It was an oceanic rock version of a loveseat.

"Put your top back on though, " she warned as she got up and dusted the sand off her backside.

--

"I told you to wear your top," she scolded me. We had only been out on the rock for about 15 minutes, when she did the "finger poke test" on my shoulder and said my skin was definitely burning before her eyes.

"Shh," I said jokingly. I was lying down on my side beside her, face to face, with my eyes closed. I wanted to distract her-it was too perfect by ourselves on the rock to head back in already. "Don't you like how the crashing waves sound?"

She slid her body into the water for a quick dip, and then laid back down beside me. "Yeah, it's one of my favorite sounds, I think."

I was starting to get a little warm and was about to take a dip myself, when some of her hair accidently flicked into my face. My hand snapped out without notice and rested itself on the back of her head.

"You are like an ice cube," I muttered absentmindedly while I played with her hair.

"Thanks, just what every girl always dreams of hearing about herself.." She muttered.

I laughed out loud, while opening my eyes just enough to get a peek at where she was in relation to me. She had her back towards me and was laying on her side.. It was like my arms were acting before my brain directed them. I was surprised at my own sudden movement, but didn't seem to take any initiative to stop myself either. Both my hands reached out to her shoulders and then the rest of my body followed in fast pursuit. Once our bodies were aligned side by side, I took my arm off her shoulder and wrapped it around her waist. She felt so refreshing in that moment-cool, soft, wet, comfortable. It was irresistible.

And then I realized something. She wasn't breathing. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I only now realized her body was completely still. And stiff.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm..." she said in a muffled tone.

"Uh...am I creeping you out right now?"

She let out a silent giggle, apparent only by her shoulders shaking ever so softly. "No. This feels...nice. I was a little cold after I got out of the water, but you are warming me up now."

I held her a little closer with that revelation. My eyes shut closed again, relishing the sounds of the waves crashing in the distance. And the silence. My brain heard nothing but silence as I held onto Bella. It was the first time I had ever felt this before-being so close to someone physically and yet hearing nothing going on inside my head. I patted her waist lightly with my hand twice-just to make sure this wasn't a dream. Her soft laughter at the random patting reasured me this was real.

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**BPOV**

"_This feels nice_..." I startled myself as that thought came into my head. Who says "this feels nice" when some guy starts spooning you on a rock in the middle of the ocean? It made me sound like a pervert...

My brain was slowly coming to from the haze it was momentarily in. I opened one eye, and quickly realized I had fallen asleep for a time. With my jaw wide open. I quickly wiped my mouth and propped my upper body up onto my elbows, hoping Edward wasn't watching such a sad display. No one would ever mistake me for Sleeping Beauty. But as I turned slightly, I felt it suddenly-a sharp pain on my shoulder as I moved. Sunburn.

"Ouch, " I let out as I tried to sit up. Edward's arm was laying heavily over me though and making it impossible to sit completely upright. I gave up the battle, and laid back down. I was facing my playdate now. He was sound asleep, but quickly turning a shade of red that he would regret all too soon.

I pushed him gently. "Edward...Edward, you need to get up." I pushed him a little harder, feeling guilty since he looked so peaceful-- beautiful--as he slept. And then almost violently, he came to. His eyes opened so widely and with such a look of shock, I almost gasped. He looked around in a panic, and then sat upright quickly.

I touched his arm, but he jumped at my touch. "Edward! Are you okay?"

He looked at me with such confusion in that moment, I felt helpless. I touched his arm again, and this time he let me keep it there. I rubbed it gently: "Edward, you fell asleep after we went snorkeling. Do you remember?" He looked so disoriented, I felt the need to let him know where he was and what he had been doing just prior to falling asleep.

His mind seemed to be drinking in what I was telling him, albeit very slowly. He was thinking through my words, while nodding slightly. But he still looked so confused.

"Edward, are you alright? You look so lost right now." I caressed his cheek in an attempt to soothe whatever was troubling him. It seemed to help too-he closed his eyes at my touch.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he finally uttered very softly. "That was so weird though."

"What was weird?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me now. "I never take naps, Bella. When I woke up right now, it felt like I had amnesia for a minute there. Never...I never take naps..." His voice trailed off as he continued to look around.

"Well, you are on vacation, Edward. And you are on a playdate on vacation, that's bonus points for a deserved nap time." I tried to play it off as a joke, but I had a feeling there was more to it than what it sounded like. But I'd let him decide if he wanted to elaborate.

"Edward, we need to get out of the sun though. We both look in sorry shape in terms of sunburns." I guided him back into the water.

After gathering our stuff we headed out to the bus stop without saying a word. I decided to break the silence.

"So, do you have to head back to your hotel now?" I tried to sound casual, but I could hear the disappointment in my voice with the prospect of our day being over prematurely.

"No," he answered simply. I bit my lip before getting the courage to continue.

"Would...would you like grab some lunch at my condo? We can escape the sun for a couple hours that way. It's only about 15 minutes away."

He smiled sweetly. "Sounds perfect." His face still looked troubled though.

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Once we were inside my condo and in more muted lighting, the extent of the damage on Edward's skin was more apparent.

"Oh, Edward, your shoulders look bad." I quickly guided him into my bedroom and had him sit down.

"Let me put on the air conditioner on and then I'll look for the aloe vera gel I have somewhere."

When I came back to my room, he was still sitting in the exact place I left him. I handed him a pair of pj bottoms that belonged to Ben. "You want to shower off first and then I can put some aloe on your sunburn?" He startled slightly and nodded. He was still acting oddly. I pointed to my bathroom to the side and then left him to his own devices.

I used Angela and Ben's bathroom quickly to shower up myself. I changed into my flannel pj bottoms and a tank top, and then went to the kitchen to make us some lunch.

"Bella?" I headed back to my bedroom to check on Edward. I checked on the A/C--the temperature had dropped down to 67 degrees.

"Hey, is it too cold in here for you?" I stopped in my tracks. Edward was in my bed. Inside it-underneath the covers and everything. He looked at me sheepishly as my mouth dropped open slightly.

"Uh, I thought I'd just make us some sandwiches if that's okay with you." I turned around quickly and began to exit the room. It wasn't that I was afraid of him so much as I didn't really know what to make of it. Of him.

"Bella, wait." I paused at the door and turned around. "I didn't mean to make myself at home like that." He started getting up from the bed.

"No, Edward, it's fine. It just surprised me for a moment. If I honestly had a problem with you lying down there, I'd tell you. But I trust you." I shot him a reassuring smile. He sat back against the headboard, staring at me.

"Oh, the aloe"--I reached for it on the dresser--"let me put some on you now." I plopped on the bed, ready to administer it when he put his hand up in protest.

"No, it's okay, really." I looked at him questioningly as he scooted back down under the covers. His eyes were so fixed on me that I couldn't keep from staring back.

"Spit it out," I said with a fustrated laugh. His stares kept hinting he wanted to say something, but he wouldn't.

"Do you mind if we wait on lunch for a couple of minutes?" He opened up the covers, an unspoken invitation for me to join him. I bit my lip, not sure what the invitation entailed. He quickly translated my hesitancy.

"Let's rest a little more. Just like on the rock, but without the UV rays burning us alive." He gave me a lopsided smile that made me ponder for the slightest second what it would be like if the invitation had in fact been for more.

I nodded once and then jumped underneath the covers. The climate in the condo was so cool, the two comforters on top of me--us--felt just right. With my back to him, I scooted back slightly into his personal space. He made up the rest of the distance by scooting forward until our bodies touched and wrapping his arms around my waist. I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. It was much harder trying to compose yourself subtly in a quiet bedroom than a public beach. With only the gentle buzz of the air conditioner breaking the dead silence in the room, I had to control my breathing much more efficiently. And Edward wasn't helping me out in the least.

I felt his nose make it's way to the side of my neck. He took in a deep breath through his nose-a sign that I took to mean he was falling back a sleep. But then he leaned in closer, and ihhaled even deeper. Was he doing what I think he was doing? Something I was doing just hours earlier to him? A goofy smile broke out on my face as I repeated what he had said to me at the time.

"You okay back there? It sounds like you're hyperventilating."

I could feel his shoulders shaking with a silent laugh. " Yeah, I'll be okay. Your hair and stuff smells good from your shower."

Hair and _stuff_? " Suave Strawberry Shampoo. A .79 special at your local drugstore."

"Well, Bella- 79 cents smells like a million bucks on you." He wrapped his arms tighter around me and rested his lips on the nape of my neck. How the hell was I suppossed to sleep like this? All I knew for certain was there was a change of energy between us in the last couple of minutes. What was all but missing in our beach time activies, any sort of concrete example of genuine chemistry beyond sweet friendship, was showing up in spades in the bed right now.

Which may have been the problem. Maybe the fact we were normally functioning adults of the opposite gender, lying down in bed together, was the real reason for the energy change.

Just then, Edward patted my stomach twice. Again. The oddest and yet sweetest gesture to me for some reason--as if he was checking to see if I was there still before drifting back off to sleep. I tried to keep myself from giggling, and settled back into my pillow. I could overanalyze this all I wanted later. I might as well enjoy the moment while it lasted.

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"Bellaaaaa, Oh Bellaaa...you won't believe what I found at--" My door swooshed open, accompanied with a gasp.

My eyelids snapped up in a hurry-only to be greeted with enough sunlight to make me wince and groan. I put a hand over my forehead as I peered towards the bedroom door. Angela was staring at me in complete shock. I didn't get it.

Until I looked down and saw Edward's arms encircled around me. His body spooning behind me. His naked upper torso exposed from the tangled mess of comforters that had slid down significantly as we had slumbered.

"I"m so sorry, Bella," Angela whispered as she quickly shut the door. I let out an embarrassed groan.

"Angela, get back her! Now...this instant! There's no need to be sorry!"

She opened up the door again slightly, her face still in complete shock. As it should be-my bed had yet to have an occupant in it in all the years Angela had known me.

"We are just sleeping, Angela. Let's not make this more exciting than it is." Angela let out a laugh.

"Fine, Bella. But let me leave you two to your nap then. We can talk later." She smiled archly at me before shutting the door.

"Edward, you better get up." This time I tried to wake him gently, so he wouldn't be so confused when he awoke. I rubbed his cheek softly-that seemed to work well with him earlier.

His eyes fluttered open and shut several times, before settling on being open. He stared at me in confusion briefly,but then his lips broke out into a smile.

"Twice in one day I took naps? You are a regular miracle worker, Bella." His arms tightend around my waist yet again and brought me closely as he closed his eyes.

"Leave it to me to accomplish the impossible. Take Bella Swan to bed, and she can make even chronic insomniacs fall asleep within minutes." He laughed out loud, even though I was sure he detected more of an edge than I meant to in my tone.

"Not at all. I feel like I follow you around like a puppy." I took a sneak peek up to look at his face. He was smiling peacefully with his eyes still closed. I didn't want to change the subject, but I didn't think I had a choice.

"Did you need to be back at your hotel at a certain time?"

His eyes flew open. "What time is it?"

"6:30 PM."

"Damnit!" Edward sat up straight and then flew out of the bed quickly. He ran into the bathroom, collected his belongings, and then raced back into the bedroom. "I have to go right now Bella, my sister is going to kill me."

I stood up and walked him to the front door. I offered to walk him to the bus stop, but he told me it was unnecessary. He turned around quickly and faced me.

"Can we do something tomorrow again?" I nodded. He took both my hands. "I"ll call you later. But should we try for early morning again? I'll just pick you up tomorrow too-I'll bring the rental car this time."

I told him that sounded fine when he swooped down abruptly and landed a soft kiss on my lips.

" I can't wait to see you again, Bella." The lopsided smile played on his lips again; and with that, he started running off in the direction of the bus stop.

I stood there, dumbstruck. Our day took such an odd turn from the moment we came into the condo, I wasn't sure what to believe.

"Are those Ben's pj bottoms, Bella?" Angela was behind me now, watching Edward run off. I turned around apologetically.

"I"m so sorry, Angela. I'll make sure he brings them back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, huh? This is definitely becoming a habit for you two." Angela threw me a knowing look; however the look turned sober quickly. . "Bella, don't take this the wrong way. But be careful with him. He seems nice, but a bit forward. As we saw last night." Her lips pursed slightly as remembered.

I nodded. "I am. It's not what it looks like either. It really is just a weird playdate deal." I tried to minimize things, but Angela knew better.

"Well, if I remember correctly, little kids still play "doctor" together without thinking twice. " I groaned at her attempt at a joke

"I got it, Angela. I'll be careful." I headed back into my bedroom and laid down again for a second. I finally realized how hungry I was--I had only eaten some Malasadas earlier this morning. But it wasn't all hunger pains I was feeling. There was a definite dread creeping into my consciousness. Up until now, the lines seemed distinct and strictly platonic. That was great in it's own way too-I could simply hang out with him with no(conscious) expectations and be myself.

With the lines suddenly blurred in some ways, a new self consciousness was appearing within me. I was suddenly hyper aware that I had spent the majority of the day in an "El Cholo Mexican Restaurant" t-shirt that was two sizes too big for me. I was aware that I was wearing a bathing suit that a soccer mom of 45 could easily purchase to take her kids out to the local water slide park. And I couldn't even start on the hair and lack of makeup.

As I began to take a mental survey of what I would want to wear tomorrow, I quickly began to see how things were getting complicated. I was falling for him. And most likely he was off to start the night at a club with that gorgeous and more suitable girl I saw him with last night.

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	6. Peter and Wendy

**Chapter 6: Peter and Wendy**

**note: Okay, I got pictures of lychee and the real Bikini Beach and Bella's bikini and skirt on my profile. Check out the lychee definitely for full visual appeal of Edward and a lychee in his mouth...lol**

**note: Thanks for the reviews! Some good questions that were asked that I didn't make more clear in my writing:**

**FAQ: ****Why was Edward so weird when he first woke up from that nap on the rock?**Basically it was just a new experience for him. I needed to emphasize this more I think, but he already mentioned he's a chronic insomniac and he mentioned after waking up on the rock that he was so confused at first, it was like having amnesia. So, for him to fall asleep with Bella in the middle of the day in the middle of a bunch of activity was disorientating for him. I've done that before, where you don't realize you fell asleep,and when you wake up you are completely turned upside down in terms of where you are,etc. The second time he woke after sleeping with Bella, he was not so jarred.

**FAQ #2:****Why was he able to fall asleep with Bella on the rock?** I imagined several factors. Yes, his mind finds peace with her. He feels comfortable and relaxed with her. I think those things coupled with the fact that sun and ocean water activities TIRE the heck out of you quickly worked together to cause him to sleep. He's not a sun baby either, he's Mr. Forks, so I imagined the sun/heat/humidity really taking alot out of him. Spending an hour and half snorkeling in the water under the hot Hawaiian sun can cause nappy time to the most nap resistant of people!lol

**FAQ#3: ****Does Edward just like Bella as a sort of sleeping aid?**lol. My take is this personally. He does really savor the fact he can relax so much with her. But alot of it is that Bella disarms him on various levels that he's not used to. He feels comfortable touching her, holding her hand, cuddling with her. All these things he's doing along with the napping are just as important as the sleep itself. So, it's not just the sleeping, but the intimate act itself of sharing sleep with Bella that he is indulging too. In some ways, I imagined that the sleep was almost more a means to an end for him on some level, because of what it was accompanied by.

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**BPOV**

"Hmmmm...so basically this is how it went down yesterday. He waited for you for three hours. He bought you doughnuts--"

"Portuguese doughnuts," I chimed in.

Angela smiled sweetly. "Fine, Portuguese doughnuts. He carries you up an embankment--"

"Like I weigh 10 pounds."

She rolled her eyes jokingly at me as she continued to finger through my jumbo hot rollered curls. "Fine. You guys snorkel. He spoons you on a rock while you both sleep. He wakes up in a weird mood--"

"Well, not a weird mood. He just never naps, so he was totally confused..."

"He wakes up in weird mood," Angela continued defiantly." You guys come back here. He jumps in your bed. Wants you to jump in bed with him. While he's topless and in my boyfriend's pj bottoms. And then you guys nap again--while spooning of course. And then he kisses you good bye when he wakes up way later than he was suppossed to. So, in summary, you spent the majority of the day sleeping with him..."

I grimaced with the bare outline of the events yesterday spelled out right before my eyes. She made it sound more dysfunctional than I realized.

"Why did he keep wanting to sleep with you like that? Is it his way of making a pass at you?"

"No...It's not like that."

She raised an eyebrow as she looked over her handiwork on my hair. "What is it like then, Bella? Because after sleeping with him, I notice you've abandoned the "El Cholo Mexican Restaurant" t-shirt and the one piece bathing suit. And I just did your hair and makeup."

I fiddled with my fingers, not knowing how to answer that. "I don't know what it's like. All I know is that it started out one way when we met, but then it seemed to be going in another direction yesterday. And for all I know, it's back where it started today. Who knows?" I shrugged my shoulders like I was completely casual about it either way. "And I'm on vacation-is there anything wrong with brushing my hair once in the last three days and wearing a bikini I bought specifically for this trip?"

Ang laughed. "Not at all, Bella. But maybe if it's changing directions, you should talk about it with him. That way you are both on the same page." She bit her lip slightly before proceeding. "I just don't want you to get hurt. If you know where he stands and what he's up to... And not just with you; but in general, then you can make better choices for yourself."

"In general" was code for him hanging out with other girls. Angela knows me too well. "Angela, really...I've hung out with him for two days, and I don't even know his last name. I don't even know where he lives. I really don't care what he's up to in general when he's not with me. I just want to have fun on vacation and I have fun when I'm with him. That's all."

Angela stared at me in the mirror, without a trace of humor in her face. "Bella, this is me you are talking to. Now if he's comfortable enough to just jump into your bed and then invite YOU, the owner of the bed, to join him...well, you should be comfortable enough to ask him what he's up to."She gave me a quick kiss on top of my head. "Just be careful, Bells. That's all."

She walked out and I looked at myself in the mirror. The short miniskirt, the bikini top, the styled hair, the waterproof makeup, the high wedged Espadrille heels. Who was I kidding? I was officially throwing myself at him, and Angela knew me well enough to know I'm usually not THAT type of girl.

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**APOV**

"He left already?" I stomped my foot in fustration. I woke up 2 hours earlier than usual, and I still missed him.

"Took the Hummer too. Dad is in cahoots with him I think," Emmett added.

"Ali, if you stopped being so pushy with him, maybe he'd be more inclined to hang out here. You were over the top with him yesterday." Jasper gave me a scolding look and all I could do was pout. He was right. I harped on him all night to tell me where he was all day, but he wouldn't say a word. And when I told him of our plans today in terms of sight seeing, he said he was busy. He was being so secretive, especially with me, that it was driving me nuts.

And more importantly, he showed no signs of changing his schedule for the rest of the trip. He refused to go clubbing with us last night even, because he needed to "get his sleep" because he was waking up early. He kept reminding me this was a vacation for him, and to just let him be. I would normally be okay with that, but this wasn't just about a vacation. This was about _other things_ more important than Edward getting in enough sun time.

Emmett interrupted my thoughts. "I bet you he's running off with Nalani." A smile crossed his face as Rose threw him a pointed look. "Let him have his balls back, Alice, and let him act like a normal, red-bloode American guy on holiday for once. He doesn't have to hang out with us the whole day. He's coming home for dinner. That's good enough."

Jasper sat up and looked at Emmett. "I bet you 40 bucks he's not with Nalani. He's with Cliff Girl. She's more Edward's speed." He nodded slightly with a smile.

My ears pricked up. "Cliff girl? Who's Cliff Girl?"

Emmett shook his head. "Naw, Cliff Girl was more like a little sister for him. He kept holding her hand like she was 5 years old."

My head started craning back and forth between the two of them. "Holding her hand? Edward was holding WHOSE hand?" Hand holding would be a big milestone for him, if this was true. Edward was not an affectionate type of person at all, even with family.

Emmett stared at me. "Cliff Girl's. Keep up, Ali, geesh."

Jasper was just shaking his head. "You read that all wrong, Emmett. He wasn't holding her hand. SHE was holding his hand like HE was 5 and had lost his mother in a crowd. And he was following her around like a little puppy. She swam away from him a couple times, and then he'd yell at her and try to catch up."

Emmett scrunched his face. "I didn't see any of that."

"Because you were too busy checking out Nalani..." Jasper muttered under his breath. I smacked his leg, but not too hard-Rosalie hadn't heard him.

Not even aware of his amazingly (in)appropriate timing, Emmett added, "Nalani's hotter." Rose pinched his thigh and he softly slapped her hand away.

"Cliff Girl was Noxema Girl cute though. That's more Edward's type."

I eyed Jasper. "How do you know Edward's type?"

"I didn't. Until I saw him with Noxema Girl. And then I watched him with Nalani last night and saw the difference. I put two and two together yesterday, once he ran off to catch a bus for the other side of the island like your dad said. Nalani lives on THIS side of the island. But Cliff Girl...well..."

I stared in amazement. I knew there was a reason I was with this man.

"Wait, who's Noxema Girl now?" Rose asked, as the rest of us cracked up. But I was determined to keep on track.

"This Cliff-slash-Noxema Girl...does she have long, brown hair and big brown eyes by any chance?" Not that that would mean much, since 3/4 of the island had those features.

Jasper nodded. "Very pretty, expressive eyes. Edward kept staring into them like a puppy dog."

I silently prayed at that moment that despite all my failures, fate was working overtime in favor for my brother.

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**EPOV**

I had been waiting for this minute all night, I hardly got any sleep. And yet all I could feel was a wave of nausea come on. My actions during the last day had been gnawing on me all morning. I had done things that weren't normal--not just for me, but for anybody. Jumping into her bed the way I did without even asking, in the hope she'd lay right next to me. Constantly touching her, showing no sort of respect for her personal space. Basically inviting myself over to her place. She was always casual and easy in response to my behavior-like I was simply amusing her. But I had no idea what she was really thinking.

The door opened and a man of about 21 greeted me. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to figure out why some guy was answering Bella's condo door at 8:00 in the morning.

"I'm Ben. Bella's friend's boyfriend. The guy whose pjs you borrowed." He gave me a smirk as I fumbled through my bag quickly and handed them back to him..

"Edward. Sorry about that. I got them washed and everything." He looked at them and gave me a once over as I stood there sheepishly.

"Suure,...Bella, there's a boy standing out here for you." His fatherly tone was thick with teasing-she must be close to him as well. He leaned in closer.

"Just between you and me? Angela watches over Bella like a pitbull. So, try to make a better second impression on Angela than you did yesterday so she lets you see Bella again tomorrow. It will work in both our favors." He flashed me a joking smile.

Angela came to the door next, with a pursed smile on her lips and a slightly raised eyebrow. "You must be Edward. I didn't recognize you with a shirt on and not completely entangled around Bella." I stood there in stunned silence as she began to laugh."I'm just kidding, come on in."

"NOOO, it's okay Ang..." I heard Bella's nervous voice in the background. "We are on our way out." Bella shuffled around both Angela and Ben-to reveal herself in plain view to me. It wasn't the Bella I was used to. The Bella I was used to was a pretty tomboy who was constantly having to shake her head of excess sand. This Bella that stood in front of me was a stranger. A knockout of a stranger. It was the first time her hair wasn't pulled back into a tight ponytail, or else wet and falling down everywhere. Her long, silky curls fell past her chest--I didn't realize how long her hair was.

Her face had some light makeup on it. But what I noticed more than anything were her glossed lips-if her lips was pouty before, they were downright criminal now in terms of pout factor. She wasn't dressed in her regulation uniform of a practical one piece swim suit and swim trunks, topped off with a t-shirt that could have been her big brother's. She was wearing a bikini top and matching mini- skirt, with alot of flesh showing. Flesh that I hadn't noticed before, but couldn't help from noticing now. Great legs, small waist, tempting decolletage. And beautiful, soft to the touch, porcelain skin, only slightly reddened on the shoulders from yesterday.

"Ahem.." Ben coughed out. It knocked me out of my thoughts. He mouthed "good second impressions" towards me while pointing to his eyes and mouthing, " Keep eyes at EYE level."

I apologized profusely before a blushing Bella, and an even higher eyebrow raising Angela.

--

"So, do you have anything in mind for today?" I could tell she wanted to make a request as she warily eyed the height needed to jump into the Hummer rental. I cut right to the chase as I helped her into the vehicle.

"What do you have in mind?"

I looked the other way as she hiked into the car, since her skirt was so short. Angela and Ben were watching from the front door and Ben threw me a thumbs up sign with a head nod.

I ran to the driver's side and jumped in. Bella was having trouble with her carseat buckle so I helped her out. Having her so close to me in that moment, taking in her lips and her scent and her bare abs all at once, made me want to kiss her. Not the nervous kiss on the lips I gave her yesterday that lasted no more than a couples seconds-a real kiss. But as I glanced to my side, I saw Angela still watching with her hawkeyes. I resisted the urge and started the engine.

"I was wondering if it would be okay if I stopped by the college campus down the road. I interviewed an older couple the first day I was here for a project of mine back home, and I promised to drop off some duplicate tapes of the interviews to the professor who helped me set up the interviews."

"What are you interviewing people for?" Bella explained to me that she was working on some oral history projects back home for her major.

I told her I'd be happy to take her and we headed off to the college right then. I should have been ecstatic to have the whole day free with Bella, but one thing was bothering me. My mind was being bombarded by internal analyses at the moment. The inner analysis within my head was not analyzing Bella however-it was analyzing myself.

"So, the professor may want to talk to me for a moment. Would you mind waiting if he does? It won't be more than 10 minutes or so."

"Sure, anything for you." Something as simple as that response had my mind working overtime:

_You tilted your head when you said that so she got your best profile side._

_You overemphasized your affirmative response to the point where you sounded like a kiss ass. _

_She caught you glancing at her bare thighs, you didn't look away fast enough._

_You're tapping on the clutch too rapidly, you look very nervous around her._

The whole drive to the college campus went in this fashion. We were discussing such benign things like the weather; and yet, my brain would comment incessantly about my slightest gesture or wording in response to her. It was making me trip up on my answers; and in other instances, stopped me from answering at all.

Which in turn made me start noticing her reaction...to my reactions. Suddenly she was doing things I hadn't seen her do before. Like tugging on her skirt to make it go down lower on her legs. Great, she caught me staring at her bare thighs and now she thinks I'm a pervert. Bella started crossing her arms next, covering all bare skin that was previously exposed in her upper body area. Within the next couple minutes, she graduated to pulling her hair up into a bun and putting on a t-shirt from her backpack. I was definitely making her uncomfortable.

When I parked where she directed me, I glanced her way. She avoided eye contact.

"Is there something wrong, Bella?" She still wouldn't look at me, so I softly lifted her chin with my finger. Her big brown eyes looked back at me with concern.

"You just seem different today, that's all." She shook her head and broke contact with my finger. I was about to respond, but she continued. "And I just want you to know, that I don't want things to be weird with us. I love how comfortable we've been the last couple days. And I want it to stay that way..." Her words were a jumbled mess that didn't make sense to me-mainly because they seemed to be expressing the opposite of what I imagined from her.

"Wait, a minute, Bella," I started in," Why would do you think things are weird with us?"

She was blushing now and kept her eyes forward as she played absentmindedly with her seatbelt buckle. "Well, Angela was teasing me about not wearing my oversized El Cholo shirt and my soccer mom bathing suit today. But I haven't even gotten to wear this bikini yet and my vacation is half way over already! And then when they greeted you like..._they were my parents sending me off to the prom_...and you gave me this funny look because I actually brushed my hair for once when I came to the door... like I was trying too hard... So, I was thinking you were thinking I was being weird...after yesterday...and the bed thing...like I was reading too much into it...and then brushed my hair finally..." At this point she had been rambling on so long, even she was trying to keep in a giggle.

I cracked up and put a hand up. "Stop. I didn't you think you were being weird. You seemed like you were uncomfortable around me this morning, and that made me nervous. That's all. Like you thought I was being weird. Not the other way around. And just between you and me-the funny look was just because you look really beautiful today."

Her smile softened. "So, we are okay, then? We are only be weird because we thought the other person was weirded out first?"

"Something like that, " I chuckled. And with that reassurance, all my interior commentating ceased. Bella and I may not yet know what page we were on at this point-I had a feeling we both felt like we were entering some sort of post-playdate, Twilight zone phase which was making us both a little self conscious. But whatever page we were on, we were on it together. And that was good enough for me-and my mind.

--

Bella let me listen to parts of her taped interviews that were about local folklore while we had waited for the professor. She handled the interviews with command and ease, while her questions were interesting and probing. I liked seeing all the different sides of Bella.

"So...what are these interviews for exactly?"

She looked up shyly as she crunched one eye. "Well, I love oral history in general. And the project I'm working on in particular is about how different cultures pinpoint where reality and legend meet. In our culture, we are very far removed from our legends--they were "once upon a time" quote/unquote. But in Hawaii, folklore in general is much more immediate and accessible. People feel much more tied to their past here, it's personal for them. "

I tried to flirt with her at this point, and instantly regretted it. "Things are more immediate here. For instance, I thought I was all grown up. And yet I come here, only to find out I'm a Lost Boy at heart still and that mermaids do indeed exist." I'm really not good at being smooth.

She raised an eyebrow with a slightly mischievous smile. "Well, just to give you fair warning, mermaids in mythology tend to be ominous creatures that foretell and provoke disaster."

"**I'll take my chances**," I retorted.

After she was done with her errand, we got a lead to check out the beach across the street from the college. There was a small cafe on campus, so I had Bella wait while I picked up some breakfast for us. When I came back out with some baked goods and coffee, Bella was checking out a flyer on the community board wall. It was publicizing a Swing Dance Club social, starting with a dance lesson and ending with an actual dance afterwards.

"Wow, free refreshments even," I teased, trying to break the silence. "Is that for tonight?"

"Yeah...I just started taking swing dance classes with Angela a couple months ago. But since it's a dry land activity, that means my feet don't cooperate so well." She didn't say more, but her attention still lingered on the flyer. I ripped the flyer off and put it in my pocket, thinking of the bonus points I'd get later on if we had enough time to swing by. She smiled at my gesture.

We had left the campus, crossed the highway, and were following a narrow beach access path at this point. At the end was one of the prettiest, most secluded beaches I had seen since I had gotten to Hawaii. It was known as Bikini Beach. Bella murmured that it was beautiful as she found a curved palm tree for us to huddle underneath in the shade. She threw her purse down, spread out a huge beach towel, held up sunblock and commanded me to sit. "No more sunburns on my watch, buddy."

As I got a spray down, an idea dawned on me. "You know why we both weirded out today, right?"

She waited for me to answer.

"Because we hit it off so well right away, and we have this great connection. But I just realized...we don't know anything about eachother. It's weird to feel so connected to someone and yet you don't even know their last name."

"Well, other than my name, what do you want to know," she asked as she began to spray herself down now. I took the container and finished the job.

"Let me interview you. Like how you did with the older couple." She gave me doubtful look, but I dismissed it as I took her tape recorder from her bag. I handed her a muffin while I exchanged it for a blank tape and did my best "Folklore Interviewer Bella" impression as I started to record our conversation.

"It's June 23rd..."I checked my watch..." 9:14 AM. I'm on Bikini Beach in Laie, Hawaii and about to interview a Ms. Bella..." I paused as I directed the recorder towards her.

"Swan," Bella finished for me, playing along with me with an overly serious expression.

"Ms. Bella Swan is blank years old..."

"20."

"And she lives in..."

"Eugene, Oregon." I stopped and let a big, dopey grin take over my face.

"That's not far from Seattle at all." She began to blush as she realized my meaning, but jabbed me on the arm.

"An interviewer never inserts themselves into the discussion like that." I tried to get back on track.

"And does Ms. Bella Swan have any grand dreams or hopes? World peace perhaps?"

She tugged me down with her so that we were both lying on our backs, looking up into the top of the overhanging palm tree, with the blue sky acting as a background. She raised her head silently so I could put my arm underneath her. She laid back down as I put the recorder to her mouth.

"Screw world peace. I want a pony." She scrunched her nose up at me as I responded into the recorder: "Note to self, Bella really, really likes ponies."

--

The rest of the morning and the better part of the afternoon continued in that fashion.The interviewing was only put on pause for quick dips into the calm ocean. I learned all the vital stats on Isabella Marie Swan-family size, birthplace, high school gpa, career goals, political party affiliation. For some reason, I imagined her having an extroverted, outdoorsy life. I would have pegged her for a college student with a part time job as a river rafting instructor(not a hiking guide--since she has those dry land issues with coordination). But her reality was more quiet and subdued--and confined within 4 walls in many ways. College student; part time job at the local bookstore-slash-coffehouse; oral history division worker-where she spent many hours transcribing oral interviews and editing them; she didn't have a boyfriend and her romantic life seemed curiously vacant; more of a homebody than a nightlife person; she loved to cook for her small but closely knit group of friends. It was an unique image, since when I thought of Bella, I always thought of her outside in a wide open space.

Interestingly enough, her answers to the "little" questions gave me the best peek into her mind. I found out she had withstood tearing up over the most emotional movies in history--Titanic, Love Story, A Walk To Remember, My Life. And yet the one movie that got her to cry was a Disney cartoon-- "Dumbo" to be exact.

"When his mom is locked up, and she's singing him a lullabye, and the only thing she can do to touch him is throw her trunk down through the jailbars towards him, man--just rip my heart out," she said with a laugh. "Nothing is worse than being left behind. But for some reason, the image of a little elephant rocking himself back and forth to try to comfort that pain is more poignant than any 200 million dollar James Cameron epic." I couldn't help but smile widely at her in that moment. Listening to each new revelation about Bella was just like listening to the Lotto numbers being called out one by one and you realizing you are holding the winning ticket.

When it was my turn to be interviewed, the exercise of getting to know eachother was less enjoyable. Having to make a summary of my existence was embarrassingly easy--if not stark and somewhat pathetic. All I had to show for my years so far was a deep love for music(both playing and enjoying), a deep commitment to my education, and a deep love and commitment to my family. I didn't have alot of friends, and a pretty vacant romantic history myself. The last part was met with a smirk, as if she didn't really believe me.

"Okay, bonus round questions, Edward. Which do you prefer: Cheddar or Provolone."

"Provolone."

"Clue or Monopoly."

"Clue."

"Twilight or Dawn?"

I had to think on that one for a second. "It's hard to say. Dawn usually comes too quickly, and is filled with expectations. Twilight is easier in some ways. All your "work" for the day is almost done. But it's the saddest too because it's the end of another day and the return of night. Darkness is so predictable..." My voice trailed off, when I realized I may have said too much in those few words about my solitude in general. I had to steal a side glance to see if my answer was met with yet another smirk from her. My heat stopped though as I looked at her--she was looking back at me with complete recognition, as if she understood all too well by what I meant. The night can flash a spotlight on one's loneliness more brightly than any other light. She gave me a understanding smile, and then continued on.

"Okay...movies you cried in."

I smiled. "Funny enough; I've only cried in one movie too, and it's a Disney film as well." Her head lifted off my shoulder and she sat up with anticipation.

"Dumbo?"

I shook my head. "Peter Pan." She had to think that one over for a second with a puzzled look.

"Which scene did you in?"

"The part where Wendy decides to leave Peter Pan and go back home. He reacts like a sulking child but he's really heartbroken to be left behind."

Bella laid back down on me. "You know, in the play, Wendy is actually the one who is left behind. She returns home but Peter Pan promises to visit her every Spring. The brat forgets all about her after just one year!"

I furrowed my eyebrows. " I didn't know that part. That sucks."

She laughed. "Isn't it just like a man to forget first. Jane Austen had one of her heroines argue that women love longest, even when all hope is gone."

She looked at me intently for a second, as if she was trying to read something deeper than just my expression on my face.

"So, you see, Edward, the only way Peter and Wendy could stay happy and never be left behind is if they had never left Neverland." She closed her eyes, but her tone made me realize she was wondering about other couples, not just Peter and Wendy.

"Well, that's an easy solution. Neverland forever it is." I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead as she let out giggle and let out a low whisper.

"Neverland it is then."

--

Once Bella's stomach began to grumble loudly, I told her it was time to pack up and leave. She offered to make lunch back at her condo and I was more than happy to take her up on it. We were heading back to our car when we came upon a makeshift fruit stand right on the highway that wasn't up earlier. A young boy of about 16 was manning a folding table that was filled with the usual tropical delights like mangoes and papayas. But one fruit caught Bella's eye as she touched it reflexively.

"What are these," she inquired.

"Lychee, they are really good...very sweet..." The boy looked away as Bella was figuring out if she wanted to give it a try or not.

"Want to try one?" The boy asked.

Bella smiled and nodded yes."How do you eat them?" The boy picked up a lychee and handed it to her.

"First you have to peel off the outer skin like you do an orange." Bella peeled the skin back to reveal a white, plump, juicy flesh underneath. She looked at the boy on what to do next.

"Okay, now this is a lovers' fruit though, along with the passion fruit. So, you have to eat it together." He casually motioned us to get closer. Bella looked at me with slightly widened eyes. I looked at the guy suspiciously and he simply looked back at me blank faced. We scooted in closer and faced eachother awkwardly.

"Now open your mouths and put the fruit in the middle of you two."

Bella shot him a look. "What??"

"How else are you two going to eat the fruit if you don't open your mouths?"

Bella looked back at me nervously, but opened her mouth slightly towards me. I paused for a moment taking in the sight of Bella closing in on me with inviting lips, and thanked her silently for being curious enough to want to try to unknown fruit on the table.

"Waat? You chicken?" The boy gave me a confused look, and I realized I hadn't opened my mouth yet. I opened up quickly, took the juicy fruit from Bella's hand, and placed it in between us.

"Now...chew and whoever gets a hold of the pit first is the lucky winner," the boy uttered in complete sarcasm.

I pushed my lips closer to Bella's as I placed the fruit in my mouth. She bent in tentatively, and began to suck gently on the flesh. The lychee had a delicious taste I couldn't pinpoint exactly-it was sweeter than any fruit I had ever tasted. And yet, that was the last thing on my mind as Bella and I both began to bob and pulse against the fruit in between us with our lips and jaws.The juices from the lychee were dripping down both our chins within seconds. Our lips would graze eachother momentarily; but the rounded flesh from the fruit was so slippery, it would bolt into her mouth or mine involuntarily. We laughed everytime that happened; and like a pin pong ball lodged in our mouths, we would shoot it back out to meet the other's lips. All too quickly, we got down to the pit--the slippery motion of both of us sucking simultaneously caused the pit to shoot inward into my mouth. But Bella had different plans--she lapped it up at lightening speed with her tongue from my mouth and backed away quickly.

"I'm the lucky winner," she yelled enthusiastically, giving me a wink. Her chin and neck gleamed with lychee juice.

I still had my jaw open from her little tongue stunt. "Isabella Marie Swan, you don't play fair."

She started walking now, heading toward the crosswalk, as she yelled over her shoulder. "Number one. Only my mother can call me by my full name. Number two? All's fair in love and war."

I looked back at the fruit stand boy with a suspicious eye. "That's not really some Hawaiian tradition on how to eat the fruit, huh?"

He let out a small grin. "Nope. But I sure get better tips when I help the brothers out like that."

I took all four bags of lychee off his table and threw down a fifty dollar bill. "Keep the change."

He gave me a wide grin and said with a hushed tone, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

--

We threw our backpacks down: and within seconds, it was obvious we were following the script that we had drawn up yesterday. Bella put the A/C on full blast to turn the place into a virtual freezer. She offered to let me take a shower. When she saw me take some pj bottoms out of my backpack before heading to her bedroom, she let out a laugh. "I see you came prepared today, huh?" I smiled sheepishly. As I headed to the shower, she yelled out she'd make us some sandwiches as well.

I took a longer shower this time, enjoying the cooling water over my sunburn. I fantasized for a short moment of just jumping back into her bed post-shower like I did yesterday, but I didn't want to push my luck. As I opened the door to the bathroom, I promised myself to head straight out to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" I looked to the right of me--to find Bella on top of her bed with a large tray of food sitting beside her. I paused for a second, wondering if she really wanted me back in her bed.

"Don't act coy now, Edward." She gave me a knowing smile. "Since you brought your pjs, I assumed nappy time would be a welcomed activity for you. I know I wouldn't mind it.The sun drains me of everything by early afternoon."

I slid into bed with her and we sat back on the headboard, eating her sandwiches and talking some more. Once we were through, I returned the tray to the kitchen and raced back to her bed. She put her head back onto my shoulder and we both closed our eyes. A smile came to my face as I had a thought.

"So, I bought like four bags of those lychee."

Her shoulders were shaking slightly with silent laughter. "Yeah, I noticed."

"Would you like some right now?" I teased; well, pretended to tease anways.

"No way. I have some standards, even if I haven't shown them much since I met you. I don't even kiss on the first date, and you already got a lychee kiss out of me."

"Well, I guess I'll have to take you out on a proper date then to make up for that. You up for a Swing Dance Social tonight?"

She looked at me with one eye opened. "Don't you have to go back to your family for dinner? You mentioned that earlier."

"If lychee eating with you is a possibility tonight after I take you out on a date, they'll have to take a rain check."

She gave me one of her heartbreaking smiles and settled back down into the crook my arm. "Rain check it is, then."

000000000000000000000000000000000000

a/n: Happy birthday, Sles! Sles has been an all sorts of awesome and generous reviewer and song helper so I hope she has a great b-day! And belated b-day to christygen and jennie too!


	7. You Got What It Takes

**Chapter 7: Baby, You've Got What It Takes**

**note: I have the following links on my profile for this chapter:**

1)Bella's dress for their date

2)Bella's dance song with a certain russet skin colored instructor

3)Bella's dance song with a certain dazzling, copper haired charmer

**Bella and Edward's dance song(Brooke Benton/Dinah Washington's "You've Got What It Takes") is a the sexiest, sassiest old school song--if you don't check out any other link, check that one out!**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate them all.**

**note: some may wonder what the peelings on the ground were about--that will be explained next chapter.**

**0000000**

_From last chapter:_

_"So, I bought like four bags of those lychee."_

_Her shoulders were shaking slightly with silent laughter. "Yeah, I noticed."_

_"Would you like some right now?" I teased; well, pretended to tease anways._

_"No way. I have some standards, even if I haven't shown them much since I met you. I don't even kiss on the first date, and you already got a lychee kiss out of me."_

_"Well, I guess I'll have to take you out on a proper date then to make up for that. You up for a Swing Dance Social tonight?"_

_She looked at me with one eye opened. "Don't you have to go back to your family for dinner? You mentioned that earlier."_

_"If lychee eating with you is a possibility tonight after I take you out on a date, they'll have to take a rain check."_

_She gave me one of her heartbreaking smiles and settled back down into the crook my arm. "Rain check it is, then_."

**0000000**

**BPOV:**

"Bella--ohdearlor--." The door flew open as quickly as it closed. But Angela had enough time to assess the scene with wide eyed speculation.

It was the second time in two days that she had happened upon a man spooning me in my bed. I didn't blame her really for barging into my room; at home, she never had to worry about my privacy. The only partners in my bed so far since she moved in with me were a cat and maybe a book or two if I was feeling adventurous. Edward was stirring behind me.

"Was that Angela," he asked, his voice still drunk with sleep.

I tried twisting myself out from his embrace. "Yeah, I'm going to go check on her. I don't want her to worry about the fact I have a strange man in my bed yet again."

"I'm still a stranger?"

"No. But she thinks you're strange." Edward cracked up as he released me from his grasp. I scurried outside and shut the door.

"Ang..." I found her in the kitchen, eyebrow arched while she put away some supermarket purchases.

"Ms. Isabella Swan...what would your mother say..."

"Knowing my mom, she'd say it was a step up from sharing sleep with Stinky the Cat."

She stared at me for a long moment. I could tell she was trying to figure out how to pose a question to me, but was hesitant. She leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"Bella, were those condom wrappers on your floor?"

"No!" She looked like she didn't quite believe me.

"Bella, there were a bunch of wrappers on the floor on HIS side of his bed. And your face..." She stared into my eyes searchingly. "Your eyes are all... bright, and your cheeks are all flushed. You look...post-coital."

I scrunched my face as I dragged her to my room to shoot down the condom wrapper accusations. We peeked inside quietly. Edward was stretching in my bed still, looking like he was in no hurry to leave. The very sight of Edward under my covers made me grin reflexively; and of course, Angela caught the expression. She pointed at me, and mouthed "post sex face!" Ang then nudged her head in the direction of the "condom wrappers." When I saw what she was referring to, I let out a huge squeal of laughter.

"Those aren't condom wrappers, those are lychee skin peelings, you dork." Edward's ears almost visibly pricked up and he turned around swiftly.

"Condom wrappers?"

--

**EPOV**

"So...Edmund..."

"Edward." I corrected Angela as we rummaged through Ben's meager offerings for a Swing Dance date. Bella was in her room getting ready, and Angela offered to help me find something of Ben's to wear. We weren't the exact same size, but it would have to do for such short notice.

"Edward...under normal circumstances, you would find me to be a very pleasant, and even shy, person."

Uh oh. " I think you're pleasant already." I added a smile on top of it, but Angela was unmoved. In fact, her expression on her face was making my head work overtime processing all the unspoken communication that was flying my way. I had definitely picked the WRONG thing to say to her. The way she responded to my flip compliment about being pleasant only further confirmed her impressions of me. She seemed to have it in her head that I was a smooth talker and a possible player. And as she moved one step closer into my personal space, Angela was making it clear she wasn't going to let her friend get played.

"Oh, give me ten minutes and I'll let you reassess that impression of me. I actually think you seem like a nice enough guy too, in a Bill Clintonish kind of way, so let me just be honest with you."

Bill Clinton-ish? Replace "possible player" with "good natured, but indiscriminate whore."

She sat down on her bed and I followed suit.

"Why is my best friend spending half the day on her dream vacation she spent two years saving up for in her bed? In bed with some guy she doesn't even know, no less, when Bella is usually the most proper and reserved person on this earth? What is your gameplan here, because things aren't adding up. And Bella's too happy to check the fine print on you at the moment."

Angela was nothing if not consistent. Most people tend to not say what they think; or else, if they do, they cushion it up to the point of utter dilution. But Angela spelled it out for me what she was thinking. She thought I was trying to get her friend into bed for more than just napping. And I was wasting her vacation in the meantime with that "gameplan," as she put it. I had to smile. I was glad Bella had her very own Alice to look after her.

"Angela, I think there's some sort of misunderstanding going on about what you think of me. I'm not out to seduce your friend, and I'm not some wild guy who goes around jumping into every girl's bed that he meets."

She raised her eyebrow.

"Except for Bella's bed, of course. I guess." Shit, that sounded bad. But if I tried to backtrack anymore, it will only sound worse.

"Here's what I'm worrying about, Edward. And I'm only talking to you like this because I have a feeling you really do like Bella--"

"Immensely," I corrected her.

"Immensely then. You may like her--immensely. And you may act in a way that shows that you like her immensely--by YOUR standards."

"But your actions may be meaning something very different to someone like Bella." She paused as she tried to put her words together now. "Bella is the most trusting, warm, and caring person I've ever met. She's precious." Ang stared into my eyes to see if I understood her meaning. I tried to let her see that I did.

"And for her to trust you so quickly, to the extent of sleeping with you in her bed? You may not understand what that means to her, to do that. I'm just asking you to keep in mind how your actions are affecting HER, not just you. I understand you have sleeping problems--"I couldn't help but detect the slight sarcasm in her tone when she said that--"but just realize Bella's a sweet, innocent girl who is doing things right now she normally wouldn't do--because of you. Because she likes and trusts you IMMENSELY--by Bella standards." She slapped me quite hard for a petite girl on my back while getting back up. "So be mindful of the privilege she's affording you." She briskly picked out a pair of pants and an Aloha shirt that still had a Costco tag on it, and threw it my way.

"All yours, champ."

--

I sat down by Ben while he watched TV. Angela had gone in to check on Bella. Bella had been getting ready for about 20 minutes now, so I imagined I had at least another hour to wait. Alice and Rose together had taught me the value of patience when it came to them getting ready. Ben offered me a bowl of popcorn without looking at me.

"It was sure quiet in there with Ang. I was sure you'd yelp when she ripped you a new one." He laughed while still focusing on the TV.

"Have I done something to offend her by any chance? Other than sleep in Bella's bed?" There was more to Angela's suspicions it seemed than just the bed issue. Ben looked my way, trying to figure out if he should spill or not.

"Well, it doesn't help your case that you look at Bella like she's something to eat." He grinned when I looked at him in confusion and added, "This morning? Bikini Bella and the amazing oogling Edward? Classic." I grimaced slightly at that mental picture. Ben looked around to make sure no one was within earshot.

"There is something else. This is between you and me, because I get a good vibe from you. But Angela and Bella were in town a couple nights ago together. At a club. Called Pipeline." He raised and lowered his eyebrows repeatedly, apparently thinking I'd understand his meaning. I shook my head to indicate I had no idea what he was getting at.

"You happened to be there too?" He tilted his head sideways towards me. I tried to think back that far. That wasn't the night Alice fainted...it was the next night when we all went, and so did Nala--...ohhhh...My face must have registered what I was thinking. Ben snickered, and then went back to watching TV, still nodding.

"Yep. Angela thinks you must have girls lined up up and down Kamehameha Highway, with beds at the ready for you to jump into. For your sleeping problems of course."

"What did they see exactly, Ben? It's not what they think."

Ben looked at me now. "Listen, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's not like you and Bella are married, for hell's sake. Bella's a big girl, she can make her own decisions and she's on holiday. I told Angela that much."

That wasn't what I was getting at. "What did they see, Ben?"

Ben looked like he was trying to remember correctly. "Not too much--just you and some girl entangled on a couch giving eachother googly eyes and closing in on eachother's lips. They didn't stay to watch the show--Angela dragged her to a different floor."

My heart sank as I imagined Bella and Ang watching Nalani and me that night. What could I honestly tell them? We were practicing mind reading, not getting ready to swap spit? Angela would love that answer-she would think it trumped the "I have insomnia and Bella's my perfect sleeping aid" defense. I played with the buttons on Ben's shirt, not sure if I should try to explain or not to him.

"9.99 when you buy a 10 pack of tube socks. You have to have the coupon though."

"What?"

"That shirt you are wearing. You can get it for 9.99 at Costco when you buy a 10 pack of tube socks. Total steal, huh?"

--

I had just taken my first handful of popcorn from Ben's bowl when Bella's bedroom door opened. I murmured over to Ben:

"She gets ready in less than a half hour on top of everything else?" Rose and Alice take longer to apply their makeup alone with that amount of time.

Ben laughed. "Please, these girls are low maintenance. There's no way I would have tagged along with them otherwise."

She was now in full view of me and I couldn't help but let my jaw slide open. Bella was honestly the most alluring girl I've ever seen. She was dressed in a simple white cotton dress that was loose fitting. But it's cut and material made it sexy and sweet at the same time. I couldn't help but take a moment to drink her in from head to toe.

"Eyes up, big guy," Ben whispered, and I obeyed.

"You look beautiful, Bella." I stood up and took her hand while Bella blushed.

--

As we drove, Bella kept catching me glancing at her. She pulled on my hand she was holding.

"What?"

I just shook my head shyly, unwillingly to answer. I decided to ask her something else instead. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we had met under different circumstances, Bella?"

She scrunched her lips together for a second. "I haven't actually."

I leaned her way. "I have. I think it was fate how we met."

"Why," she inquired.

"What if I met you at this Dance Social dance for instance, with you looking like..._that_?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious. I'd be too intimidated to approach you. Or else I would have just stolen glances at you like I am right now. But I wouldn't have been able to connect with you the way we did at Waimea. THAT'S why were destined to meet there. You just saw someone who needed help. And I saw someone who took a moment out of their time to help me." I smiled her way, expecting a smile back. But her head fell downward, her expression slightly clouded and thoughtful.

00000000

**BPOV**

I knew he meant it to be sweet, to let me know that I affected him in different ways. But he had no idea how his words stung me. The reality is, unbeknownst to him, we HAD "met" before Waimea. He just didn't realize it, because I didn't make the slightest impression on him the first night I saw him at the club. I remember watching him pass me several times throughout the night, and never once did he so much as glance my way. The next night at the club, I didn't show up on his radar either. He was too busy staring into a much more beautiful girl's eyes, with no problem of being intimidated at all. I knew he meant well, but it felt patronizing for him to talk about me like that.

"I don't know about that, Edward. What if we met at a dance club instead? I bet I wouldn't even catch your eye. I bet I could be in the same room as you, and not even make an impression at all. I bet I could be in the same room with you two nights in a row, and still not be noticed." I had said too much; he was looking at me now with a concerned look, as if he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Bella, I feel like I need to explain some things to you. I think you may have a wrong impression about me, and I don't want you to think--"

I'm such an idiot. We haven't even technically started our first official date yet, and I was already making him explain himself. I didn't want to turn a holiday- playdate-whatever-we-had-thingy into something depressing because my pride was hurt I hadn't made an impression on him the way he had on me.

"Edward, please. I don't think anything but good things of you. So, please don't feel the need to explain yourself to me. It makes me feel lame. Sometimes I talk too much. Sorry." It was none of my business what he has done outside of his time with me, and it was certainly none of my concern if he hadn't fallen head over heels for me at first sight. We had something more interesting in terms of connections, and I just wanted to focus on that.

"But, Bella, I really don't want you to think--"

"Edward, turn right right here, and then the second left." I gave him a reassuring smile, and patted his hand. "Really, Edward, I don't want to think of anything but you learning to swing dance in your flip flops."

He nodded, but seemed unhappy by my turning a deaf ear to his words.

000

Edward was so coordinated, not only was he picking up on the swing moves more quickly than I was. He was actually pulling off the steps quite elegantly in his flip flops. The Swing Club instructors were so tickled by his flip flopped abilities, they kept bringing him up front to be used as an example. He'd shrug his shoulders at me sarcastically with a too innocent, wide eyed look each time, rubbing it in. I couldn't help but notice just how much more visibly tickled the female instructors were than the male instructors.

On the other hand, being the uncoordinated girl in the shortest dress in the room got me my fair share of male instructor attention as well. Especially from one in particular. Everytime I inevitably fell behind with a new move being taught, he was by my side, helping me along. Edward would watch us with an annoyed look on his face. I'd shrug my shoulders at him sarcastically, with a too innocent, wide eyed look in return.

"Does that help, Bella? Your triple step looks really good by the way." The instructor was probably a good 3 years younger than me, but he was sure going to be a looker one day. His bright smile, russet skin, handsome face and shiny black hair were the things of school girl fantasies.

"Yes, that was very helpful. Thanks." Edward started whispering in my ear as he walked away.

"He just keeps leaning in to instruct you by your ear because he's trying to look down your dress top. With those two buttons opened on top, it makes it easy to see past the neckline."

"How would you know? Oh, never mind... you've been leaning in a lot yourself all night as well." He shot me a sheepish smile.

After the Swing Dance tutorial, the actual "dance" began. I felt like I was being transported into a movie that was trying depict a small town dance in the 50's. The large ballroom was modestly decorated with streamers and balloons; all the people present were dressed somewhat properly and forming a huge circle as they waited for others to start dancing; there was even a "refreshment table," complete with a tray of store-bought cookies and a huge punchbowl. I was just waiting for Eddie Haskell from _Leave It To Beaver _to spike the punch.

Edward caught me surveying the whole scene and leaned in to whisper: "Surreal isn't it?" I simply answered by buttoning up one of my buttons on my dress top while giving him an accusing look. He cracked up.

I let out a gasp when I heard the first song start. It was an oldie but extreme goodie--Jackie Wilson's "Work Out." I looked at Edward expectantly. Even if I sucked at dancing in general, I knew Edward was good enough for the two of us to survive a song. But my attention got distracted as I began to hear hoots and hollers. I turned, and saw the young, attentive male instructor dancing my way, his hand motioning for me to dance with him. Before I had a chance to think, he took my hand I was in the middle of the empty dance floor now, making a complete fool of myself. Edward was staring at the young boy incredulously.

"Triple step, triple step, trip step, rock-step," the boy kept throwing out commands while trying to direct me in the right direction as we moved across the floor. I was suddenly aware of all the eyes on me; which of course, surely meant I would probably trip within the next two seconds. The boy seemed to sense this.

"Don't worry Bella, I won't let you trip, just let me guide you..."

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**EPOV**

Somehow, Bella's dry land legs and their coordination challenges only made her more adorable. Watching her try to dance with the young boy was priceless. She was concentrating so hard, her eyebrows creased dramatically as her mouth was counting outloud. At other times, she was mouthing the step commands. Her dance instructor kept trying to direct her one way; but somehow, she'd end up going somewhere else and he'd have to double back to meet up with her.

However, by the end of the song, she was getting more comfortable with the dancing. It was beautiful to watch. She was holding her head up now and smiling brilliantly as her movements became more fluid. Every time she executed a triple step and she'd bend one of her legs up forward, her dress would fly up slightly, mesmerizing me. She may not be a natural dancer, but she definitely had dancer's legs. It was a completely fair trade-off in my eyes. The lighting in the room that concentrated on the dance floor area was also messing with my head. As she moved around, I couldn't help but notice how thin the white material was on her dress. I could make out the contours of her body as the light shone through behind her. I could swear I could even make out the contours of her undergarments if I stared too closely. But I tried not to; every time I did, Angela's voice would scream inside my head, "She's precious!"

Before too long, the song was over, and the boy was bringing Bella back to her rightful place--beside me. However, he paused briefly, and was in the middle of asking her to dance again, if you could believe it. I had to act fast.

"Bella, would you like to--"

"That's alright. I'll take it from here, " I said as cheerfully as possible while securing a hand on her waist. The boy took the hint and excused himself.

"My turn," I said as I grabbed her hand and led her out. Other couples were herding onto the dance floor now as well, so I tried to find the least crowded space for us. Bella was the type of dancer who needed alot of space...

The music began and Bella let out another gasp. "Dinah Washington is god...," she muttered with closed eyes. I loved how the little things could make Bella happy. I lifted her chin with my finger. "Let's show them how it's done," I said with a wink.

_**"And it takes two lips of fire to melt away the snow**_

_**Well, it takes two hearts a-cookin' to make a fire grow**_

_**And baby you've got what it takes"**_

The song was very sexy and playful. It made it that much more natural to try to flirt with Bella as we danced. A wink here, a quick grab of the waist there--it was so easy to blame it on the dance genre. She responded in kind; she caught me checking out her legs during a triple step, and she flicked her eyebrow up at me suggestively.

_**"You know it takes a lot of kissin' (Tell me about it)**_

_**to make a romance sweet**_

_**Ooh, it takes a lot of lovin' to make my life complete"**_

When I heard the line about kissing, I got momentarily distracted as my eyes lingered on her lips. What would it be like to kiss her without having to resort to fake native customs on how to eat a slippery fruit?

"What?" Bella knocked me out of my distraction as she inquired about my zoning out.

I simply shook my head at her and smiled.

_**"Mmm, and it takes a lot of woman to knock me off my feet**_

_**and baby, you've got what it takes."**_

Her smile was so inviting in that moment, I simply picked her up by her waist and began spinning her around.

"Why do I feel like a five year old having Daddy twirl me around," she asked while laughing.

"You sure don't look five, but you can call me Daddy if you want to."

She threw me an scolding glance and buttoned up the top button on her dress with a wicked smile.I was taken aback by myself for a second. I was never a natural with flirting tactics. My brain worked in such a way that it reasoned me out such tendencies. But without my mind on constant filter mode when it came to Bella, winks and flirtatious banter were pouring out of me left and right tonight. I wasn't sure what was provoking my behavior. Maybe it was that vaguely transparent dress of hers. And those legs. The heels weren't hurting either. Or how the light was bringing out the highlights in her hair...

"Uh, Edward, are you ready to put me down now?" I was still twirling her around and around in one place.

"Um...no, I'm not ready." I eyed the closest doorway, and began twirling her in that direction.

_**"Because it takes more than an effort to stay away from you**_

_**It'd take more than a lifetime to prove that I'll be true"**_

I twirled through the doorway and was outside now. The wind met us with a strong gush. It was blowing Bella's hair, Bella's dress...I held her tighter by the waist as I steadied her softly against myself and the building wall.

"Bella, have we officially had our first date at this point?"

She smiled as she nodded.

_**"But it takes somebody special to make me say, "I do."**_

_**And baby, you've got what it takes."**_

I held her up higher to me, closer to me. As I bent down to get closer to those lips, I hesitated. Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman to gauge her reaction. I hesitated to test myself, to make sure I was still in control of myself. Angela's warning this afternoon was ringing in my ears at this moment:

_" I'm just asking you to keep in mind how your actions are affecting HER, not just you. "_

While my first instinct was to crush my lips onto hers at full force, I rethought my strategy for Bella's sake. Instead, I pressed my lips very softly against hers. Take that, Angela.

What I wasn't prepared for, however, was her response.

Her fingers quickly knotted into my hair, clutching me closer to her as her legs suddenly snaked around my waist. My breath came in a wild gasp as her lips parted and her tongue comfortably reached out to mine. Our kiss didn't need to deepen--it started out deep to begin with. No one asked for entrance to one another's mouth--the entrance was granted before anyone needed to ask. We worked in tandem. One moment Bella would take the lead; in the next moment, it was be my turn to explore her mouth. The kissing partnership was working quite effectively, maybe a little too effectively. Because at one point, she grabbed a hold of my bottom lip and began to suck softly while slowly bobbing her head rhythmically. It was too much--I had to break the kiss to maintain some sort of composure. I stared at her, slightly dazed, but with a goofy grin on my face.

She simply smiled back before leaning her head into the crook of my shoulder.

00000000000

I had kissed Bella good night for about the eighth time before she finally disappeared inside. I quickly checked my cellphone as I slowly drove through the condo property. I had texted Alice to tell her I was skipping out on dinner tonight and would be home late. Apparently Alice hadn't been pleased by the news. She left me several text and voice messages while I had turned my phone off. My phone began to ring before I could even hear and read them.

"Edward! Where are you?"

"In Hawaii."

"Shut up. Where are you and how quickly can you meet us over here at--"

" I'll meet you guys back up at the hotel. I've got a long drive still."

I heard her exhaling with annoyance with that bit of news. "Edward, I think I may need to explain to you why I keep wanting you to tag along with me certain places. Desperate times call for desperate measures. "She started talking about how a year back she had a dream about all of us in Hawaii. But not for any reason. But because of fate and the opportunity it was offering me. Or something like that. I swore her speech sounded slurred.

"Are you drunk right now, Alice?"

"No, I am not, Edward Anthony Cullen. I'm trying to explain to you the real reason I booked this vacation. Edward, I had a...dream about you. For you actually. Nudging me to take you here for a reason." She began to detail the dream meticulously, right down to the part where I was meant to meet someone special in the club she had been dragging me to everynight.

"Alice, honestly; how many drinks have you had?"

"Shut up. I'm perfectly sound of mind and body. This means a lot to me, Edward. It means more to you though. You've never questioned my abilities before, so why now?"

I was suddenly quiet. I never questioned them because she was always right with her hunches and dreams. "Never bet against Alice" had been a common phrase that I uttered throughout our lives. And yet, this one time, I didn't really care if she was right or not. I had already found someone special, someone I wanted like I had never wanted another before. That was good enough for me, even if Bella didn't get the Alice-visionary-stamp-of-approval.

"This is about Cliff Girl, isn't it? You are falling for this Cliff Girl."

"Who the hell is Cliff Girl, Alice? Dont' tell me you haven't been drinking..."

"Edward, say one more thing about me being drunk, and I'll cut the brake lines on that rental for tomorrow. Just get over to the club now, as quickly as possible."

I tried to remain calm, even though her tone was demanding and stubborn. "Alice, I go along with everything you want all the time. Just this once, I'm asking you not to ride me. This is my graduation trip, and I'm going to spend it the way I want to, and with whom I choose. Let me have this one thing right now, without you trying to make it difficult for me."

But Alice continued on, insistent that if I was going to be gone during the day, it was my duty to meet them nightly at the club from her dream. "At least meet me half way, Edward. Go play with Cliff Girl if you must, but make it back in time for our nighttime...activities."

"Alice, I never meet you halfway, because I give into your way completely. This one time it's non-negotiable. Sorry." I was starting to lose my temper.

She sighed. "It was fate for you to come here, and you are just turning your back on it now. And for what? A girl you have a crush on?"

"Screw fate, Alice. I'm making my own destiny right now."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she muffled. I decided to ignore her.

"Tell Mom I'll be back in the morning." I hung up and turned my car around; and within minutes, I was tapping on Bella's bedroom sliding window door. She opened it up quickly, and pulled me inside.

"Don't scare me like that again. I thought for a second there you really did go home," she said with smile. She was still in her dress and heels from this evening. I couldn't help but grab her firmly by the waist and pull her closer to me.

"No, I just wanted to make sure Angela was in bed. She's scarier than an overprotective father with a shotgun," I teased. She began pulling me backwards until we hit the bed. She sat down and took off shoes. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go change."

I stopped her though, and situated her onto the bed. "Wait, just a second. I love this dress a little too much to see you change out of it so quickly." I laid down beside her, our eyes facing eachother. I grabbed onto her just a little tighter than was necessary; suddenly, Alice's dream of doom was making me uneasy. I didn't like the implications of it. That I was meant to meet someone else other than Bella. She let out a contented sigh.

"I don't know how I'm going to go back to sleeping alone after this vacation, Edward. You've spoiled me." She suddenly stiffened in my arms, as if she worried I wouldn't welcome the sentiment. Silly Bella. It made me chuckle softly, and she instantly relaxed.

"Maybe we don't have to go back to that arrangement for long. Seattle's only about four hours from Eugene I think." It was my turn to stiffen, worrying I'd said too much, too early. She nuzzled my chest slightly in response, and I gave her a kiss on the head.

"Or, we can go with the foolproof plan to never leave here. Let Peter and Wendy be a lesson to us." While she was obviously joking, her voice was tinged with sadness.

"True. We could open up a Malasada stand. That way our jobs would be finished after breakfast time and we'd have the rest of the day to go to the beach."

"And get prime UV ray exposure on our pale, pale skin," she added. I barked out a laugh, and she put a quick finger to me lips to quiet me down. She then traded her finger for her mouth and kissed me softly.

"You've laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I've spent with you." She tapped my nose with a finger tip.

I moved my lips down to her neck slowly and kissed her. "Isn't it suppossed to be like this? The glory of first love and all that."

She was quiet. Too much said, too soon, I scolded myself.

"You don't have to say things like that Edward. I don't need to hear things like that. I already like you."

"That wasn't a strategy, Bella. It was a confession. That wasn't very well received, I might add." I let out a defeated chuckle."

I'm just getting ahead of myself, I"m afraid." I could tell she was about to launch into an official retraction of her past words, but I stopped her. It was my turn to put my finger to her lips. She kissed it.

"Let me put it this way, Bella. When it comes time for me to leave Neverland, you are going with me in my carry-on. I really don't see any other option." With that, I began to kiss her again, indulging in the feeling of her warm mouth.

She had the most incredible lips--full, soft, sensuous. The way they moved against mine slowly was the single most erotic feeling I had ever experienced. I had to concentrate hard to not let my mind wander about how her lips would feel on my Adam's apple, my chest, my stomach, and beyond;but again, I was getting ahead of myself. I wanted to enjoy what I had in the moment; right here, right now. Right now, her arms encircled me as our mouths explored one another with ease and familiarity. Her hands gripped onto my hair at times; in other moments, they massaged my scalp. At some point, one of those infamous dancer legs had hitched onto my hip, illiciting a hitched breath from me in return. My senses felt like they were on overload, as they tried to process all the places Bella was affecting me.

"Four hours, Bella. Four hours is nothing." It was the last thing I whispered in her ear before sleep overcame us both.

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	8. Alice In Wonderland

**Chapter 8: Alice In Wonderland**

**note: Thanks for the reviews!**

**note: Song I wrote this too thanks to a rec from ambloves? Jason Mraz's(sp?) "I'm Yours." Sweetest song...**

_last chapter:_

_"You've laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I've spent with you." She tapped my nose with a finger tip._

_I moved my lips down to her neck slowly and kissed her. "Isn't it suppossed to be like this? The glory of first love and all that."_

_She was quiet. Too much said, too soon, I scolded myself._

_"You don't have to say things like that Edward. I don't need to hear things like that. I already like you."_

_"That wasn't a strategy, Bella. It was a confession. That wasn't very well received, I might add." I let out a defeated chuckle."_

_I'm just getting ahead of myself, I"m afraid." I could tell she was about to launch into an official retraction of her past words, but I stopped her. It was my turn to put my finger to her lips. She kissed it._

_"Let me put it this way, Bella. When it comes time for me to leave Neverland, you are going with me in my carry-on. I really don't see any other option." With that, I began to kiss her again, indulging in the feeling of her warm mouth._

_She had the most incredible lips--full, soft, sensuous. The way they moved against mine slowly was the single most erotic feeling I had ever experienced. I had to concentrate hard to not let my mind wander about how her lips would feel on my Adam's apple, my chest, my stomach, and beyond;but again, I was getting ahead of myself. I wanted to enjoy what I had in the moment; right here, right now. Right now, her arms encircled me as our mouths explored one another with ease and familiarity. Her hands gripped onto my hair at times; in other moments, they massaged my scalp. At some point, one of those infamous dancer legs had hitched onto my hip, illiciting a hitched breath from me in return. My senses felt like they were on overload, as they tried to process all the places Bella was affecting me._

_"Four hours, Bella. Four hours is nothing." It was the last thing I whispered in her ear before sleep overcame us both._

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**EPOV**

6:20 AM. Bella's alarm clock in her bedroom was beeping incessantly. I slapped the top of the nightstand aimlessly until the noise stopped. Bella slept like a baby through it all.

I rearranged the sheets for us-they were a tangled mess around our bodies. More specifically, they were making direct contact to Bella's body impossible. As I pulled back the sheets to straighten them out, I froze as Bella laid before me, face up. Last night, I insisted that Bella stay in her minidress that she wore to the Swing Dance Social last night. The simple-yet-sexy dress was pulled up past her stomach now, with only a pair of skimpy white lace panties covering her bottom half. I took more time than I needed to staring at her, as if I had actual options on how to proceed. It didn't mean I couldn't pretend at least for a few, precious moments. She looked gorgeous. Bella had a mixture of innocence and sexiness that was irresistible. With regret, I took the bottom hem of her dress and slowly pulled it down to its rightful place.

Only then did a slow smile spread across her face. "That's a good boy," she whispered. "Although there was a minute there where I was thinking otherwise..."

Caught. Red handed.

Before I could stutter out a response, she laid sideways and wrapped her arms around my waist. " I could really get used to this, Edward." Her sleepy smile was beautiful to look down upon, as she nuzzled my bare chest.

"I'm already sold." Bella compelled me to say the corniest things-at least she didn't seem to mind. I bent down, intending to give her a light kiss on the lips. But when had my body listened to my mind in the last couple days? My body had its own agenda that it was enacting right before me. I slowly rolled Bella onto her back again, and settled in between her legs. My light kissing deepened almost instantly; that is, until my mouth wandered down the nape of her neck, pulling a right at her shoulder, and then back around to her collarbone. Bella responded in kind to my modest advances; her hands gripped against my hips and pushed me down, extinguishing any existing space between us. She fingered inside the top of my drawstring pj bottoms, lightly brushing the side of my hipbone.

Nothing too scandalous.

Yet, Bella's movements took me by surprise. Her touch was like a bitter chill circuiting throughout my entire body in continuous waves, causing me to shudder forcefully. My body seemed determined to highlight my inexperience with being in such close proximity to a woman I desired. My head sank down to the crook of her neck in defeat.

"Sorry," I mumbled, as I put some distance between my pelvis and hers. She stopped me though, her hands going right back to the scene of the crime. This time, she gripped more firmly onto my hips and repeated the same gesture. Whether I was comfortable with it or not, Bella had spoken.

There would be no space between us.

"What are you sorry for?" Her smile radiated understanding and warmth as I backed up to gauge her expression. "I don't know about you, but this is all new to me. Especially how I react to you. I'm not sorry for it though. I like feeling this way about someone. About you." Her cheeks flushed within a second, and her eyes lowered slightly.

Bella almost broke my heart in that moment. She was worried she had said too much. If Bella only knew I felt much more than she expressed; I was just too much of a coward to express it as articulately as she did. She humbled me at every turn.

"Thanks," I whispered, knowing she'd understand my meaning. For the majority of my life, I had built a wall around me that people couldn't penetrate. I was civil, polite, friendly even-but evasive.

Bella disarmed me to the point that I seemed to be revealing myself left and right-even revelations I wish she'd rather not know about. And yet, surprisingly, she hadn't bolted off in the opposite direction yet. She was actually pulling me closer to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist with a little too much enthusiasm, like a child being reunited with their favorite teddy bear, and drifted back to sleep.

0000

"What's on the agenda for today?" Bella looked at me expectantly in between bites of Captain Crunch cereal. Angela and Bella's pantry and refrigerator offerings resembled the tastes of a 10 year old whose parents were away for the weekend. In addition to the Captain Crunch, there were also Poptarts and Fruit Loops to choose from. That only made breakfast at Bella's that much more favorable to the hotel breakfast buffets.

Poptarts and Bella on my lap while I ate them: the breakfast of Champions.

"Hmmm..." I attempted to frame my answer carefully. "What would you say to meeting my family?" Part of me thought it was a stupid move. My siblings had bad boundaries when it came to my privacy, so the embarrassment factor was set on high if I did bring Bella around them. But at the same time, I wanted everyone to meet her. My family was the center of my life in many ways, and I wanted them to meet Bella.

She simply gulped.

Her reaction was my fault. I had told her more than enough Alice stories to make her imagine a possessive twin sister sizing her up and down. And she already got a sneak peek at Emmett at Waimea. It wasn't exactly the best of impressions either, with him oogling Nalani and sticking his tongue out lasciviously behind her.

"Don't worry," I smirked, "I'll protect you."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not afraid of them. I'm afraid they won't...like me."

"Silly Bella. They are going to love you. How could they not?"

0000

**APOV**

I swear, if he sends me one more text...

For the last hour, Edward had been texting me compulsively, with an ever growing list of demands for my "conditional" meeting with Cliff Girl. When he talked to Mom on the phone earlier this morning, he was eager to introduce her to the family. Well, more accurately, eager to introduce her to our parents. He was less-than-enthused, however, about Emmett and I meeting her. Edward was afraid Emmett would embarrass or misrepresent him in some way. That was a valid concern honestly. As for me, he was sure I was going to try to get in the middle of this whatevership with Cliff Girl because I had designs for him with another girl.

He made a date for us to meet up at Waimea Beach at noon. I had to hustle to get a rental dropped off to us that would fit the whole family-since Edward had taken the Hummer already. I then hurried everyone along accordingly. I made sure Jasper kept an eye on Emmett, so that he didn't spend more time than was needed scarfing down endless amounts of omelets and waffles at the hotel's breakfast buffet. I moved Rosalie along getting ready at a faster pace. I even reminded her that Edward warned us not to wear any makeup that would "run." We apparently were "roughing" it today. At a beach. That wasn't connected to a resort. Or a beachside bar for that matter.

Be strong, Alice.

I'm the one who packed the SUV with essentials for our trip, loaded everyone into the rental, and got us out of the hotel in time to make it on the other side of the island by noon. And how am I repaid?

With threats.

The demands started out reasonable enough:

_Don't let Emmett talk to her alone. _

_Make sure Rosalie isn't in "one of her moods" when she meets Bella. _

_Make Bella feel comfortable. _

_Be sure Mom doesn't ask her too personal of questions._

But then the texts became increasingly threatening - towards me in particular:

_Don't hold it against her that I wasn't the one to pick her out._

_Don't tell her you have a mud mask that could do wonders on her pores-or make any other offer that involved her being made over in any capacity. _

All I could think in response was...are her pores so bad that he had to forewarn me? He kept referring to all these demands as "conditions"--like he would actually whisk her away from us if we didn't play by his rules.

His final text was ominous:

_**"Don't mess this up for me." **_

Here I've been doing everything in my power for almost a year now to not "mess this up" for him. To see him make it all the way over here, and then not work with me in any capacity was so fustrating regarding my dream. But I didn't think twice about helping him get the family ready or accepting the fact that I would be used as a buffer of sorts to shield Cliff Girl in various ways from our familial oddities.

He knew me better. He knew me better than myself half the time. I would put on a good face, even if it was going to kill me inside.

Which it would.

XXXX

"How much further," Rose whined, clearly not used to holding her own beachchair and towel as we trekked across the hot sand.

"Right in front of that big, black rock, Rose. Not much further." I was scanning methodically from left to right, trying to catch a glimpse of my brother and this girl that had monopolized his time for the past two days--including Edward's first official "sleep over."

Wasn't SHE just a bag of milestone markers for my brother.

I threw my belongings down, feeling beads of sweat trickle down my neck. Not acceptable. The sun was scorching out here and there was very little shade being offered. Which made me all the more grateful as Jasper and Emmett began to assemble a beach tent that we rented from the hotel. Esme in particular would need it--if she ever made it to our assembly. She was still far off in the distance, my father holding her arm as she stumbled through the sinking sand.

We Cullen women didn't venture out from the resort poolside or spa for the most part, so Edward better have appreciated all of our efforts.

I had a sudden urge to look behind me. I flashed backwards, and then understood why.

There was Edward. And Cliff Girl, lying down on a towel underneath a palm tree. I couldn't see their faces-the only identifiers were Edward's uncharacteristically pale skin among a sea of tanned beachgoers. And his hair of course, which was a better identity marker than his own fingerprints.

Other than that, I would have never recognized him. Because all I could see from my vantage point were the tangled limbs of two lovers. She was almost as pale as him, making it even harder to decipher where one of their limbs ended and the other began.

"What's wrong, Alice?"

Rosalie put her hand on my shoulder. I couldn't answer her. I simply nodded in their direction.

"Is that...oh my...Emmett!" Rosalie ran over to the boys, no doubt to tell them to take a look-see for themselves. My stomach was in knots. I imagined that he liked this girl. I don't think I processed just HOW MUCH he liked her until I saw it with my own eyes though.

Edward. My twin brother who had a hard time making physical contact with even family members.

On a beach in Hawaii. Lying down on a blanket.

With a girl. That he was embracing NOT just with his arms, but his legs as well. And even his head, if you count him nuzzling into her neck.

I was speechless.

"Let's go over and introduce ourselves." Rose's voice and smirk were thick with implications.

"Do you mind if I go over there first? That way he doesn't feel bombarded." Rose nodded, and went back to gawking at them.

I started hiking over towards them, taking a quick peek to my left. My parents still had a couple minutes to go before they reached us. If I hurried, I could introduce myself and let Edward know he was being observed by everyone now.

"Edward?" I tried to sound happy, even though I was blinking like made, trying to keep the tears from welling up. I wanted to be happy for him-how many years had I longed to see such a sight from my brother? And yet I couldn't help but wonder why I dreamed what I did. Bitttersweet. That's the only way to explain this moment in time.

Edward didn't hear me.

"Edward?" My voice broke, sounding smaller than I wanted. I was right next to them now. Edward was in the middle of kissing her neck when he froze at the sound of my voice. He shot up instantly, and ran his hand through his hair.

"Alice, you got here early?" He looked around with a dazed look on his face.

Where was my brother and who did you replace him with, Cliff Girl?

"Uh, it's actually almost 1:00 PM, Edward. We waited almost a half an hour for parking."

The girl soon followed suit, bolting up to a sitting position, trying in vain to tame her hair with a few hand strokes. She looked up at me in stunned silence.

But that's not what caught my eye. What caught my eye...were her eyes. Deep, brown, penetrating eyes that seemed to burn right through me.

Beautiful.

I knew these eyes. I knew this girl. My welled up tears broke through the flood gates as my knees gave way to their towel. I couldn't help myself-I reached out to her with opened arms and gave her a tight hug.

"You must be Bella," I whispered. I leaned back quickly, stealing another look from her. "I feel like I've known you for ages already."

In the background, Edward gave me a disapproving look. "Don't mess this up," he mouthed.

Touch-y.

XXXX

**ESMEPOV**

"Edward, you should be happy." Alice had run off with Bella yet again as Edward tried to approach them. This had been the pattern for the last half hour since we arrived. Alice had latched onto Bella, and wouldn't let go. And if Edward got within 10 yards of them, she'd bolt with Bella in hand. They were now running into the surf, giggling as they went. Edward looked concerned.

"Alice obviously approves. I can't believe you have a problem with that, given the alternative."

'Ever hear of the phrase, "too much of a good thing," Mom?' Edward stood up, wiping the sand off his backside. He glanced around at his siblings and friends. "You guys want to go jump off the rock?"

Rose looked wary, but the boys were game.

"Look at Edward now, acting like a regular rock jumping afficiando. You guys should have seen him the first day though, pissing his shorts on the lowest ledge!" Emmett set off running as Edward chased after him. Jasper and Rose followed behind. Soon, Edward had rounded up Alice and Bella, and he took Bella's hand protectively as they began to climb around the side of the big black rock.

It was interesting, and somewhat entertaining, to watch them all jump off the cliff. Entertaining because their personalities dictated how they approached the inevitable leap.

Jasper was methodical in his descent, doing a graceful dive into the water.

Alice followed next, not even taking time to see where she was jumping. She simply shot out of nowhere, bringing her knees to her chest while her arms wrapped around her legs. Her face beamed with pure joy, not a hint of hesitation or fear at all.

Emmett came next, pretending that Rose had pushed him, as he barreled to the water with his arms and legs flailing all over.

Rose laughed at him the whole time, shaking her head in mock disapproval. Rose didn't jump off the cliff so much as slip into the water. She held her nose with one hand, and pulled her hair back with the other. Her toes stayed pointed the whole way down, and she barely made a splash as she cut through the water.

Edward surprised me though. If I had to guess on his jumping style, it would have looked something like this: He would study where the safest place would be to jump. Then he would survey that area for several minutes to make sure the area was jump-friendly. Next he would sit at the edge, trying to talk himself out of jumping; because Edward was a logical boy, and what's more illogical than jumping off rocks in somewhat shallow water? He would finally take the plunge, but only after being taunted by Emmett for several more minutes.

But as Alice came out of the water and threw herself down on my towel, Edward surprised me. He wasn't surveying, or looking around soberly. He was laughing with Bella as she talked to him, using her arms animatedly to bring home a point. They were hardly watching where they were going as they ascended to the highest part of the cliff. Suddenly I saw Bella jump forward to the edge, teasing him as if she was going to fall. He wasn't amused by her antics, but his scolding look melted as she turned around towards him and gestured him closer with an index finger. He gave her a quick kiss as they clasped hands and Bella casually leaped off the cliff backwards-pulling Edward with her. Their mutual gaze never broke as they hit the water.

Together.

I heard Alice gasp at the sight. Emmett and Rose were watching as well.

Emmett shook his head: "I don't know why, but it almost creeps me out watching Edward act so...human. It's unnatural and shit. It reminds me of watching Uncle Fester in that Addams Family Values movie make out with his human girlfriend."

Alice's head flung back in laughter as I gave Emmett a quick slap on his knee. Carlisle chimed in.

"I know you are all just having fun. But everyone, hold your tongue when they come over here. Please. Don't make him regret wanting to share this with us."

His warning didn't fall on deaf ears; Emmett nodded begrundgingly and added, "I'll behave. I applaud anyone who can turn our own little Pinnochio into a real boy."

XXXX

**EPOV**

"Don't!" Bella was trying to swim away from me now, as I went underwater again to grab her waist. I could hear her muted screams from above the surface. I latched onto her, and wrapped my arms around her tightly. She was laughing above the surface. We had just jumped off the cliff and were heading back to shore; this time around, I didn't even feel any hesitancy from the height and leap. I didn't even notice I had jumped off at some point, I was too busy staring at Bella's smile. I came to the surface for air. She wrapped her hands around my neck.

"You idiot," she whispered with glee."You are going to make me drown. I keep gulping in a bunch of water every time you make me laugh."

"I'd never let you drown. If I let you drown, how would I get Poptarts for breakfast tomorrow morning?"

She looked up for a minute. "Um, actually go to the grocery store and buy some for yourself?"

"Oh, well, then," I answered while pushing her underwater with me. She was laughing with her eyes closed, bubbles escaping from her mouth, as I leaned in to kiss her once more. We bobbed right back out of the water, and were close enough to shore to stand up and walk out.

"Um, Edward?" Bella's voice sounded concerned.

"Why is your family staring at me?" I looked up, to notice everyone single one of my family members gaping at us. Bella looked down in a hurry to make sure her bikini was still in place(she opted to forego the "soccer mom" one piece today for family introductions). I knew why, but I wasn't sure I wanted Bella to. It was slightly embarrassing to have to explain that your family wasn't used to watching you have normal interaction with someone outside our familial compound.

"They aren't staring at you. They are probably just amazed at how you got me off the cliff so easily."

We sat down, with Emmett watching our every move with a raised eyebrow.

Not good.

"So, Bella-I gotta ask you." My father and I turned our heads in Emmett's direction instantaneously. Emmett got a kick out of it and a mischievous grin came over his face. "Inquiring minds want to know...what were your first impressions of Edward when you first talked to him."

Bella bit her lip. "Well, I don't think he even knows this, but the first time wasn't at the big black rock actually."

I looked at her in confusion.

"The first time was actually at the club Pipeline the night before." She glanced over sheepishly at me." He was walking through the club and he had a trail of female admirers following him..." Everyone let out some muffled laughs.

"And then he accidentally stomped on my foot and I let out a yelp. He looked down at me quickly and apologized and then was off-with his harem in pursuit." By then everyone was laughing loudly. Alice in particular let out a shriek and clapped her hands.

"She was at Pipeline that night, Edward!! Did you hear that?" Alice crossed her arms smugly in my direction. "Blue dress? Flower behind your hair?"

Bella nodded with a confused expression on her face. "You remember me there?"

"You could say that," Alice cackled, as I shot her a warning glance.

I thought for a moment--I barely remembered the exchange, it was so dark and crowded and over before it even began.

"That was you?" I looked at her in shock as she nodded with a giggle.

"So, my first impression was that he had a lot of admirers and very heavy shoes on that basically killed my little toe." I looked down at her feet-her toenail had a blueish bruise on it.

I did that?

Without thinking, I picked up her foot and kissed the toe while apologizing. The silence that ensued was deafening as I looked around at my family. They were all watching me intently, as if I was growing horns on my head as they looked on..

Emmett looked off in Rose's direction while muttering in a low voice(but not quite low enough), "Awkward...."

Bella cracked up, and that was it. We officially needed a break from Alice's "knowing" smiles and Emmett's concern for my capacity to show affection. I grabbed Bella's hand and tugged her to her feet. "We're going to jump again."

"Good luck Bella, hope he doesn't wet his pants like he did on the first day!" Emmett led out a gruff laugh as Bella turned around and jokingly scolded him with a raised eyebrow and a pointed finger.

I couldn't hellp but snicker.

"You already know how to play Emmett, I see. Like an overgrown puppy that needs discipline." I thought for a second about what she had just revealed. "I can't believe you never told me about the club until now. It was so dark in the room that night..." I was trying to give an excuse for not noticing her, but she saw right through me.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I knew you didn't recognize me from the night before at the cliff. Besides, you were really...occupied with a lot of faces surrounding you." She laughed, but her response made me feel axious. It reminded me of what Ben had told me earlier- of her seeing me at the club yet another night and misinterpreting my interaction with Nalani.

When she said certain things, I knew she was really saying something else.

Bella had a way of implying that she thought there might be other girls I was seeing, but that she wasn't worrying about that. She was focusing more on us right now, living in the moment. As if there was a beginning and an end to us that was determined by our airplane departures. I hated those implications. I needed to clarify things to her; but with family around, it would have to be put off.

"I don't like that meeting as our official first meeting. I'm sticking with the story that you met a scared boy on a cliff and pushed him off. That's more fitting."

She squeezed my hand. "Wow, we have official editions now on how we met? That's impressive." She smiled at me for a moment before leaning in for a quick peck. "But both stories, in their own way, are fitting."

I definitely needed to clarify things sooner than later.

**XXXX**

**APOV**

"Oh, stop being such a nazi, Alice, let me in."

I smiled at him innocently and winked at Jasper behind him through the barely-opened door.

"No. This is payback for all your threatening text messages this morning that showed little to no in faith in me."

If looks could kill, or at least maim.

"Well, tell Bella I'll pick her up in a half an hour." We were back at the hotel now, including Bella. Our plans to get ready for clubbing after eating dinner in a leisurely, girl-bonding manner were being thwarted by Edward.

"Try two hours if you are lucky. We'll probably just meet you there," I answered in a dismissive manner.

"Bella doesn't take two hours to get ready. She's a wash and go kind of gal. I'll pick her up in a 30 minutes."

Jasper let out a low whistle as he half whispered, "Bella gets ready in under a half hour?" Edward nodded smugly back at him as I slammed the door. Edward started knocking again.

Bella gave me a pleading look to open the door up again. I just shook my head and gave her a knowing nod before clearing my throat.

"Bella, dear, here's what I picked out for you for this evening." I said it as loud as possible since I knew Edward was listening. I gave Bella an encouraging wink. She picked up on the plan on the spot.

I liked this girl.

"Wow, Alice, a metallic chain minidress with six inch heels? Are you sure I can pull that off? I obviously can't wear a bra with that.."

The knock got louder, more demanding.

"Silly Bella, your youthful breasts can totally pull off braless! Now if you just give me an hour to put your makeup on..."

Edward's pleas to free "his" Bella accompanied Edward's knocking as I collapsed onto Bella in laughter.

XXX

We had gone over all the wardrobe possibilities for Bella with what Rose and I had to offer. There was just one problem. If Rose was the Papa Bear, and I was the Baby Bear, Bella would be the Mama Bear. Rose's clothes were too big for Bella, while mine were slightly too small. Rose and I were planning a quick shopping spree out to some of the shops downstairs in the hotel lobby when Bella finally chimed in.

"Well, it's not much to look at, but I actually did bring a dress--just in case." Her eyes glanced over our clothes and I instantly knew what she was thinking. She was thinking what she brought wasn't nice enough for us. I tried to put her mind at ease. Maybe this is why Edward asked us not to do any "Pretty Woman Makeovers" on Bella. It made her feel self conscious around us perhaps.

"Let's see it," I said enthusiastically.

She picked up her backpack and slowly took out a crumpled piece of clothing. A piece of blue clothing unraveled. It was very simple-not much more than a beach coverup dress that was meant to be paired with filp flops.

"It's perfect," I cooed, barely able to contain my excitement. "All you need to go with it is a pretty Plumeria for your hair that we can snag down in the lobby."

"Let me iron it at least," Rose said, looking at the wrinkled garment, still not convinced.

I picked up the phone, and confirmed it with Jasper. We were DEFINITELY meeting the boys at the club tonight.

00000

**EPOV**

We had been waiting a whole half hour in the club and they still hadn't arrived yet. I knew it was a mistake to leave Bella with Alice. If she showed up looking like an Alice Jr., I was going to have a meltdown. Jasper and Emmett were sitting down while I continued to walk the perimeter for the first signs of the girls. And then a flash of blue and brown hair caught my eye.

The brown hair was swaying gently to the music. I half expected her to be flanked by a pixie and an Amazon, but she was standing alone. I began to close the distance between us as the music's lyrics caught my attention:

_"she's royal yeah, so royal,_

_and I need her in my life,_

_I never knew anyone, so one of a kind_

_until the night that I seen your eyes,"_

I sighed in relief as Bella came into full view, wearing a dress that looked like her own, and flip flops.

Good girl, she could actually stand up to the Alice and her persuasive ways.

I tapped her shoulder as a grin spread across my face. She turned around expectantly, as if she knew it was me. Her face was so beautiful and open to me in that moment. All I could do was mutter, "Finally," as I embraced her.

I would have closed my eyes in that moment, but a little woodsprite was in my field of vision, jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

Silly Alice.

**XXXXX**

We slow danced the next two fast paced songs, just because we wanted to. I then took her hand and exited out the beachfront way. We were walking on the sand now, the throbbing beats of the club music the only reminder where we had just been. The beach was all but abandoned, and the miniscule waves were silently breaking right next to our feet.

"Beautiful," she murmured, as she took in the full moon in the sky, and Diamond Head Crater off in the distance.

"Yes," I agreed, only looking at her. She rolled her eyes. With a smile.

"Bella, can I talk to you about something?" She nodded. I stopped us in our tracks and had us sit down on the sand at the edge of the water.

"You keep saying things that make me start wondering about beyond all...this." I motioned out towards Waikiki Beach, Diamond Head Crater, the Full Moon. She stayed strangely silent and still. I was going to have to keep this conversation going apparently, and now I was worried if I had been totally deluding myself into thinking she felt the same way.

"I was wondering about Eugene and Seattle. They aren't so far apart." I stopped right there. I didn't think I could continue if her expression continued to stay blank.

"What do you mean, Edward?" Her voice was just above a whisper.

"What I meant last night, Bella. Four hours is nothing." I wrapped my hands around hers and gave her a quick kiss. " I don't want this to end."

She bit her lip and looked down.

Not good. Not good at all.

"Edward, I don't want this to end either. But maybe this is all it is meant to be."

My hands went limp. Was she trying to let me down nicely?

"You think this is all it's meant to be then, Bella." It wasn't a question.

She reestablished our hand holding. "Not exactly. I know how I feel. But I also see the reality of the situation too."

What? My face must have voiced my silent question; because she elaborated after looking at me.

"Long story short: I think this may mean more to me than you. This may fade for you after you leave Neverland, Edward. Way faster than it will for me." Her voice was a little uneven now, as if she was getting emotional.

"Why would you ever think that, Bella?" My voice came out more shocked than I wanted to let on.

"Isn't it obvious, Edward?"

Obivously not to me.

She let out a low sigh. "Take our first real meeting, Edward. Not our official first meeting where I had to push you off a cliff to have you notice me. You literally had about eight girls following you around the club."

"Eight?"

She blushed slightly. "Yes, I counted. Eight. You know how many times I got asked to dance that night? Once."

I was about to interrupt her, because her implications were completely absurd, but she cut me off.

"Edward, I'm not fishing for compliments. I just need to get this all out or else my pride won't let me ever say it again, okay?"

I nodded reluctantly.

"Whatever is going on between us? Is a first for me. Whatever it is. And the only way I'm keeping my sanity right now with whatever it is, is reminding myself that there's an expiration date and to just enjoy it for what it is. NOW. Have no regrets and enjoy it for what little time I have."

My face--and heart--fell. I didn't understand. 'Why can't you say "love," Bella? Why can' t you call "it" what "it" is?'

She simply lowered her head slightly.

"Why does thinking it has to end keep your sanity? I don't understand you. At all." She finally lifted her face, her eyes welding with tears.

"Cause I don't want to get my hopes up and think this could last. Don't do that to me, Edward. Don't make me hope for more than what it probably is. I don't want to go home thinking there's a chance, only to see you lose interest gradually with other..distractions."

"Bella!" My voice was scolding and a bit rougher than I meant it to be. "You don't see me clearly. Or yourself clearly for that matter. I've never been more sure of something, ever. This talk isn't something that just popped into my head. Do you know I've already map googled Eugene to Seattle? How I've tried to figure out my schedule so I have free weekends?"

She looked up in total surprise. I was making inroads with her stubborn ideas of how things "were."

"I know we haven't known eachother long, I know you have every right to think the way you are. But I know I can't just leave this in Neverland, Bella. I don't want what we have to just be another souvenir from vacation. I want to come home to this. To us."

I didn't even see it coming-her lips crushed into mine without warning. I reciprocated without missing a beat. She backed away all too quickly as she flashed me a brilliant smile. She then looked out towards the ocean, her smile turning mischievous within a moment.

"I think this talk deserves a celebratory swim, " she announced, as she stood up and flipped her dress off, leaving her in nothing but her panties and bra.

"Beautiful girl," I whispered as a I stood up, and took off my shirt. She was already running into the waves, her sweet laugh being carried towards me by the wind. I ripped off everything else except my boxers, ran into the surf, and clamped my arms around her waist in the water.

"Like I could leave us here in couple days." I bent down and tasted her neck as she shivered in my arms.

**XXXX**


	9. They've Spun a Web For Me

**Chapter 9: They've Spun A Web For Me**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews!**

**note: Bella is singing the words to a song throughout her exchange with Edward. The song is "Trouble" from Coldplay. Youtube it!lol The lines I have her singing basically sum up what she feels regarding what Edward is doing to her. That Edward means well with all his talk of love, but that his seemingly careless declarations of love are unintentionally hurting her.**

**note: Some story details to keep in mind while reading this chapter since it's been a while since an update and this chapter is pivotal:**

**1) Edward has yet to explain to Bella what she saw at the club that one night when he was having his intense exchange with Nalani. That's never been cleared up, leaving Bella to draw up her own implications about Edward and women and distractions and fidelity.**

**2) Keep in mind this is only their third quality day together. So, all these things have happened very quickly between them.**

**3) Bella only sees Edward's life as it exists on paper. On paper, he seems to have it all--looks, smarts, med-school bound, admirers at every turn, a loving close family and friends. But Edward hasn't really explained the reality of his life as honestly as Bella has to him about her life. And part of that is Edward's shame about his mental abilities. He doesn't want her to know about that part, because he thinks it's abnormal and off putting. So his attempt to conceal a rather LARGE part of himself(reading minds,etc) in some ways conceals just WHY Bella means so much to him. Bella doesn't understand her importance in that respect. She does not understand his draw to her or her worth in his life.**

**4) B/E have not brought up certain issues to eachother, and that's a problem. But realistically, that's what people do in the beginning of relationships-especially a relationship of only three You try not to "pry" and you try not to overstep your boundaries. But that's led to a lot of misunderstandings for them.**

**xxxxxxxx**

**Edward**

Her teeth were chattering only five minutes into our midnight ocean dip. But she showed no signs of retreating; with a determined stance, she kept her footing firm in the sand, letting the waves crash over her again and again.

"Let's get you out of the water, beautiful." She hissed in dissension with an eye roll. I assumed the hiss was for insisting she get out. The eye roll was for calling her beautiful.

"Hey, let the librarian girl have her one crazy night to recall fondly for decades to come. I'm going back to dust mites and the Dewey-Decimal System in less than four days."

I laughed--out of nervousness more than anything. She may be leaving in four days, but I was leaving even sooner. Maybe I could change my ticket and go back with her...

Her small body trembled as another wave lapped onto her.

**"But you're shaking, Bella..."** I wrapped my arms more tightly around her for maximum Bella coverage and rotated our stance about forty-five degrees. That way, my back caught the bulk of the wind coming our way.

**"Then keep me warm, Edward."** Her voice was just above a whisper, her eyes almost taunting. I couldn't contain the smile that fell upon my lips. It was too wide, too happy...like that of a schoolboy in love. I wanted to be more sophisticated--to whisper something back with a husky voice and a glint in my eye. That's how they did it in the movies. But my mind was always two steps behind with grand plans; instead, my arms picked her up like a rag doll as I twirled us around.

She was humming a melody into my ear softly now. She had a beautiful voice-the song she was singing was on the top of my tongue.

"They've spun a web for me..." She stopped for a second, and tapped my nose. "You've spun a web for me..."

**Bella** (a/n: Bella has random thoughts and song lyrics going through her head in this section--little epiphanies as she processes the situation at hand. Those unconscious streams of thoughts are set in italics):

It felt like a dream. Not the type of dream Edward was imagining for himself right now-his face betrayed his emotions so vividly. He stared down at me with such an unguarded joy, he looked like a young boy in that moment. I couldn't help but touch his cheek in response.

Beautiful.

He was beautiful and good and the way he looked at me made no sense. I wished I was trapped in whatever dream he was indulging inside his head. Was he imagining himself in love with me? Imagining us continuing this piece of Neverland back home?

_I never meant to cause you trouble,_

_I never meant to do you wrong..._

I had a different dream pursuing me. Edward had just told me he wanted to come home to "this," to "us," after Neverland. My heart leaped for a long moment--and then thudded to a wretched halt. Because I knew better.

Tears were threatening to fall within an instant. He looked up at me innocently, faithfully. His eyes were confident they'd find a similar hope in my eyes after his declaration of keeping "this" alive.

So I played along.

I smiled back, threw my dress off, and ran into the ocean. If I was going to tear my heart out, I might as well do it in style.

He was behind me in less than a second, clad only in boxers, kissing my neck, his arms encircling me. It was too much. It always felt like too much what he gave me--when we were together. How he looked at me, touched me, spoke my name. Being with Edward was like leaping off the big black rock at Waimea Beach--on a constant loop. It was a relentless mixture of fear and excitement. But most of all, anticipation--anticipating the moment of impact where being airborne ends in a thud.

Anticipating because when we weren't together, I knew he wasn't doing what I was doing. When he was away from me, I thought about him. Usually as I sat by myself, with nowhere to be and no one to meet. That is how it would be at home too. My life was quiet, full of silences and solitude. I had friends and family, but no one to call my own really.

Edward had many people and things to call his own--and many more who were willing to be called whatever he wanted to call them. I didn't have an Alice or an Emmett to tease me or pester me. I didn't have a brilliant future in medicine that would insist upon my attention for years to come. I was a non-committed English undergraduate who may or switch her major next semester. I was an only child who would be lucky if all her folklore research on mermaid legends resulted in getting published in some obscure journal that gathers dust in a library. Gathering dust in a library...sheesh...that basically summed up the last two years of my life.

**"But you're shaking, Bella**." Edward's voice shook me out of my thoughts. He held me tighter, looking down on me. I hated myself for not letting it go, for not just enjoying the moment I was having with a gorgeous boy on a gorgeous beach on a gorgeous night. But his gaze reminded me of the fact that we weren't together, he gazed at other girls like this too. I saw it with my own eyes just a couple nights back. Nalani. That was her name-the girl in the club. Emmett had mentioned that she had called for Edward while we were having dinner-which illicited a death glare from Jasper. Emmett shut up quickly while Edward completely ignored him.

Out of sight, out of mind?

That type of thinking didn't exactly work in my favor either.

_Four hours is nothing, Bella, he said...I've already map googled Eugene to Seattle, he said..._

Edward was still staring down at me, his beautiful skin giving off a subtle glow underneath the moonlight. He looked so unaware as I watched dark waves forming behind him, the white ridges peaking against the almost black sky. I couldn't help but laugh slightly at the contrast-the oblivious smile on his face, and the threat just right outside his field of vision. I started pulling him closer towards shore so the waves didn't crash too high on us. I even turned him around to face the ocean instead--maybe he'd see the danger coming our way finally.

_Anticipating the moment of impact where being airborne ends in a thud...he doesn't even see the thud coming, does he? Careless boy..._

"**Then keep me warm, Edward**." It came out of my mouth without a thought. So did the challenge I relayed to him in my stare. Maybe he was off in lala land dreaming about unicorns and rainbows, but I had my feet firmly planted in reality. I could see the situation before us. I knew this wasn't going to last.

But I also knew something else: this beautiful, fustrating boy and me were sharing a moment together. A moment I would dust off for years to come: of a boy on a beach who held me and spoke my name with an adoration that was truly rare. And I still had memories to add to this moment. I'd take the leap and deal with the consequences later.

Edward twirled me around, laughing as he did it. He winked at me as his twirling slowed down. A song refrain kept popping into my head as he smiled innocently at me.

_if I ever caused you trouble,_

_Oh, no I never meant to do you harm._

I knew he didn't mean me harm. I began to hum the song before singing out just one line to him. A line I wanted him to hear:

_"You've spun a web for me..."_

With every glance, every smile, every whisper, he was spinning me tighter into him. It was almost too much to handle if I thought about it. So, I didn't. Not now anyways.

He cocked his head to the side after I sang that line; but before he could ask me to elaborate, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and repeated myself.

**"Keep me warm."**

Edward froze, scrutinizing my expression. He wanted a confirmation of my meaning. I raised my eyebrow with a suggestive smile. At least suggestive was what I was going for--I didn't have enough experience to know for sure if I had pegged it.

He bent over and kissed my lips gently, then made a trail downward towards my neck.

"Bella?"

That's all he asked. He said my name with a question mark. But it was enough. I nodded silently, and then twisted my head downward-- I kissed the palm of his hand softly.

"Honey..." Edward's voice was low now, wanting. My hands scratched their nails lightly against his chest. His body shuddered, and I couldn't help but smile. I loved that response he had to my touch. He stood there still for a moment, his arms falling limp to his side as he watched me. He was still looking for a confirmation that I had already given.

Would I need to get the ball rolling?

I laid a stream of soft, wet kisses right down the middle of his torso, starting from his collar bone. As they trickled downward, my hands rubbed upward, kneading his skin lightly.

"Hmm...?" I murmured in delayed response against his skin as I continued my descent.

"Hmmm?" He mumbled back. I couldn't keep the smile off my face-his responses to me were making feel bolder by the moment. While my hands dropped to his hips, I flicked out my tongue as I reached his belly button. Edward reacted swiftly-his hips jutted out as his arms clamped onto my shoulders.

"Shit, Bella," he muttered out with an embarrassed laugh. He lifted me up by my thighs, instructing them to part at his waist with his manuevering hands. Edward stared at me for a long moment; looking into my eyes first, and then letting his gaze fall down over my body. I loved how he looked at me-it made me feel beautiful for once. As his mouth explored my neck and collarbone, an urgency soon began to well between us. Was he finally feeling that pit in his stomach that I was experiencing-of something coming to an end, instead of something just beginng?

"Bella?" Edward's voice was thick with concern. I had just let out a huge shudder myself. He thought it was my body's reaction to the cold water. But it was a shudder of expectation--of going places I hadn't been before. My bra strap had fallen down my arm, and my bra cup was falling lower with each chin nudge Edward gave it as he kissed my shoulder. I silently waved off his concern and placed his lips back on my shoulder.

I could do this, I kept telling myself. I wanted this. Didn't I?

When the bra cup finally fell all the way down, we both let out small gasps. I felt so exposed in that moment, self conscious. I forgot about my boldness plan, and my hand quickly shot up to cover my nipple. Edward stopped my hand mid-motion. He shook his head.

"You are so beautiful Bella," he whispered. My heart ached as he kept his gaze strictly on my eyes while slowly setting my shielding hand down.

He finally looked down at my exposed breast and shook his head. "Beautiful..."

Edward dipped his head, letting his full lips drag along my nipple gently, back and forth. I held him tighter, arching my back slightly. He was almost tenative as his mouth took in my breast. Did he know how new this was for me, and that's why he was being so careful? Wifth the smallest of gestures, he could convey how intuned he was with me.

Was there something more here? Something that could last?

I forgot I was half naked in cool water as I closed my eyes and concentrated on his mouth and what it was doing to me. He was gently exploring me now, moving back and forth between my breasts. As his tongue wandered onto the tip my nipple, the reaction was immediate. My hips began to move in time with his pulsating mouth. Despite the cold water, Edward's arousal perservered as I continued a deep, rhythmic grind against him.

"Bella..."His voice was just above a gravelly whisper.

I could do this. Quite easily...

At least I could--for a minute. Because just as I was about to smugly grind into Edward even harder, with nothing but a thin piece of cotton boxer to shield him from my libido...I noticed two things in my field of vision. I saw the club we just came out of, lighted up against the dark sky.

I wondered if he took Nalani out to the ocean for a little walk and dip too the night I saw him gazing into her eyes...

That jerked my movement to a quick halt.

And then I saw her.

She looked so small, standing on a tiny sand mound. Her arms were at her sides; she was so still, she could have been mistaken for a statue. Her translucent skin helped to light up her face with the glow of the moon high above us.

Alice was staring in our direction. Or maybe just beyond us - since her face looked blank. With the exception of tears trickling down her face, her expression showed no emotion.

Edward suddenly froze himself. He straightened up his posture and came face to face with me. It struck me in that moment, as I was able to see both their faces at the same time, how similar they appeared. Maybe not in terms of coloring or even features; but both of them wore an identical expression that made them look like twins. Stoic and almost too still--those were expressions that should be exclusive to weary, old men who had lived long and hard.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed for a second, before his head jerked to the side as if someone had hit him.

"Edward?" He was starting to scare me. "You okay?"

I jumped down off him and rearranged my clothing to look halfway decent. Alice didn't pay me any mind though.

With his back still facing Alice, Edward shouted out, "We'll be in in a minute, Ali." His voice was rough, cold. Alice sat down where she was, wrapping her arms around her bent legs and resting her head on top of her knees.

I took Edward's hand, suddenly concerned less about my fragile heart and more about Edward's change in demeanor. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"What's wrong, Edward? How did you know Alice was here?" He had yet to turn around to see her. He shrugged his shoulders.

"It's a twin thing."

Edward picked me up and walked us back to shore. Before he let me go completely, he pulled me into his arms, and kissed me once more. This kiss frightened me. There was too much tension, too strong an edge to the way his lips crushed mine--like he was afraid we only had so much time left to us.

And for some odd reason, that possibility--that he was thinking as I was now--hurt me more than he'd ever know.

**Edward:**

All three of us walked back to the hotel in silence by way of the beach. But Alice and I were having some shared moments. I had always been able to anticipate her thoughts and ideas. When I could literally feel Alice arrive on the beach, her emotions insisting on making their presence known to me, I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. My first instinct was to grip onto Bella for life. My instinct wasn't too far off.

As I concentrated like I never had before to "see" what Alice was emoting, thinking, I could only see flashes of images and feelings. It was as if I had a bad reception - images and thoughts were fusing together, jerky, blurry - incomplete. Were these images how she saw them, or was it my unsuccessful attempt to read her mind's eye properly.

None of that mattered, however, in that moment. Because among the scattered and confusing images, there was one constant.

Bella.

Bella was in the eye of Alice's visionary storm; a storm so violent, so final, it threatened to swallow her up before my very eyes.


	10. Mermaids and Mayhem

**Chapter 10: Mermaids and Mayhem**

**a/n: I wanted to let you guys know I'm thinking this story will go another 7 chapters at the most. There's some angst up ahead obviously, but it's not going to be dwelling on the angst for a long stretch. I can't do angst for long stretches. I'm going more for bittersweet...with the sweet emphasized. lol**

**a/n: This is the first part of a very long chapter. I decided to divide it up because it was getting too long. I hope to finish the second half of the chapter by Monday.**

**a/n: I have a couple links of Laie Point on my profile page under "She's Royal" links. Beautiful place, peoples. If you ever end up on Oahu(don't let people tell you to skip Oahu either, it's a beautiful island!), you have to head to Laie Point. And then get a shaved ice afterwards at the bottom of the hill at Angel's...lol**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews!**

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_Last Chapter:_

_And then I saw her._

_She looked so small, standing on a tiny sand mound. Her hands were at her sides; she was so still, she could have been mistaken for a statue. Her translucent skin helped to light up her face with the glow of the Moon high above us. Alice was staring in our direction, but not really. Her face looked blank. With the exception of tears trickling down her face, her expression showed no emotion._

_Edward suddenly froze himself. He straightened up his posture and came face to face with me. It struck me in that moment, as I was able to see both their faces at the same time, how similar they appeared. Maybe not in terms of coloring or even features; but both of them wore an identical expression that made them look like twins. Stoic and almost too still--those were expressions that should be exclusive to weary, old men who had lived long and hard._

_Edward's eyebrows furrowed for a second, before his head jerked to the side as if someone had hit him._

_"Edward?" He was starting to scare me. "You okay?"_

_I jumped down off him and rearranged my clothing to look halfway decent. Alice didn't pay me any mind though._

_With his back still facing Alice, Edward shouted out, "We'll be in in a minute, Ali." His voice was rough, cold. Alice sat down where she was, wrapping her arms around her bent legs and resting her head on top of her knees._

_I took Edward's hand, suddenly concerned less about my fragile heart and more about Edward's change in demeanor. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders._

_"What's wrong, Edward? How did you know Alice was here?" He had yet to turn around to see her. He shrugged his shoulders._

_"It's a twin thing."_

_Edward picked me up and walked us both back to shore. Before he let me go completely; he pulled me into his arms, and kissed me once more. This kiss frightened me. There was too much tension, too strong an edge to the way his lips crushed mine--like he was afraid we only had so much time left to us._

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**BPOV**

"I better take you home." That's all he said when I changed back at Alice's hotel room.

Take me home. He wasn't staying the night.

The ride home was quiet. He kept rubbing my leg reassuringly, but whatever silent exchange that happened between him and Alice changed his demeanor entirely. He was sullen now, almost angry. Distracted. All declarations that were making my face cringe(but my heart silently do mini-flips) had been effectively shut down.

I tried not to dwell on it and just enjoy the last days we had together. Carpe Diem and all that crap.

"Can we stop off at one place before you take me home, Edward? I heard it's the prettiest view on the island. I wanted to visit it before you go home."

Why did I feel suddenly like I was imposing on him? I was confused; I knew something was changing between us. And yet, I felt like I still had some claim on him. This was still Neverland and he was still my playmate.

"Sure." He said nothing more. As we were getting close to my condo, I veered him towards the intended destination.

A local resident told me about Laie Point and it's lookout. We drove silently to the end of road.

Edward let out a breath. "Wow."

It was breathtaking; we were engulfed by natural beauty on every side, even in the moonlit darkness. Before us was the ocean beating against the cliff. A huge rock formation stuck out of the sea just beyond the cliffs. To the side was a coastline that stretched on for miles, dotted with swaying palm trees. And behind us? A lush, green covered mountain range that extended as far as we could see. A water fall from the down pour earlier could be seen in the distance from one of the ridges.

"Meh, it's totally overrated." Edward chuckled, but the laugh didn't reach his eyes.

I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't sure what was up for discussion and what wasn't.

I got out of the car to take in the scenery on foot.I skipped down to the point's edge, watching the waves crash below me, before plopping myself down on the ground and staring up into the sky. There weren't a lot of lights on this secluded part of the island, so the sky was completely saturated with stars. I'd never seen the sky look like that before.

I waited for his footsteps to come up behind me. But they never came.

He sat on top of the Hummer when I trudged back his way. Edward had his arms wrapped around his bent legs, like he was hugging himself tightly. His head was resting on his knees. My heart dropped as I stared at him. He was too beautiful. And too still.

"Thanks for bringing me." I was trying to figure out if I should get back into the car, or hang out on the hood with him. He patted the spot right beside him.

He dropped to his side, facing me as I laid down on my back.

"Beautiful, " I whispered as I nudged my chin upwards towards the sky.

Edward simply nodded, staring only at me. "Yes."

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" He smiled sadly, still nodding.

I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't tell me.

Not now, he said. The few minutes of silence that followed was deafening.

"You can take me home, Edward, if you are ready." I was about to slide down the car, when his hand grabbed me.

"Do you mind if we just stay here for a little longer? I have to get back to Alice. But...this. This is nice."

I smiled and stared back into the sky, trying to remember how that childhood rhyme goes about wishing on a star...

"Bella?" I looked back at him.

"Can I see your work? All that stuff you were doing with the legends and stuff the other day?"

I winced. "Why? You need another sleeping aid? My mere presence isn't enough to put you into a sluggish stupor tonight? You're building up an immunity to me, I see." I gave him a wink to let him know I was joking. Mostly.

He hissed in protest as I jumped off the hood and got my laptop and notebooks out that I had lugged along in the back of his car. I opened up the file he wanted and plopped the computer on this lap.

"Have at it, but let me warn you that operating machinery after reading it is strictly discouraged." He shook his head as he crossed his feet. He was sitting more upright now against the windshield as I laid down on my side next to him.

"You need glasses. You don't see yourself clearly. At all." His hand reached down and began to massage my scalp while his other hand navigated my research. I wanted to maintain some composure, but I couldn't help myself. I leaned in more closely, eventually laying my head against the side of his tummy.

"Rest, Bella. You're tired." His voice sounded like a lullaby as I closed my eyes and listened to the waves crashing against the cliffs below.

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**EPOV**

She was asleep within minutes. She looked so small as she curled into my body. Fragile.

I needed to get back to Alice. But I couldn't make myself right away. I wanted this time with Bella right now. I needed it.

I scrolled down all her papers and notes and essays until something caught my eye: a file on mermaids.

Bingo. I laughed softly thinking how I told her she reminded me of a mermaid when I first met her.

It was her largest file, with documents upon documents of research.

And personal notes.

There was a sketch of hers in one of the notebooks I found of a mermaid holding a comb and mirror. She wasn't a professional artist by any means, but I couldn't help but notice the figure had a strong resemblance to her.

She identified with the mermaid archetype too it seemed.

**"**_**An important part of mermaid symbolism is that the mermaid is unattainable and solitary. She might attract men, but was always just out of their reach."**_

I thought back earlier to how her romantic history, or lack of, was so similar to mine. We both were always on the outskirts looking in, as others seemed to meet and fall in love so easily. Always observers, never participants. Until now.

**"**_**The mermaid however, is also a seductress. To seduce she must become attainable. To become attainable physically is also to become attainable emotionally, and so she risks rejection**_**."**

I looked down at her for a second, rubbing her cheek with my thumb. She stirred slightly. She had been so scared to make herself fully attainable to me, always reminding me that we would have to leave all of this soon enough. But tonight she was crumbling, until...well.

The full moon was casting a soft spotlight on her face right now. Her hair was cascading down the hood of the car, and her lips were parted slightly. She looked straight out of a fairy tale.

Equal parts of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and the Little Mermaid.

Damn myself and my penchant for Disney heroines.

I went back to the sketchpad that housed her mermaid rendering. I flipped through it until I found a blank page. And then I began to sketch.

I had done six portraits of Bella sleeping by the time the sky's darkness was fading into a pale orange glow. I had to get home.

I helped her into the car, drove her back to the condo, and carried her into bed.

"Stay, Edward. Stay." Bella's voice was just above a whisper.

Her eyes were closed, but her hands were gripping my shirt tightly as I put the comforter over her.

"Sleep, Bella. I won't be far. I'll call you tonight."

I kissed each closed eye lid and then left quickly. If I didn't leave now, I wouldn't. Ever.

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**APOV**

"So...how is this going down, Edward?" Edward just shook his head and raised his shoulders, unsure about how it was going down - even _what _was going down.

We were driving to Nalani's home. I didn't have the whole story, just the bare details. But long story short, Nalani had a different "way" about her. A "way" that was similar to Edward and I. "Ways" that made us instinctively hide those tendencies from even our closest family members. "Ways" that all these years we had concluded were just a "twin language."

But what I hadn't known all these years, was just how intrusive Edward's "ways" were to him. My ways were isolated, sporadic, limited to small moments over long periods of time. They fit a normal pattern and could easily be explained as a dream, or a blackout.

Edward confessed more than he ever had to me about his ways on our drive over.

His ways ate at him every day. Every hour. Every moment really, when he was around people. I knew he picked up on the smallest details of people's behavior, that it could be very distracting and annoying. I had no clue, however, how piercing another's presence could be on him. All these years, I thought my little brother was just sensitive, naturally withdrawn, introverted. A natural insomniac.

In reality, Edward was actively trying to shield himself from the constant onslaught he experienced all the time. He likened it to having every person within several feet of him throwing baseballs his way constantly, bouncing their intentions and motivations and ideas and feelings off him constantly. His mind picked up on every subtle nuance of a person, and the thoughts were constant and intrusive. Shielding himself 24/7 had been wearing on him for years now, affecting his health and well being even.

He never let on just how overwhelmed and overburdened he had been. Edward knew it would have killed me to watch on helplessly. So he shielded me too. Until now.

If he didn't explain what he was going through then, I couldn't fully appreciate what he was going through now. Bella was what he was going through. She was the first person he'd ever been around whose every gesture, motivation, and action didn't set off alarms inside him.

"It's like her mind doesn't work the same way others do. Like her mind and actions are on an AM frequency, and I'm only getting FM."

He grinned at me, suddenly amused. He basically was calling her a freak of nature, and then smiled. Which made me smile too.

He'd always called himself a freak growing up.

She touched him without hesitation. She talked to him without being tongue-tied. She made him feel _normal_.

Edward had never felt normal. For all his shielding, I had always known how uncomfortable he had been in his beautiful skin.

He slept with her. During the afternoon, and then at night even. Not euphemism slept...slept, slept. Ten times more impressive than sex honestly.

Edward was a straight up insomniac. Edward had always recoiled at the touch of others, and it was hard enough for him to give me a hug. Bella was getting him to take naps in the middle of the day. While spooning. In her freaking bed.

I had to blink quickly to stop the tears from welling up.

"And she thinks she's making me fall asleep because she's _boring_. That's the kicker."

He laughed.

I blinked even more quickly. Edward laughed more in the past couple days than...ever.

He had been making plans.

"Seattle to Eugene? Four hours drive in the Volvo, tops. That's nothing."

And he loved her. He said he loved her so much, it hurt him.

"I already told her, the only way I was getting on my flight was if I could hide her in my carry-on."

That his chest felt so full of that love, he felt like any minute he was going to burst like an overblown balloon from the slightest touch.

And then I came onto the beach and did just that.

I hated myself for doing it. I couldn't stop the tears now, no matter how hard I blinked.

"Shhh, Alice, it's okay." He patted my back. "It's going to be okay. We'll figure out what it all means. And maybe Nalani's grandma can help us."

I nodded, but I didn't think it would be okay.

My visions(yes, I was owning what they were now- visions, not dreams) were like watching real life usually. In real time. I had a wide lens on my visions, where I could take in details throughout. Concrete, literal details that I could identify in real life at some point later on in time.

This vision was so different and unfamiliar. Highly cryptic. Nonliteral. No sound. Shaky, fuzzy images shot out jaggedly.

The first image that splashed across my mind was one of Bella. She was in some enclosed space. It reminded me of a museum, everything looked well preserved but so sanitary and devoid of life. It was so dim in that room she was in. That became clear with the next image. A hole or door appeared, with light coming through. Edward stood there. It went dark for a moment, as if the film projector had run out of a film. But then the images began to come on and quickly speed up in succession, until the snapshots were going at turbo speed. I couldn't process them fast enough, but I didn't need to. They all seemed to be conveying the same thing. Pure joy - images of Edward and Bella together blissfully.

Until the end.

The images came to a screeching halt. Literally. It was the first time I heard sound of any kind in the vision. It was hard to pinpoint what I was hearing, but it was heavy and screeching and low and violent, all at the same time. The images were more shaky and fuzzy and shadowy at that point. But dread and chaos hung over the imagery as I tried to understand what I was seeing. But, just like that, it all sharpened. To Edward trying to hold onto Bella in vain, as she slipped out of reach. She fell away almost in slow motion, her face frantic and desperate as she tried to reach back for him.

I had to will my lids open to get away from that last snapshot. It was too horrific, too haunting. I glanced over at Edward. He knew what I was looking at in my mind. That was something he would have to claim eventually as well. Just as my visions were most sensitive to Edward, Edward's gift for picking up signals of all sorts was most sensitive to me. I couldn't keep anything from him, I always knew that on some level. And it was only confirmed tonight, when I didn't even have to explain what I saw. He had seen it already, inside me.

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**EPOV**

"Hmmm..." Nalani's grandma, Rowena, was staring at us intensely, her hands grazing over our faces and shoulders, like she was rubbing us down with suntan lotion. Alice and I were side by side on a loveseat as she appraised us. At one point when Rowena started rubbing down Alice's face, she let out a nervous cackle that was highly inappropriate. I knee'd her to shut her up. She knee'd me back twice.

Rowena cracked up. "You two are true twins, did you know that?"

I sighed in my mind. This isn't starting out promising, I thought.

She raised her eyebrow at me.

Oops. Maybe it was.

"You act like two blades on a pair of scissors," she continued."You two work in perfect tandem with your gifts." By merely touching us, she figured out what are gifts were. Alice was a visionary.

Me? She said I was a little harder to cateogorize. Rowena read minds through touch. I didn't read minds exactly. She said I was more like like a sponge, that seemed to absorb all that was around me. The closer I was to someone in terms of proxmity, be it physically or spiritually or emotionally, the more I absorbed.

"Or maybe it's more like velcro, where everything sticks to you. People come into your personal space and all of their motivations and intentions end up sticking to you. You catch everything that they are doing and intending, even if you don't want to." A moment of recognition passed through me. She understood.

"It's hard. Your gift. I know. It can weigh on you like no other talent, because it's always present."

I always felt like I was being weighted down when I was around others. Rowena nodded in recognition to my thoughts, as she patted my cheek like only a grandmother could.

She gave Nalani a quick glance. "And this girl you met. She lifts the weight off of you instead of adding to the burden?" Nalani must have told her all about Bella. I nodded.

"So does my husband. It's nice, isn't it? To find a refuge from what you shoulder?"

More than nice.

"So, Alice can you show me what you saw last night?" Alice nodded. Rowena concentrated. Her face started out smooth with her eyes closed. But as Alice's recollection progressed, her eyes began moving quickly below her lids. She took a quick intake of breath toward the end before Alice opened her eyes with a jerk.

Rowena opened her eyes slowly, and kept a very straight face. Straight poker face, that is.

She asked Alice if all her visions came to her in this way. Alice told her no. That her visions of me were always concrete visions that felt like real life. That this vision was jagged, confusing, hard to view. Rowena thought over what she told her.

"The clarity of a vision is due to how set the future is for what you are looking at," Rowena explained. " But the future is so easily shifted into another direction. The smallest change of plans, the smallest change in movement, can offset the future considerably. I bet all of your visions of Edward had always been simply about Edward, and didn't involve another person?"

Alice said yes.

"The addition of the girl makes the vision much more complicated and more prone to shifting in terms of perspective. Because the girl's involvement affects the outcome, not just Edward's."

Rowena stared at me now.

"This vision Alice showed me is blurry and choppy because the future is not set yet. Decisions haven't yet been made to seal that future."

"What's that future, exactly." I had to ask. I had to know if she had any better clue than us whether this dream was literal or not. If Bella slipping out from under me was about her being in danger.

Rowena stared at Nalani for a moment. "I can't answer that question with complete knowledge, given what's at stake."

What's at stake. Not good.

"But like I mentioned earlier. The slightest change in one's routine can shift one's life path significantly. This girl in the vision-"

"Bella," I pointed out.

"Bella, then. Bella in this vision seems to live a very quiet, controlled life. But then you come into the picture, Edward. You break open a wall, and let the sunshine in. That's a good thing..."

But?

"But..."

Of course.

"If I was reading this objectively, this dream. That change in her life put her on a new path. A path where she finds great joy. But also could put her in a path where she finds potential danger. Real danger, that would come upon the joy in such a quick and violent manner, there would be no time to anticipate it."

I sunk down in the loveseat. I could feel my whole body deflating as her words came out.

"I would never hurt her in anyway," I started in.

Rowena cut me off.

"Not you, Edward. You are the one trying to hold onto her at the end. You are her protector and the source of her joy in the vision. But it's like what I said before. The smallest change in one's plans can have permanent consequences. I know a woman who started out her driveway, but forgot her purse. She went back into the house, retrieved it, and got back in the car. Two minutes later, she was dead after being broadsided by a drunk driver who ran a red light. Just the smallest change in plans, forgetting a purse, can alter your life path. Bella's life, according to the vision, isn't going to undergo a small change of plans with you. It's going to alter her path on many levels. Greatly."

"Paths she wouldn't be on if I wasn't in the picture. If I wasn't in the picture, she could go back to her old path." I added, slowly getting her meaning. I wouldn't hurt her. Directly. But my presence could change her plans. Her path.

Rowena shook her head forcefully. "Too late, Edward. You are already in the picture. The genie is out of the bottle."

A sudden rush of anger flashed through. What did she mean too late? It wasn't too late at all to try to undo possible paths she hadn't even gone down yet. Hell, she just told me last night that she was enjoying this for what it was and was willing to leave what we had in Hawaii. Paths hadn't even been made yet, let alone chosen.

I looked back at Rowena. "You said yourself that the future is easily shifting and changing. That the vision was fuzzy and unclear because the future isn't set yet. Choices haven't been made yet. There's time to change things. Undo things."

Rowena stopped for a minute, acknowledging my point. "Yes, Edward, but not in how you seem to think. You can't erase what has already happened between you. And something very signficant has happened, yes?"

"Only on my part," I lied. "She keeps telling me that are time together will need to end when we fly home to our real lives."

I felt desperate all of the sudden, like so much was riding on my choices right now. I had always felt burdened by the secret knowledge I had of others. But that was nothing compared to knowing what could lay before my Bella in the near future. All because I distracted her or changed her direction. A world without Bella was something I couldn't even process. There was no other way.

Rowena thought for a moment. "Things can only be undone if Bella's heart hasn't chosen you yet. Maybe you could bring her--"

I cut her off. "She can't come here." My mind was racing ahead of my heart right now. When it finally caught up, I would be in for a lot of heartache. But right now, my right brain was taking over and I was glad for that.

Bella couldn't come here. She couldn't hear all these bizarre things going on in my life. She just met me.

I knew she was falling for me. But like her mermaid paper had mentioned - she had yet to make herself completely attainable to me. Both emotionally and physically.

We were inching towards both last night, but Alice interrupted. Her interruption seemed like such a curse last night. Now it seemed like a blessing. She stopped us from staking claims on eachother that would have been irreversible. Undoable.

There was still time. There was still hope.

The genie could still be put back into the bottle. If it was the last thing I did, it would be stuffed back in and closed tightly.

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**APOV**

Edward was resolute. His mind was working a million miles a minute. I could see it. I knew it would go into autopilot the minute Rowena said "it was too late." That kicked him into overdrive, and his plans were quickly forming to try to undo whatever damage he felt he had exposed Bella to. He wasn't going to listen to Rowena any further.

"Alice, we better get going. Thank you so much Rowena. And you too, Nalani. I'm indebted to you both, more than you will ever know. " It was his good-bye to them, and their offers to help. THEIR way.

He looked at me expectatntly.

"Edward, why don't you go ahead and meet the rest of our family back at the hotel. Nalani offered to drive me back later. She promised to take me by a cute little boutique down the street that caught my eye."

When in doubt, pull the "Alice shopoholic" card for a no-questions-asked response from Edward. The very thought of shopping makes Edward's mind fog over. Nalani glanced my way, and I gave her a knowing head nod.

We sent Edward off on his way, and then it was time to get down to business.

"Here's the thing, guys. Edward's running on his infamous Dr. Spock logic right now. He's going to cook up some plan that is intellecturally fool proof but emotionally backwards regarding how to handle this situation. I need to be ready to offer him an alternative once he calms down. Would meeting Bella help us figure out what options these two have?"

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**BPOV**

Edward didn't stay to sleep with me. And he said he'd call me tonight. In other words, we weren't hanging out together today.

But I wasn't going to mope. I planned on hanging out at the beach. I was even wearing my teeniest bikini for the jaunt, instead of my soccer mom one piece. And screw the Cholo's maternity t-shirt. I was going all out today. I had a cute halter top and miniskirt on. Angela even did my hair.

Nope. I refused to mope. At least outwardly while Angela was watching my every move at the moment. I'd wait to be all dramatic once I hit the beach and could blame the tears on the salt water bothering my eyes.

Good plan...

My phone rang. I checked the ID. Not Edward. But Edward's area code...

"Hello?"

"Bella! It's Alice. I'm passing through your way today with some friends,and was wondering if you wanted to meet up with us later. 2:00 PM sound good?"

**000000000000**


	11. Truth Or Dare

**Chapter 11: Truth or Dare**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews!**

**a/n: Since my updates have been sporadic, a couple key things to remember from past chapters:**

**1) Alice isn't aware of Bella's suspicions about Nalani maybe being another love interest for Edward on the trip.**

**2) Nalani isn't aware that Bella saw Edward and her looking very cozy at the club**

**3) Edward and Bella are both virgins in this story. **

**a/n: Okay, song for this chapter which is what I hear playing during the last part: Amos Lee's "Arms of a Woman." I have a link of it on my profile under this story's chapter. Or you can search on youtube by artist and title if you want to.**

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_"__**I would like to ask a favor**__, though, if it's not too much," he said._

_"Anything," __**I vowed**__..._

_"__**Don't do anything reckless **__or stupid," he order, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"_

_I nodded helplessly._

_"__**And I'll make you a promise in return**__, " he said. "__**I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me**__.''_

_ --Edward and Bella in __New Moon _

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**BPOV**

Angela and I waved good-bye to Alice, Nalani, and Rowena and shut the door.

"What the hell was all that about, Bella? Honestly?"

I had no clue.

Alice showed up at my doorstep at 2:00 PM on the dot. Angela was on her way out with Ben when Alice arrived. But when she saw who Alice brought, she refused to leave my side.

Nalani. The girl from the club who was locked in a "dive deeper into the depths of my eyes" staring contest with Edward that one night at the club. I would have been more comfortable seeing them make out honestly. The intimacy exchanged between them in that moment was stunning. Not to mention that she was also the girl hand picked by Emmett for Edward that day at Waimea Beach.

I didn't understand the meaning of Alice bringing her to see me, if there was any meaning at all.

Was Alice bffs with Nalani, and Nalani was checking out her competition? I had to laugh even forming that sentence in my mind. Like there was a competition. If she was coming to check out the competition, wouldn't she had left after getting a quick and reassuring glance at me?

Instead, they all stayed for a good hour. And were so nice. Too nice to be trying to size me up as competition.

Oddly nice too.

"Why did the mom keep rubbing your head like that, like you were some pet? And why was Nalani putting her palms up in the air towards you like you were some electric heater she was warming up to? They kept doing those same gestures over and over again. Can you say: _OCD runs in that family_?" Angela just shook her head. I had to conclude that Nalani had no clue who I was. She was too sincere and sweet to have been planning anything underhanded.

But Alice. Alice was the real mystery. She knew I liked her brother. And she liked me. It was clear when she said good-bye. She had tears in her eyes and ran back from the car to give me one last hug.

Whatever Alice's intentions were for making me meet Nalani right now, they weren't to hurt me. That's why the only conclusion I could come to was this. She interrupted Edward and I last night, effectively shutting down all the declarations that were happening between us. She was crying when she did. The next day, she brings Nalani to meet me. Was she warning me to be aware that there were others, that I wasn't the only one? Was she warning me about her brother?

"Weird." Angela popped me out of my thoughts. "I have no idea what that was about. But it was weird."

Angela threw a packet of Pop Tarts my way. "Lunch is on me, Bella. Now let's have that micro-bikini of yours get some airtime at the beach for all the boys to drool over."

Dang: even Angela seemed to come to the same conclusion as me. She was already trying to find me a new playmate replacement.

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**APOV**

Fustrating.

The meeting with Bella was utterly fustrating. Rowena was skeptical about going to see Bella in the first place. She reminded me that the smallest things can change someone's life path. She thought descending upon Bella with "all the goods" we had was anything but small.

So I compromised with her. I told her we'd go over there in a sort of recon mission, and simply get Rowena to try to read Bella's thoughts about Edward. No unveiling of truths or mysteries. Just a hand touch from Memaw Rowena, a quick aura read from Nalani, and we were out of there.

Ten Bella-face-rub-downs later, with Rowena looking exasperated and Bella looking utterly confused, I knew we had to call it a night. Between Rowena rubbing her hands on her and Nalani throwing up her palms in her direction, you would have thought there was an exorcism going on.

As I walked away from Bella, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful and precious she was. How she had single handedly transformed my brother in a matter of days, when his family had been failing for years now in our attempts to lighten him up. I couldn't help myself, I ran back to hug her. I didn't want to let her go. Hell, I was ready to put her in my carry-on myself.

As we headed down the road, Bella was still waving at the doorstep.

"Hmmm..." Rowena grumbled.

"So what did you get," I asked, trying to brace myself. She didn't look exactly jubilant, and I was fearing the worst.

"I couldn't read her. She is unreadable for me like she is for Edward." Rowena did not seem amused by this development.

"Could you learn anything from her aura, Nalani?" I said that while trying not to laugh. Why did I suddenly feel like I was on the Justice League and any minute someone was going to ask me to get my magic lasoo out and drive them in an invisible airplane?

Nalani nodded tenatively. "Not what we needed to know really. I couldn't tell anything about her feelings for Edward, only about her. But I'm sure you felt it." She looked at Rowena.

Rowena confirmed she did.

"Felt what," I asked impatiently.

Rowena answered with a raised eyebrow: "Bella has gifts of her own."

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**BPOV**

Probably.

Edward called around 9:00 PM and told me he "probably" couldn't make it over tonight. The conversation was short. Sweet. But short.

That damn "probably" messed with my head for hours. It caused me to bail out on catching a movie with Angela and Ben in a neighboring town. It caused me to pretend that I was unlocking my bedroom sliding glass door because you never know - Angela and Ben might get locked out and need a way in. It caused me to clean the kitchen...and clean...and clean some more, just for an excuse to stay up. Just in case Angela and Ben might be locked out and need a way in. Just in case they didn't think to check my unlocked sliding door.

When I started scrubbing the grout between the tiles at 1:30 AM in the morning, I knew it was all in vain. He wasn't coming. I put away the Comet and the butter knife and called it a night.

I sat on my bed for a moment, looking out at the full moon through my sliding glass door window. I could smell him on my sheets still; I didn't let housekeeping change them today for that very reason. Because somewhere deep down, I knew I would be sleeping alone tonight. I settled down onto his pillow, taking it all in. Earthy and clean and masculine.

I shouldn't have gotten comfort by it. He was too polite tonight on the phone. As my eyes closed, his words were echoing through my mind.

Edward reminded me that he was leaving the morning after next, early. He needed to spend the day with his family. But he would come by to see me no matter what tomorrow night. He said we could go on a walk by my condo, since there were some trails right beside it that led to the beach.

It sounded like he was organizing a business meeting instead of planning an evening together.

He was trying to backtrack from what was said in the heat of the moment last night. About wanting us to continue on once we got back home. I knew it.

I decided right then and there I wasn't going to spend the next 24 hours sulking because Edward seemed to be saying good-bye to me. That was the natural thing to do, when you meet someone on vacation, I reminded myself. You meet, you have a better time than if they hadn't been there, and then you say good-bye. You get to preserve perfect memories of perfect days in perfect places...with _perfect_ people. At least for the short time you knew them.

That's all I wanted now, for Edward and me. I could be the bigger person. I could walk right up to him, give him a hug, and thank him for making my vacation so much more than I expected. There was no need for awkward good-byes. Because what we had for a few short days? Was beautiful.

I nuzzled back into his pillow and replayed my vacation in my mind. At least the part of the vacation that mattered most: meeting a boy on a cliff in need of a push.

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**EPOV**

I tried to tiptoe through the suite to the back bedroom. The sun was just rising, and everyone was still in bed. My dad wasn't even up yet.

As I opened the door, I found Alice sprawled across my bed, asleep.

I nudged her over to one side as I collapsed on the other.

She jerked upwards, slightly disoriented, and then zeroed in on me.

"YOU! Where the hell have you been?"

I threw a hand over her mouth to mute her screeching.

"Shh...people are trying to sleep."

She took my hands. "Were you with Bella?"

I hadn't been with Bella. I went back to Laie Point, the place Bella took me two nights before. There was so much to sort through, I had to be away from everyone else. Especially her.

"Edward, we need to talk."

She confessed within seconds what SHE had been up to yesterday. It took everything in my power not shake her shoulders and ask her what she was thinking.

Alice had gone to Bella's. With Nalani and Rowena.

"She's...gifted too, Edward. Nalani and Rowena picked it up right away. They think that's why you two gravitate towards one another so strongly."

I gave her a dubious look. She ignored me and continued.

"Your gift leaves you open to others, exposed. But Bella works in the opposite way. They said Bella has qualities that are very unique and hard to cateogorize--just like yours." She pointed at me with a dramatic face.

"What qualities?"

Alice leaned in closer.

"Edward, how did you meet Bella?"

I rolled my eyes. She already knew the story about her making me jump off the cliff with her.

"No. You're wrong," she said smugly.

Huh?

"I asked Bella, Edward. And she recounted the story very differently. You always say she saw some wimp on a cliff and pushed him off. Bella said she came onto the cliff, and saw a guy who looked incredibly scared."

"I told you that part already--"

"But Edward," Alice interrupted," you left out the part about Emmett and Jasper screaming insults at you from the water below. That was the biggest thing for her. She told me she remembered you from the club the night before, with all the women hanging around you. Bella said she would have never approached you, because she was intimidated by you. But she had to in that moment..._because_ she hated seeing others treating you badly."

I looked at her in confusion. I didn't get her point. It was her turn to let out a put-out sigh.

"EDWARD...Bella's been protecting you from the beginning, right down to your meeting. The way Rowena and Nalani put it, Bella has a very keen ability to pick up on others' pain or despair and to protect them instinctively. Her ability to protect and love those she cares about is crazy..."

I was even more confused.

"How is that a gift? That's what many people do."

"Rowena said it's about degrees. The degree that Bella picks up on others problems and needs, and the precise degree with how she attends to them is the key. She's finely tuned, without consciously realizing it."

She waited for that to sink in a little before beginning again.

"Think about it, Edward. You've been robbed of sleep for years, and what does Bella do without any knowledge of this? She got you to take naps with her. You've always had a hard time with touching of any kind from others. What does she do without knowing this? She takes your hand at every opportunity from the moment she meets you, like you told me. And before long, you can't keep your hands off her. Edward...don't you see? Bella's saving you from yourself."

I was starting to get the idea, but it only made me feel worse.

"Great, so I'm a parasite."

"NO, and that's what Nalani pointed out, Edward. You two save eachother. Her gift, just like your gift, can be a curse. Just as your gift opens you up too widely to people? Her gift actually shields her off to those around her. Her ability is to be protective. But in many ways she's been so protective she's never let anyone in beyond family and a few childhood friends. You disarmed her as much as she's disarmed you."

My heart sank, realizing she might be right.

"I have to tell you though, Edward. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Bella was slightly jealous of Nalani."

And then it came back to me. Ben had told me days earlier that Bella had seen me with Nalani in the club days before. That she had thought we had been there as a couple.

"Oh, God, Alice what have you done?" I told her what Bella must have been thinking when she brought Nalani by.

"Well, just explain it to her when you see her tonight. Bella deserves to know what's going on. You owe it to her to let her make her choices with this situation. This doesn't involve just you. You two have a lot to talk about."

"Alice, I'm not going to see her tonight to talk. I'm going to say good bye."

Alice lit into me immediately. She asked me how could I go ahead after hearing what she had learned about us both. How I could be so arrogant to make a choice that affected Bella, not just me.

I reminded her she knew better than anyone how I could. All she had to do was close her eyes and see Bella's face as she tried in vain to hold onto my grasp.

"You can't say good bye to her, Edward. It will break her in ways you don't even realize right now, not to mention how it will affect you."

"Clean breaks heal fastest, " I answered, barely above a whisper.

She stared at me with her mouth open. "You aren't in medical school right now, Edward. And she's not a damn bone that simply needs to be set right. She's a human being, who's fallen for you. There's no such thing as a clean break at this point for you two."

She stopped and pointed an accusing finger my way. "And besides, if you are planning a clean break, why do you care if she thinks you were on a date with Nalani??"

I hesitated, embarrassed of my murky logic. "Alice, I just want her to remember me how I was when I was with her. Not some two timer jerk she suspected on occasion. But someone who really cared about her."

Alice's eyes widened as an apalled gasp came out of her. "Oh, Edward, you have got to be kidding. You don't get to break her heart and be the good guy too, that's not how it works. You choose to do a clean break, then buck up and be the bad guy. The bad guy who rips her heart out and WILL leave wounds that won't be healed by the next schmuck who comes along."

I thought for a moment. She had a point. Clean breaks don't have lingering ties.

"You're right, Alice. I can't be the good guy here, can I? But at least there will be a next to time for her."

I turned to leave before Alice could say another word.

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**BPOV**

He hadn't called yet, and it was almost 11:00 PM. There was a good chance he wasn't going to show. I felt like an idiot, done up in his favorite dress I wore on our swing date, my hair tousled and styled, and walking around my kitchen in heels.

I headed to my room to change into my pj's.

As I was gathering my stuff from the closet, I heard the sliding door open.

There he was. Edward was in sweats and an old t-shirt, as if he was already dressed for his plane ride. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were bloodshot. And yet, still he looked beautiful enough to grace a magazine cover. I wasn't even thinking as I began to run toward him with open arms.

And then he put his hand up. The way a traffic cop would tell you to slow down. Or stop.

I froze right where I was. Shame shot through me quickly, even faster than the rejection that followed right after.

"Hi," I muffled out.

Edward greeted me back with a tight smile while his hand brushed through his hair. He took a deep breath, as if he was getting ready to begin some long speech he had memorized.

Oh, this wasn't good. I needed to let him know.

I was ready to say bye. As friends, who wouldn't see each or talk to eachother after this night.

But something stopped me from opening my mouth.

His face smoothed out to the point of alarm. His crooked smile turned into a straight line, his eyes went flat.

I gulped reflexively, but willed myself to move forward with my plans. I retrieved the giftbag from my bed that I had put together earlier and handed it to him.

"Here, this is for you."

He grimaced, but opened it up. The wetsuit top was the first thing he took out, holding it up like he didn't recognize it.

"That's the top I bought you earlier on in the week for snorkeling. You left it here the other day. It may come in handy for you later on sometime."

He nodded once in acknowledgement and continued on. The bag of lychee that I had picked up at a stand this afternoon was the next thing to come out.

"That's self explanatory."

He smiled back politely.

"That's sweet of you, but I can't take them on the plane. They have those inspections in the airport that prohibit bringing fruit onboard." .

Sweet. There was something humiliating about having that word directed at me, after everything we had shared together. I had no experience with these things - no reference points to tell me how to say good bye to someone that I loved but couldn't have.

I just wanted to give him a couple momentos. Momentos that wouldn't keep for more than a couple of hours - nothing that would insist on lingering past his trip home. And he was acting like I had just handed him a promise ring.

"Just eat them at the airport before you board," I mumbled. He just shook his head and handed the bag back to me.

Edward took out the final item in the bag. It was his favorite find during our travels together: a piece of Haupia Chocolate Creme Pie from Ted's Bakery.

"I thought you could eat that on the plane ride home."

He said thanks with his head down as he put it back in the bag.

Edward looked at me for a split second before starting in. "Well, I just wanted to come by and say I had a really fun time with you. You're a great girl."

He kept glancing back at the sliding door as he spoke. Why didn't he just make a break for it already? At this point, I wouldn't have minded.

"And I wanted to apologize for Alice bringing the girl over here yesterday. She wanted to warn you. She felt the need for me to come clean to you."

The girl? Who was this person in front of me?

I didn't understand why he was doing this to me now, when he was already leaving. Bitter tears were threatening to spill over, so I concentrated on his face. His cold, distant face to make my tears rethink the point of falling.

"Bella, I really didn't want to leave this thing we had here. I meant it when I said I wanted to bring you back with me to real life. I wanted to bring Neverland back home. But real life ended up seeping into Neverland instead. Distractions that made me realize I can't change who I am."

I shut my eyes. Distractions. There were more than just Nalani. I couldn't reconcile that thought with the picture he had painted of himself as a near recluse. Nothing was making sense.

"I...I don't want any confessions like this. I just wanted to say good bye to you, Edward." I struggled with the words as those traitor tears dropped quickly.

He took a deep breath as he punched his fists into his pockets.

"I'm sorry I'm upsetting you. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than me."

His voice didn't match his words. He didn't sound sorry. He sounded rehearsed. Like he'd done this routine numerous times before.

My sadness was now mixing with anger. "Don't. Don't do this. Don't use these cliched lines on me. I may be naive in some ways Edward, but I'm not dumb."

He nodded somberly, his eyes narrowing. "Okay; fair enough, Bella. But, I was wondering if I could ask one thing of you."

I looked up, surprised he would ask anything of me. I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes for my dignity's sake.

"Maybe."

Something flashed across his eyes with my answer, but I wasn't sure what. His words fell out of his mouth in quick sucession.

"Could you promise me to be careful? I mean, extra careful and vigilant for awhile when you go back home? The world is a dangerous place as it is, you don't need to add on top of the danger by doing dangerous things. Like jumping off cliffs left and right. Especially since your dry land legs are a little unpredictable."

A genuine smile appeared then, as if he was remembering the various times I had tripped in front of him over the past week.

I felt like slapping him.

"Promise me you'll be more careful than you have been on this vacation."

His face smoothed out again, all sparks of sentimentality wiped blank now.

"And if you promise to do that, I will make a promise in return. That I'll walk out this door and not bother you again. I made promises to you that I couldn't keep, and I hurt you for not living up to them. But this is one promise I intend to do right by, Bella. "

I was quite certain he was intending to keep this promise. Bastard.

But then it struck me.

I owed nothing to THIS Edward. I didn't need to acknowledge the person in front of me, he was a stranger.

He promised that if I didn't do anything dangerous, he would stay out of my life. Wrong thing to say to a girl who doesn't want him to leave in the first place. It made me react almost instantaneously.

I thought of the most dangerous thing I could do at that moment, to let him know I wasn't going to play along with _him_.

Something more dangerous than any cliff dive. Something that would hurt infinitely more for a long time to come than if I just accepted that THIS was the real Edward.

I would say good bye, but not to THIS Edward. I would only say good bye to MY Edward.

I answered his question with a question.

"You're proposing a pact then, Edward? I stay safe and you stay away from me? Aren't you coming out ahead with that proposal."

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Look at the time," I said as I began to retreat towards my bed. I jumped on top of it, landing on my knees. I leaned forward his way, resting my hands on the mattress.

"You have a plane to catch and I've got to get to bed."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could do this. He cared about me. Somewhere within him, he did. And I was going to shake that part out of him, if I had to. THAT part of him was the only part I'd be negotiating with tonight.

In a flash, I pulled my white dress over my shoulders, and threw it on the ground. I felt my bare breasts react to the cool air instantly. My hands rested upon my knees.

I heard him gasp from the other side of the room, followed by a string of muffled cursings. He started fumbling towards the door.

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. Probably both.

"I should go, Bella."

"Fine, but you didn't shake on it."

He stopped trying to unlatch the door handle and looked over at me.

"You didn't shake hands on our pact, Edward, so I don't owe you anything."

I threw out my hand with a sneer.

He trudged on over with his head lowered, trying not to look at me...and failing.

Cassanova my ass, he couldn't even stare at my breasts without blushing.

Edward tenatively shook my hand, his eyes finally meeting mine. They were pleading. Not just his eyes. His whole body was screaming out to me. Silently pleading with me.

My self-satisfaction dissipated as my hands cradled his face. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He just shook his head, as he tried to push my hand away gently. I caught his arm by his wrist.

"It's okay, Edward..."

His hands were shaking horribly - he looked like he was about to come undone.

Without thinking, I bent over to kiss his palm I was holding.

He jerked backwards on contact. My arms reached out nonetheless.

"It's all right, Edward."

"It's not, Bella. Not at all." His voice cracked as he started backing up from me again, raising his arms as if I were a cop and he was a suspect, showing he had no armor or weaponry on him now. No more cold stares, or distant posturing.

He just wanted me to let him retreat in peace.

But I couldn't. Something in me told me not to. That this was bigger than just us saying good bye. He was in so much pain.

I reached out and pulled him back to the edge of my bed by his shirt.

"Shhh..." I stood up on my knees, pressing my finger firmly to his mouth. "Edward, let me be here for you."

He softly kissed the tip of my finger. I pushed it farther into his mouth.

His eyes were shut, but...there was moisture on his eyelashes. I tried to kiss it away on both lids. So much pain.

The miniscule distance between us was still too much. I needed him closer. He needed me closer.

My finger hooked inside his mouth as the rest of my hand gripped onto his jaw; I yanked him back towards me gently.

Our chests met, and he let out a groan. But not one of simple lust. No, it was mixed with a grief that was permeating the whole room now.

My elbows bended on his shoulders as I began to massage his scalp, just the way he liked it. His head nudged into my hand.

It was working a little. The more I touched him, the more his body relaxed. But his mind was stilling running a million miles a minute - in the opposite direction of me. I could feel it.

I whispered softly into his ear: "I may be mad as hell at you right now, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm here for you."

He threw his head back with a fustrated outburst that was somewhere between a cry and a laugh. " If I don't leave right now, I'm going to ruin everything."

"Too late," I shot back with a sad smile.

I released him. But he stayed right where he was, his eyes raking over me. I crawled to the center of the bed, quietly pulled back the covers, and laid down.

My hand patted the other side of the bed and then my arms reached out to him: "You'll leave soon enough. Come rest with me one more time."

He inhaled through his nose sharply, with his hands on hips. And then he came to me.

In a rush, he slid into bed, bumping up against my body a little too hard. I couldn't help but laugh as I helped pull his shirt off over his head.

"You dork."

He chuckled through the material, flung the shirt across the room, and then laid back on his side, facing me.

His finger brushed against my lips. "Beautiful Bella. My silly, beautiful Bella," he whispered in hushed tones. It took everything in me not to burst out crying.

"MY Edward, " I whispered back.

For a short while at least.

Edward captured my lips with his as he rolled over on me. My eyebrows furrowed; he asked me what was wrong. I looked at his elbows on both sides of me, propping his body just above mine.

"Too much space between us," I muttered against his lips.

"I'll crush you," he said as I took a hold of his hips.

That's the point, I answered silently.

We had been so cautious all week together. But back then, we had time on our side. Not now.

I crushed upwards as he crushed downwards and it was like a switch being flipped on. My legs parted on contact; his hips swiveled right into place where I had made room for him.

Edward hit the ground running. His lips greeted me with flushed kisses. The kind of kisses that others frown upon in public - unless you are the recipient.

"Ed-"

He quieted me with his mouth. No more declarations for the moment, at least of the verbal kind.

His tongue stroked over my open lips, then slipped inside. He started to tangle slowly with me, his tongue pulsing in time with his hips below me. Against me.

He pushed harder into my mouth as he swiveled deeper into my domain.

A new rhythm was added to his movement. I shifted upward to greet every grind, met each swirl he pushed against my tongue. But I needed even more from him. I began arching and circling my back in tandem with my hips. Dragging my breasts against his chest was like heaven to me; his torso was the best of both worlds, hard muscle blanketed in soft skin.

"Shit, Bella..." He propped back on his arms, looking like he was in the starting position of a push up. All body contact stopped instantly.

"Edward, come back," I managed to sputter out, my lower and upper body still moving in a slow tandem.

"I won't last if you keep moving like that against me," he whispered, his hips still in motion.

He began eyeing my body below him, beckoning him back. "I'm not going to last watching you do that either." He looked up, with one eye scrunched. "Can you just lay still for a minute, Bella?" His voice cracked with the last sentence.

"Lay still? That's got to be a first," I muttered as I complied with his wishes.

He let out a laugh. I looked up in surprise. It was the loudest, most joyous laugh he ever let out. His eyes sparkled in the darkness as he crouched over and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Bella," he blurted out between snickers.

I gasped. Stiffened.

His eyes grew wide, and studied my face cautiously. I simply closed my lids, and brought his lips back to mine. I didn't want my eyes to betray me.

Suddenly a heated exchange between our bodies turned into something else. Unspoken apologies, regrets.

Edward stayed crouched over me, kissing me softly wherever his lips could reach. He started with my face. Down my neck. Across my collarbone. When he came to my breasts, his lips were reverential, thoughtful. As if he was commiting each square inch to memory.

My stifled cries broke through in that second.

"I'm sorry," I huffed out unevenly. I felt so ashamed, crying when I was the one who started this all. My tears were spilling out quickly now. I tried to hide them with my palms.

"Bella, don't be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry...I shouldn't be here..." His voice trailed off as he removed my hands from my eyes. I peeked. He hovered over me, his beautiful face full of sadness. Large tendrils of hair were falling onto his face as he looked down. I brushed them back reflexively.

"I'm just going to miss you," I blubbered out as a new rush of tears came upon me. "I don't want to go home. I don't want you to go home."

Edward looked on mournfully. He opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped himself. He started to sit upright, away from me. I had to put things back on track. He needed it. I did too. Maybe even more. I took a deep breath and willed all tears to cease.

I pulled Edward back over me, kissing him hard, my arms wrapping around his neck. My legs manuevered him back into place, right where he belonged. And I started moving again, the way that seemed to work for him earlier. It took some convincing on my part that I wanted this, wanted him, but we found our rhythm again.

He was ready for me; his body and movements were getting harder, more eager now. I reached out to grab him in my hand, which I thought was standard procedure; but he hissed in response, his jaw tensed tightly.

"Bella, not a good idea. I'm too close."

He was straining now, he needed a release soon. Even through his pants, his arousal looked unyielding and painful. I tried to ease his pants down with my toes, while keeping up my other duties. But I never said I was multi-tasker. The elastic waist kept snapping back upwards every time my toes lost their grip. Which, from the look on his face, didn't feel too great against a screaming erection.

He wasn't having much more success with my cheekies. His fingers were frantically trying to draw them down, but they were getting tangled up around my thighs.

"Talk about the blind leading the blind, huh?" I mused at the awkwardness of the scene. In movies, clothes came off much more gracefully.

I got another big laugh out of him as he finally pulled mine off successfully and then fumbled out of his own. I tried to be casual at the sight, but it was jarring almost to see his erect dick. Not to mention the thickness and length, but the fact it seemed to have a life of it's own, independent of Edward, the way it moved around like it was being hoisted by a string. Edward caught my stare, and we both shared a knowing smile together. I was going to miss that more than anything. That I really didn't have to explain things to him. He just got it.

He positioned himself against me once more with a grateful smile.

"Thanks," he said with a kiss.

"For what?"

"For...being patient with me." Little did he know, my heart soared seeing the display. He was as innocent as me. We were both trying to figure this out together.

He kissed me urgently while his hips began to move again, his stiff, thick head asking for entrance. I grinded up against him in reply, eager to welcome him in now.

He pushed forward slightly, his arms tensing to the point of shaking on either side of me. Edward's eyes were closed, his forehead creased in concentration. He was trying so hard not to push in farther until I was used to him. But he was losing control.

I let out a small gasp at the spreading inside me, just from the tip as it pushed through tight folds of flesh. He looked down in alarm.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you, Bella. I don't want to hurt you."

"Too late," I said with a sad smile. My hips then bucked up to push him in further. I had always been a "jump into the fire" type of girl. Baby steps never interested me.

It was hard to describe. One second, I felt like I was being pulled at the seams by both legs. The next second, having Edward on top of me moaning and moving with me, _while_ inside of me, felt sublime. Like I was being consumed by him. Burning. Warming. Piercing. Stretching. Painful pleasure. All wrapped into one.

And I wouldn't have had it any other way. I needed the pain to keep me grounded throughout. Because tonight wasn't about a dreamy first time, with flowers and drawn baths and the man of your dreams pledging himself to you. Tonight was about the man of your dreams telling you he loved you - and that he never wanted to see you again.

Painful pleasure. Pleasureable pain. All wrapped into one.

0000

He came to me once more after we had drifted off to sleep for awhile. The pain subsided this time, and pleasure took center stage. Edward lasted longer, now that he knew what to expect. We would have been good together, it was clear. Our bodies moved in sync naturally, they fit together naturally.

He needed to leave soon. I could feel him drifting away, even as he laid behind me, his arms encircling me. I didn't want any more tears. I was through with those.

I didn't even face him.

"I'm going to fall asleep right now, Edward. And when I do, you can leave through the silding door."

I didn't even want to say good bye.

He tried to say something, but my hand waved the words away. A glint of anger passed through me.

"I'm ready for you to leave now. I _want_ you to leave now." I settled back into position and closed my eyes.

I wasn't known for my acting skills, but I tried to lay as still as possible within a couple minutes of my declaration. There was no way I was truly falling asleep tonight, so I'd have to fake it.

And still, he held me longer than was reasonable. Almost an hour after my grand words, he was still cradling me in his arms. My mind began to drift, falling into a light state of unconsciousness. I could hear noises around me, but my mind was heading towards sleep.

I vaguely felt him kiss me one last time as his arms let go of me. But I heard his whisper clearly:

"You are my life now."

And with that, he walked out of my condo, and out of my life for good.

**000000000000000000**

**a/n: I've always been intrigued with how Edward left Bella in ****New Moon****. He talked of clean breaks; and yet, when you look closer, it was anything but. He made a pact with her that day. He told her if she promised to not do anything reckless to herself, he would promise in return to never come back. He made his "never to return" claim conditional on the fact that she keeps herself safe. **

**So what did Bella do? She did every reckless thing in the book, including the mother of all recklessness by jumping off a cliff. I thought at first that Bella was just being overdramatic. But in reality, it could be seen as an act of defiance against Edward. **

**Like she was calling out to him through her actions and saying, screw you and this pact of yours. I'm jumping off a cliff, you mofo, now come back and find me. **

**And that? Makes me like Bella all the more...**


	12. Edward's Lullaby

**Edward's Lullaby**

**a/n: Thanks for all the reviews!**

**a/n: Edward's "lullaby" that is referenced throughout the chapter is on my profile page at the very top with a direct link. Such a beautiful, haunting song. Either check my profile page, or else you can search on youtuber: "High and Low, Greg Laswell". It's one wrist slasher of a song!lol And it makes the chapter more wrist slashy when you listen and read at the same time..wink wink...**

**a/n: The bold is like what's sort of happening in the present. The unbold is Alice in her head telling us about the past. The italics are the lyrics of the song that's playing inside the house.**

**0000000**

**APOV**

**"Do I take a right at this light or the next one?" Esme was driving, while Rosalie spouted off the directions. I was looking through the pile of bags keeping me company in the backseat. **

_**A NICE, LITTLE BIRTHDAY SURPRISE.**_

**That's what Mom was calling it anyways. At least she was calling it something - anything**.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mom had never said a word about what happened in Hawaii with Edward.

She didn't say a word while what happened was in the middle of happening either.

She didn't say a word when Edward started sneaking out of the hotel early in the morning to get to the other side of the island.

Or when he didn't make it back at to the hotel at night.

She didn't say a word when we all went to the beach to meet Bella.

Or when he held Bella's hand.

Or wrapped his arms around her waist and bent down to kiss her shoulders.

And her neck.

And the faint freckles that were sprinkled over her nose and cheeks.

Every last one.

She didn't say a word when he threw his head back in a fit of laughter when Bella whispered something in his ear.

She didn't have to say a word though. Her face was doing all the talking.

It was his laughter that broke her actually. The sweet sound of Edward boisterously engaged in life, with someone else other than us. Someone special, who could break through that fortress he had built up through the years with the slightest smile.

My mother's face beamed, almost smugly, as she looked on at the two lovebirds. Edward caught it too.

Mother and son shared a brief look, and acknowledged one another with a slight nod. It was so slight, I wondered if I had imagined it.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

**"Right here, Esme," murmured Rose as she checked the address one more time. "Yeah, the last brownstone on the corner right there." Mom slowed down and parked on the street, about two doors down.**

**It was a nice neighborhood, nicer than I expected. I checked my mom's eyes in the rearview mirror. She looked nervous.**

**But of course she was nervous - Edward was the closest to Esme's heart. Not because she loved him more, or loved us less. **

**Because he was the one she feared for most.**

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

It hadn't always been that way. We had all taken turns being closest to her heart at different times.

Emmett caused her the most grief when we were younger. He had his share of suspensions and detentions in high school. A few small run-ins with the law when pranks got out of hand. A license revoked at one point, a set of slashed tires from an angry ex. But Esme always knew how to get through to him, even when Father couldn't. He had called her his saving angel on more than one occasion.

Once Emmett made it safely off to college, it was my turn to keep Mom up at night. I was grounded more often than not for lying about where I was and with whom - including the time I headed off to Rosarita Beach in Mexico with my then-boyfriend. And my taste in men at the time? My preference for bad boys in need of reform (even if they didn't know it) caused my father to want to ship me off to a nunnery. But Mom? Always there by my side, quietly guiding me past my missteps.

Edward, during those times, was always a refuge for my mother. He was the one constant in her family life she could rely on. Edward worked diligently in school and stayed out of trouble. He did his chores, and the most trouble he got into was dripping paint on the basement floor while finishing up his latest artistic creation. The only time he got yelled at? Was when he was playing the piano too loud.

Well, yelled at by Emmett and I at least. Esme loved to hear him play.

Yet, the very things that gave Esme peace back then, gave her cause for concern later. Emmett settled down considerably once he was on his own. He graduated from college. Had a great job in pharmaceutical sales. Met Rose, who whipped him into shape even more than we thought possible.

To the utter shock of my parents, I fell for Jasper, a guy with no need for reforming. He already had his shit together to begin with. Everything else seemed to fall into place once Jasper came into the picture. I was close to graduating now, and had a great side job and internship.

Emmett and I had grown out of our younger, careless ways. And had grown up.

But Edward...

It was as if our house had turned into mausoleum that encased our fifteen year old brother - even though he was twenty-one by then. He graduated college early, never leaving home. He was still doing the same chores, still dripping paint on the basement floor, still only making his presence known with the too-loud piano playing. Even though by now, Emmett and I had moved out and weren't home to complain about it.

What small group of friends he had made outside our family in school had long moved away. He made casual friends in classes easy enough in college, but no one who would actually contact him outside of class. Or visa versa.

And so, Edward would be waiting with Mom and Dad on the doorstep as Emmett or I drove up for a weekend visit. He was on the doorstep with them when they' d bid us good-bye. He relished family time more and more it seemed, as family time became less and less frequent. When he hugged me good-bye and told me he would miss me, I knew it wasn't just some obligatory thing to say to a sister. He meant it.

Edward was being left behind. And he felt it. So did I.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**"Damnit, I can't get the key to unlock it," Rose muttered as she jammed the key into the door one more time.**

**"Are you sure you got the right one off of Emmett's key ring," Esme asked sadly. **

**I put my hand on Mom's shoulder. "It's okay, Mom. If I have to scale the window up there to break us in, I will."**

**She thought I was kidding - I wasn't.**

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Mom couldn't have known some of the reasons for Edward's pause to join his siblings in the real world. She couldn't have known about his intrusive gifts that made him turn inward and tune out for his own mind's sanity. How solitude had long been equivalent to silence for him - peace.

But then my dream happened. And then Hawaii. And then Bella. Beautiful, sweet, shy Bella. Almost as awkward as my own brother in some ways, the way she dipped her head and blushed when a compliment came her way. And yet together, they were the perfect fit.

No one else saw what I saw watching them together, making me tear up randomly throughout that day we all spent together. No one else except for Mom.

This wasn't just a holiday fling. This was a monumental moment - a fork in the road of my brother's life, and he looked like he was diving in head first. Towards Bella.

xxxxxxxxxx

**"Shit, Emmett's calling me right now, "Rose hissed as she checked her caller ID. "Should I answer it? Do you think he knows I stole the key?"**

**I shook my head. "No, don't answer it. Not until we finish here." I took the key from her, jammed it in hard, joggled it side to side, and voila. I opened up the door.**

**Mom let out a relieved sigh. " Let's get the bags first and then go in."**

xxxxxxxxxx

There was no way I wanted her to answer the phone. Emmett would ruin everything we were trying to do.

He had always been the older sibling who felt he needed to "toughen" up his kid brother. He thought Esme and I coddled him to the point of making him soft.

But that all ended that last night in Hawaii. Edward was suppossed to meet us at the airport bright and early the next morning, to turn in the rental car. When the shuttle arrived to take the rest of us to the airport, however, Emmett and Jasper were missing.

"They went to pick up Edward. He was having car trouble earlier this morning," my father responded.

If they were having car trouble, Emmett and Jasper weren't exactly the two to fix it. You would call the car rental company. It was a cover, I knew right away, and it had to do with what happened with Bella last night. I just didn't know why Emmett was the one Edward contacted though. I was always his go-to person in the family.

They barely made it for the flight; and when they arrived, Jasper and Emmett flanked Edward as if they were his bodyguards, buffering him from us. Edward kept his head down, never making eye contact with me, his hooded sweatshirt covering his face.

"What's going on, Jas," I whispered frantically as he sat down beside me on the flight. I looked behind us. Emmett had found an empty section in the back of the plane and escorted Edward there. He sat on the outside aisle seat with his arms crossed, making it clear no one was getting past him unless he said so.

Jasper just shook his head, clearly rattled. "Alice, I honestly don't know. He was stopped on the side of the road, that's all I can tell you. Emmett wouldn't let me leave the car while he checked on Edward. I just drove back by myself in our rental while Emmett drove Edward's rental. "

The whole plane ride back in our section was completely silent, with the exception of Emmett's low reassurances:

"It's okay,bro.." the soft sound of patting on Edward's back could be singled out.."It's okay."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**A NICE, LITTLE BIRTHDAY SURPRISE.**_

**Somehow, we shouldn't have been surprised. This was classic Edward.**

**But it was all so stark and empty inside. Cold, winter white walls assaulted us as we walked in. **

**"It smells like it's never been lived in," Rose said with a quick whiff. "And the paint on the walls look like primer, for crying out loud."**

**Esme grabbed onto her sweater a little tighter before looking down at all the bags of home decorating goodies we bought. "Okay, girls. How shall we do this? Should we work together, or venture out to different rooms alone?"**

**I opted for going solo - I had some nosey sister business to check out. A song was playing down the hall, probably from his bedroom.**

_"But it fell through... Like all of you...Like all of you"_

**I could hear Rose's phone ringing again. "Don't pick it up, Rose...not until we are done."**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

From that morning in Hawaii on, things never went back to normal.

Edward never spoke of Bella again.

At least not to me.

He never spoke at all.

Sure, Edward answered all questions politely and appropriately. He asked me all the required questions a sibling should: how my job was going, how school was going, how Jasper was doing.

But that was the problem. I had seen him do this all our lives - it was his way of maintaining a distance with others. When you speak just enough, smile just enough,

pretend to be interested just enough, people give you more space.

And Edward wanted space from me specifically.

When school started back up for him in September, he moved out of my parent's house and stayed with Emmett for several months. I knew med school was no laughing matter; but suddenly, away from home and going to another college, Edward was hard to get a hold of. If I wanted to see him, it always had to be on neutral territory, where he could kill two birds with one stone. My parent's home.

Eventually, I found myself being the one eagerly waiting on the steps with my parents when my brothers' pulled up. I was the one hugging Edward a little bit longer than I needed to when he was saying good-bye. I was the one looking into his eyes and hoping he heard my words: "I miss you."

He'd only smile sadly.

But it was too late - he was leaving me behind.

At the same time, Emmett seemed to relish being Edward's new mentor. I tried not to resent him for it.

From what Rose told me, they were making up for the last twenty years. Emmett would make Edward go to the gym with him late at night; in exchange, Edward was actually getting Emmett out to art exhibitions when they were both free. They'd order out pizza on Friday nights, fight over rental picks at Blockbuster, play football in the front room and accidentally hit Rose's head at some point. They'd both giggle like naughty school boys too while she scolded them.

Emmett even bought him a little "homecoming" gift: a matching leather recliner to perch next to his in front of his beloved Flat Screen TV.

Edward hated television.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_"And just like that my fear of it disappeared , Like all of you ,Like all of you."_

**The song was on it's seventh straight rotation with no signs of letting up.**

**"ALIIIICCCE! Shut that damn song off! It's going to make me stab my eyes out if I have to hear it one more time!" **

**I just smirked as I looked through his bathroom. It was almost completely bare. Same white walls as in the front. The only sign he lived there was a toothbrush on the counter and a half-used bar of soap in a dish. I bit my lip as I eyed the medicine cabinet. **

**I was looking for any sign of her. Any sign that would give me a clue as to how serious it was between him and her. Did she stay here half of the week with him? Did she keep a tootbrush here? Tampons? Deoderant? A drawer with her clothes?**

**A medicine cabinet can say so much about the state of a household. As well as the state of a relationship.**

**And yet when I opened up, I found nothing. Not a trace of her existence.**

_"And I look high and low for yesterday, High and low for you and I..."_

**"Aliceeee! Shut that off!"**

**I quickly took some new hand and wash cloths out, draped them in decoratively on the towel rack, put out the toothbrush and soap holder my mom had picked out, and changed the shower curtain. That perked up the tiny room quickly. **

**"Okay, okay, Rose...I'm heading into the bedroom right now!"**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

By October, Edward had met Tanya. She was in sales with Emmett at his work - he introduced them of course. Rose got to meet her briefly once. She said she was beautiful and very smart with a background in research, Edward's personal passion. That she would be good for him - he spent too much time alone when Emmett wasn't around.

"He needs someone, even if it's not all fireworks and cotton candy and rainbows, like it was with..." She stopped short of saying Bella's name. Like all of us did at this point. She was slowly getting packed away with the rest of the memories of that trip.

And that reality made me that much more sad. Because my main memory of Bella was her on a porch at her condo, waving good bye to me with a hopeful smile on her face. The type of smile you give when you look forward to seeing that someone again.

I didn't want Edward to be lonely; but being okay with this new relationship made me feel like I was leaving Bella behind.

All over again.

By November, Emmett and Rose were engaged, and she moved in with Emmett. Rose told me Emmett wanted Edward to stay; but Edward, on the other hand, thought it was time to move out.

By December, we all asked him to bring Tanya over for our holiday family get together.

He told us, "Not yet."

I wondered if he would have been more willing to bring her if I wasn't there.

I couldn't blame him if I was right. Who knows what apocalyptic visions I would have this time around for Edward to make him have to skip out on another chance at happiness.

I'd stay away from me too, when I thought about it that way.

By January, Edward had moved out. And into a condo he purchased on his own - with the help of tidy trust fund money we all received from our maternal grandparents.

By February, we asked him if we could have a house warming party for him. With Tanya present. Only Emmett had been to his place.

He told us, "Not yet."

xxxxxxxxxxx

_"Once I can see straight I might move somewhere cold, Seattle or the Bay Area..."_

_**I could hear Rose grumble loudly as the song was making a new rotation.**_

_**"**__To see your ghost...What's left of you...What's left of you..."_

_**And then I entered his room. **_

_**A wash of deep, oceanic blue covered the walls and ceiling. A mattress was on the floor - an elaborate looking art table was on the opposite side of the room, with scores of sketches clipped to it. **_

_**"Busy little bee," I uttered as I took in the whole scene. No other furniture was in the room. But on the wall behind the art desk table, were drawings upon drawings that were tacked onto it neatly, all ranked and filed. They weren't Edward's drawings - more likely printouts of images he found online. Once I finally got close enough, I noticed all the different styles and forms the drawings had. But they all had one thing in common.**_

_**"Mermaids," I whispered, touching the face of the sea nymph closest to me, her arms stretched out, beckoning.**_

_"And I look high and low for yesterday...High and low for you and I..."_

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

By March, we gave up on the house warming party ever happening. Everytime we bothered him about it, he would simply make a trip up to the parents' house to appease us. And we would start the ritual all over again. Conversations fit for a pleasant acquaintance, but not for us. Not for Alice and Edward.

I voiced my concerns about Edward being so elusive with us to Father. He argued that maybe this was his way of laying claim to his independence finally.

"It was a long time coming as well, you should know that more than anybody. He may need to make a clean break for awhile, before he can come back all the way to us. This may be harder for him than we realize."

What the hell was it with men and clean breaks?

My mother looked on, not looking convinced by my father's words.

I knew that quietly, the men of the family were rejoicing in Edward's actions. That he had finally "cut the apron strings" from Mom and me. He had moved out, got his own place, met a nice girl - all the big boy things they thought he should have done much earlier.

He was diving right into med school - and even landed a coveted research position on top of it. It was these activities -his school and work - that were keeping him away more than anything, Carlisle argued. He was trying to make a mark for himself, and we should support him, and give him a little space at this time.

Which seemed logical enough. But this was the week my mother finally spoke up. To the ladies in the family at least. She told us we were going to give Edward a nice, little birthday surprise. One that required Rose stealing the extra key to Edward's place off of Emmett's key ring, so he would be none the wiser to our plans.

Yes, it was Edward's birthday. Yes, Mother made a good point that a young, cash strapped and overworked medical student could probably use some "housewarming" gifts to home up his house. Even if we hadn't been invited over yet. Yes, Mother really did want him to have the cookware and linens and towels and plates and utensils and cuttlery and shower curtains and scores of other things she bought for him.

But more than anything, Mother silently picked this day to go to his house while he was at school. And it wasn't lost on me.

Edward's birthday had already past. But today? Well, today was the anniversary of the day we left Hawaii last year. And if I knew my mother, she wanted to see Edward in person to see if he was truly over what happened last summer. That he was simply moving on, as Carlisle said.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**I must have looked at the prints on the wall for at several minutes, they were so mesmermizing. All of the mermaids and their beautiful forms seemed to be swimming along the wall, with the blue paint fitting perfectly as an ocean backdrop.**

**I finally made my way to the art desk table, and began skimming Edward's drawings. The ones on top were mostly of lines and brushes, of vague forms, such as faces and bodies. **

**But as the pictures progressed, the faces and forms sharpened in focus. I began to move more quickly to see the sharpest drawings of all.**

**When I came upon it. Her.**

**Bella.**

**Bella sleeping, face close up. Her eyebrows peaceful, with a small slither of a smile at play.**

**Bella sleeping, face to the side. This time, her expression showed signs of stress, like she was having a nightmare.**

**Bella sleeping, her whole form lying and curved slightly on a bed, with only a sheet keeping her from being fully exposed.**

**Bella sleeping, lounging on a rock in the middle of the ocean -with a fishtail for legs.**

**Bella, Bella, Bella. **

**Every damn sketch was of Bella. Dozens. And those were just the ones on the desk.**

**"ALICEEEE! I swear I'm switching off the main power line if you don't shut that song off now!"**

**I ignored her as I noticed the row of drawers on the bottom of the art desk table. I flipped one open, although it took some effort. It was too full of things to open all the way.**

**I slipped out one of the envelopes. It was sealed with only the date on the front: "December 12, 2007"**

**I grimaced as I opened the back of the envelope. Two neatly folded papers were inside. Edward's handwriting. I glanced over it quickly. **

**It spoke of the work he did in class that morning, how he played racquetball with Emmett that evening...**

**His version of a journal perhaps? But then it ended with:**

**"I love you."**

**Bella. It didn't have her name on it. But it was a letter for Bella. **

"_And I'll steal the words he ended with: I miss you..."_

**I ripped another envelope out: "January 3, 2008"**

"_And I do..."_

**" October 27, 2007"**

_"Miss you..."_

**"March 12, 2008"**

_"High and low for yesterday...High and low for you and I..."_

**I threw open the other drawers. They were filled with the same envelopes, sealed and with dates on the front. Hundreds of them.**

**I made it out of the hallway somehow...around the corner, heading for the room I thought Mom and Rose were in.**

**"ALLLICCCCEE! Come here...now!"**

**Not again about the song, Rose. Not now.**

**I found them. My mother was rubbing her mouth with her hand, sitting at a folding table, looking upset before I had even told her.**

**"You better make her sit before she falls, " I heard Rose say. My mom was already sitting...**

**It was only then that I realized I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my teeth chattered. Rose firmly sat me down and held me for a second.**

**"My ass he has a girlfriend, Alice." **

**Rose grimly pointed over to the corner of this makeshift painting room of Edward's. Large canvassed paintings. Several. Of Bella.**

**"He's tricked us," I said hoarsely, thinking of all the months I had let this go on. I knew better, I knew better than this. **

**He wasn't well all this time, and I knew better. "He tricked us all."**

**"Not all of us, Alice. " Rose flipped open her cellphone and dialed.**

**"Yes, put me through to Emmett Cullen please. Tell him it's an emergency."**

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	13. Bella's Lullaby

**Bella's Lullaby**

a/n: Thanks for all the reviews last chapter! I've been such a big Debbie Downer the last couple of chapters, I tried to make this one less bummerish. lol

a/n: Bella's Lullaby doesn't really figure in to this chapter like last chapter, but I put the song up on my profile if you want a peek. The lyrics are the bold lines preceding sections in quotes.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Last chapter:_

_It was only then that I realized I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my teeth chattered. Rose firmly sat me down and held me for a second._

_"My ass he has a girlfriend, Alice."_

_Rose grimly pointed over to the corner of this makeshift painting room of Edward's. Large canvassed paintings. Several. Of Bella._

_"He's tricked us," I said hoarsely, thinking of all the months I had let this go on. I knew better, I knew better than this._

_He wasn't well all this time, and I knew better. "He tricked us all."_

_"Not all of us, Alice. " Rose flipped open her cellphone and dialed._

_"Yes, put me through to Emmett Cullen please. Tell him it's an emergency."_

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_"__**And I start to feel the fever, From the warm air through the screen.**_

_**You come regular like seasons, Shadowing my dreams**__......."_

**Angelapov (3 months after Hawaii)**

Here we go again.

I settled back into my pillow, hearing Bella through the paper thin walls in the room next to me. She had the volume down on low, but I could still hear.

I'd spent many nights like this one trying to reconfigure how Hawaii should have gone down last summer. My main regret? Bringing Ben. It changed the whole experience for Bella and me. It was originally meant to be a "girls-only" frolic through paradise.

Had I kept with that theme, Bella would have never wandered alone on strange beaches, attracting pretty, stray boys that followed her home - and into her bed.

But I did bring Ben. I turned the vacation into a romantic holiday for two, and that turned Bella into a third wheel.

Selfish, selfish girl.

Edward looked like trouble from day one. He was suspiciously beautiful. The kind of face and smirk and body that made you want to roll your eyes, because it was just overkill. Pure, unadulterated genetic lottery jackpot overkill.

Which of course made him the unspoken wish every girl hopes for on their vacation. That gorgeous holiday crush that you say good bye to before he can be anything less than dreamy, then get to brag about to your co-workers back home. With photographic evidence handy, of course.

But it never began as a crush, when I look back in hindsight. They acted like old lovers who had reunited instead. There was an intimacy there that was uncomfortable to watch at times. They were always entangled - their limbs, their stares, their whispers. So unlike my Bella. But Edward was so unlike anyone she'd met before.

She never had a chance.

I warned him - I told him who he was messing with. He seemed to understand. He seemed to care. No- he seemed to _love_ her. I'd never seen anyone look at her the way he did. He saw who I saw, what most other men wouldn't have taken the time to notice. Most men would see a quiet, quietly pretty girl, and then move on quickly to the girl across the room whose beauty was more loudly heralded.

But Edward never made it to across the room - because his eyes never strayed from Bella's.

It would have been charming, if his gaze wasn't so intense.

Trouble.

But then he didn't show up one day. Or the next. Bella made excuses for his absence, even though something was clearly bothering her.

Of course she would though. She was loyal and protective to a fault.

Even on that morning.

It couldn't have been more than 6:00 AM. I had seen Ben off minutes earlier. He was heading out on a chartered fishing trip for the day so I could spend some time alone with Bella. Edward's flight was leaving that morning and she needed something to distract her.

I was heading back to my bedroom, when I heard the muffled sounds. Like crying into a pillow.

I eased her door ajar slightly. She was sitting up against headboard hunched over, legs bent, arms hugging her knees, head bowed. She was rocking herself back and forth.

Bella was naked. Only a sheet was covering her body - barely.

"Oh, God Bella," I whispered as I rushed towards her. I prayed that it wasn't what it looked like.

And I never pray.

Bella was a virgin. Bella was sensitive and sweet and loyal and loving - more loving than was good for her. All the things that made her the worst possible candidate for a one night stand.

I wrapped my arms around her gently and began to rock her myself.

"Shhh, Bella."

"Did he..." I didn't want to voice the words, but I needed to know. I needed to know how to help her right then. "Did you sleep with Edward, Bella?"

She nodded into her knees.

"And he just left you like this? He slept with you, and left you like this?" My voice raised in tone and volume, cracking with the last part. If I had a rocket bomb launcher stashed underneath my bed at that moment, I would have targeted Edward's plane overhead.

Bella raised her face to mine. Her eyes were wide, haunted.

"No, he didn't, Angela. That's the problem. He didn't _just _leave me like this."

She wanted me to realize she initated everything. That she refused to say good - bye the way he was trying to, all awkward and distant. She wanted to say good bye on her terms.

But then her plan was thrown for a loop.

"You are my life now." The bastard whispered that _before_ leaving her bedroom without another word.

"He didn't know I heard him though, Angela. He thought I was asleep. His words weren't for my ears."

Always loving and protective - to a fault.

He couldn't leave her "just like this." That would have been too easy.

Edward had to leave her by giving her hope.

Some odd, vague hope that he would return to her in some way.

Selfish, selfish boy......

for uttering empty declarations that he wouldn't remember uttering by the time he landed back in Seattle.

We flew home soon after.

She never spoke of Edward. At least not to me.

She went back to being quietly reliable, quietly pretty, quiet Bella. She drowned into the background again, only grabbing the notice from our small circle of friends. She threw herself back into her studies and her job. She cooked me dinner more often than not while I did her laundry in exchange. She watched the "Office" with Ben and me each Thursday.

Everything seemed to go back to normal.

But she couldn't fool me entirely. Sometimes when she didn't know I was looking, I'd catch it.

A small, knowing smile would play on her lips when she headed to her bedroom, hours before she'd actually go to bed.

And hours later, as I settled back into my pillow, I could hear it. Them.

Classic standards. The likes of Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald and Etta James. Shamelessly romantic songs that spoke of love coming along at last, loving all the way.

She retired early almost every night, falling asleep to those sweet sentiments with that knowing smile on her face.

Waiting.

xxx

**(8 months since Hawaii)**

_**"And I guess thats how you started, Like a pinprick to my heart**_

_**But at this point you rush right through me, And I start to drown......."**_

"God, Bella, when did you turn all super-athlete on me, " I spouted out in between breaths.

She had taken me on one of her "smaller" hikes as of late, and I was still huffing and puffing like a six-pack-a-day smoker. She took my hand in hers.

I knew the answer to my own question, of course. Bella had taken to the outdoors as of late. She had never been an outdoors type; whenever I thought of Bella, I always imagined her surrounded by four walls and a lot of books. But her new interest was encouraging; she had been spending too much time inside - at her work, at school, then at home in her bedroom.

With a gentle pull, she encouraged me: "We're almost there, Ang. Just a little further. It's worth it."

She was right.

The outlook from the cliff was breathtaking - overlooking forests and rivers below us.

And wind. Lots of strong rushes of wind. Bella closed her eyes and outstretched her arms, letting the gusts push against her forcefully. She began to flap them lightly as a small grin appeared.

The smile on her face wasn't a knowing smile anymore though. Those smiles had left months earlier, along with the love songs.

The smile on her face was one of remembrance.

Our vacation condo had been located on the "Windward" side of the Oahu. "Wind" being the operative word. Bella looked like a little rag doll, when we'd be walking back to our place from the Island bus stop, as the gales pushed her along at a quickened pace. She once joked she was making a snow angel standing up, while she flapped her arms and legs in and out.

"Not a snow angel, Silly Bella. A wind angel," Edward had chimed in at the time, his normally unruly hair looking downright mutinous as a gust took him from behind.

Bella opened her eyes and caught my stare. She sat down on the ground, and I followed.

"I'm starting to forget things," she said in a low whisper.

I was about to tell that's a good thing, but stopped. She never talked about him - I didn't want her to shut down after one sentence. So, I just put my arm around her.

Her arms hugged her bent knees. "Like I can't see his face completely anymore. I can see his eyes, or his lips or his hair perfectly by themselves, but not altogether." She turned to me casually. "Have you ever done that, where you can't remember someone's face, even though you should?"

I mentioned that the same thing happened to me when my grandma died. I had been so close to her, and yet I started having a hard time imagining her in my head.

She nodded soberly, and then threw her head back into the wind again, closing her eyes. The smile reappeared.

And this is why she came here. She was forgetting, and she didn't want to. Maybe she couldn't see him in her mind anymore. But she could feel him up here - it could all rush back to her with a single sensation.

"I lied to myself, " she said calmly, her eyes still closed. I asked her how.

"I told myself I was saying good bye to him that night."

She shook her head slowly.

"I thought I was wrapping a big, pretty bow on our time together and walking away on my terms." She started to laugh softly. "I even told him when to leave my bed. Like I was in charge."

You were in charge, I thought. At least in that moment.

"But I know better now. I was trying to hold onto him, I think. Like I am now. Pathetic."

"Oh, give me a break, Bella. You didn't lie to yourself, and it's not like you were trying to trap him. You were saying good-bye. But how were you suppossed to know how being with Edward would affect you?"

She rolled her eyes, thinking I was just talking about her virginity, but I wasn't.

"Sex magnifies everything, Bella. It pushes all feelings to the surface, for better or worse. And the scary thing is you never know how the other is affected by it. It's like you and Edward were on that old game show _Let's Make a Deal_, where you both had to pick from a series of doors with different prizes behind it. And the door you two opened together? No matter how ready you thought you were, you never know what's behind that door until you open it."

She nodded.

"I think we saw different things behind the door."

"You two were on the same page that whole trip, Bella. Don't try to rewrite history like whatever happened between you two was something common. I saw it. Whatever happened _afterwards_ is up for debate, but what happened in Hawaii---"

"Stayed in Hawaii," she chimed in with a laugh. " Gotcha."

She shook her head side to side, almost like she was deciding whether to say more or not.

"That's the problem with forgetting things. The more I forget, the less I know what's real and what's not. Like my mind is playing tricks on me, and that I've built up some huge myth around nothing more than a fling."

She threw her head back once more into the wind, that small smile coming back on her face.

"But there's these moments, where everything floods back to me for a brief second. Like it just happened yesterday. And I know better."

Whatever Edward's shortcomings were, I knew better too. What happened between them was something out of the ordinary - even if it wasn't meant to last past those few days. I wanted to tell her that I understood.

But she jumped back up to her feet and held out her hand before I could get a word out. "We better get going, it's getting late."

Suddenly, I felt like an intruder on her little refuge. We walked back down the trail and talked about Ben and Renee moving to Florida finally and everything under the sun.

Except for Edward.

**xxx**

**BENPOV( 1 year since Hawaii)**

**"And time passed makes it plain, Of all my demon spirits, I need you the most, I'm in love with your ghost...."**

I knocked twice on the door. Angela was in the shower, so I knew it was my only chance. Bella opened up with a smile. The bedroom was almost bare now, with all of her belongings secured up into just three boxes in the corner. No one could ever accuse Bella of rampant and conspicuous consumption.

"You got everything packed, huh?"

I closed the door behind me. She gave me a questioning look.

"Two things, Bella. First, a parting gift from me to you." I handed over the sadly gift wrapped offering; it was a last minute find, so all I had to cover it up with was a Sunday Cartoon page with coffee marks on it and some masking tape.

"Open it."

She unwrapped it with great care. The masking tape should have been the tip - off to just rip it open. "Listen, Ben, I'm sorry about bailing on tonight, but I just have..."

She froze as the wrapping fell to the ground and revealed what was underneath.

"What the hell?" She looked at me in horror.

"It's a Peter Pan Beanie Baby I bought for a two bucks at a garage sale last weekend. Talk about dumb luck, right?"

Bella continued to stare at me in utter mortification. "Why does it have a noose around it's head?"

Well, maybe that wasn't the best sequeway afterall for what I had to say.

xx

Angela had confided in me only a couple times about Bella. How last summer had affected her in ways that lingered.

_Last summer_. That was code for "Edward." He had Lord Voldemort-he-who-must-not-be-named status in their home. To conjure up his name was to conjure up what had happened all over again. Angela wouldn't tolerate that -especially since she felt responsible for _it _happening in the first place.

And it wasn't just his name that Angela banned from the premises. Certain words, certain songs, certain photos from that vacation; hell, certain foods were off limits now. As if the smallest reminder would somehow be the straw that broke Bella's back.

The couple times Angela did confide in me, I only seemed to aggravate her with my "guy" perspective. I didn't understand why Bella was holding onto something that was, for all intents and purposes, a brief spring break fling.

"It's her first time falling, Ben. Falling and then jumping into the fire so to speak. In the space of like, five days. Bella, mind you. Ms. Cautious 101. She knew better, and yet she still took the leap. And all for what? You do the math."

Math was never my strong subject to begin with, and Bella math? Even more of a riddle. So I sat back for the most part, letting Angela do all the problem solving. Angela got all mother bear on her, trying to cushion her from things that would make her remember.

I never her told her, but it was a lost cause. Bella would have had to forget first in order to remember. She never got that far.

She was protective of her, cutting anyone off at the pass that might ask or say something to her that would be too much. She guarded over Bella's fragile state with a fervor that was almost zealous. Guilt can do that to people.

I never told her, but it was a lost cause. Sure, she was protecting her in that moment, but long term? Long term, I was pretty sure all Angela was doing was putting off the inevitable.

But now she was moving across the country with her mother. "A change of scenery," she called it. Angela said in Bella math that equaled "trying to run away from last summer." And she worried - worried that if she wasn't there to pick up the slack, buffer the incoming deluge of normal life, that something would finally break Bella.

I never told her, but it was a lost cause. Bella _would___break, she couldn't stay in her little bubble forever, encased in memories and regrets and entertaining the thoughts of romantic martyrdom. But if I was the one to burst the bubble, maybe Bella breaking wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe it would be the thing that helped build Bella back up again, to the Bella we knew and loved - and missed.

xxx

"Why does it have a noose around it's neck, Ben?"

She knew why it had a noose. Angela had told me earlier about Bella's Peter Pan parallel with Edward. That in the novel, Peter Pan didn't want Wendy to leave Neverland, but finally relents when they make a pact for him to return to her every Spring. He forgets the pact after only one visit. Yet Wendy never gave up hoping for him to come back to her years after, keeping vigil by her window every Spring, waiting for him to remember.

"Because sometimes Peter Pan is a real pretty boy pain in the ass. And he needs a good, swift kick."

Bella wasn't amused. "Listen, Ben, I have things to do, so if you could excuse me---"

I stopped her mid-sentence. "Bella, I never said I had a way with words or with....gifts. But I need to say this before Angela gets out of the shower."

Angela's name was the only reason Bella stopped mid-motion from throwing me out.

"You know she loves you awful like a sister, right? That she would do anything for you?"

Bella moved in closer instinctively.

"Well, Bella, I need you to do something for her."

Without even taking a breath, the words rushed out; sometimes too rushed, causing her to wince at their unintended harshness.

I told her everything. How Angela had blamed herself for _last summer_. How she had tried so hard to make up for it by being there for Bella, down to the most minute of ways. Ways I was sure she didn't even realize. How she worried herself sick with her moving so far away, how she didn't think she was strong enough yet for such a big change.

Bella's face broke my heart, the way it slowly dawned on her what I was saying. She finally realized: she hadn't fooled us, any of us. Not for one minute.

She began a long list apologies. I stopped her. The last thing she needed was more things to regret.

"Bella, I'm not telling you this so you feel bad. I'm telling you this because tonight? You could bring her some peace, make her realize you are stronger than she thinks you are."

She began to shake her head in doubt. Bella knew what I was getting at. All week, Angela and I had been trying to get her to go with us and my friend Paul to the International Music Fest, the college's annual official welcoming of summer. It was a huge street fair, full of booths with merchandise and food, and different stages throughout that played various music. The whole community turned out for a night of food and music and dancing in the streets.

"Ben, any other day, I would. I just.....I can't....not today." Her eyes were pleading, filling with tears. God, I felt like an asshole.

"Bella, that's why it HAS to be today. It's not lost on us what tonight is."

The one year anniversary. The night Angela had been worried about for weeks. The night Angela had been trying in vain to fill up with dancing and friends, so she couldn't remember.

As if she could forget.

"Bella, Angela has been trying all year to make you forget. But you know what? I know you are strong enough _to remember_." I picked up the Peter Pan Beanie Baby by the noose. "Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward. Edward."

She looked at me with widened eyes, but no tears were falling at least. I continued with all the "they-that-shall-not-be-uttered" list of phrases.

"Edward, Hawaii. Love, Kisses on the Beach. Malasadas. Wind angels. Coconut Cream Chocolate Pie, Swing Dancing, Waimea Beach, Cliff Jumping, Lychee, Afternoon Naps."

Still no tears. I started pointing at the doll.

"See? I uttered all the things Angela's been trying to keep from you all year, and you didn't break," I said triumphantly.

And with that, her eyes closed. Tightly. Her shoulders began to shake. Spastically . And the tears - they began to fall. Quickly.

Shit.

I grabbed a hold of her and let her cry. It took several minutes before she was able to speak again.

"I'm such an idiot, Ben. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this, it's so stupid...."

"Shhh...Bells. Don't think you have to explain yourself to me. I may not understand what last summer was about. But I trust you. I trust your judgement."

She freed herself from my embrace, trying to wipe her eyes.

"I know you, Bella. You don't fall for just any line or pretty face. You are smarter than that. So for you to feel like this still means something. I trust you."

Bella just shook her head.

"I don't get it. I keep waiting for it to feel better. Time heals all wounds and the like. And yet, the farther I get from it, the more it fades from my memory, the more it hurts...I don't understand it..."

I told her I didn't have all the answers; hell, I had none. But there was one thing I could offer.

"You know how I helped my sister out with her childbirthing classes a couple times? When her husband was out of town?" She remembered.

"At the class, they were telling her to that when a hard contraction came on, she needed to breathe a certain way and then try to focus on something in the room. Basically telling her to distract herself from the pain."

I then told her about the actual labor, as told by my sister. How she, in the middle of the pain of a contraction, couldn't remember how to breathe OR focus. How she freaked out, realizing those techniques were useless for her in that moment.

Bella was listening intently now, and she had stopped crying.

"But you know what ended up working for her, Bella? She told me at some point, instead of trying to distract herself, she just went head first into the pain, and owned it. And somehow, facing the pain head on, she was able to work through it better."

I shook Bella by the shoulders lightly.

"Take that for what it's worth, Bella. But all year I've seen Angela try to distract you. Maybe just walking head first into the pain, and claiming it, may be another option."

We talked some more, even after Angela had finished her shower. I told her that I didn't expect her to get over this anytime soon, but that tonight could be the first step to owning her past - as well as claiming her future.

"Red heels. Wear those red heels of yours, and Angela will be beside herself," I said with a smile.

"Oh, I may be able to even top the red heels, Ben," Bella retorted, trying to be a good sport. Trying being the operative word.

Before I left, I made her take a smack at Peter Pan.

"Harder than that, Bella, the pretty boy deserves it. Don't be such a bleeding heart." She gave in and even double bitch slapped him for my benefit.

And only my benefit, most likely.

Because I saw her take the noose off around his neck before I closed her door.

**xxx**

**"Oh I'm forever under lock and key, As you pass through me"**

**BPOV**

"Well, well, well..will you get a load of that," Paul muttered almost under her breath, staring at me in a way that made me feel self conscious. Has it really been that long since I put makeup on? Geesh...maybe it has.

"Bella," Angela squawked out in full panic mode. But I knew she'd react that way. That was the point, right? Tonight was for Angela. I needed to convince her, even if I couldn't convince myself, that I was okay. That I was over everything, and ready to move on. God, it was the least I could do after hijacking her last year unknowingly like I had been.

Selfish, selfish girl I was.

She didn't say another word as she grabbed my hand and dragged me to her bedroom, closing the door.

"Are you feeling okay, honey?" If I didn't give her a satisfactory answer, she'd be feeling my forehead with the back of her hand in no time flat.

"I'm fine, Ang. I just thought I'd brush my hair and actually wear a dress for my date tonight."

The words came out without a thought, as if someone else had taken over me, and I was working on auto-pilot.

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. I overdid it with the date part. "What are you up to? Why are you wearing the dress from..._last summer_?"

I tried not to laugh, as I smoothed down white minidress with my hands. It was the same dress I wore on my swing dancing date with Edward.

I had to think fast. She knew something was up.

"Well, you know what today is." She nodded. "I'm ready to start fresh. This just seemed like a good way to do it. Give this pretty little dress some new memories."

I looked down on it, trying to forget about waking up in it that morning with Edward in my bed. I actually liked the old memories that came with this thing.

"It's a shame it doesn't get more primetime coverage. It's my favorite dress, really."

She stared at me long and hard for a whole minute. "Bella, are you sure you are up for this?"

No.

"Yes, " I said with a flip smile as I gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Now put your red heels on so we can be foot twins tonight."

xxx

The evening started off smoother than I imagined.

We first hit some of the food booths for dinner. Angela and Ben went straight for Indian fare, while Paul followed me to a Creole booth. I had known Paul casually for about two years now, and always had an inkling he fancied me a bit.

He helped peel my shrimp and tried to wipe my mouth with a napkin a couple times - Angela looked on in horror. I would have been horrified too, but Paul was coming in handy for the night's mission.

So, I played along. I let him do all the awkwardly sweet "datey" things he insisted upon doing. And I received them with a smile. Maybe not the most convincing of smiles, but convincing enough to get a thumbs up from Ben during the meal.

It was strange; almost like I was watching it all happen from outside of my body, as a witness instead of a participant. Maybe that's why it was easier to go through the motions though - that the distance I had put between myself and the girl in the red heels was making everything possible.

Like those laughs I was letting go every time Paul attempted a joke.

As we headed towards the first musical stage to listen to some Zydeco band from New Orleans, Paul slipped his hand into mine.

Do it for Angela. Be a sport, and grip back, I coached the red heeled girl.

She obliged.

"Bella, I wish we could have gotten to hang out a little more before you have to go." His voice and face were so sincere, I couldn't begrudge him for his earnestness.

"It's only for the summer, Paul." That's what I was saying anyways; most likely, it would be for good though. Especially after what Ben said. I couldn't let Angela worry about me anymore. And my mother knew how to keep me running around ragged after her, that could be just the thing to kick start me forward.

"Would you like to dance, Bella?" Paul dipped his head towards the crowd dancing before the performers. I was about to say no, when I saw Angela on the side of me, ready to do the honors. Of course she would though. I gave up swing dance class with her after Hawaii, and haven't been up for dancing in general for just as long.

Which is why I had to say yes.

"Sure." I turned my head towards Angela. "I didn't wear my dancing shoes for nothing."

The rhythm of the music was such that you almost had to do a waltz-like dance to it - 1, 2, 3...1, 2, 3....

Paul handled me awkwardly as he led, the poor thing. He was like a male version of me. My mind began to wander past him and backwards towards Edward that night just over a year ago. He was flawless dancing in flip flops, guiding me along with little effort; while I struggled to keep up, mumbling the commands to myself the whole time. How fitting.

"Triple step, triple step, triple step, rock- a - step...."

Paul looked down at me. "What?"

I just shook my head and tried to smile his inquiry away.

We danced there for about twenty minutes before Ben told us he wanted to check out a band on another stage. It was a good thing too; between Paul's two left feet, my two left feet, and four inch spiked heels, someone was going to get injured very soon.

"You guys like reggae?"

xxx

The reggae venue was jam packed. Paul put one hand on my waist; not in a lecherous way, mainly just to guide me through the crowd.

But I still had to rally the red heeled girl to butch up. Especially when Angela noticed and stared right at me, as if she was trying to read my mind.

How was I going to get on without her?

The music made for more casual dancing, to my relief. Now Paul just stood in front of me and did some odd little pattern of snapping his fingers with his arms out while moving his hips side to side. Damn, if both of us went in for genetic counseling, we'd be forbidden to procreate - simply on the grounds of our two identical, recessive "can't-dance-to-save-our-lives" genes.

As a slower jam started, Paul took my hands in his.

Suck it up, I repeated silently. You can do this. If you can pair red heels with a white minidress, you can hold Paul's hands. And this time around, I didn't need too much prompting. Because I was getting better at this. Maybe Ben was onto to something....

Paul leaned into my ear: "I'm so glad we got to do something before you left. Thanks for coming with me."

Just nod and smile politely.

I did, almost too well. Because once the slow song had ended, and a faster song was now in full swing, Paul kept us in the awkward slow dance position.

And it didn't bother me. I was okay, I thought. Not because I was watching this all go down from outside of myself, floating above like Casper on a tree limb. I was okay, right inside my skin at this moment. It was the first anniversary of something that broke my heart ten times over. And I wasn't crying in my room like I planned to. I was dancing in the streets. In fucking red spiked heels, no less.

"Thank you Paul, " I said with more enthusiasm than he could probably understand. His head went to the side slightly, like how my dog used to when he didn't know what I wanted from him. I gave him a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Just thanks for tonight. I needed this."

We danced awkwardly for several more songs, bonding over our general lack of coordination. It usually took us about half the song to figure out how to sway in time, and the other half of the song for Paul to figure out how to make his fingers snap at the same time.

We were in the middle of trying to find our rhythm for the current song, when the lyrics struck me:

_"__**Woman I Treat You Like A Man Is Suppose To, You Never Have To Cry**__"_

I knew this song, I thought, as I stopped moving.

"_**I**_** Know Everyone Can Relate To When They Find That Special Someone, And She's Royal, Yeah So Royal**"

My whole body stiffened before I finally recognized the song, as if my cellular memory was more efficient than my consciousness.

It all flooded back to me. Spending the day with Edward's family at the beach. Alice insisting on girl-only time while we got ready for the club, making the boys meet us there. Rose ironing my dress, Alice flittering around the hotel lobby to find a plumeria for my ear. Making it to the club, only to be situated in one particular spot by Alice, who told me to wait riiiiight there, before she clapped her hands and ran away.

Then he tapped me on the shoulder. A slight tap was all that was needed to know who it was.

"Finally."

That's all he said as we embraced while this song carressed my ears in the background.

_Finally. _

_Four Hours Is Nothing._

_I want to come home to this - to us. _

_You are My Life Now._

I laughed outloud, thinking how beautiful all those words sounded at the time. How mocking they sounded now.

Stupid, stupid girl. Still longing when he probably didn't even remember my name. Who only lived four hours away. Nothing, four hours. Nothing at all. Unless you had nothing to say to that person, I guess.

Paul grabbed my elbow gently. "You okay, Bella?"

_**"Yeah So Royal. And, I Want Her In My Life."**_

I want her in my life.....

I could feel it coming up. I didn't have much time.

"Paul, I'll be right back, I just need to use the restroom." I gave him a stare that meant business when he told me he'd come with me - he stopped mid-motion.

Angela looked at me as I walked past. I gave her a reassuring smile and pointed to the Porta-Potty lineup closeby.

I rushed past the crowd and towards the park area that looked deserted. I was running now at full speed, trying to make it as far as I could from any eyewitnesses.

But not making it far enough.

I fell down to my knees, my hands bracing against a blanket of pineneedles covering the ground before it happened.

"Yeewaaaach."

It was loud, violent. The sounds and smells only caused me to retch harder.

I heard footsteps behind me, crackling over the pine needles. I begged God to not let it be Angela. Anyone but her.

But no one appeared.

Tears were falling down to the ground now in quick succession. So humiliating.

That's all I had to show for last summer. Humiliation.

Humiliation for trusting him. For trusting in myself - in us. In whatever it was that happened. For having faith that what happened was bigger than me or him individually, and whatever obstacles that were in place right now would eventually sort themselves out.

Stupid, delusional girl.

The tears streamed faster as I thought of all the looks of pity I'd endured all year. Not just from Angela or Ben, but others. Others who didn't even know what happened, but could see something in me that made their faces set in a look of unmistakeable pity.

I hate pity.

The more pity I received, the more I tried to keep away from it - from them. And the more I clung to my faith.

But I had no more to cling to. It was used up. I was ready to get the hell out of "four hours is nothing" Dodge and put this behind me.

"Enough," I muttered after everything I had inside me was out. "Enough of this."

I heard the crackling pineneedles behind me again. I looked.

No one.

My worst fear though, about getting out of _Dodge_ was that _Dodge_ would follow me to Florida. Just like _Dodge_ followed me here tonight. How_ Dodge _followed me everywhere for the last year.

It started out as something I welcomed, Edward's presence. At some point, it was downgraded to a nice reminder that however it ended, at least what happened was true. Real.

But Edward and Edward's presence, I had finally figured out, weren't one in the same. Edward's presence was keeping me hoping for the hopeless. And Edward? Just four hours away, was living. Something I'd been holding my breath with this whole time while I waited. Living, in ways I probably didn't want to contemplate.

Crackling pineneedles again.

Still no one in sight.

Enough. I was over this. Done. I was sick of feeling him beside me every fucking minute of the day. Seeing him when I closed my eyes at night. Smelling him, right down to that odd mix of citrus and spicy rosemary his cologne gave off...

Rosemary.

My head lifted up slowly, my nose taking in a slow draw of breath.

Edward's presence didn't have a scent.

My head jerked side to side, trying to peer through the endless tree trunks that surrounded me at the moment. Tree trunks that could hide someone if they wanted to be hidden.

"Edward?" My voice quivered, realizing I was setting myself up for more humiliation, even as I uttered it one more time.

"Edward?"

**xxx**

a/n: Okay, lovelies, things pick up from here. Bella's gonna make things happen, ya'll! She's gonna make things happen....lol


	14. Let's Make A Deal

**Chapter 14: Let's Make A Deal**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews, you ladies are peaches!**

**note: The song for this chapter is a beauty: "The Sea, " by Morcheeba. You can search it youtube it by title and name, or I have a link up for it on my profile.**

**note: FOR EMMETTPOV: bold print emphasizes things being said directly between emmett and alice/rose. Regular print is Emmett explaining the past to the reader-but it's inferred he's also filling Alice in on the past as well on the phone. We readers get the dishier version though. lol**

**note: FOR EDWARDPOV: Regular print and italiacs are internal thoughts in his head. BUT the italiacs are like his inner, inner voice that is questioning everything he's thinking at every second. **

**note: Just a quick plotline summary since it's been a long time updating: Edward has vague mind reading abilities in this story, which leave him exposed to others cues. Bella is very self protective(in contrast to Edward). Both of their abilities compliment one another - Bella's protective qualities shield Edward from his intrusive abilities. Edward's perceptive abilities help to disarm Bella of her tendency to insulate herself from others. All's great...until Alice has a dream. Unlike most of her dreams that are very clear and precise, this dream was vague but nonetheless troubling. It indicated that Bella and Edward's relationship would put Bella in the way of literal danger. Not willing to take a chance on harming her, Edward attempts to make a clean break by cutting it off in Hawaii. Bella refuses to play along though with his plans, and they make love. In Edward's mind, it was the most selfish thing he could do, because making love was the polar opposite of making a clean break. He wanted to make a clean break to keep her safe - and by doing the polar opposite, he was afraid he set certain events in motion that could ultimately keep her in harm's way. **

---------

_from Chapter 12:_

_"I love you."_

_Bella. It didn't have her name on it. But it was a letter for Bella._

_"And I'll steal the words he ended with: I miss you..."_

_I ripped another envelope out: "January 3, 2008"_

_"And I do..."_

_" October 27, 2007"_

_"Miss you..."_

_"March 12, 2008"_

_"High and low for yesterday...High and low for you and I..."_

_I threw open the other drawers. They were filled with the same envelopes, sealed and with dates on the front. Hundreds of them._

_I made it out of the hallway somehow...around the corner, heading for the room I thought Mom and Rose were in._

_"ALLLICCCCEE! Come here...now!"_

_Not again about the song, Rose. Not now._

_I found them. My mother was rubbing her mouth with her hand, sitting at a folding table, looking upset before I had even told her._

_"You better make her sit before she falls, " I heard Rose say. My mom was already sitting..._

_It was only then that I realized I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my teeth chattered. Rose firmly sat me down and held me for a second._

_"My ass he has a girlfriend, Alice."_

_Rose grimly pointed over to the corner of this makeshift painting room of Edward's. Large canvassed paintings. Several. Of Bella._

_"He's tricked us," I said hoarsely, thinking of all the months I had let this go on. I knew better, I knew better than this._

_He wasn't well all this time, and I knew better. "He tricked us all."_

_"Not all of us, Alice. " Rose flipped open her cellphone and dialed._

_"Yes, put me through to Emmett Cullen please. Tell him it's an emergency."_

-----------------------------

xx

**ROSEPOV**

Emmett's voice had that professional tone to it - he was probably around some co-workers or clients at the moment. "Rose, I can't talk right n-"

"Guess what's missing on your keychain. Now. And call me right back when you figure out where I'm calling you from." Esme frantically threw her hands up, not wanting Emmett to know what we had been up to.

Too late.

I gave her a reassuring nod before sprinting down the hall and into the spare bathroom for more privacy. Esme was upset enough as it was, she didn't need to hear me verbally castrate Emmett on top of it. Alice was hot on my heels, her tear streaked face looking heartbroken and determined at the same time. Give the girl three minutes tops - the only expression that would be left standing was cool determination. Only Edward who could bring out that sort of focus in Alice.

It had always been like that for as long as I'd been in the family. Edward had two mothers really. The biological one who was a steady, quietly influential presence. And then there was Alice, the doting, indulgent mother who was in the middle of everything.

You didn't watch Edward and Alice so much as deconstruct them.

Carlisle and Esme came straight out of some pleasant ABC Family Channel program, complete with a healthy relationship both together and with their children. Always engaged and present, but never intrusive with their children. Emmett and Alice were perfectly cast as well - Em as the obnoxious but endearing eldest son, Ali as the extravagant yet well-meaning daughter.

But Edward always threw a wrench in that perfect picture. To be sure, he was as beautiful as they came in the Cullen family. Was always polite, never rude. Always had polite conversation at the ready, if he ever managed to leave the shelter of his piano during gatherings. Which was conveniently placed in an adjoining room that allowed him to be seen - yet not heard beyond his playing.

But that was always the problem with Edward. Everything he did and said always seemed _too_ correct.

Rehearsed.

And the minute Edward was put in the position of interacting with others, where he wasn't allowed to simply float along the periphery, Alice would not be far behind.

She was good. It took me awhile to figure it out what she was doing. But it was like watching a ventriloquist act. Alice would orbit him subtly while he conversed with others; close in on him sooner than later, and then prop him up for the remainder of the discussion. Directing the conversation at hand, to make sure it stayed pleasant - and brief. He would do his part too, smiling, talking, raising his eyebrows at the right time when it was necessary to look interested. But Alice was pulling the strings over the whole thing really - controlling the environment for Edward's benefit.

The bigger the crowd, the tighter Alice held the reins. The quicker she was by his side.

Always sheltering him. From what? No one ever offered a real answer.

When Edward gravitated towards Emmett and away from Alice after Hawaii, I thought it was a healthy development. Alice was hurt of course, but even she seemed to know deep down that this may have been what Edward needed. She stepped aside gracefully, willing to let him spread his wings alone - only to see what had happened in the last year had been anything but.

She was never going to forgive herself.

xx

"Rose, what have you done?" I was expecting to hear some surprise in his voice. Shame or guilt even. But all that came through was sadness.

"We could ask you the same thing, Emmett."

He exhaled slowly. Now the anger was coming.

"We? As in - "

"Your mom and sister. And yes, we are on speakerphone. At his house."

A series of curses spilled out.

"I need you guys to get out of there. Now. It's not okay to just barge in like that - "

I stopped him before he finished. "We will leave. But not until you explain what the hell is going on over here."

xx

"And a bare fridge? That's normal too?"

Emmett was in full-defensive mode, spending the last fifteen minutes of the interrogation dismissing every red flag I was raising about Edward's living conditions.

"He's in med-school. He lives off Subway and Domino's. You know that, Rose. He ate out most of the time when he lived with me."

"The lack of furniture? The bare walls; oh, except for the serial killer memory wall devoted to mermaid victims?"

"What do you expect? Some pimped out pad? He put all his money into buying the place. And it's more like an art studio he happens to sleep in than some homey house."

"Doesn't explain the mermaid victims," I chimed in.

"Oh, hell, Rose, stop being so dramatic. He paints. He has figures and forms on his wall where he usually sketches. Not exactly shocking."

Alice brought in the big guns next.

"Paints what, Emmett? What does he paint? Or more like, who?"

He paused for a moment. "Mermaids."

Alice grabbed the phone out of my hand, her head shaking, she was so angry. "Cut the bullshit, Emmett. Everything you're saying right now is Enabling 101 here. Like everything is okay. But you know better, Emmett. This is NOT normal, what's going on here is NOT normal - "

"Give me a break, Alice-"

She interjected before he could finish.

"Oh, but Emmett wants to stick his head in the sand a little longer, cause he's found a new workout buddy." She put on her best Emmett impression. "Don't worry, girls. I bought him a Lazy-Boy recliner and a universal remote, he'll be back to normal in no time!"

"He's my brother too, Alice. Don't act like you have a monopoly on wanting what's best for him." A long pause was broken up by bitter laughter. "THIS is the reason he came to me in Hawaii that night, Alice. Not you. This is EXACTLY why."

Alice flinched, as if he slapped her, but quickly recovered.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You know exactly what it means. He loves so much, but you take over all the time.... push him so hard all the time. Ever since you were kids. Dragging him along by your side, insisting he keep up with you, so he never felt left out. Which only highlighted the fact he never fit in to begin with."

Her eyes began to water, a stifled cry came out.

"I didn't act like that with him for my own amusement, Emmett. There are...reasons why I did what I did. Reasons you can't begin to understand. And this? This over here, the state of his place? Something is wrong. This is not normal!"

She was met with silence for a beat.

"I know you did everything out of love, Ali. And no, it's not normal. But neither is he. And maybe if everyone stopped pretending like he was, he'd stop wasting his life pretending along with us."

"You don't understand, though Emmmett. There's things-"

"I do understand, Alice. I know."

Her eyes grew wide as her words came out deliberately: "What do you mean, you know?"

"I know about him. I know about you. And I know about Bella. Take the phone off speaker. We need to talk."

xxxx

**EMMETTPOV**

There were things Alice needed to know.

But what happened in Hawaii wouldn't be one of them.

The call I got from him that night didn't raise red flags right away. He said he was lost, and wasn't sure where he was. Edward sounded tired, confused - maybe even drunk. I told him to hang tight, Jasper and I would come get him. The only clue he could give me was that he was on Kamehameha Highway. Which was no clue at all, since that road basically circled the whole island of Oahu.

"He's probably near where Bella is, around Waimea," Jasper figured.

An hour later, I was tapping on his window in complete darkness, his car parked alongside miles and miles of abandoned pineapple fields. He didn't respond though - just continued to stare out the windshield ahead.

Jasper ran out to give me the spare key - I ordered him back to the other car right away.

Edward didn't acknowledge me as I opened the passenger door and slid in. I sat there for a long stretch, trying to survey the situation. Survey him most of all.

My first thought was to check for injuries. I kicked myself for not checking out the car more closely before getting in, to see if an accident may have occurred.

No blood. No physical signs of trauma. Eyes weren't dilated. There was no hint of liquor coming off him.

"Edward."

Nothing. I waited a couple minutes.

"Bro, it's Em."

After what seemed like hours, he finally answered.

"I'm cold." His eyes stayed glued ahead of him.

A reasonable, coherent statement, which was encouraging. His shoulders were shivering in just a shirt as the strong gusts of chillly wind hit against our windows.

I took off my sweatshirt and offered it to him; he recoiled away from my touch.

I tried to keep him talking - that I remembered he left the hotel in his sweatshirt.

He nodded. More silence.

"I left it back there." He looked over his shoulders for a brief moment.

He started mumbling softly, about random things. About leaving other things "back there." A shirt, some pie, something else, he babbled. When his thoughts began to loop over again, I tried to cut in.

"Do you want to go back and get your stuff? I can drive you--"

He finally faced me, his eyes wide and piercing. "Too late. She told me to leave." Edward faced back towards the windshield. "She wanted me to leave."

More silence.

Bella. Something happened with Bella - and not in a good way.

That added detail made me feel over my head with the situation. If Edward had a broken leg or a concussion? I could have saved the day. But heartbreak and messy good-byes were not my forte.

"Edward...want me to call Alice?"

It was the first moment that I saw Edward look alert. He hurled around in my direction.

"No! Not Alice. Alice can't know. She can't know. I wasn't suppossed to....it wasn't suppossed to be like that..."

It was the moment I began to put the pieces together. His voice was pleading, almost frantic. He began bunching up his sweats, raising them up from his lower hips, trying to tie them. His hair was tussled, more so than usual. His shirt was wrinkled.

He looked and smelled of sex. For what I expected was the first time in his life.

Yes, I was surveying the scene of a collison, alright, just not of the physical kind. Edward had finally collided with real life. And it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, he must have found out too quickly.

First love's a heartbreaking bitch at fifteen. Try putting it on for size at twenty-one on a one week vacation.

It made sense suddenly, why he called me for once. This would be one thing he wouldn't want to share with Alice, but with a brother.

I was right of course with that impression. Just not in the way I would understand much later.

Two hours later, I was ushering him through security - and into the presence of our family. I instinctively wedged a shoulder in front of him and whispered behind me:

"Keep your head down, and stay next to me."

He obeyed, even after he didn't have to once we found a deserted section to sit by ourselves. The only thing that made me aware that he was awake were the irregular breaths he would take at times; sometimes too deep, sometimes too shallow.

I extended my arm out, and patted his back softly.

"It's okay, bro. It's okay."

x

When we got home from Hawaii, I had Edward come back to my place for awhile before heading back home. Awhile would turn into months.

What started out as an awkward arrangement soon turned into a second chance I never asked for - but was happy to be presented with. Getting to know my brother.

Those first weeks were a challenge for both of us. Making sure he was eating and sleeping and showering more than those first days of despondence came naturally enough. I'd owned pets before. But all the Oprah heart to heart moments where I inquired about feelings and shit were excruciating. Even Edward looked pained by my efforts.

After one particularly miserable attempt to get him to talk late one night, Edward stared at me for a long moment - and doubled over laughing. The first laugh he let out since he'd come home from Hawaii.

"Fuck this," I blurted out after we got the shits and giggles out. "Get dressed. I know you don't sleep anyways. Let's go play some hoops at the gym. After some cardio."

Our first Cullen Brother tradition - midnight gym runs. Raquetball, basketball, weights, swimming. You name it, we did it together. Friendly competition was included in every session - bets on who could outdo the other. The stakes varied; a Subway sandwich here, a Starbucks coffee there. But the bragging rights were what mattered most. And for someone who never showed much interest in sports before, Edward gave me a run for my money more often than not.

I had ulterior motives for the gym runs, of course. Edward never slept, wandered around my place aimlessly at all hours of the early morning. I figured an evening workout might help him settle down more for bed. And when I stopped waking up to the pattering of his feet at night, I thought maybe I was onto something.

xx

**Alice's voice was low on the other end. **

**"How did you pry it out of him, Emmett?" **

That was the funniest part. I never even asked. It just fell out of his mouth one night while we were throwing some three pointers. We had been living together for a couple months now, and were closer than ever.

We had been talking about the fact that he had unknowingly foiled almost every practical joke I'd ever attemped to play on him.

"You spoiled it every time, whether it was you walking in too late, or too early, or not walking in at all..."I passed him the ball, while he smiled like the cat that caught the canary.

"If I don't make this three pointer right now, Em, I'll let you in on a little secret why you were foiled everytime."

He missed. I wondered if on purpose, in retrospect.

**"OH God, that's why you call him X, isn't Emmett? As in X-men?" Alice sounded apalled.**

**Bingo.**

**She was silent for a good minute."It's actually kind of cute." I could hear her smile, if that was possible.**

**"Glad to hear, because we call you Rogue behind your back."**

The confession poured out of him quickly. But as quickly as he spoke, it took hours to tell in it's entirety. About his gift; or curse, depending on how you looked at it. About Alice's. How their gifts had worked in tandem throughout childhood, binding them in ways that no one could have ever truly understand.

Especially me.

"And all this time, I thought I was the outsider because I was an asshole," I joked. "It was only because I didn't have a superpower."

Edward shook his head. "You were who I always looked up to, who I wished I could be."

His smile was warm in that moment, as if he understood the fact just underneath my joke, there was sadness. How much easier it would have all been if I had known. So many misunderstandings between us all these years could have been avoided.

I stayed awake in my bed the rest of the night, thinking about one thing he confided:

"The only way to describe it is that I'm like a sponge, and everyone's smallest gesture and look and movement gets absorbed by my brain, whether I want it to or not. Absorbed and then processed, where I can sense their intentions, and feelings. The more people around me, the more I absorb. Sometimes I can handle it; other times, it's too much."

Which finally explained how half of my memories of Edward were of him barricaded behind things. Books and pianos and earbuds and large painting canvases. Things that literally kept him at a distance from others - and their intrusive feelings and thoughts. The other half of my memories were of me teasing or prodding or mocking him for being barricaded in the first place - and the looks of shame he always had when I did.

Asshole.

I got that sudden, tight feeling I had in the car alone with Edward in Hawaii - where I was in over my head wasn't just about a broken hearted, socially awkward guy I was helping out of a funk. Cardio and raquetball weren't going to be solutions for this.

God knows I sniffed around to see what help could be out there for him. But traditional means were a dead end. When I itemized "my friend's" issues out loud to a trusted shrink friend of mine, I knew right away what it sounded like.

**"You do realize that, Ali - that he could be seen as delusional, or worse? That getting someone like Edward traditional help could be the worst possible thing for him? His abilities aren't acknowledged, and could be misdiagnosed." I was talking softly now, hoping she understood what I was getting at. There was no charted course of action for Edward as he tried to find his place in the world with his unique gift.**

**"Yes," she mumbled back.**

**But of course she understood. She'd held his secret longest. **

I watched helplessly for the next couple months, as Edward struggled. He spent way too much time in my house while I was at work or with Rose, and I wasn't sure it was turning into a shelter or a prison for him. I asked him if he wanted me to invite family over, that Alice had been asking about him.

He simply answered, "not yet," everytime.

And then it struck me one day: baby steps. Get back to the basics that brought Edward some joy before.

"So, you've been sponging off me long enough with the free weight training sessions. You owe me."

I threw down a newspaper in front of him that had an article on a new exhibit at the city museum downtown.

"You want to go to an exhibition," he asked in a suspicious tone.

I shot him the most innocent look I could muster. "Rose thinks I'm a hopeless brute. You'll score me some points if I can come off more fancypants in front of her friends."

One exhibit turned into several - then numerous. Edward's face lit up the more I asked him questions, the more he could help me better appreciate a work of art. And I understood why art had been so important to him throughout his life - it was the one place where emotion and passion could be expressed so loudly - in silence.

Baby steps.

One day, he was trying to explain how a young woman's portrait captured her gaze.

"The eyes are what makes it. The eyes." He pointed out the textures used to create the color, the expression the artist had seized from a given moment so perfectly. "Bella's eyes have that quality, they're full of that kind of depth and expression. When I doodled her in Hawaii, I could never get the eyes right."

Edward spoke her name so casually; and yet, it was the first time he'd used it since Hawaii.

He was ready to talk about her, finally.

I didn't push, as I had learned with our gym sessions. Extra details of his abilities came out slowly, figuring into our conversations without much fanfare with each workout. It would be the same with Bella and art.

A painting would set him off - the image of a sea cliff, a flower in a woman's hair, lovers holding hands. And then he'd give me another piece of the puzzle to what happened in Hawaii. It was obvious he fell hard for her - his descriptions of her made that obvious. But the descriptions could have been from any of the women who'd chased his ass since he hit puberty. I had to know.

"Why Bella, though? You've had your pick of girls since you were a kid, Edward. What was different with Bella?"

He didn't take his gaze off the painting. "I didn't realize it at first, that day she jumped off the cliff with me. I was just drawn to her, kept following her around wherever she went like a puppy."

Or like a lost child at Walmart, as Jasper had described it that day.

"And then it hit me, when we were out on the rock in the ocean together, lying down. It was silent. My mind was silent, it wasn't picking up on anything from her. I couldn't read her at all, Emmett."

That was the hook for him - that's what caught his attention. But that was the only beginning, he realized.

She touched him without caution, talked to him without pretense. Things he wasn't used to, things he wouldn't have welcomed from people normally - even avoided by maintaining that distant demeanor of his. But with Bella and her closed off mind, it was different.

"That first day was the first time I got what the big deal was all about. Why Alice and you were always trying to pick someone out for me. And that was just from holding her hand."

As he relayed stories of beach jaunts and hours long talks and swing dancing and breakfast in bed(as well as lunch) and afternoon naps and sleep filled nights in her presence, it finally all made sense.

Bella made him realize what he'd been missing out on. He'd never even thought it was a possibility for him all this time - until Bella presented it all to him in one glorious package.

How the hell was he suppossed to go back to his old life after that?

**"It was my fault. I'm the one who showed him what he couldn't end up having with Bella."**

Alice was crying now, and I knew this part of the story. It took months to hear it in it's entirety, but I knew about Alice's dream of finding Bella in Hawaii for Edward. And of her other dream that would negate anything from happening beyond Hawaii.

That night in Hawaii, when I picked him up, I had always thought Bella had broken it off with him.

It had been the other way around.

If Bella had left him, maybe he could have moved on more easily. He was used to being left behind.

But he had left her behind - the person he wanted most. It had been gnawing at him ever since, the way he had done it. The way it had all gone terribly wrong for a boy who was intent on making a clean break; instead, he connected himself to her in a way that was unbreakable.

In ways he was afraid could still put her in danger if he didn't keep away from her permanently.

I kept up the baby steps we'd established. Gym. Art excursions of various kinds. Normal activities like watching movies or having dinner together a couple nights a week. But he needed more.

"Tada," I said as I took my hands off over his eyes. He looked around, with a small smile growing on his face. I had cleared out my garage, moved my car out to the curb, and bought some canvases and paints and an easel. Tanya, a co-worker of mine, helped me get a "starter kit" going for him, so he could start painting again. I had told her a little bit about Edward, and she encouraged me in this direction actually. She wanted to get into family counseling eventually with a focus on art therapy.

**"Tanya? As in the Tanya his girlfriend? Or the fake girlfriend you lied about?"**

Tanya had been a lifesaver with Edward over the months - just not in the girlfriend capacity. She helped with the starter kit. And once he started painting again, she came by a couple times to check them out at my suggestion. I worried at first when every damn thing he came up with was of Bella in some form. She took a look at them, and put me at ease.

"Sometimes art can be used to work through something traumatic. It can be healing, when you have a safe space to let what's going on in here," she pointed to her head,"come out somewhere else."

And she was so impressed by his work, she gave him an offer he couldn't refuse.

"I have a proposition for you Edward, which I hope you'll take me up on."

**"What was the proposition, Emmett?"**

**I told her I couldn't say, that it was something that she'd have to ask Edward about directly. **

But before Tanya could continue, Rose burst through the door. And by the way she surveyed Tanya and Edward with that scheming eye of hers, I knew what she was thinking. For about a month now she'd been trying to set Edward up on a date with one friend or another.

Very little had to be said(or not said) to encourage Rose's thinking in the wrong direction. Rumors of Edward having a girlfriend spread among the family within hours.

**"So, you lied to me, Emmett? Letting me play a role in all these screwed up games of yours?"**

**The speaker phone was on now, probably once Tanya's name was mentioned. Rose heard her part in the whole thing.**

**Shit.**

**"I'm sorry I lied to both of you. That was wrong of me. But Edward wanted it that way."**

**Rose sighed loudly, clearly not impressed.**

**"Look, you are probably going to get even more pissed at me for this, but it's the truth. You guys are fixers. And God bless you for that, cause hell knows Jasper and I could use the fixing. But Edward? He's not fixable. Not in the way we all silently hoped all these years. He's just coming into his own right now, figuring out his place in the world and how he fits in with all his...differences. And the last thing I wanted you guys to do while he was trying to figure all this shit out is to try to take over for him."**

**Alice grabbed the phone from Rose. " Take over? Because I wanted to see my brother? Or Rose wanted to have him double date here and there? That's taking over?"**

**God, I was digging my own grave the more I talked. " Alice, you know what I mean. What are you doing over at his house, other than finding things that are creeping you out? Honestly."**

**Silence.**

**"Don't lie. You either are Scrubbing Bubbling his toilet right now or sewing him a damn duvet cover, right? Am I wrong?"**

**More silence.**

**"Rose, how soon after Hawaii did you try to set him up with someone? Like...two weeks? The guy hadn't even gotten out of his pajamas yet and you had someone lined up for him."**

**Rose wasn't taking it lying down though.**

**"Sue me, Emmett, for caring. For wanting to help him."**

**"But that's the point, Rose. If something happened where I lost you for some reason, I wouldn't want anyone around me trying to fix that. I'd want to be able to hang out with that loss for as long as I damn well pleased. And I'd hope people would respect that."**

**Rose's wheels were turning on the other end- I could literally hear them.**

**"Wait, a minute. Did...did you ask me to marry you, because of all this? Like out of fear or something?"**

**I knew I heard them turning - I couldn't help but laugh.**

**"No, not out of fear. It's just, Edward's given me a new perspective on things. How lucky I am to have what I have."**

**Two beats followed in silence.**

**"Wow, you just saved your ass somewhat with that last sentence."**

**That's my girl.**

The questions fell in rapid succession now, since we both showed our hand of cards and knew where the other was coming from. They wanted to know why he moved out. He wanted more space and thought it was time to leave once I got engaged. But there was an unspoken understanding too - he was trying to stand on his own two feet. I couldn't blame him either. We continued our gym and art rituals, he showed me his new paintings, and I kept a key on me at all times so I could drop in him when I wanted.

**"What time is he getting home, Emmett? Someone needs to spike Mom's iced tea to loosen her up before she sees him," Alice added.**

**I told them they picked the wrong day to surprise him. For his birthday, he was skipping school to head into town today.**

**"Did you notice how all his paintings of Bella don't have their eyes finished? He's had a lot of trouble getting the eyes right. He said he wanted to spend a whole day just getting inspiration for his faces in the paintings."  
**

**Silence.**

**"Emmett, today's not his birthday. His birthday was on the weekend."**

**Yeah......**

**"Do you know why we came to his house today, Emmett, to surprise him?"**

**I rattled my brain for a moment before Rose cut in:**

**"It's the one year anniversary, Emmett. Today's the day."**

xxx

**I left my soul there,**

**Down by the sea**

**I lost control here**

**Living free**

**-Marcheeba, "The Sea"**

**EPOV**

_This is what I had hoped for, I reminded myself._

I blinked harder and faster, trying to clear my vision as I looked down on my sketching pad.

_This is what I deserved. _

For so long now, I had actually been buying into my own twisted logic.

Each bargain I made with myself pushed the limits a little further - until it came to this.

My first bargain came about from reading one of Rose's abandoned "O" magazines on the coffee table one day at Emmett's. There was an article on how to deal with anger in healthy ways. One tip included writing the person in question a letter - with the intention of never sending it.

If it worked for people you hated, why couldn't it work for people who hated you?

I sat down for a whole hour, trying to figure out how I would explain that last night together to Bella. She must of thought I was a monster, leaving her right after I took something from her I couldn't give back.

I started the letter over at least twenty times before I realized there were no words that would do the apology justice.

So, my last attempt went in another direction: "Today, I stayed in bed until 11:30 AM, even though I didn't get more than two hours of sleep. Emmett made some pasta last night that I ate without bothering to heat up. Did you know Maury Povich is still on the air? He's still doing paternity tests, with bodyguards at the ready."

That was a letter I could finish writing - about the pathetic details of my day. I sealed it up and put it in the desk and called it a day on my self - improvement.

Except, the next day, I found myself wandering over to the desk again, to write.

And before I wandered over, I made sure I had better things to write about. I got out of bed earlier, put on clothes that didn't involve flannel, read a little, cleaned the house for Emmett, made dinner for both of us, and Rose if she stopped by. Stayed away from Maury.

I bargained with myself that day, that if I had something worthy to write to her about, I'd let myself write.

The most stupid thing really; but knowing I'd have to write Bella at the end of the day made me actually be productive, when all I wanted to do was hide my head under my comforters and stay there for the day.

Another bargain was struck later on.

Emmett, my savior in many ways, gave up his garage for his beloved BMW baby and handed the space over to me. He made a makeshift studio out of it - bought me canvases and new paints even. It was around the time I was starting up school again.

School, the last thing on my mind; which was the worst way to start your first semester of med-school, of course.

So, I made another bargain again with myself. If I made it through a day of school, did what was expected of me? I'd let myself work on transferring my doodles of Bella to those big canvases in the garage.

The most stupid thing really - but knowing I could flesh out those cold, black and white drawings of a sleeping Bella made me get out of bed, go outside, head to school, get through the day, and study on top of it...when all I wanted to do was hide my head under the comforters and stay there for the day.

Then Tanya made a proposition that allowed me to flesh Bella out even more.

Med-School soon became a means to an end - it gave me the entry pass to work on what mattered most. I labored harder than I ever had on my painting, scrutinizing the smallest details. Studying different forms and styles to make sure I was getting it just right.

And I did for the most part.

Except the eyes.

For even though I could remember the tone of her voice with perfect clarity, the way her nose scrunched up when she heard something absurd, the way her hair smelled after being in the ocean for hours at a time - her eyes alluded my memory. As hard as I tried to recreate them, I failed miserably every time.

Which was okay for my canvases - I simply painted her asleep. But it wouldn't do for what I was doing for Tanya.

So I made one final bargain with myself.

If I didn't get her eyes right by the anniversary, I'd give myself one day. One day to check up on her. Nothing intrusive, just a quick sighting to see her one more time, to get a good glimpse of her eyes, so that I might do them justice.

_Liar._

I had gotten her number the second day we hung out in Hawaii, and by the third day knew where she worked and lived and studied. It wouldn't be too hard to find her. The key was being inconspicious more than anything so that she wouldn't notice me.

_Stalker._

I went with my gut instinct and told myself to look on campus, somewhere between the library and the oral history center she had worked at. She told me she spent the majority of her summer hours working both places. I perched myself on top of a rock on the side and waited for a miracle.

I noticed a flyer on the ground an hour or three into my perching. A music festival was tonight. I had promised I would leave by 5:00 PM if I didn't see her, but this was a special circumstance. All the preparations going on seemed to indicate the whole town turned out for it.

_Excuses, excuses._

There was a reggae group playing on the third stage, right down the street, I noticed. Bella loved reggae. I would give myself until 9:00 PM, I decided.

9:00 PM and then I'd leave.

xx

_This is what I had hoped for, I reminded myself._

I blinked harder and faster, trying to clear my vision as I looked down on my sketching pad.

_This is what I deserved. _

My rendering was almost complete. And it was all in vain, because Bella had called "bluff" on my twisted logic.

_Finally someone called you on it._

I'm here to get a proper drawing of her eyes, I said. I paint her and draw her and write her letters as a way to exorcise her from my thoughts, to give them a proper home outside of my mind, I swore.

_Bullshit._

Within five seconds of seeing Bella that evening, while perched on the side of another rock like some sniper, my house of twisted logic cards tumbled down.

She looked flawless in the white dress she wore on our dancing date last summer.

_She remembered. She remembered what today was._

But then her whole appearance came into sharper focus. Red heels accompanied the dress - the type of red heels you'd see a spurned lover wear to an ex's funeral.

_She remembered - and she hates you._

But she was holding the hand of a perfectly affable looking guy.

_Maybe she didn't remember at all, maybe her boyfriend likes red heels - as well as that dress._

I wasn't sure which reality punched me harder in the gut. Being remembered harshly, or not being remembered at all.

_What did you expect? _

All this time, I'd been pretending to myself that I painted and drew and wrote to Bella to keep her compartmentalized - reigned into to small space in my life. But it was a lie. I did all those things to keep her beside me every day.

_Pathetic. _

I tried to make myself not a complete liar by sketching her eyes. I needed to do this quickly, and get out of here.

It was almost 9:00 PM.

I was leaving the minute it struck on the hour. No more excuses.

_More like a fast getaway._

I reminded myself this is how I had hoped to find her. Happy, healthy.

Both adjectives seemed to fit. Except....as I continued to focus on her eyes as I sketched, sometimes her eyes would betray something. A quick, clouded flash of emotion that didn't go along with the pleasant smile that came right after.

Or the kiss that followed.

_Enough. Enough of this. Let it go. _

As I put the finishing touches on my rendering, it all happened so fast. The song.

Our song.

Because the kiss wasn't enough for my head to explode. No, she had to dance to_ our _song in his arms too.

Her running off, leaving her date and friends with a smile on her face.

It was the perfect time for me to leave, to call it an evening.

_9:00 PM. On the dot._

But she was running too quickly for a girl in heels, let alone a Bella in heels.

The smile wasn't right either.

_Let her go._

I began to follow slowly, just making sure she made it to the portable restrooms okay.

She ran right past them.

I looked back at the group she came with - none of them noticed.

She disappeared into the wooded area just behind the portables. I headed that way too, worried I'd come upon her by accident.

When I heard her. Saw her.

On her knees, throwing up, retching horribly.

And crying bitter tears when the retching finished.

_Too late. You can't help her now. Her friends will. Go._

But I couldn't move. The thoughts became more insistent.

_Go. Enough. Enough of thi-_

"Enough," she yelled out. "Enough of this."

My feet felt like they would buckle in that instant.

_Coincidence._

I hoped I was right. I hoped with all my heart it was a coincidence.

Because if this was her remembering me, I wanted to be extinguished from her thoughts completely.

Forgotten.

_Just a coincidence._

As if she heard me thinking, Bella looked up in my direction. Her eyes methodically scanned the woods in front of her before she let out a low cry.

"Edward?"

xx

**a/n: I hope that wasn't too wacky in the head for Edward. I didn't want him to seem crazy or anything, but more like deep down he knew he shouldn't be there. That he lied to himself to justify seeing Bella again when he shouldn't. And so I just wanted his inner thoughts to be chastising him the whole time, making him question his motivation at every second.**

**.**


	15. Holding On

**Chapter 15: HOLDING ON**

a/n: Thanks for all the lovely reviews! You ladies are fabulous! I didn't want to wait too long to update this sucker, but I had a time limit to finish it by, so I hope it's not too rough in terms of how it's written.

a/n: This chapter has lyrics from two different songs that express both Edward's and Bella's perspective:

**1) Bella: "I Thought We Had" - Family Stand**

**2) Edward: "Holding On" - The Beauty Room**

I have both songs up on my profile. Or you can youtube them and search by both title and band. They're lovely.

xx

_Chapter 13:_

_"Enough," I muttered after everything I had inside me was out. "Enough of this."_

_I heard the crackling pineneedles behind me again. I looked._

_No one._

_My worst fear though, about getting out of Dodge was that Dodge would follow me to Florida. Just like Dodge followed me here tonight. How Dodge followed me everywhere for the last year._

_It started out as something I welcomed, Edward's presence. At some point, it was downgraded to a nice reminder that however it ended, at least what happened was true. Real._

_But Edward and Edward's presence, I had finally figured out, weren't one in the same. Edward's presence was keeping me hoping for the hopeless. And Edward? Just four hours away, was living. Something I'd been holding my breath with this whole time while I waited. Living, in ways I probably didn't want to contemplate._

_Crackling pineneedles again._

_Still no one in sight._

_Enough. I was over this. Done. I was sick of feeling him beside me every fucking minute of the day. Seeing him when I closed my eyes at night. Smelling him, right down to that odd mix of citrus and spicy rosemary his cologne gave off..._

_Rosemary._

_My head lifted up slowly, my nose taking in a slow draw of breath._

_Edward's presence didn't have a scent._

_My head jerked side to side, trying to peer through the endless tree trunks that surrounded me at the moment. Tree trunks that could hide someone if they wanted to be hidden._

_"Edward?" My voice quivered, realizing I was setting myself up for more humiliation, even as I uttered it one more time._

_"Edward?"_

**xxxxxxx**

**"I really loved the way you loved me,**

**Was it just an illusion in my mind?**

**I never thought we wouldn't share this Spring time**

**I guess we'll never see that flower bloom,"**

**- "I Thought We Had," The Family Stand**

**BPOV:**

"I'm fine, really." I knew I had a smile on my face. I FELT fine, no joke. Dare I say energized even.

But isn't that how it always is, post retching? You feel like a million bucks afterwards in stark contrast to the before part.

Angela and Ben exchanged glances, and gave one another the slightest of nods.

Two peas in a pod.

She came towards me and offered a hand.

"Come on, Bells, let's get you in a hot shower and call it a night."

I recoiled backwards.

"No, I'm good, really. I'm fine." I started getting up. "I gotta get going actually." I glanced at the clock while retrieving my purse. Almost 10:00 PM.

Paul, my date, found me about an hour ago on all fours behind the porta-potties, looking like I was having the meltdowns of all meltdowns.

Poor guy. One minute he's feeding me crawfish. The next minute he's cleaning it off my purse.

Everything turned out poorly tonight; and yet, here I was, wearing a shit eating grin on my face. Where were all the stray endorphins coming from?

"Bella....what do you mean you have to get going?" Angela stayed close to me while Ben stood up.

"I mean, I need to get going. I've got something I need to do. Now." I started towards the door, hoping in vain Angela would just step aside and let me be.

Of course she wouldn't though.

After a quick, rapid fire session of the "Top 10 reasons Bella wasn't in a state to being going anywhere," I blurted it out my defense. A defense that was already made for me so eloquently by Ben earlier in the evening.

"I'm stronger than you think, Angela. I really am." I stared over at Ben, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Ben will vouch for me. Right, Ben? You said I was just this afternoon, when Angela was...in...the..show...er...."

Ben's slicing his finger across his neck made my words slow down to a halt.

Too late though.

Angela's glare burned through Ben. He stammered a defense.

"Yes, I did, Bella. But I'm also the dumb ass who gave you Peter Pan with a noose over his neck as a going-away present, so who am I to know what's best?"

Angela looked back at me.

"Noose? What the hell is going on here?"

I explained to her quickly, Ben's attempts to get me to man up more.

"And he was right, Angela. I see that now. What did you say, Ben?"

The finger slicing across his neck continued until Angela looked back in his direction.

"You said sometimes you have to walk head first into the pain...and claim it." I shook my head as I snickered. "Ben is right. I've been trying to run away from it too long. It's time I own this. If I don't, it's just going to follow me all the way to Florida."

I pleaded with her silently. Her warrior stance melted into the concerned arm folding of a beloved sister.

"What do you mean by own? What are you up to?"

I told her I was going to see Edward.

"You know, one of those closure things," I said with a flip toss of my hair. "He's four hours away. Fours hours is nothing. I'll make it there by 2:00 AM at the latest."

Angela took my hand, and yanked it hard. And continued to yank it until we made it to the bathroom. She threw me in front of the mirror.

"Listen, Sunshine. I get the idea of wanting a final showdown at the OK Corral with Edward. I'm all for closures that will involve a certain amount of ball busting, as that determined look in your eye seems to indicate. But..."

She looked me over in the mirror....

"You aren't heading over to his place in the middle of the night, alone, looking like Courtney Love on Hollywood and Vine at 3:00 AM after a drug induced puking and fighting spell."

She was right.

I was a complete mess. My mascara was running down one eye. My lipstick was smeared off. My eyes were puffy, my hair was a mess, there were scratches on my knees, and my dress had grass stains on them...

Which only made me smile more, because the thought of showing up at Edward's door looking like a spurned, crazed ex-lover would sure be one hell of an entrance.

"I think the look gives me character."

"Oh, stop being dramatic, Bella. He'll call the cops on the crazy lady outside, and I swear to you. I won't pick you up from the clink."

Her lips pursed in an attempt to say she meant business. But I knew better. And how could I take her seriously? She used the word "clink."

"You'd pick me up in a heartbeat. You'd never leave me in a holding cell dressed in a minidress and red heels."

Her lips caved into a smile.

"Maybe, but your breath right now _would_ be a deal breaker. Good lord, of all the nights to insist on eating Creole food, Bella...."

And that? That right there? Was why Angela was possibly the best person on the planet. She loved me and could make me laugh at myself, when I probably should be stabbing my eyes out in complete shame.

How would I get on without her?

We made a compromise that night. I'd shower and sleep on the idea. If I woke up and still wanted to see him, Angela would relent, and not even push about having her follow me as I made my trek toward Seattle.

Sure enough, I woke up early. Still determined. Still insistent that she didn't need to accompany me like a child. Angela knew when to push, and when to say relent.

This was one of those times to let me go without a fight.

"Heels. Wear the red heels. They give you a height and authoritative advantage. Like a power tie."

"This is closure thingy, Angela. Not a corporate hostile takeover."

Before letting me get into the car, Angela cradled my face in her hands for a good moment.

"Promise me, Bella."

"Sure, thing," I answered, even though I didn't even know what I was agreeing to.

She studied my face carefully. "Promise me this is about closure. Not about getting a fix."

I hugged her tightly. She knew me better than myself half of the time.

"I promise."

I drove off, thinking about her warning.

Closure.

That was the word I used to explain why I needed to do this. That I needed to close the door on something that's been following me around all year. A proper good bye, not one where I tell him to sneak out my patio door. And the majority of my brain agreed with that assessment. I needed to see Edward in his own surroundings, surroundings that I wasn't a part of, unlike Hawaii. Moving on just fine with med-school and work and family - and love even. Maybe there was a girlfriend now. I needed to see his life, seperate from me, and finally set that image of a sleeping boy beside me in bed free.

But a very, very small part of me had other intentions - and they weren't lost on me. Especially after Angela pinpointed it straight out.

I was ready to say good bye. But I was still energized. Invigorated from last night. Yes, it was a lowlight if I ever had one, alone on all fours puking like a shameless drama queen. But something happened when I did that - when I called out his name.

It was as if I beckoned him in that moment.

I felt him. More than I had all year, in his entirety. It was almost staggering, feeling that presence surround me - down to his scent.

And just the smallest part of me wanted to feel that again - even if it was for one last time.

xxx

**EMMETTPOV(this is taking place the day after Rose and Alice confront him on the phone after breaking into Edward's house on the anniversary date)**

"Alice. It's not your fault."

It took me all night to come up with that doozy. We were both lounging on my couch now, trying to get some rest, since sleep wasn't yet an option. No one had gotten a hold of Edward yet; and if I didn't keep Alice busy, our dear brother's face would be on the back of every milk carton in Eugene by noon.

Even though yesterday earned us the right to sleep in until late afternoon. It started out straight forward enough while we were finishing up on the phone the day before - Alice asked me what she should tell Mom once we hung up.

"Genie's out of the bottle," was all I could tell her. All these years of pretending we didn't notice Edward being different, and Edward pretending he didn't notice that we noticed he was different too. It was tiring just remembering the efforts, let alone imagining having to continue them again, just for our parents' sake.

Enough. Enough of this.

"Tell her the truth. And Dad. They deserve to know."

Alice faltered on the phone. "I don't know if I can, Emmett. I promised him. Well, maybe not promised outloud, but it was understood between us...not to tell. And Edward and I haven't been on the best of terms as it is..."

Aha. Understood.

"Grab some take-out on the way home right now, and I should make it to Mom's by 5:00 PM if I move some appointments around. I'll take over from there." I was ready to hang up when Alice cut in.

"Emmett?" Her voice sounded unusually small, frail almost.

"What?"

"Love you."

"Me too, peanut."

x

The dinner was tense, mostly silent. Everyone knew something was going down.

I got down to business fast while everyone was still seated at the table. Probably too fast. Alice winced several times as I put the Emmett spin on Alice and Edward's abilities, how they worked together - and how Alice and Edward worked together to keep those abilities from being known. Of course, my short little speech only opened a floodgate of questions, mostly directed at Alice. But it was made clear: I, not Alice, was the one who told. Edward could deal with me later if he had a problem.

My parents were still stunned when I left that evening - stunned but relieved. Like me, they always knew there was something there going on, just out of reach for their understanding. At least there was a name, or description, to identify that "something" finally.

Rose was a champ like always. Her eyebrow remained arched for most of the night's "festivities," flashing me looks of disbelief and amusement at appropriate times. When she whispered, "If you confess to levitating, we will be adopting exclusively," I knew there was never a better girl in the world for me.

Jasper, out of everyone, had the hardest time with the news. Mainly because he had been shut out of a big part of Alice's life story without even realizing it.

"Jasper, it wasn't just my secret to keep. My secret was Edward's secret too," she reminded him. Telling him he could partake in calling Alice "Rogue" behind her back made him break a smile at least.

The news was hard to ingest. I was still trying to months after finding out. No one was going to leave feeling they completely understood. But at least it was a start. And most importantly, we were all on the same page now. Edward needed this out in the open finally. I couldn't help but wonder how all the hiding shaped who he was today. Thinking you had to lie to even those closest to you, to not be found out.

No more pretending and hiding, for either sides.

Alice came back to my house that night. I had left messages for Edward to stop by my place on his way back from his trip, and Alice needed to see him.

While we waited, we talked some more. About Hawaii specifically.

Her story of what happened with Edward and Bella was different than Edward's in key spots. And after sleeping on what she said, that morning I came to an understanding.

"It's not your fault, Alice."

She turned around looking at me, her eyes still puffy, even though she hadn't cried for hours now.

When Edward had told me of Alice's dream about Bella and him, he summarized it almost factually. Like this had been yet another dream of hers, that would end up coming to pass right down to the last detail, just like all of Alice's dreams happened. That this dream alone was the reason he cut off all ties with Bella, to keep her safe.

But Alice explained it another way that bothered me all night. That her visions always happened in real time, crisp and , right down to the smallest detail. Concrete, literal moving pictures that would be recreated perfectly in real life at some point.

Yet her vision of Bella and Edward was different. No sound except for a screeching noise at the end, shaky images, fast forwarding at times, off focus at other times. Bella alone, then with Edward, then a succession of images of them together in fast forward sequence - and then bam. Edward losing his grip on her, and Bella descending in panic. Nalani's grandma(how many X-Men lived silently among me?) warned them the differences in this dream may mean that the future wasn't set in stone - that nothing was "written" yet in terms of destiny. But it was the mood, Alice explained, in that dream that impressed upon her the most: a feeling of complete dread and hopelessness.

She was looking at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

"It's not your fault that this happened, Alice." I made sure she was looking at me when I told her this. "It's almost like the dream gave Edward an out."

Alice jumped up in the sitting position. "An out?"

I proceeded carefully. "You know how I dragged my feet with asking Rose to marry me all this time?" She nodded.

"I always knew deep down I'd never find a better girl. Not in a million years. And even if I did, she still wouldn't be Rose."

Alice rolled her eyes at the obviousness of my statement. "Then why did you wait?"

"Because I was scared shitless. Nothing is worse for a guy than finding the perfect girl for you. Because you just keep waiting for the moment they realize you aren't the perfect guy for them. That it's an uneven exchange. And you know me -- I'm an arrogant son of a bitch. I actually believe my own press."

Alice laughed, because she did know me. Well.

"So, how the hell would someone like Edward feel? He's so hard on himself."

Understatement of the year.

"He was always ashamed of who he was, not even wanting us closest to him to know. How much more ashamed would he be when he met the perfect girl for him? He'd think he'd only have a bunch of baggage to give in return."

Something I said struck a chord in Alice. Her wheels were turning.

"God, Emmett. He called himself a parasite on her at some point." She looked up at me. "You don't think he sabotaged it, though, do you? Sabotaged what he had found with Bella?"

I shook my head. "I can't say anything about the dream itself, I don't know. I was just thinking deep down, Edward knew he'd harm her in some way, hurt her if she ever saw all the baggage he came with. Stuff he could hide in Hawaii, but not back home. Stuff that he would have never wanted her to find out about him. The dream just confirmed everything he feared, and gave him the chance to halt the speeding locomotive."

Alice stood up and plopped herself beside me, her head resting on my shoulder. "He told me he didn't deserve her in Hawaii. That it hurt him how much he loved her. I thought they were just sweet declarations at the time. But now....they sound like he always figured there'd be a beginning and an end to them. Like he didn't think it could last."

"Or didn't think he deserved to have it last," I tacked on.

I patted her head and couldn't help but crack up - if only to stop the discussion from turning into another weeper for her. "What the fuck are we going to do with him? I mean, after we bail him out of jail for peeping tomming in a tree outside Bella's bedroom window?"

Alice cracked up. If there was one role I had in the family, it was angst slayer. She even joined in:"But officer, I just wanted to sketch her eyes! Honest to God!"

She settled back into my shoulders before continuing. "I don't know what we are going to do -- you're the pharmeceutical pusher. Make up a cocktail for your brother to slip in his coffee every morning."

I had been so hard on Alice yesterday, when she didn't deserve it. I gave her a kiss on the head, hoping she knew I understood how much she'd sacrifice for Edward over the years. And without so much as a single complaint the whole time.

"It's going to be okay, Alice. I promise. Now get some shut eye. I'll wake you up when Edward gets a hold of me."

xxx

**BPOV**

Weird.

I was twenty minutes outside of Seattle, and had just used the only contact number I'd gotten from Edward last summer: Esme and Carlisle's. Edward had been living with them at the time, but he had since gone to med-school. He was probably living somewhere else. Which was best, for the fantasy scenario I had cooked up in my head when I finally saw him.

Esme answered. I said I was old friend who was passing through and thought I'd ring him up.

"Bella, is that you," her voice responded in disbelief.

Ta-da.

She launched into a huge schpeel about how much she missed me, and then updated me on the latest Cullen family developments; Emmett's engagement, Edward moving out and buying his own place, Alice's new job.

Did she remember I'd only met her once - and knew her son for a grand total of less than one week?

I jumped in when she finally took a breather. "So, is he in town right now?"

"Well, he will be. Soon enough. Emmett expects him at his house at any moment; which is more convenient for you, since Edward's place is a little out of the way. Emmett would love to see you too."

I'm sure Emmett would be _thrilled_ to see me. He was the same guy who could never remember my name, after being introduced repeatedly to me.

And I didn't want my visit with Edward to go down in his house either.

I was banking on no witnesses for my reunion with him. In my mind's eye, we were always alone:

**Knock, knock. Door opens.**

**Edward: "Yes...oh shi---"**

**Me standing in authoritative, power tied red heels with excellent posture: "Hello, Edward." Voice full of confidence and justified righteous indignation.**

**Edward: "Uh hi ---"**

**Me: "YOU ARE MY LIFE NOW? Really? That's the farewell phrase you found most appropriate, given the occasion of our last meeting?"**

**Edward: "Well, no, but uh--"**

**Me: "But, what? You know, I gave you every opportunity to make a clean getaway. I told you to leave. I didn't even ask for a good-bye. Hell, I let you sneak out my patio door--you didn't even have to do the walk of shame past Angela's bedroom to get to the entrance. I was ready to let go. But you had to mess things up with the youaremylifenow crap , didn't you?"**

**Edward: "I didn't mean to mess things up, It's just...just...just..."**

**Me: "Ju-ju-ju-just what? Just your way of messing with girls' minds, so they keep thinking about you long after you've packed them away with the rest of your souvenirs from vacation? Do you get off on the idea of being remembered long past the fling's expiration date?"**

**Edward: No! It's just....just..."**

**Me: "Ju-ju-ju-st that you are a careless jerk who thinks he's doing the girl a favor after sleeping with her to throw her a sentimental bone? A bone she might treat like a prized posession, because she trusted your word?"**

**Edward: "God, Betty.."**

**Me: "Bella..."**

**Edward: "Yeah, Bella, I'm truly sorry..."**

**Me: ' Well, I'm sorry too, Edward. I'm sorry I didn't catch on faster, and realize that five little insignificant words like " you are my life now" weren't an oath on your part. Just cheap flattery to satiate me while you slithered out of my bed after seducing me...'**

**Edward: "Uh, Bella, **_**you**_** actually seduced me."**

Crap.

I always forget about that little detail.....

"Bella, dear? Can you hear me?" Esme's voice brought me back to reality.

"I'll give you directions to Emmett's house and then call him to be on the lookout for you." She paused for a moment. "Bella, I'm so glad you got a hold of us. It's so good to hear from you again."

Wuh?

xx

Things only got more weird.

Emmett opened his door, with an index finger to his lips.

"Alice is sleeping," he mouthed.

And then proceeded to hug me like I was a dear family member. He stopped abruptly, threw his hands on my shoulders, and leaned back to look at me.

"You look great, Bella," he said quietly. "Like you've grown a whole foot since I saw you last..."

I pointed down to my power tie red pumps. Four inch heels will do that to you.

He let out a sheepish snort and then guided me to his kitchen. By hand - as if I were made of fine china and could break easily.

"Here you go."

He sat a cup of coffee in front of me, as well as some muffins he had on the counter.

Which was only making me uncomfortable. Because now was not the time for Emmett to ingratiate himself on me. I preferred he'd go back to the old routine of forgetting who I was - so that it wouldn't be a big deal to unleash my self righteous indignation on Edward under his roof.

"So, what's up?" Emmett stared at me expectantly.

"I'm just passing through and thought I'd say hi."

Emmett stared back at me as if I hadn't answered his question .

Which I hadn't. Not really.

"Because I'm moving soon."

More staring.

"Like in a week."

And more.

"To Florida. With my mom."

And more.

I gave up some more minor details, but he wasn't easily satisfied.

"But why now, Bella? Why did you come today?"

His knowing eyes betrayed the fact he knew damn well why..

And between the coffee and reassuring carbs of an honest cranberry orange muffin and Emmett being so damn understanding as he listened and nodded, I told him things.

How Edward and I had gotten close so fast on vacation. How intentions of continuing once we got back home were voiced, and silenced, all within the space of several hours. But our good-bye turned everything on it's head all over again - and kept them there for the whole year.

And I told him how it ended on that fateful night - with no real ending at all.

"Because who says you are my life now, when you plan to never see them again?"

I told him more than I needed to. And it really wasn't about the warm carbs he kept pushing in front of my face that was disarming me. I had a distinct feeling that this would be the closest I would get to having my confrontation with Edward. Edward and I were not going to have some big blowout grand finale afterall.

Figures. Grand entrances and exits were never my style.

The resolve I felt last night, where I was so sure I would see him again and confront him, was slowly waning. Reality was setting in. Esme softened my anger - Emmett even more so. Which was making me wonder if Edward was as much as a villain as I had made him out in my head.

I didn't know what to trust anymore, my gut and my memories. Our my logic that was telling me I was insane right now.

"Because who says you are my life now, when you plan to never see them again?"

I had to repeat it, if only to remind myself I wasn't crazy.

"Who says that? Edward." Emmett's eyes didn't waiver from mine as he continued. "Edward's the King of Ass Backwards."

He settled back into his chair and studied my face for a moment. "Bella, I'm not good with words usually. And when it comes to Edward, I have no clue where to begin to be honest."

I told him he didn't need to respond to my musings about the last year, when he cut me off.

"No, that's not what I'm getting at. But you're asking who says you are my life now while they plan to never see you again. You got an hour to kill?"

When I told him yes, he grabbed his keys and we were off.

xx

**Why do you talk to me, don't talk to me**

**You'll only make me frail, only make me fail, only.**

**I don't know what to do, don't understand**

**It's hard to play this scene**

**Discovering what's real...real**

**-- "Holding On," Beauty Room**

The hospital elevator opened on the fourth floor.

"I have this friend at work, Tanya. Big on the idea of healing through art. She works with a non profit organization that donates murals to children's hospitals and pediatric wards."

Emmett opened the door for me at front of the hall and we walked in.

"She asked Edward if he'd take on one of the bigger murals they had commisioned for this hospital's pediatric ward after she saw a series of paintings he had done. He's put in a lot of hours over the months on this. " He stopped and leaned his head to the right of us, where the mural began.

The mural consisted of two, long walls, brightly colored and brilliantly painted. The smaller figures next to us caught my attention first.

Nightime in London. Big Ben. London Bridge. A house in the middle of intricate streetways that stuck out, glowing with warmth. Two parents were standing by the front door, holding onto one anothers' waists.

Esme and Carlisle.

"Mr. and Mrs. Darling," I said confidently.

I stepped in closer, following the mural's direction into the London night sky. Two familiar looking boys and a girl, still in their night dressings, were flying into the night, with pixie dust dripping off of them. They were led by a boy dressed in green, flute in hand as he smiled at a flying pixie by his side. I began pointing to the figures.

"Peter Pan. Tinkerbell. Wendy Darling, as played by Alice. Elder brother John Darling, as played by you, Emmett." He smiled and nodded. The likeness for Alice and Emmett, as well as their parents, were uncanny. But the younger brother, Michael Darling, was harder to place. I pointed at the young boy.

"Edward?"

Emmett shook his head. "No. That's Jasper."

Jasper? Huh.

The sky gradually lightened up into daylight with a new destination ahead.

"Neverland."

A huge island sat at the corners of both walls, very Bali-Hai-is-calling-like, with various harbors and lagoons surrounding it's borders.

The harbor closest to us housed a huge pirate ship, complete with Captain Hook holding a familiar looking Princess Tiger Lily.

"Rose."

Emmett chuckled and pointed to the bare wall opposite of us. "Edward promised that John - well, I - get to save her and kick Hook's ass on the next mural wall." He studied the image for a moment. "Edward said she had to be Tiger Lily, because only Rose could pull off those indignant looks."

Which led us to the the other wall - the main wall that was the focal point of attention.

"Mermaid Lagoon."

"Bella's Lagoon," Emmett corrected.

A big, black rock sat in the middle of lagoon, where a small boy in shipwrecked clothes was on his hands and knees, peering over the side of the cliff. Auburn tendrils of hair fell over his eyes.

Edward, I thought.

"Lost Boy," I said outloud.

"That works," Emmett answered.

Right beneath the cliff lounged a mermaid on a seperate rock. Her long, dark tresses flowed over her resting spot, and she smiled as she beckoned the boy on the cliff with outstretched arms.

I paused for a moment, touching the boy's face. He captured it perfectly. The expression on his face, so full of embarrassment and fear, was identical to Edward's that day I approached him on the cliff.

Emmett gently took my hand and guided me to the next scene.

"He jumped," I said in a low whisper, as I looked on at the mermaid and Lost Boy underneath the water now. The mermaid was gripping his hand, her other arm reaching upward as she swam them both towards the surface of the water. The boy was holding his breath as best as he could, bubbles escaping through his nose.

"This is my favorite one, probably because I painted the rock all by myself." Emmett shuffled me to the last scene on the wall. "I'm a regular fucking Picasso."

A small rock sat apart from the rest of the lagoon and mermaids.

The Lost Boy was sleeping now. And laying beside him asleep, was the mermaid. She almost engulfed him, her hair encircling around the both of them, her arms encasing his shoulders, his head nuzzling into her neck.

My neck.

_He remembered. _

_He remembered, and he loved me._

**xxx**


	16. This Woman's Work

Chapter 16: This Women's Work

a/n:thanks for the reviews. This chapter is named after Maxwell's rendition of "This Woman's Work" -it's only my profile.

------------------------

_Chapter 13:_

_BPOV_

_Enough. I was over this. Done. I was sick of feeling him beside me every fucking minute of the day. Seeing him when I closed my eyes at night. Smelling him, right down to that odd mix of citrus and spicy rosemary his cologne gave off..._

_Rosemary._

_My head lifted up slowly, my nose taking in a slow draw of breath._

_Edward's presence didn't have a scent._

_My head jerked side to side, trying to peer through the endless tree trunks that surrounded me at the moment. Tree trunks that could hide someone if they wanted to be hidden._

_"Edward?" My voice quivered, realizing I was setting myself up for more humiliation, even as I uttered it one more time._

_"Edward?"_

**xx**

**EPOV**

Arrested.

I was going to end up being arrested by the end of this day.

Happy Birthday to me.

This was technically stalking. I thought putting a time limit on my stalking yesterday would make it less unsavory. But 5:00 PM curfews turned into 9:00 PM curfews...which turned into...

Well, my car clock was flashing 9:28 AM now. I was leaning down on my front seat like a freak, waiting.

For what? Most likely a sign.

A sign that what I experienced last night was some grand delusion on my part.

Twelve hours earlier? I would have bet my life on what I saw and heard with my own eyes. But now, I was beginning to think I was making it all up in my head.

She said Edward, I kept reminding myself. After hearing our song. After crying and retching and chastising herself harshly.

It was like watching a documentary of myself for the last year --- concentrated into the space of two minutes.

She had remembered. She remembered, and hadn't been able to forget.

Something I had hoped for, that she kept watch over what we had in some small place inside her - until I saw the reality of that wish.

All I wished now was that I could be forgotten.

As I watched her on her knees crying bitterly, my feet began to move on it's own accord, against my mind's wishes to stay hidden behind a tree. Hearing my name was too much to bear , like she was calling out to me.

Both sides warred inside me with every step, each making compelling cases.

In fact, they neutralized eachother. If I left her alone as my mind insisted, I'd hurt her. If I went to her as my feet insisted, I'd hurt her.

The feet kept moving.

But a third party came in and trumped all.

"Here! Angela, she's over here!"

His voice was frantic as he rushed to her side, and scooped down behind her.

I stilled behind a tree.

The man pulled her hair back, wiped the tears off her cheek, while he reassured her in hushed whispers near her ear.

He didn't even flinch as he wiped puke off her purse with a dry leaf.

Too intimate.

They were together.

This is what you hoped for, I chided myself. This is exactly what you just hoped for not 20 seconds earlier - to have moved on.

As Ben, Angela and the man helped her out of the wooded area, I could hear Bella apologizing, even attempting to make jokes at her own expense.

She was smiling. Talking about the crawfish being the culprit.

_Her Alibi._

I wanted to buy the picture she was painting for everyone, and be on my way. But I saw what they hadn't - heard it too.

So, I waited in my car outside her apartment complex.

Waited to either be arrested for stalking; or else, to talk to Angela once Bella left her home.

Whichever came first.

Talking to Bella was outside the realm of possibility now - I'd forfeited that right long ago. After seeing him take care of her so well last night, I was more sure of that than anything.

But I couldn't drive away just like that. I had to know more. I had to understand what I saw - and Angela could help me.

Help me get closure.

_My Alibi._

**xx**

"Angela liked me," I chanted over and over again as I walked up the flight of stairs and towards their front door after seeing Bella take off. She'd give me a chance to explain myself.

She had approved of me in Hawaii, I reiterated, as I pressed the doorbell.

Sure, she was a tad suspicious in the beginning, giving me mom lectures and evil eyes that warned of what she'd do to me if I messed with her best friend.

But by the end of the vacation, I insisted as I waited for someone to answer the door, she was giving Bella a knowing smirk every morning she dragged me out from her bedroom and sat on my lap at the kitchen table.

That's approval, right?

Angela opened the door. With a smile. That lasted all of two seconds. Before the smile flipped over into a frown that included a gasp.

The next moment happened so fast.

My field of vision went from that horrified glare she now wore on her face - to staring straight down at the pavement right below me as my knee buckled to the ground. A shooting pain started in my calf area, but quickly began pulsing throughout my body.

"Goddammmmmit--"

She kicked me - straight in the shin.

With heels on even.

What was with these two and high heels?

I stared up at her in shock, while her index finger started flapping in front of my face.

"You are my life now? Really? That's the parting phrase you went with?"

Just in case it wasn't clear: Angela does not like me; nor, apparently, does she approve.

**xx**

It took almost an hour for her to get everything verbally out before I could speak. Well, beyond, a word or two or three...

"You are my life now? What was that about? Do you get off on the idea of being remembered long past a fling's expiration date?"

"Not at all, Angela. It's just...."

Angela cringed, like she didn't believe a word I was saying.

"Just..."

She interrupted me before I could finish: "Ju-ju-just that you are a careless jerk who thinks he's doing the girl a favor after sleeping with her to throw a sentimental bone in her direction?

I kept telling her I was sorry.

"I'm sorry too, Edward, that she didn't realize just because someone says "you are my life now, " it doesn't mean they actually intend on following through with such grand words."

I finally found an opening; I told her I had meant it, in my own way. That she had stayed with me ever since that night I left her. She was the only one I'd thought about since then. That there were reasons why I had to cut things off, things that were more important than my love for her.

"There are things she doesn't know about me...things that could cause her harm." I felt like some overdramatic idiot talking with such a sense of foreboding, my voice trailed off.

Angela's eyes narrowed: "Like what? Are you a drug dealer or something?"

I shook my head. Her eyes widened.

"Oh, god, you have some sort of STD cocktail inside you?"

"NO. Nothing like that. Nothing lifestyle related." She looked at me expectantly, but I didn't elaborate. She got the picture soon enough.

"Did you at least tell her there were things going on? Complications? Even if you didn't offer them up in detail?"

I shook my head - again. "She didn't need to know the specifics."

Angela's face became very still. Like she wasn't breathing. Because she wasn't - it became beet red within seconds. Her dreaded pointed index finger was in my face without warning again.

"Fuck you, Cullen. That....THAT right there was not your call to make. Deciding what she does and doesn't need to know. Whatever your big, dumb secret is that you couldn't tell her, it can't possibly be worse than letting her feel ashamed for loving you. You made her feel like a naive, dumb girl who mistook a one night stand for true love."

I sat there stunned, unable to speak. I didn't believe Angela really, that she loved me. Bella hadn't gotten that far in Hawaii - she was the one ready to break things off at the end of the trip. But to think she had thought this whole time she was just a one night stand to me...

"Yep," she said without so much as a flinch. "That's the price Bella paid for your secret all year. Keeping everything she felt secret and silent too. She was too ashamed to even talk to me about it, and I WAS THERE to watch it go down between you two."

Shame. Secrecy. My two close companions all these years.

I was contagious, even when I didn't realize it.

A wave of nausea swept through me as I started looking around; for what, I wasn't even sure.

"Edward.......Edward?"

The next while went on in a blur. Angela helping me sit down. Getting me some water. Answering some questions I had, her voice more steady now.

Paul wasn't her boyfriend at the music festival, just someone who admired her from afar for a long while now.

"Bella went out with him last night for me, really. She was trying to make me feel better about the move."

To Florida - next week. Bella said only for the summer, but Angela guessed it would be for longer than that. She only shook her head at me when I asked her why she was moving.

I jumped up and started pacing back and forth around the room. Florida shouldn't have mattered to me, since I wouldn't see her anymore after today.

But it did.

All year, even if I never came to see her, I took comfort in knowing where she was. Where she lived and worked and walked to - things we had talked about in Hawaii. Having her drive off a week from now, to somewhere I wouldnt know...it was so final.

"Are you okay, Edward?" Angela's voice grew softer, less aggressive now.

"Yes."

No.

I needed Angela to understand I hadn't gotten in touch with Bella because I loved her - not because I didn't.

"I could still harm her today if I come back. And I couldn't live with that - putting her in harm's way."

Angela's mouth dropped. She stared at me for a long minute before letting out a huge laugh. "Harm's Way? Oh, this is rich. Rich!" She continued her hysterics as she stood up and retrieved her purse. While kicking off her heels and picking up a pair of running shoes, she pointed out the front door:

"Get in the car, Edward. I'm going to introduce you to Harm's Way, Bella's best buddy for the last six months."

**xx**

Angela threw her arms out to the side, her body pushing against the wind. The wind was winning out; she swayed backwards, her feet lifting up until only her heels supported her balance.

"Be careful," I warned - she was only a couple feet from the edge of the cliff with a huge drop below us.

Once we got out of the car, she didn't say a word to me the whole time, with the exception of directing me where to go. We hiked up at least three miles of tricky terrain to get to this outlook. It was beautiful - we were overlooking a forest and a river winding down below us. It was freezing though, and gusty....

"Exactly," she finally answered. "Be careful." Angela opened her eyes, and plopped down Indian style onto the ground. She patted the ground beside her, so I would do the same.

"This is one of her easier hikes. It actually has a path you can follow."

I looked back from where we came from; it was hardly an easy trail, the narrow pathways swerved around steep cliffs.

"Bella, you mean?"

She nodded, while my eyes grew the size of saucers as I looked back again down the path again.

"Well, she was always seemed to have a thing for hiking," I mused, trying to hide my panic.

"Actually no, normally she didn't. She never hiked before Hawaii - or after Hawaii for several months. Bella's more like a cat, curled up on a sofa with a throw blanket and a book."

She bent her knees up, and wrapped her arms around them.

"But awhile back, she started heading out." Angela smiled in remembrance. "I mean, I was actually glad at first. She'd spent so much time alone in her bedroom after work and school. But then she started going longer and longer distances, coming home way past dark. By herself mind you."

Bella on these mountain goat trails that wind around steep cliffs past dark. Alone.

"For a long while after Hawaii, I think she thought you'd come back for her. Didn't you tell her a four hour drive was nothing?"

I hung my head as I nodded. How my words were coming back to haunt me.

"All that you're-my-life-now stuff, I think she thought it was a sign that you'd return."

I told her I thought she was asleep, that I had said those words to myself.

"Then maybe you shouldn't voice things outloud next time they are just for your ears." She cut me off when I tried to respond. " At some point though, she realized you had no plans to. The hikes started awhile later."

She put her arms out again, letting the wind push against her.

"She was forgetting. Things were beginning to fade. I think she started wondering if she made you all up, made Hawaii all up in her head."

She wiggled her fingers quickly in the air while her hair was being tossed all around.

The wind.

I finally understood.

It was the wind that made Bella come up this high on the trails. It was only at this elevation that the gusts were strong enough.

Strong enough to transport you back in time; back to last summer, back to the Windward shore of Oahu, where the powerful winds blasted against your body constantly.

A flood of memories shot forward into my head:

Bella laughing as we got off the bus together and her skirt flipped up against the gales.

Bella laughing while I gave her a piggy back ride back to her condo after a day at the beach, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as her hair whipped against my face.

Bella laughing as she flung her arms out into the wind, yelling over the gusts that she was making a snow angel.

"A wind angel, silly," I had corrected her.

_Angel, I corrected myself._

The gales played a supporting role in all those memories - lifting skirts and tossing hair about and pushing our bodies backwards and forwards and side to side at it's command.

But Bella's resulting laugh was the soundtrack to all those memories.

"She'd remember up here," I answered softly.

Angela popped a finger gun my way. "Bingo."

She pointed out towards the steep overlook of the cliff. "This isn't exactly out of harm's way, huh?"

The image of a solitary Bella trying to get to the top of the cliff at dusk made my stomach churn - I put my head in between my knees for a second to regroup.

"All this time, I was afraid she had forgotten me. I wouldn't have blamed her; I wanted her to, in a way. But I was afraid she'd forgotten."

My words were met with a long stretch of silence before Angela let out a fustrated sigh.

"Edward, why would she forget?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

It was less than a week, over a year ago. She had a full life and a big spirit to push her past me, was my thinking. I had almost taken pride in the fact that as she surely moved on last summer, I stood vigil over what we had. Kept it alive in a way that was safe for both of us.

Angela look at me as if I were a simpleton: "Why wouldn't she? Because maybe you are the first person she's ever slept with, for starters?"

My head jerked - because that last night. That last night was always such a wrench in my pretty, seamless reasoning. That last night was when my plans took a turn I'd never anticipated. And in some ways, negated everything I had hoped to accomplish in terms of clean breaks for Bella.

"Bella's so strong," I blurted out, trying to keep my pretty reasoning intact.

"Everything she did in Hawaii, she did without fear, Angela. I imagined her chalking our thing up in Hawaii as just another holiday affair that ended on a low note and moving on without a second thought. That last night even, when I was being such an ass and she had every right to throw me out, Bell- was....just fearless."

Her hand landed on my shoulder as she laughed softly.

"You describe her like she's Lara Croft. Some freaking superhero. You don't know her in the real world, Edward. In the real world, she's a quiet girl who leads a quiet life - to the point that she's overlooked a lot of the times. She spends half her day in a library, or a research cubicle, the other half in school. She doesn't have many friends, and has never had a boyfriend. She screams at the sight of spiders. Hell, we leave the hall light on everynight because she can't sleep in total darkness."

That wasn't how I saw her at all, she was right. Especially after that last night, when I tried to lie to her, and she looked straight into my eyes and called my bluff, that's how I did see her. One step away from superpower status.

"But she can be fearless, Edward, you're right. Not many people know that side of her." She waited for me to look at her before she continued. "All that fearlessness you saw in Hawaii? That strength and initiative? That came out for you. That strength always comes out for the people she loves."

Love. The second time she said that. And this time, I accepted the prospect.

She remembered. Bella remembered, and she loved me.

For a moment, the realization made my heart leap out of my chest. All year, I had assumed I was keeping a one-sided vigil over what we shared. That she no doubt had moved on, and I was little more than a mistake she could learn from.

But she had kept vigil the whole time, along with me. I hadn't been alone all those hours and days and weeks and months. She'd been beside me, in some way, the whole time.

That strength always comes out for people she loves.

Maybe that's how I had made it through the year. Maybe that's where I had gotten my strength from.

But had Bella gotten any strength from me in return?

No.

That last night, I went to her place, trying to be distant and cold. I wanted to deflate any hope of seeing me again. Deflate any desire to see me again. And she saw right through me; she called me on my bluff at first, letting me know it was an act. But then she saw something in me that was in pain; and without a moment's hesitation, when I deserved it least after how I was treating her, she comforted me.

Loved me.

Fearless.

I understood what happened that night; I knew everything she did that night was because she cared about me.

But Bella hadn't gotten that same reassurance from that night.I had made her feel ashamed for her loving me.

I had made her feel even more alone than before she met me.

"I love her, Angela. I love her and I was trying to keep her safe. I don't know how to keep her safe from me."

Angela let out a drawn, hopeless sigh as she stared at me.

"I don't know either, to be honest. But as to keeping her safe? Maybe that's not your fucking job in the first place to own outright, Edward. That's more Bella's job than yours. Maybe you need to fill her in on the details and trust her more that she can handle whatever it is you are hiding."

Easier said than done.

Somehow I made it back to Angela's apartment, and she sent me on my way with some encouraging words. I answered all her questions, said all the right things, but I was on automatic pilot.

I wasn't even sure how I was driving at the moment, I felt like I was in the middle of a fog storm.

My mind was telling me to pull over to the side - regroup.

But my foot wouldn't listen - it simply stepped on the gas pedal harder.

I'd failed.

Everything I did, everything I gave up all year.

And I still failed her.

**xx**

_(chapter 15)_

_"This is my favorite one, probably because I painted the rock all by myself." Emmett shuffled me to the last scene on the wall. "I'm a regular fucking Picasso."_

_A small rock sat apart from the rest of the lagoon and mermaids._

_The Lost Boy was sleeping now. And laying beside him asleep, was the mermaid. She almost engulfed him, her hair encircling around the both of them, her arms encasing his shoulders, his head nuzzling into her neck._

_My neck._

_He remembered._

_He remembered, and he loved me._

**xx**

**BPOV**

He remembered.

He remembered, and he loved me.

And that......just pissed me off more than I ever imagined.

I thought Emmett expected graceful tears of joy to flow from me when he showed me the mural - not the shrill tones of an angry harpy who came at him, demanding a million answers to a million questions.

They all distilled down to one main question though, the one I kept asking as we drove back home:

"What good was all this love for me, if he was never going to share it?"

Emmett wouldn't be the one to answer that question - but Alice would.

I couldn't help myself; I ran towards her when she threw open her arms to greet me.

We had only spent one day together, but there had always been an understanding between us, silent and unspoken.

We knew eachother.

It wasn't like we were getting to know eachother that day - it was more like we were catching up as long lost friends.

Emmett laughed when he found us an hour later. Alice still had me propped on her lap on his couch, petting my head like a cat, reassuring me the way I imagined a sister would.

She told me about herself. About him too, and all his gifts. Gifts that doubled as curses for him, for as long as Alice could remember. How her abilities were sporadic, while his abilities were constantly present, intrusive, - overwhelming at times.

How he never fit in, was always out of step with those around him, because of those gifts. How he retreated as soon as it was socially acceptable from others - even family.

"Except with you, Bella. You were the exception."

How they had looked out for eachother in the most extraordinary of ways. She could see what was ahead of him, warning him of things to come; he could see what was right in front of her when she couldn't, and help her temper her impulsiveness.

And how my mind, out of all the minds he'd ever been around, was the one left closed off to him.

She was so cautious when she explained it all to me. I guessed she was afraid I'd think it was all odd - even delusional.

It simply came as a relief to all the unanswered questions I had had for so long about my time with Edward. Why he seemed to savor the simplest of things, like taking naps together. Or sitting on the beach in silence, looking out into the ocean. Or touching my cheek.

It never quite made sense, the wonder he showed in experiencing those moments.

It also explained that fateful night, when Alice interrupted us on the beach, silent and mournful.

A dream.

Or more a vision, she explained, of Edward and me, that left a lot of questions and confusion in how to read it.

But Edward saw it in black and white: he would hurt me.

And that started the beginning of the end.

There was one thing I didn't understand though:

"Why didn't he just tell me what was going on?"

Alice grimaced. "For a lot of reasons, some of them having to do with keeping you safe. But I do wonder..." She paused, and looked at me for a long moment before continuing. "I wonder if it was easier to let you think he was a jerk instead of a freak. At least when you ran the other way, it wouldn't be him you were running away from."

Aha.

**xx**

"Bella, your phone keeps ringing, honey."

I startled at the soft sounds of Alice's voice. And then at the fact I had apparently fell asleep on her.

"Oh, God, Alice - I"m so sorry! Your legs are probably numb from my bodyweight!" I jumped up onto my feet while Alice dismissed my concerns with flick of the wrist.

It was Angela.

I motioned to her I'd take the call in the other room and hurried off.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"You will not believe who just left right now." Her voice was smug and full of accomplishment.

I held my breath when she told me. Alice clued me in on his trip to my side of town yesterday. That they had been waiting for him to contact them since then.

"And Bella, you would have been so proud of me. You know that bitchslap speech you had performed in the mirror before you left? The one about him being a careless jerk and sentimental bones? You should have seen his face when I - "

My low groan stopped her from continuing.

"Angela," I said in a low voice, " please tell me you didn't say that to him. Please."

She paused, realizing I wasn't exactly giving her a phantom high - five at the moment.

"I need you to tell me everything you said to him, Angela. It's very important you tell me everything."

**Alice:**

After talking to Bella, something kept coming back to me. Something Rowena, Nalani's grandmother had said to me specifically about my dream:

"_I bet all of your visions of Edward had always been simply about Edward, and didn't involve another person?The addition of the girl makes the vision much more complicated and more prone to shifting in terms of perspective. Because the girl's involvement affects the outcome, not just Edward's."_

I'd never willed myself to bring on a vision before - they always came and went as they pleased.

But I had to revisit this one again, now that I had more of a connection with Bella. Maybe the dream would be more clear this time - less hazy.

Maybe the vision was irrelevant at this point, maybe whatever danger there had been had even passed.

I had to try at least.

I ran up to the spare bedroom and closed the door. I slid underneath the covers, laid still and shut my lids.

And concentrated on my breathing.

Inhale. Exhale.

That's all I tried to focus on as I fell into a meditative state.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale...Inhale......

The sound of the water heater was the first thing I notice to be silenced. Then the dripping water faucet in the adjoining bathroom.

But soon those thoughts fell away as I watched what almost looked like a silent picture show in front of me:

The first image that splashed across my mind was one of Bella. She was in some enclosed space. It reminded me of a museum, everything looked well preserved but sanitary and devoid of life. It was so dim in that room she was in. That became clear with the next image. A hole or door appeared, with light coming through. Edward stood there. It went dark for a moment, as if the film projector had run out of a film. But then the images began to come on and quickly speed up in succession, until the snapshots were going at turbo speed. I couldn't process them fast enough, but I didn't need to. They all seemed to be conveying the same thing. Pure joy - images of Edward and Bella together blissfully.

Until the end.

The images came to a screeching halt. It was hard to pinpoint what I was hearing, but it was heavy and screeching and low and violent, all at the same time. The images were more shaky and fuzzy and shadowy at that point. But dread and chaos hung over the imagery as I tried to understand what I was seeing.

And then it all sharpened into focus.

And it was only at this point that the picture show changed from the last time I watched it, so many months ago in Hawaii.

Last time, I had seen the vision from Edward's perspective. Of him trying to hold onto Bella in vain, as she slipped out of reach. She fell away, downwards, in slow motion, her face frantic and desperate as she tried to reach back for him.

I had always opened my eyes at that point; it was too hard not too, looking at Bella's falling form.

But this time, it changed.

I was seeing that last image from Bella's perspective now. Edward was trying to hold onto me - to Bella. His face was full of horror, regret.

But just like that, his grip loosened.

**Edward had let go.**

I willed myself not to open my eyes, like I had so many times before. I made myself see how it ended.

I - Bella- felt my face tighten frantically as I tried to reach back out toward him. But he wouldn't reach back.

In one graceful move, he dipped his head, and dove right past me - and head first in the abyss below.

xxxx


	17. Can't I Destroy The World WYou?

**Chapter 17: Can't I Destroy the World With You?**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews, lovelies! Next chapter will be the last one, so thanks for sticking with me.**

**a/n: People were confused by the vision and it's relevance, and that's partly my fault in terms of maybe not writing it well enough. But the vision and its meaning will be discussed by the characters in the next chapter - I hope that clears up some of the questions people had. And if it doesn't maybe I'll add some author's notes too. :) One thing I want to keep clear though is that Edward and Alice's abilities are less effective and defined than in the Twilight series because the gifts are more humanized. And Edward's gift works strongest with Alice; Edward essentially reads minds in this story, but it's more subtle how he reads minds than in Twilight. But with Alice, because he's so close to her, he literally knows what's in her mind.**

**a/n: Italics with quotes are the texting message. Italics alone are unspoken thoughts that are running across someone's mind.**

**a/n: The song for this chapter is Incubus' "Dig." The song link is on my profile. Gah, this song should be on the Twilight soundtrack more than most of the ones that are on there-it's just a beautiful song with gorgeous lyrics...Thanks for all the pm asking for a song playlist for this story. I'll include the playlist with the final chapter.**

**xxx**

**Edward: **

**" Seattle - 160 miles"**

If I kept it at eighty mph, I'd be home in two hours tops.

And if I upped it to a hundred, well......that would mean I'd have family members breathing down my neck that much sooner once I touched down in Seattle.

Eighty mph it is, then.

My plan would have worked - if I had just stuck with it.

I had started to distance myself from her a couple days before I left Hawaii.

Was getting ready to make a clean break, all in the name of her safety.

She got the hint, and was distancing herself as well. I could hear it in her voice over the phone.

If I had been strong enough for her that last night, I would have succeeded.

All I had to do was play the asshole for five minutes tops, say goodbye, and leave.

But I had been weak.

It was hard to be an asshole to someone who handed you a travel goody gift bag for the flight home.

Complete with a piece of pie - napkin and fork included.

Goddamned adorable, thoughtful girl.

I let her see the crack in my facade.

She located the truth within seconds.

That night, I marked her, made her my own -

and left.

Goddamned monster.

Hours later, when Emmett drove us back to the airport, he promised: "Nothing is done that can't be undone, Edward. Nothing."

That's all I had to cling to in that moment. So I did. I went on with my Operation Clean Break, full steam ahead, in the name of keeping her safe from me.

I got on the plane, and promised myself I could "undo" the night before. I pretended what happened back at the condo, something that binded us to one another from there on out, hadn't occurred.

I never looked back - if you didn't count what happened inside my head. Or on my canvas. Or on my stationary.

I didn't search her out. I didn't call her. I didn't go to Eugene - even when I had excuses to go.

I stayed away from her.

Clean break accomplished.

But it was all a lie, as Angela explained.

It had been very messy afterall.

Messy for Bella.

She couldn't "undo" that night, the way I had. She'd been left by me to pick up all the messy pieces. While I was fingerpainting fucking mermaids, Bella was running around steep cliffs after dark - trying to remember how the pieces fit together in the first place.

My phone began vibrating inside my pant pocket.

Probably Alice again - leaving me yet another message for the umpteenth time in twenty-four hours.

"Give me one hour to myself, Sister Dear. One fucking hour."

**xxx**

**Alice:**

Bella was still locked in Emmett's bathroom, speaking in low whispers.

She had almost been in there for an hour.

I was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what to do.

What to say.

Who to say what to.

Edward wouldn't pick up his phone - still. He'd ignored my messages all day long.

Emmett had left on the pretense of doing errands. Translation: He wanted to give Bella and I some private time.

I just knew something had to be done now. I rapped on the door.

"Just a sec, Alice."

Bella ended her call and opened up the door. Her face was paler than usual, her eyes wet.

"Can you call Edward, Alice? Right now, please?"

I asked her why. She told me that he had finally been spotted - at her apartment of all places.

"It's just that, my roommate. She may have not been so kind, Alice. She meant well, but she didn't understand what's going on exactly. She said he looked dazed when he left our place..."

I asked for specifics on what her roommate told Edward. She gave me the full checklist.

Her roommate was right on every count; and yet, if the vision was any indication, Edward had enough guilt and regret right now to fuel him.

Fuel him in ways I didn't want to imagine.

I began to call him over and over again while grabbing my purse. Bella followed my lead, putting her shoes back on.

"Bella, I think maybe we should start driving - down towards your neck of the woods. Maybe we can meet Edward somewhere along the way once we get a hold of him, hmm?"

I smiled reassuringly, not wanting to clue her in on what I had seen in the vision.

Not just yet, at least.

Time was of the essence; and the closer we were to Edward, the better. My shoulders shuddered as I replayed the low, screeching, violent sound from the vision in my head. Edward needed to get off the road - as quickly as possible.

**xxx**

**Edward**

**"Seattle - 80 miles"**

I was two vibrations away from throwing my phone out the car window.

Alice probably had another goddamned dream and was ready to fix something new in my life.

Always fixing things.

Always fixing me.

You'd think she'd be finished after twenty - one years.

Like I could talk.

I was as bad a fixer with Bella as Alice was with me.

The thought made me howl with laughter. Here we were, two "gifted" individuals, with abilities that should help us and others.

That's how they make it look in the comic books at least.

And all our gifts did was screw things up.

Ruin everything.

Ruined me and Alice's relationship. Ruined my chance at a normal life.

Ruined my chances with Bella.

Caused Bella to run around goddamned mountaintops, in the dark, with those unreliable dry land legs of hers, trying to search for answers in the wind.

Fuck the wind.

I kept laughing at the irony of it all as my knees took charge of the steering wheel and I took out my cellphone.

Alice wanted me to call back, but she'd have to settle for a text:

_"Between the two of us, we could sink Titanic seven times over."_

**xxx**

**Bella:**

"What does it say?" Alice's voice was fully of worry.

"Between the two of us, we could sink Titanic. Seven times over."

Alice shook her head, her lips pursing tightly.

"Text him back, and ask him where he is on the highway."

I nodded. But I knew how much Edward hated it when Alice used a motherly tone with him. A little levity was in order.

When I was sure she wasn't looking, I typed in:

_"Between the two of us, we could manage blasting a hole in the ozone layer the size of China. Wonder Twin Powers activate!"_

I couldn't help but snort once I sent it. Alice grabbed it from me and read it back.

"Bella!! This isn't the time for jokes!"

I waited until she was more composed before I answered:

"What's going on, Alice? Ever since I got off the phone with my roommate, you've been talking with that airline stewardess voice they use to calm passengers down as they explain the airplane engine has just fallen out into the ocean."

I didn't have to ask her twice.

She began to talk at a million words per minute - you could tell she had been dying to get it off her chest.

Another dream of hers. The same one as last summer, but with a different ending.

"It's just a slight change. But a significant one. Instead of you losing your grip, Edward let go. He broke the hold."

Edward breaking the hold? Well, color that new revelation anti-climatic and a year after the fact.

It had just taken a couple hours to ingest the fact this whole mess we were all in -Edward, me, hell, his family - was due to a single dream. A dream Alice herself found hard to decipher because it was unlike other visions she'd ever had. She just knew the pain and the danger surrounding Edward and me was real.

Fair enough.

But Edward only saw the dream in black and white and went full steam ahead with a solution - without ever letting me in on the problem in the first place.

This whole time, he left me to think I was the problem.

"Uh, doesn't that change the whole meaning of the dream? If I'm falling because he let go, not because something else broke us apart?"

Alice nodded, biting her lip.

"Yes." And for the first time in her presence, Alice answered a question with one word. What more could she say though, really?

I tried to stay calm - the anger had been building steadily since seeing the mural. But all the misguidance with the whole situation....

Misguided love on Edward's part: him pouring so much of himself into an image of me on a wall in a hospital, while completely abandoning me in real life.

Misguided reasons for doing things in the name of love: Edward running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to change the future, all because his sister had a dream.

A dream that was now taking on choose-your-own-adventure style alternative endings.

Emmett's assertion was making me think HE was the most gifted and visionary sibling of them all: "Edward's the king of Ass Backwards."

"Alice, I'm trying to understand, so please don't be offended. But why the hell is a dream having so much authority over my life right now?"

She didn't seem offended in the least. Alice must have understood how their ways were so alien to me.

"Years back, when we were just teenagers, I called Edward one night while he was driving home. I told him to take a detour instead; after some arguing on his part, he relented . The next day, we read found out about the three car pile -up on the road he'd been on, at the time he would have been on it. Two fatalities total. Edward never questioned my dreams from then on."

She let out a nervous laugh: "Which may be the problem."

That helped me understand Edward better. Brushes with death had been avoided before because of her gift.

But it didn't answer everything that Edward had done - or how he went about doing it.

How he kept me in the dark. How he went for the scorched-earth solution without a second thought, extracting himself from my life so abruptly.

We had spent much of the afternoon talking about Edward; what he was like growing up, what he had grown into up until Hawaii. How keeping their gifts a secret was a "fun twin thing" for Alice. But for Edward, it took on darker implications - because he had more to hide. He had to hide the fact that every waking moment he was around others, his "secret" was weighing down on him, giving him too much information about people that he didn't want to know in the first place. How that knowledge embarrassed him around others, made him uncomfortable and awkward. It became a dirty secret for him, a source of shame. Resentment too, because he could see how it made him so different from others. Family became his main source of solace from this onslaught he experienced daily. He was a loving, loyal brother and son, but had never ventured past those roles as an adult. And with siblings growing up and moving away, being a loving brother and son didn't have the same weight anymore. He was being left behind, sweeping himself to the side as everyone else moved on.

Until me. Until Hawaii.

The night he left me, he lied countless times. But something he said was starting to sound more true than I'd ever imagined:

_"I meant it when I said I wanted to bring you back with me to real life. I wanted to bring Neverland back home with me. But real life ended up seeping into Neverland instead."_

"Alice, do you know what Edward called what we had in Hawaii?"

She shook her head while contiuing to drive.

"Neverland."

"Oh, right," she answered. "like Peter Pan."

Well, yes.

And no.

"Think about it, Alice. He defined what we had as: Never. Land."

Alice's mouth dropped in recognition.

Her phone cut off our her next sentence.

Edward.

His second text now within just a few minutes.

_"When did you grow a sense of humor? Or is this Jasper?"_

xxx

**Edwdard:**

**"Seattle 40 miles"**

It didn't take more than a minute for her to answer:

_"Oh ye of little faith. Now back to the game of the disastrously dynamic duo. You're up to bat."_

A part of me still thought it could be Jasper, but this bantering was better than pity messages back and forth:

_"Between the two of us, communism will get a spike in popularity, and the Berlin wall will build itself up again."_

Well, if I failed out of med-school in the coming year, maybe I'll have a future as a writer on the Steve Colbert Report.

Or not.

Fourty miles to go.

One half hour left before I'd be home.

But what would that mean now: home?

Before yesterday, I looked forward to heading home at the end of the day. It gave me comfort being there.

But now my home seemed like a mausoleum. Cold, bare, with drawings and letters that were a taunting reminder of the lies I'd encased myself in all year.

I couldn't handle going back there right now. Not after today.

Alice and Jasper's was a no - go. She was on high alert, and I wasn't up for an interrogation.

Mom and Dad's was a possibility, but there would be questions there too.

Unlike Emmett, who never pushed. But I hated intruding on him now, since Rose moved in. She was a gem; worried about me like I was her own brother, but that was the problem. They both worried too much.

Nowhere to go.

The cellphone vibrated again:

_"Between the two of us, the Berlin Wall will build itself up ---- and stand even ten feet higher than before. Mr. Ivanov, build up the wall!"_

A Reagan referenced joke, complete with the current Russian prime minister's name spelled correctly?

Definitely not Alice.

xx

**Bella:**

_"Who is this? Alice would think Ivanov was a brand of imported Vodka."_

I read it back to Alice.

"He's such a self-righteous snob, Bella, I don't know what you see in him."

Of course she was smiling too while egging me on to "keep doing what you're doing" with my texting. I was getting Edward to respond finally, and in quick succession. Alice wanted me to figure out where he was exactly:

_"Oh, E, you're just being a sore loser because my line was funnier and more politically relevant. Your turn."_

"Bella?" Alice's voice was tenative.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's just a coincidence that from the first day you met Edward, you knew just how to get him to sleep, just how to get him to talk. To laugh. To hold your hand. Things that his family couldn't get him to do in all the years we tried?"

I tried not to giggle - her description made him sound like a stray cat I'd taken in whose basic needs had never been met before.....

"Being with Edward was the most natural thing in the world for me. Anything I did with him, or for him, came without a second thought."

Alice tapped me on the knee. "Nalani's grandma pegged you after just one meeting. About what you are capable of."

Nalani's grandmother - the old woman who Alice brought to see me that afternoon in Hawaii so long ago.

"She and Nalani said you had gifts too, Bella."

Intrigued, as if I was about to receive a fortune reading, I waited for her to tell me.

"Your ability to protect those you love is amazing. And your gift works so in sync with Edward's gift, a natural disaster couldn't have kept you two from eachother in Hawaii. You would have found one another no matter what."

Pfft. That sounded like the kind of "gift" I'd end up with: loving someone. Utterly underwhelming, as well as utterly useless in this case.

"Hear me out. Rowena said it's about degrees. The precise degree that you pick up on a loved one's unspoken needs and pain, your ability to attend to those needs through sheer intuition, is finely tuned. Think of how you handled Edward from the beginning, Bella. No one ever looks at Edward and thinks he's in need of anything. On paper he looks invincible, with his looks and his academic pedigree and his wit. He intimidates everyone."

She squeezed my knee as she began to smile.

"But not you, Bella. When he wouldn't jump off the cliff, what did you do? You walked right up to him, calmed him down, took his hand - and made him take that leap with you."

Alice tried to wipe the tear away while she cracked up.

It wasn't a happy laugh.

"Bella, I need you to do that again. I know I have no right to ask anything of you after everything that's happened - but I need you to take his hand one more time. Do your magic."

Her tears began to flow quickly now. She explained the very end of the dream from this afternoon:

**Edward broke the hold between us, and I began to fall. I reached back out for him, but he didn't reach back. Instead, he dipped his head, and dove headfirst past me in descent.**

"I don't know what it means exactly, but it can't be good....."

Alice continued to talk, but I drowned her out. My mind was too busy deconstructing the dream, taking each detail apart to find it's meaning:

-Edward dipped his head when I reached out to him.

-He wasn't just rejecting my hand, he attempted to hide his face.

-He didn't want me to see him.

-He didn't want me to see what he was.

-And he didn't just hide his face - he dipped his head low.

-You dip your head when you are ashamed.

-He dove right past me

-He didn't fall, sail right by.

-He plunged.

-Head first.

-Thrusting himself past me violently, willfully, downward.

So eager to sacrifice himself for us.

For me.

And he never once realized the only person he needed to protect me from was himself.

**xx**

**Edward:**

Maybe it was Alice afterall. The messages were coming in quick succession now, every minute it seemed. Asking where I was, why I hadn't written back a clever quip.

I was quickly losing my humor though, so I wrote the first thing that came into my head:

_"Can you see me in ten years?"_

I could see Alice and Jasper clearly, inside a big house with children filling up the upper stairs bedrooms. Suburban bliss, if there was such a thing, with kids' soccer games and ballet classes on the weekends.

I could see Rose and Emmett clearly too, living in the city. In a sleeker, bigger condo than what they had right now, with an active social life. Probably two dogs; maybe even a little girl, the spitting image of her mother.

I could see Mom and Dad settling into senior citizen stautus. Dad easing up on his work hours, both of them enjoying their role as grandparents.

But I couldn't see myself. Not in that way at least. Not where I would have my own life picture to conjure up apart from our family. Those possibilities seemed to begin and end with Bella.

I could only see myself as an appendage in my parent's picture now.

And in family terms, that meant I was destined to be that weird uncle who never moved out of the grandparents' house and spent an inordinate amount of time in the attic alone.

My phone vibrated:

_"What do you mean can I see you in ten years? Where are you?"_

Never mind, not going there afterall...I went back to comic quips.

_"Between the two of us, mullets will make a comeback."_

She responded instantaneously:

_"As well as fondue parties and polyester. Team Twin!"_

Definitely not Alice. But not Jasper either. Too liberal a use of exclamations.

_"Who is this?"_

_"I'll let you know on one condition: You tell me where you are. Exact location."_

**xx**

**Bella:**

He texted back - was only about fifteen miles north from where we were. We got off at the next exit - he'd be passing us within minutes. I'd have to work fast.

_"Your turn,"_ he texted.

I had to ask.

_"Quick favor - what do you mean by can I see you in ten years?"_

_"No favor - WHO IS THIS?'"_

I typed my name in, but couldn't send it. It just occurred to me that maybe he didn't want to talk to me.

I erased it and started over:

_"Please sound happy, when you hear who it is. Even if you have to lie - I'm having an incredibly shitty day."_

His response was immediate.

_"That makes two of us."_

"Maybe you should tell him over the phone, hun," Alice suggested. "Try to coax him to meet us as soon as possible too. I want him off the highway."

He picked up after the first ring.

"Yeah?"

"Remember to sound happy."

A long intake of air could be heard on the other end. It felt like years before he finally spoke.

"How are you doing gorgeous," he laughed out loud. It sounded manic, with uneven breathing.

Gorgeous. He was the only one who could ever say that to me without sounding insincere.

"Hey yourself, handsome." It came out sounding shaky - I needed to calm down. "Wouldn't it be my luck that the one day I check out your neck of the woods, you're checking out mine? We totally missed eachother."

"Well, I think it's already been established that we are both having an incredibly shit luck day."

A long pause followed.

_Make him laugh. He needs to know you can still laugh with him, even after everything._

"So, don't tell me the Wonder Twins game is over just because it's me and not Alice. Can't I destroy the world with you?"

More laughter from his end, this time a little less forced. He was calming down.

"I can handle destroying the world just fine by myself, Bella. You could save the world if you put your mind to it though, I'm sure of it."

Silly boy.

"You want to be my sidekick? Like a Robin or a Tanto? Because I could pencil in a few rescue missions before work tomorrow afternoon."

I swore I could hear him grinning over the phone.

"What do you have in mind? Some whale saving? Finding the cure for cancer?"

Definitely grinning.

"I was thinking more along the lines of solving the Middle East Crisis. Easy as pie - we'd be out of there by noon."

Edward agreed that was a good choice: "Who would have thought the Middle East Conflict, coming from the girl who just last year told me to screw world peace because she wanted pony."

He was playing along, sounding more like himself. Which only egged me on more:

"Then it's a date then?"

His chuckles stopped: "I'd settle for some coffee and malasadas right now. Screw the whales."

An opening. He gave me the perfect opening.

"We could, you know. Like in five minutes, if you'll be willing to substitute malasadas for scones."

No answer. The image Alice painted of Edward in the dream, the one of the shamed boy who wouldn't reach back for my hand and kept his head down, shot into my head.

_Edward, stop looking downward. Look up at me._

Alice pointed to the street we had just gotten on from the freeway offramp. I needed him to get off the freeway soon too.

"Get off on Baxter avenue, and have some coffee with me. You'll be coming up to the exit in just a couple minutes."

More silence, with the addition of a throat clearing.

_Look at me._

"Listen: the reason I came up to your neighborhood was to say good-bye. I'm moving next week. Out of state."

He asked me where I was moving, and why. Angela had already told him, so I knew he was just buying time.

"Come on," I urged. " A quick cup-o-joe, some small talk, maybe even a speedy email exchange, and you could be on your way."

_Please look up._

"Email?" His voice was so low on the other end.

"Florida's a long way from here, and I don't think I'll be coming back here for awhile. There's no harm in us staying in touch by email, right?"

"You want to keep in touch?"

It was like I got that shamed boy's attention finally, to get him to look back.

I had to keep it now.

"Yes, I do."

He was a silent for a beat before answering in such a hushed tone, I had to concentrate to hear it all: "Why would you want to, after everything I've done?"

_My hand was always reaching out to you, Edward. You just had to look up to see it._

"I told you this the last night we saw eachother, and it still stands. Even when I'm mad as hell at you, it doesn't change the fact that I'm here for you. You can't change that fact, no matter how hard you try."

And he tried so hard all year, for reasons he probably didn't even understand himself.

The silence on the other end was different now - I could feel it. Not one of uncertainty, but one of surrender.

_Take my hand, Edward. Keeping looking at me, and take my hand._

"Where do I go now," he asked quietly. "I just got off the freeway. I'm on Baxter now."

I did a quick victory fist pump as I told him to turn on the corner of Rosencrantz and Baxter. I looked over at Alice to mouth her the good news. But she didn't look well - at all.

"Alice?"

**xxx**

**Edward:**

She wanted to stay in contact with me. After all I had put her through, she still wanted me in her life in some small way.

I didn't know if I wanted to hug her or shake her by the shoulders and scold her.

Goddamned, adorable, merciful girl.

A quick cup of coffee, a quick exchange of emails. Like she said, what's the harm in that?

"Alice?"

I heard muffled cursing while Bella spoke to Alice. I couldn't hear all of it. Just bits and pieces that indicated Bella was making her pull over to the side of the road.

Bella rushed back onto the phone, while reassuring Alice. "Sorry, I'm back. Alice was driving but she's feeling a little faint, so I took over driving duties. Okay, so if you just stay on Baxter like you are, I'm going to meet up with you on the corner of Rosencrantz. There's a little Starbucks on the side - "

She continued talking, but something else got my attention: Alice was feeling "a little faint."

Not good.

"Bella, how is Alice right now?"

"I think she's just having a little blackout - she's conscious though, don't worry. A scone and some orange juice should perk her right up."

Not good at all.

"Is she talking or moving? Are her eyes closed?"

I could hear the sudden worry in Bella's voice. "She's moving, but not talking. She put her arm over her eyes and closed them. Does she have a medical condition?"

It was a condition. Just not a medical one.

Everything Bella was describing right now about Alice was how she reacted when her visions were manifesting in real life.

Like visions of me losing hold of Bella in the midst of low, heavy, screeching sounds.

Low, heavy, screeching sounds that metal could make in a collision.

Suddenly, Nalani's grandmother's words popped into my head: "The slightest change in one's routine can shift one's life path significantly."

Like the slightest change to meet me.

_A quick cup of coffee, a quick exchange of emails. Like she said, what's the harm in that?- _I'd wondered just seconds earlier.

Plenty it seemed.

I accelerated my speed as I yelled into the phone:

"Bella, pull over. Now. Stop the car in a parking lot, even on the side of the road if you need to -"

"What's going on, Ed-"

"NOW!"

She told me she couldn't; she was in the middle lane of traffic, there was nowhere to go.

I stepped on the gas pedal harder, frantically looking for the intersecting Rosencrantz to come into view.

"Pull over when you can; please, Bella..." My voice sounded raw, frantic- I knew I was scaring her.

She insisted I tell her what was going on. That I was making her scared.

I didn't have time to respond - I was too busy overtaking a car in my lane. His horn blared as I whizzed by.

"Edward, slow down. Whatever is going on, YOU need to slow down-"

I tried to reassure everything was fine - all the while silently cursing as a car from a sidestreet pulled out right in front of me.

"Edward, please listen to me."

Bella's voice was soft - yet authoritative.

It made me pause for a second -- until I came up to the cross street that I was sure was "Rosencratz" from far away - but actually read "Rossdale."

"Fuck!" I yelled out, as I continued down the street. I could hear Bella gasp on the other end, so I tried to redirect her attention. "Bella don't worry. Everything's okay. I just need you to do what I said, as soon as possible....."

Suddenly, in that second, I didn't just hear her voice. I felt it.

"Edward. Brake as hard as you can."

Her voice was so small and calm on the other end, as if she was in a meditative state -- and yet its force hit me like a ton of bricks. My whole body reacted to her words instantaneously. My foot, without warning, thumped down on the brake pedal violently.

I didn't even notice the low, heavy, screeching of my brakes though; because for a split second, my heart rejoiced.

The street I was barreling into, despite my braking, was Rosencrantz.

Rosencrantz = I got to Bella in time before she could get hurt.

Except.....right above the intersection sign was a red light......and cars were passing at high speed right in front of my moving car....

The next moments happened so quickly, it was only after the fact that I could catalog it all.

A bright red car coming into my space from the right - with an SUV hot on its trail.

Me closing my eyes, gripping onto the steering wheel for the inevitable impact.

And Bella.

Bella's sweet voice reaching out to me: "Steer to the left and then pull hard to the right. Hold on, Edward. Hold on for me."

She was barely audible from the cellphone that had fallen into my lap. But my body obeyed her orders just as it did earlier, before my mind could even catch up.

First to the left. Then I pulled a hard right.

The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes. I didn't even realize I had had them closed still.

There were horns honking. The guy from the red car was leaning out of his door window while yelling and flipping me off.

I jumped out of the car - only to see he had missed hitting the back of my car by an inch or two at the most.

More horns began to honk as I just stood there in the street.

And I could have cared less.

Because did Alice's vision just get realized? The low, heavy, screetching sounds. Bella falling out of reach from me, just in a way that I hadn't imagined?

Bella......

I didn't see her first. I heard Alice instead.

My sister was on the corner of the crosswalk, calling me every name in the book in her thoughts:

_"Goddamn you, Edward, if you ever scare me like that again, I swear I'm going to push your damn Volvo off a cliff and you'll be left driving a Vespa at the speed of 13 miles per hour for the rest of your goddamned life... If I EVER--"_

Her voice drained out though when I saw Bella beside her. She waited until she caught my eye - and then threw out her arms towards me.

I didn't care in that moment if the crosswalk sign told me I couldn't cross- I bolted across the street towards her.

Alice's thoughts wouldn't shut up: _"Oh, that's it. Done deal. Jaywalking after that stunt? Your Volvo is dead to me!"_

Bella's arms were still reaching out toward me as I scooped her into my arms.

Then they wrapped around me tightly.

Soft, and warm, and delicate - just as I remembered how it felt to hold Bella.

She didn't say a word - she just nuzzled deeper into my neck.

"You saved me," I whispered. "You saved me and you're real and right here with me now. Right here in front of me."

She shook her head into my neck.

"I was always right here with you, Edward. You just had to look up to see me."

Alice's thoughts interrupted us one last time: _"Hand me your keys. I'll drive your stupid car home. But don't blame me if it's completely firebombed the next time you see it."_

I'd take my chances.

Alice was off in a flash to clean up my mess. As she had so many times before.

What would I have done without her all these years?

And Bella....

When I lowered her her back down onto the ground, she simply took my hand and began to run.

With me in tow.

**xxx**

**a/n:**

_**If you are wondering about Bella in this chapter, I thought I"d just include this excerpt from chapter 10:**_

"Edward, how did you meet Bella?"

I rolled my eyes. She already knew the story about her making me jump off the cliff with her.

"No. You're wrong," she said smugly.

Huh?

"I asked Bella, Edward. And she recounted the story very differently. You always say she saw some wimp on a cliff and pushed him off. Bella said she came onto the cliff, and saw a guy who looked incredibly scared."

"I told you that part already--"

"But Edward," Alice interrupted," you left out the part about Emmett and Jasper screaming insults at you from the water below. That was the biggest thing for her. She told me she remembered you from the club the night before, with all the women hanging around you. Bella said she would have never approached you, because she was intimidated by you. But she had to in that moment...because she hated seeing others treating you badly."

I looked at her in confusion. I didn't get her point. It was her turn to let out a put-out sigh.

"**EDWARD...Bella's been protecting you from the beginning, right down to your meeting**. The way Rowena and Nalani put it, Bella has a very keen ability to pick up on others' pain or despair and to protect them instinctively. Her ability to protect and love those she cares about is crazy..."

I was even more confused.

"How is that a gift? That's what many people do."

"Rowena said it's about degrees. The degree that Bella picks up on others problems and needs, and the precise degree with how she attends to them is the key. She's finely tuned, without consciously realizing it."

She waited for that to sink in a little before beginning again.

"Think about it, Edward. You've been robbed of sleep for years, and what does Bella do without any knowledge of this? She got you to take naps with her. You've always had a hard time with touching of any kind from others. What does she do without knowing this? She takes your hand at every opportunity from the moment she meets you, like you told me. And before long, you can't keep your hands off her. **Edward...don't you see? Bella's saving you from yourself."**


	18. Tilting At Windmills

**Chapter 18: Tilting At Windmills**

**a/n: Thanks for all the reviews! I lied; I couldn't fit everything into one chapter. So there is one chapter after this one.**

**a/n: The Title is taken from the popular phrase that references the story of Don Quixote and his chivalrous delusions. In the story, he fights windwills, thinking they are giants. The phrase "Tilting At Windmills" is popular for referring to those who fight imaginary forces or enemies in vain.**

**a/n: The song for this chapter is "Crash Into You" by Dave Matthews Band. The link is at the top of my profile. There's one line in the song that always made me know I'd use it for the reunion chapter: "Hike up your skirt a little more, and show your world to me." lol**

**a/n: Some questions from reviewers are answered at the bottom of this chapter for those who would like some clarification. But not everything will be answered yet-the last chapter will explain the dreams and their shifting meanings more.**

xxxxx

**BPOV**

"Nice door..."

Edward just chuckled as he struggled with finding the right keys.

Those were the first words I had spoken since... _that_ happened.

I didn't even know what "that" was still.

I didn't care at the moment either - analysis and hindsight would be for another time.

Right now?

I just wanted to be here, in the moment.

I hadn't been in the moment for so long now; it wasn't a place I wanted to be. Trying to remember what was good from my past, or trying to figure out what could be good in my future. That's where I had been in the last year.

I could have pressed "pause" right smack dab in this moment though.

Not earlier. The last half hour had been awkward.

I grabbed his hand, and I ran as fast as I could: away from the almost-accident, away from whatever mind fuckery had just occurred between Edward and I mentally, away from Alice even.

I just wanted Edward to myself, even if it was for just a couple hours.

Minus all the obstacles.

Then my wish was granted when we closed my car doors and he drove us away.

And I had nothing to say.

Because what do you say after almost losing someone you love?

"Hi; hey, do you want to go grab that cup of coffee now?"

Small talk seemed so inappropriate at the moment.

Or...

"Edward, why must you reign over ass backwards so insistently?"

As did big, serious talks by the same token.

I was forced to choose the third and final option: silence.

And he seemed to be all right with silence as he manuevered us back onto the freeway. All he offered were apologetic smiles and intermittent kisses on the top of my head.

I did what came naturally; I laid my head on his lap, closed my eyes, and tried to stop myself from letting those tears inside my head make it out onto my face.

His hand played with my hair, while the other continued to guide the steering wheel.

"Sleep, Bella, " was all he managed every once in awhile, any time he took a turn that made me open my eyes.

"Sleep......"

The car finally stopped; in front of his condo, he informed me.

Edward led me out of the car by hand in silence. And when he opened up the front door, we just stood there for moment, trying to figure out how to proceed next.

Blind leading the blind, all over again.

But it sure beat out bumping into walls all by your lonesome.

"You know what this reminds me of, Edward?"

He shook his head, but it was his eyes that caught my attention. They were wary, cautious.

I got the distinct impression that he expected me to make a grand move right now. Whether it was slapping him or kissing him or running in the other direction as fast as I could.

I was feeling all three impulses at the moment to be honest, but one was winning out.

"When we'd come home from a day at the beach in the middle of the day, put the air conditioning on full blast, and jump underneath all those comforters on my bed."

I didn't have to say another word - a whisper of a smile played upon his lips as he ushered me in through the door and closed it.

Finally, something to guide us through this odd reunion.

Edward-and-Bella-Neverland-Playdate-Protocol.

Well, more like After-Neverland-Playdate-Naptime-Protocol.

And it had a very specific set of guidelines - guidelines only we understood, down to the smallest detail.

We passed by the thermostat - he lowered it down to sixty degrees.

Our hands only broke their hold when we stopped in front of his guest bathroom.

"Shower?" He asked, per protocol standards.

Of course.

He rushed down to another room and reappeared within a minute - towel, shirt and sweats in hand.

"They'll be big of course, but they're clean." He gave them a reassuring sniff for emphasis.

Then he was off down the hall, no doubt to take a shower of his own.

I was quick with my rinse off, marveling at the fact that his soaps and shampoos matched the shower curtain. And towels. And toothbrush holder.

Alice. Or Esme. Or even Rosalie.

Maybe all three. I imagined all three hovering over this bathroom like fluttering fairy godmothers, trying to turn his house into a home.

His shirt was way too big - the pants even more so. But they smelled like heaven.

Or Edward.

Take your pick.

His shower was still running when I got out of the bathroom. I ran to the kitchen to see if he had sandwich fixings.

That had always been a part of the protocol - food and sleep being rubbed up against one another in bed.

I only found a dried up eggplant and bottled water in the fridge.

The pantry showed more promise though; well, compared to the fridge.

I rushed back into his bedroom with my food finds, hoping to get everything ready before the water turned off.

The tray was placed on the nightstand, and my body was placed on top of his bed in record time.

I almost felt smug, knowing how much I got accomplished while he was still washing up.

But then I looked at the pictures tacked on top of his desk.

Mermaids.

And the blue walls.

Ocean.

Hawaii. Neverland.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to smile or cry, knowing all the nights he spent entombed in this room.

The tears in my eyes made the decision for me.

I heard him clear his throat as he got out of his shower. Then I heard him brushing his teeth. Then gargling.

Sweet boy. Sweet, broken boy.

By that point, I had gone from lying underneath the comforter to sitting on top of it - and then back again.

Edward opened the door in a hurry, only to freeze when he saw me. He posed in the doorway, leaning his arm against the doorframe - like he meant to do just that. Lounge by the doorway casually.

That dried up the tears quickly and brought out a smile.

"You dork."

There was nothing more reassuring in the world than to realize that fact. Edward often felt uncomfortable in his own beautiful skin.

He rushed over, opened up the covers, and jumped in.

"You are always calling me a dork," he added while scooting as close as he could without actually touching me. Edward threw the comforter over his shoulder and tucked it underneath his chin as we stared at one another, nose to nose.

I felt like I was twelve all over again, gazing at the boy of my dreams at summer camp. But this time around, he was sharing my sleeping bag with me. Along with a big pink elephant whose presence I wasn't ready to acknowledge. Not just yet.

Tight fit for one sleeping bag though.

"What am I going to do with you?" I laughed out.

He just shook his head.

"I don't know, Bella."

Me neither.

Silence fell over us again. The good kind of silence, his lips forming into a smirk.

"How did you do _that_?"

Oh, _that. _

My only answer came in the form of shrugged shoulders. I had no idea, but I felt like a kid who just pulled off their first magic trick,and got a stand ovation for it.

The shrug didn't satisfy him though.

He moved quickly, straddling his knees over my thighs, while his arms supported themselves on both sides of my shoulders.

Subtle. So-not subtle in the least. Subtle is overrated anyways though...

"No, how did you DO _that_?"

He hovered over me now with anticipation - as if I was going to pull out another rabbit from some nonexistent top hat on cue.

"You know right before _that_ happened, I told Alice something. I told her that anything I did with you -- anything I _do_ for you, I do without a second thought."

His eyes widened and he remained silent, as if he wanted me to continue.

All I offered back was another shrug and a half smile.

"Bella..."

He scooped down and kissed me. His lips lingered on mine, gentle and chaste. But then they started traveling; along my cheek, over to the back of my ears, down my neck, across my collarbone....

And I couldn't help myself - I had to peek. Not at the damn pink elephant behind us, nudging me to have "the talk" first before this went any farther. No, I just wanted a quick peek at Edward, loving me.

I found him staring right back when I snuck a glance. With a smile, in between kisses. He even winked.

So buoyant and playful - I was expecting more somber declarations on his end. Silent, guilt-ridden pleas for me to forgive him even.

"Without a second thought," he whispered in response to my inquiring look, moving right back to my lips.

His thumbs hooked under the bottom hem of my shirt; my thumbs hooked under the top of pj bottoms. His hands moved upwards first; mine pulled downward next. When my hands couldn't reach any farther down, my toes took over the duties. The last time we attempted this, it took several times to get it right - not today. Just one try, that's all it took on both our ends.

He hovered over me again, his heavy lidded gaze sliding down my bare breasts in a slow, heated carress. I arched up, winking back finally, ready for caresses of a different kind.

He obliged - but not right away.

His hands took mine, and raised them over the top of my head - onto the pillows behind us. Edward held them in place as he kissed me, until his fingertips ran down the length of my outstretched arms. His head lifted for a quick second, giving me that same shit eating grin that came out of nowhere for the last several minutes, and then his hands went back to work. Fanning out gently over my breasts, the sides of my hips -around the bend to my backside. Which he grabbed a hold of with both hands and squeezed - a little too hard.

Twice.

He laughed into my mouth as I gasped into his. But our lips never left one another's.

And while his hands went for the no brainers on my body, his mouth went for the less obvious. Like how his lips dragged past my breasts and made a beeline to my appendectomy scar just below my belly button. He showered it with quick kisses, knowing full well it was the most ticklish part of my body.

"I remember you," he whispered, using his nose to run the length of the scar, side to side. The more I squirmed with the contact, the more smug his smile became.

I wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. I really did - it was almost too giddy for what had just happened. Too cocky for anticipating what hadn't even transpired yet in his bed.

Mission-wipe-that-smirk-off-that-face was put into effect.

First with flirtatious tactics;pushing him back off me hard (his face betraying that he thought he'd gone too far with his advances), only to flick his pj bottoms off from my lower body. He blanketed my naked body with his own before I could pull him back myself. But that playful smile stayed intact.

Then with shock tactics; reaching down, and grabbing a hold of his cock without warning. Something he wouldn't let me do that last night we had been together, worrying he'd be through before we even got started. I fisted his soft, stiff flesh into my palm. Edward's head jerked back, his mouth opening in silent outburst. I thought my mission was complete, as he began to pump into my hand rhythmically. But he was still grinning when his head snapped back into view. The tousled locks framing that grin made it all the more maddening.

And I forgot why I wanted him to stop smirking in the first place, as he retreated from my hand and let his hips burrow now where I wanted him most. We both kept our eyes on one another, our smirks daring the other to open up in laughter.

"Bella..."

He got cut off with my lips. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I rocked my hips upward, letting him know he didn't need to be cautious this time - I was ready.

His lower back arched back, and then he entered me in one smooth stroke.

I closed my eyes, concentrating on all the sensations coming at me at once. The pressure and release of his measured strokes inside me. Edward's hair tickling my shoulder as his head dropped. His uneven breaths spilling out into the cusp of my ear. The pull of Edward's hands on my ankles as he suddenly sat up onto his knees, lifted my legs into the air, and scissored them apart briskly. The gnawing pleasure as he began to piston deep inside me. The vague ache rising from the tops of my thighs and flowing outward as Edward grinded me with his fingers. The ache turning into a slow burn with the promise of something more.

"Harder," was all I managed to get out.

His fingers and hips reacted as if it were a command. And my body began to move on it's own accord, tensing from my thighs all the way up to my belly button. My hips jerked upwards, trying to grind into Edward ever harder. My body froze abruptly for a quick second, as if it had been running at full speed - only to skid to the very edge of a deep cliff.

And then I jumped.

Or more like clenched - my teeth, my hands around the dishoveled sheets below me, clenched around Edward inside me for dear life as my body shuddered in release. He followed right after, before collapsing on top of me. But I was only half conscious of him at all; my eyes were closed and my hips was still rocking, enjoying the residual aftershocks of my release.

Once my body slowed down to a stop, it was like waking up from unconscious. I opened my eyes slightly, almost jarred by Edward's face looming right in front of me - and a grin that insisted on a standing ovation as well for his very own first magic trick on me.

And I would have given him one too - if my legs didn't feel like rubber at the moment.

"Ta -da," I giggled out instead, with a self conscious smile. Doing my best Edwardian impression, I asked: "How did you _DO _that?"

That seemed liked praise enough for him, as he leaned in for a kiss, bear hugged me, and then flipped us over, so I was lying on top of him.

We both stared, waiting for the other to start.

The talk. Of course.

But I was feeling greedy still.

I kissed him on the cheek, and sank back onto his body.

"Sleep, Edward. Sleep."

xx

It was dusk. Edward had been sleeping soundly for hours now. I'd been watching for almost as long.

The tray of bottled waters and bag of peanut butter filled pretzels I'd found still sat untouched on the nightstand.

It was official - sex and sleep rubbing up against eachother in bed trumps food and sleep rubbing up against eachother in bed.

He stirred slightly; my hand began to caress his scalp, and he settled back down into sleep.

Edward saw me as one of them now. One of _him_.

That was the only thing that answered that buoyancy he showed all afternoon. He'd focused on it all afternoon - how I saved him. He kept asking how I did _that_ - repeating "without a second thought" several times with a smile.

He didn't have to hide himself from me any longer - because today he had full fledged proof I was different.

Just like him.

I could have told him that much from day one.

Edward never did see me clearly in Hawaii. It was almost jarring sometimes, the way he'd look at me, like I was more than a girl with split ends and a tendency to slouch. Like I was the beautiful creature he'd painted again and again all year,complete with a fish tail.

Another species.

Today was the first day, it seems, he'd ever seen me_ like _him. That I could do things that no one else would understand either. Things I wouldn't ever enter into casual conversation with my co-workers - or even closest friends. And that meant so much to him. That maybe I could finally understand him - and vice versa- in ways previously not seen as possible.

Which only made Alice's dream today -- did she really just dream it today?-- so sad to remember. Of him **letting go of our hold**, **keeping his head down**, of willfully **bolting** past me.

He played that ending out to a "t" earlier.

**Bolting **down busy streets, passing cars on by going over into lanes of oncoming traffic, swerving into a busy intersection with a red light blaring at you and oncoming traffic zipping through.

So ready to act, when he wasn't even sure what he was acting against.

**Keeping his head down**, not looking around himself, at his surroundings, not looking back up at me when I first told him to slow down.

So insistent his way was the only way.

**Letting go of our hold**, so ready to sacrifice us, by sacrificing himself willingly.

Too willingly, as he sped down that road without a second thought.

All in the name of "saving" me. As if saving me could ever be accomplished by taking himself out of the equation.

He didn't understand; no, he couldn't possibly understand, he'd have to save himself first before worrying about me.

That he was worth saving and preserving and protecting himself - for us.

For me.

His face looked so calm and perfect, as he slept. Who would have ever thought what laid beneath such a perfect exterior....

The talk.

The talk needed to happen.

xx

"Okay, try it now!" He yelled out from downstairs in the kitchen.

"Nothing, Edward. I've got nothing," I called out, stabbing the last morsels on the bottom of the Thai takeout box with badly executed chopsticks. A saucy peanut and cilantro leaf to be exact.

Sex and sleep might trump food and sleep rubbing up against eachother in bed.

But sex, food and sleep rubbing up together on Edward's mattress? The best combination of all.

Two meals in a row in his bed now, count 'em.

Dinner last night? My pick. We ordered Italian takeout. Edward actually had to put on clothes to answer the door, which seemed a mighty shame.

This late morning? My pick as well. Thai this time. And he couldn't be bothered with more than boxers to answer the door today.

Exhibitionist.

Me? I'd been wrapped sloppily in the top layer of his bed sheet since yesterday. It did it's job of covering when I wanted it to, while being easy access. And it allowed me to eat as much pasta as I wanted without worrying about squeezing back into anything with a zipper - like that dreaded skirt I'd worn to his house.

"Oh, come on, Bella! You aren't even trying! I can tell! Focus."

The giddiness in his voice was detectable.

I loved it.

He loved it more I think.

Ever the scientific inquirer, Edward wanted to figure out the mystery of the girl who uttered phone instructions to him that saved him from certain harm. But he soon realized the answer wouldn't come out of some simple lab experiment.

"Concentrate!"

I schleped the peanut down my throat before answering : "It's a gift what I have, not some gimmick. I'm not an organ grinding monkey that you can throw a penny at to get me to do a trick!"

Edward appeared, leaning in the doorway, his boxers falling effortlessly past his hips.

The takeout food person better have been a guy.

"I'm very disappointed in you. I held a steak knife dangerously close to my eye, and you let that pass without so much as firm warning to put the knife down."

Great. He thought I was all-knowing and all-seeing now.

"I have to be in the zone - you can't force the zone you know. I'm too busy with the Pad Thai to be worrying about your eye's welfare..."

He jumped back onto the bed, grabbed the takeout box from my hand, and gave it a peek.

"Every last ounce," he murmured in mock annoyance.

The clock got my attention on his nightstand when he threw the box on top of it.

1:19 PM.

"Shoot....I'm suppossed to work at 6:00 PM tonight..."

Before I could finish, Edward was on top of me, giving it his seductive all. He kissed me hard before his tongue slipped past through my lips, and his hands began to wander.

Again.

Just like he did everytime I mentioned anything that had to do with my life back in Eugene - that I needed to call Angela. That my cat needed to be let in. That I really should call my boss.

He was getting too self assured with his abilities at this point to distract me - which happens when something works successfully every time you try it.

But I needed to be strong.

"Is this your way of asking me to stay?"

He brought his hands up to embrace me while his head rested on my chest.

"What would it take for you to stay?"

I thought for a moment.

"You mean for today?"

He raised his head and flashed an indignant look.

"You know what I mean. Not just for today."

Reality struck me when he brought up the subject of what happens past right now.

"I leave next week. For Florida."

As if by reflex, his mouth was on mine again and his hands started to stray. I couldn't help but laugh.

"God, who knew you were so cocky!" I took his hands in mine and waited for him to look at me.

"Before I can even talk about what happens past today, I need you to know something, Edward."

He stared back soberly and nodded: "Shoot."

"I don't need a savior."

Edward looked confused, like he wasn't sure where I was going with this.

"I don't need saving. I've been doing okay so far, knock on wood. I don't need a martyr, especially. And Edward, you seem so hellbent on being one for me."

His eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes beckoned me to continue.

"You won't be any use to me if you are smashed like a pancake in a middle of an intersection, because you weren't looking where you are going. And you aren't any use to me four hours away if you don't actually contact me. Even if you _have_ been using me as your muse for hospital murals all this time."

His jaw dropped with that revelation.

"Emmett."

Of course, his face said, a mixture of annoyance and resignation.

"I don't know what sort of fucked up, and inherently operatic ideas you have about love in relation to you and me. But I'm a low maintenance kind of girl. And I don't want

you doing grand gestures in my name anymore. I just want you to be by my side, doing the normal day-to-day stuff - like asking me how my day was and maybe getting my mail for me."

His smile was sad, contrite.

"That sounds nice, Bella. I think I can handle that."

I wasn't so sure.

"And I know you were scared for my life, and that's why things went horribly wrong. But there are other things that scared you too, I think. And we don't have to talk about them right now. But I gotta know, Edward; before I start changing my plans for you and us, I gotta know. That you are going to be here for me today, and tomorrow and the next day -- not running off, tilting windmills in my honor instead. I want a partner, not a knight in shining armor."

He hugged me tight, his eyes closing as he did so.

"I promise, Bella. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

As if it were that easy to shake, Don Q.

I pushed up and kissed him hard - making him understand I was sealing this new pact we just made with a kiss. I needed something concrete to remind him what we just promised right now.

No more secrets. No more saving. No more lies.

No more grand gestures. No more grand sacrifices.

No more tortured memorials of love on the tops of mountains and hospital walls.

It was time.

Time for us to roll up our sleeves and do the dirty day-to-day work of a real, live relationship - together.

xx

a/n: Vampirfrau asked these questions, so I thought maybe others had similar questions:

_1)First of all, I don't understand this sentence:_

_"And he never once realized the only person he needed to protect me from was himself."_

_Isn't it the other way round? That he thought he had to protect her from himself, which ended up in breaking up with her and hurting her in the process?_

**a: Edward thought the dream was saying his presence would put Bella on a course that could endanger her life in some way. He thought an outside force would be the actual cause of harm though. So, he's running around like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to stop "fate" from hurting Bella. When in the end, the second dream that clarified Alice's vision showed that it was actually Edward that had started everything in motion. He broke the hold, and he looked down and away from Bella. Bella saw the dream more figuratively, and she sensed that it was his shame that made him break the hold between them. So, it's Edward's feelings of unworth that Bella needed protection from this whole time.**

2)Secondly, I had some problems understanding the accident. Maybe language problems (I am German).

What happened? What did this whole Rosencrantz-thing mean (Rosenkranz is German by the way...)? And how did Bella know how to save him - was it her protection-gift?

**a) This is what happened, and I'm sorry if I didn't write it clearly enough. It's not your English skills!lol The ending of the dream is what is key to what happened in the car almost-accident. Everytime Alice has one of her visions become a reality, she goes under a sort of "blackout" of sorts, where she isn't exactly conscious. Bella tells Edward that Alice is acting not well over the phone as they are trying to meet up with one another. Edward understands what's going on while Bella doesn't--that Alice's dream is becoming a reality. **

**Edward thus thinks something is going to happen to Bella in her car, like an accident in that moment. So, he starts driving really recklessly, trying to find Bella before an accident occurs. He's running red lights and swerving around cars and speeding past streets, not even thinking about his own safety, just about Bella's. **

**And that's the point of Alice's vision in the end. Edward breaks his grip on Bella, looks down in shame, and dives past her, spiraling downward into an abyss the dream. In real life, Edward puts himself in danger in an attempt to save Bella, because that's the only way he thinks he's really useful to her. Deep down, he is ashamed of how broken he is as a person. He's really dysfunctional in a lot of ways- he hasn't lived a normal life. And in many ways, he didn't think he deserved Bella or her love. He's too willing to sacrifice himself for her, even when she doesn't need him to. And that's because he thinks that's the only way he can love her right -that just him alone isn't good enough for her. This will be discussed at length though in the last chapter - how his feelings of unworth manifested in the storyline, as well how bella's protective gifts manifest.**

3)And my last question: How is it, that "The dream had been realized"? I thought the dream was all about her being in jeopardy and not him. And I don't understand this "I was always right here with you, Edward. You just had to look up to see me."

**a) 1)Edward knew the dream was realized because of Alice's reaction in the car. Edward knew that whenever Alice's visions are realized in real life, Alice blacks out like that. The only thing he didn't know is the dream had taken on new meaning when Alice re-envisioned it that afternoon(that will be clarified next chapter too). So, to him, the dream being realized equaled Bella being harmed in an accident of some kind. But the reality was, the new meaning of the vision explained that it was Edward**, **not Bella, who was in true danger.**

**2)"I was always right here with you, Edward. You just had to look up to see me."**

**She told him that after he said she saved him. It has a double** **meaning. The first meaning was in regards to the dream. In the dream, Bella tries to reach out to him, after he breaks their hold of one another. But he's looking down - as Bella puts it, he is looking down in shame. As if he was too embarrassed to reach back at her. In the dream she is trying to get his attention, try to make him look up and reach back out --instead of just letting himself fall downwards into the abyss. That image happens at the almost accident. Edward is so busy trying to "save" Bella from danger, he puts himself in danger. It takes Bella a couple tries to actually make him "look up" and hear her warnings. When he finally does "look up" and listen, she is able to save him.**

**The second meaning is figurative in terms of their whole relationship. Even when he left her, she never gave up on him. She had held watch over their relationship the whole year. She felt resentful that she still cared about him, held out hope for him, believed in him long after she should have given up hope. But she never gave up, and was waiting for him to finally look up and look for her. In that sense, she had been beside him in spirit the whole year. Edward even figured that's how he got through the year himself - that her love, even from afar, still touched him.**


	19. Destiny p 1

**Chapter 19: Destiny p. 1**

a/n: Thanks lovelies, for sticking with this story to the end, even though my updating skills were unpredictable. I love all the reviews you left me, you guys are the best.

a/n: I wrote up the last chapter - but it's a very "talky" chapter where loose ends are being threaded up. So, I've divided it up into two smaller chapters. The second chapter will be posted in a couple of days.

a/n: The chapter's song is **Zero 7's "Destiny**." The song link is on the very top of my profile. It's such a **beautiful** song, and it sounds like sunrise for some reason..lol..which fits with the very end of the next chapter. Water and sunrises, that's what it sounds like. lol

a/n: I included some extra FAQ and answers from last chapter at the end of this chapter.

a/n: St. John's Wort and Same are both natural supplements that people take to help with depression or "blue" moods.

a/n: Thanks to Moonwitche and Romanticidal Edwardian for being so supportive of me with this story. You guys are the sweetest, seriously.

XXXXX

_I pushed up and kissed him hard - making him understand I was sealing this new pact we just made with a kiss. I needed something concrete to remind him what we just promised right now._

_No more secrets. No more saving. No more lies._

_No more grand gestures. No more grand sacrifices._

_No more tortured memorials of love on the tops of mountains and hospital walls._

_It was time._

_Time for us to roll up our sleeves and do the dirty day-to-day work of a real, live relationship - together._

xx

Those were my rules, my guidelines. And I ended breaking the very first declaration within hours.

Not that I even realized I had been keeping a secret from Edward.

But I was. I never told him about Alice's dream, about how the ending changed.

How he let go.

I couldn't tell him - not just yet. Not this first week back.

Yes, that overnighter of ours soon turned into a week-long stay.

But not more than that - I was adamant.

No moving in together, as he'd been hinting at all week.

We couldn't rush this. Rushing was how we did it last time. .

"Four hours is nothing," I reminded him before he leaned us into my car and kissed me good-bye.

"Four hours is everything," he corrected.

He had a point.

A thirty five hour drive was definitely out of the question.

Florida was dead in the water by the third day at his house.

I was still wrapped in his bedsheet when I called my mom with the news that there had been a change of plans.

"What's his name," she asked dryly. "A change of plans that involve those giggles and low whispers on your end of the line usually come with a name."

"Edward," I 'fessed up." His name is Edward."

"Hmpphh" was all I got back in return. Translation: "Changing your plans for a boy, Bella? You blockhead."

"He's in med school."

So she knew he wasn't some biker I'd met at a truck stop somewhere.

"And he's sweet."

Because sweet mattered more to her than any medical school diploma.

"And he actually asks to read my papers. The ones that make you fall asleep." I just added that in, since I wrote papers on obscure folktales that only a mother could love - and even she had a hard time accomplishing that feat as my own flesh and blood.

I hoped that would tide her over until we could talk later in private.

"Put Edward from med school on the line," she shot back.

I handed him the phone: "Hello, Renee? This is Edward. Edward Cullen. I'm glad to finally talk with you."

I knew my mother - could anticipate her next reply: "Well, Bella's mentioned zip about you."

But a funny thing happened along the way to Renee regulating the young man who had stopped her baby from moving back home. Something she rejoiced over for months now.

"Oh.....Hello, Edward from medical school." Her voice had that quality to it - equal parts polite and coy.

Apparently, even Renee had a soft spot in her heart for med school students named Edward with gentle voices.

He ended up winning her over within minutes.

"Why am I not surprised," I asked, when I finally hung up.

"Because she's her daughter's mother. You shouldn't be surprised at all that you both have excellent taste."

Cocky. He was getting very, very cocky. Which made _me_ rejoice - because he would need a lot more nerve.

Audacity even. Audacity would be best of all.

Because if we were going to make this work, he would need to be ready to fight for us this time.

xx

The fourth day was confession time. Confessions about ourselves - he told me all about himself and his abilities. How they affected his life since he was a child. I knew most of what he told me from Alice, but it was better to hear it from his own mouth.

And confessions about our time apart. We packaged our confessions in humor, allowing ourselves to laugh at all the lengths we'd gone during our year apart to hold onto something - anything - from our time together. Just six days turned the next 365 days into a living memorial for the both of us. And the manifestations of that memorializing were pretty funny - now that they didn't seem so in vain in the end.

It ended up being a competiton - seeing who outdid the other in emo expressions of angst.

"You made me cry listening to Whitney Houston. In front of Angela. Whitney Houston!!"

"Which song," he inquired.

I cleared my throat before attempting her roller coaster vocal stylings: "_So, goodbye. Please, don't cry. _

_We both know I'm not what you, you neeeee--eeee---eeed_." I stuck my tongue out him. "That wretched Bodyguard song."

"Oh, poor Bella," he said with a sympathetic voice; but then I looked at his face, which housed a full-blown smirk. "Angela gave you a pity stare. Unbearable."

"You can beat that?" I challenged.

"Of course I can, I have Emmett on my side. Emmett doesn't stop at pity stares, you know."

I bet...

"He barged into my place one day, while I was playing some emo piece on the piano. He looked at the paintings of you that were on the side of the room, and yelled, "Will you just throw some fucking acid on the side of your face and be done with it, Opera Phantom Jr.?"

I could actually hear Emmett's voice in my head, chastising him.

But not everything we had done could be dismissed with laughter. Edward eventually showed all the letters he'd written to me.

Hundreds of them, sealed and stuffed in his desk drawers. The only writing on the front of each was a date.

"If you want to run out of the house right now, or call the police, I totally understand," he said with and apologetic laugh.

I kissed him on his neck, making him twitch just as I wanted him to. "We both did what we had to to get through the year. I don't have a paper trail for you to chronicle what I did. But trust me, I'll get it."

I closed my eyes and randomly picked the first letter: "October 24, 2008."

The letter wasn't too earth shattering. He mainly spoke about what he did with his day - school, studying, working out with Emmett. My name wasn't even mentioned, but the "I miss you" at the end made it clear who the letter was for.

Tears began to form, the more I read. The most mundane descriptions really - they all had the same theme. School, study, research job, maybe some painting or drawing, Emmett. But it was the things that were left out that said the most. No mention of Alice. No mention of Esme or Carlisle either. No mention of anything in between the four or five subjects day after day.

Because there was none.

"I think we've read enough," Edward whispered when the tears began to fall. "You get the point that I'm pathetic."

But I wouldn't. I couldn't.

Because I started to see other revelations come into play the more I read. I began to read them in sequential order, to get a better grasp of the patterns.

Two hours later, Edward was begging me to stop. What started out as embarrassing and uncomfortable for him had now become repetitive and droning.

"Bella, I'm going to put a steak knife to my eye again if you read another letter."

He knew I hated the steak knife stunt.

Edward needed incentive, I could see.

"How about we read these sans the pjs?"

"In bed, spooning, and I'll read over your shoulder," he countered.

Deal.

That bought me another several hours.

"Edward," I asked after reading the very last one - right before he headed to Eugene and started everything in motion. "There's a lot in here about you, and not just about you being a sad sack."

"Yeah, like how I'm in dire need of lithium and shock therapy..."

He laughed - and totally meant it at the same time.

"Hey, be my guest if you want to supplement with a little St. John's Wort and Sam**e**," I teased." But honestly, there's a lot of interesting things here. Like you sounded happiest when you were working on the mural. Your letters from that period are the most hopeful sounding."

His chin leaned onto my neck. "I don't know if it was hopeful - more like humbling. Sweetest little kids in that hospital ward, going through hell really. And yet they were more resilient than any adults I've known. Me, included."

He began to tell me more about how a weekend mural painting outing would go. Emmett usually accompanied him, and was an instant winner with the children there.

"They called him Uncle Emmett and I was simply known as Emmett's brother," he said with a laugh. "Somethings never change."

But slowly he began building connections with the different children.

"The funniest thing is that I've never been around children much. But I could be in a whole room full of these kids, and it wasn't overwhelming like it would be with adults. Their intentions and thoughts tend to reflect their actions. With adults, all their ulterior motives can feel so intrusive; but with the chicklets, what you see is what you get. I found it...inspirational actually. It helped with my painting, having them around. They'd even tell me when a face look busted or an eye looked wonky."

He began to chuckle at the memory.

I glanced over my shoulder at him, wondering if he realized what he was saying. "Have you ever thought about being a pediatrician?"

He looked back with his mouth slightly open: "No, it never even crossed my mind."

His head laid back down behind me before I heard a soft "_hmm_" escape from his pursed lips.

xx

The fifth day was marked with Alice and Emmett checking in on us. Well, Edward more like - and finding me there still.

We were in the middle of another bed-picnic-in-pjs-takeout-dinner when they stopped by. Edward brought them back to the bedroom to see me.

"We've got green and red curry to choose from, and there's some roti on the nigthstand," I offered, holding up a container.

Emmett was apalled by the fact we were eating on the bed:

"Do you know the sort of bed bug civilizations you two are harvesting in that mattress? It's disgusting. I'm buying you guys a plastic mattress cover for Christmas."

Alice did what she always does when we meet - or are reunited. She grabbed my hand and started whisking me away - out of the bed and through the door.

Edward shook his head at me with a smile as I looked over my shoulder and headed down the stairs.

Within minutes, we were all assembled in the front room. Emmett was making fun of Edward's twenty-five inch screen TV. Edward was making fun of him for coming to visit- only to sit down in front of a television.

Alice and I watched the good natured ribbing from the sidelines on the couch. Somehow, Alice had thrown my legs over her lap, making me feel like a ventriloquist's dummy.

She leaned in as Edward got a good verbal potshot in that made Emmett howl in laughter: "This feels right. All of this feels right."

It did.

I leaned my head onto her shoulder and watched on, thinking that this must be how it feels like to have brothers and sisters.

It was better than I'd imagined.

xx

On the sixth day we had our first fight.

In the middle of the argument, I mentioned that I saw a relationship expert on Oprah say that you should always fight in the nude while holding one another in bed - because it keeps everything in perspective.

Oprah is god.

xx

On the seventh day, Edward started in with the steak-to-the-eye antics again, trying to bring out_ whatever _came out last week that steered him to safety and away from oncoming traffic.

"What am I doing now," he yelled out from downstairs.

Sigh.

"You're......putting your head into the oven, which is set on broil. While putting three steaknives to your eyes. Turn the broil knob to off, take your head out of the oven, and put the steaknives down. The Mighty Protector has spoken."

I could hear him muttering downstairs about not even trying before he reappeared in the bedroom.

"The Mighty Protector is not an option. You know that. Since Alice already took Rogue, you can pick from Storm or Lady Mastermind."

"Worst names possible for a superhero girl. Worst," I answered dismissively.

He settled down beside me on the bed.

"I just want to know what happened that day," he confessed in a low voice.

If I could have made the newspaper I had on my lap levitate just to make him feel better, I would have. But no go - I couldn't summon anything remotely impressive since staying at his house - even when I was trying hard.

"I really don't know if I have a gift, honey. And if I do have a gift, I think it would have never been discovered if it weren't for you."

"Great," he countered, " I'm the freak inducer, which would have otherwise laid dormant if it weren't for my presence. I'm contagious."

He laughed - and totally meant it at the same time. A theme throughout my stay at Casa de Cullen.

"Why do you always act like you're a form of bacteria or something? Good lord, Edward. You're impossible."

He just shrugged: "I don't like tainting you with my freak serum, that's all."

He wasn't even pretending to joke at this point. And I knew this was his biggest worry; one day I would reach a limit with his "freakishness", and run the other way.

Especially, if in the end, I really didn't have an inner freak of my own independent of him.

"Freak serum? Hey, why is it okay for a mother to have an adrenaline rush when she sees her kid pinned underneath a car, and finds the strength to push it off? That's been documented countless times before. Is she being a freak?"

He shook his head, but he did so in a non-committed manner.

"Miracles happen everyday, Edward. Maybe if I just smack "adrenaline" on top of whatever it is that made me save you, it will make it more acceptable. There - call it adrenaline, so you can sleep better at night."

His head just kept shaking. "I just want to understand what happened that day. That's all. I want to know what your gift is."

He wanted so badly to believe we weren't so different. But I didn't need some superpower to tell me that was so.

"I don't know if I buy the idea that I have some superpower within me. All I know is that I love you. Proactively."

He cracked up: "That's your superpower then? Loving me? I think you just came up with your very own superhero name: The Proactive Lover."

Yikes.

"That's the name of that acne medication. Proactive Lover makes me sound like Jessica Simpson, ready to rid the earth of clogged pores."

He wrapped me up in his arms. "I think it has a certain ring to it."

I left that afternoon, with a promise from him that he'd be coming up to visit this weekend.

"Four hours is nothing," I reminded him again. "Nothing."

He wasn't so sure. He held me tightly against my car for a long time, murmuring a long list of "to-dos" when I got home.

Some, but not all, of the list included: no hiking after dark on goat trails, no more kissing Paul-who's-just-a-friend-even-if-he-did-clean-the-puke-off-your-purse, tell Angela thanks for the "_Fuck you, Cullen_" speech.....

My list was even longer, with little to no humor involved: don't lose the cocky - you're going to need it for future reference, spend time with Alice because she needs you more than you realize, stop putting steaknives to your eyeballs because I really , really , really won't pick up on it in Eugene, Oregon if I couldn't pick up on it all week just two rooms down, take the speed pedal off your Volvo and never, EVER text while driving again.....

"Oh--and don't wear those high heels anymore if you have any plans on running," he interjected." You and running and heels and those dry land legs of yours are just asking for an ER visit." I flipped him the bird with that last dig - he leaned in and kissed my middle finger.

"Really, Bella. Be careful for me."

"That goes double for you. You're trouble, " I teased back.

We'd have more time to talk - and there was so much more to cover. Seven days couldn't make up for a whole year.

And even when things could have been covered, I decided to wait.

Like the part about Alice's dream changing. He was just beginning to allow himself to hope - I wasn't going to snuff that flame out in a single rush by laying all the events of the last year at his door to feel guilty over. Guilt was what drove us apart in the first place.

Or the part about how I was hellbent on us taking this slowly, with us going on as business as usual. We'd had enough sacrifices in the last year in the name of love. I didn't want us to repeat the pattern.

This time around we'd do it right. Nothing drastic. Nothing extreme, or self sacrifical - because we knew how that ended up.

"Just remember Edward," I whispered in his ear."We're steering away from the operatic and miraculous, and setting our sights on monotony."

"Mediocrity even," he chimed in with a smile.

"Yeah, something like that."

**xxxxxxxxxx**

**eta: since I've gotten a couple reviews asking this for THIS chapter:**

**"Why is Bella keeping the dream's changing content a secret for now?"**

My thinking(and you know what? my thinking isn't always clear..lol) was that Edward has always admitted that Alice's first vision was different and maybe not accurate - but he never wanted to bet on the accuracy with Bella's welfare in the middle. The one thing he was sure of was that his presence, no matter how little that presence was, was enough to put Bella in the path of danger. I imagined him thinking it being as simple as talking to him instead of watching the road- or where she was walking. When the dream is realized, he thinks all is well and they can move on. That even though the dream was inaccurate, it still had some truth to it.

But the second dream that Alice has tells a very different story. That even if the dream was realized, and had a happy ending, it's not over. Because the whole point of the dream was that Bella and Edward's hold on eachother was broken because of Edward and his doubts and issues with feeling worthy of things and of Bella. Because he broke the hold, he set off a series of events that put both Bella and himself in danger. And if he doesn't learn how to feel worthy of what he's been given, he could mess things up again in the future.

If Edward hears that reality when he's still feeling like he's not sure he deserves having Bella back, Bella's afraid he'll feel a whole new wave of guilt -for everything he's put them through all year. She wants him to be more sure of himself and of their relationship before he's made aware.

I hope that makes sense-- and after reading that answer, I realize why people are asking the question. Because basically all that stuff is in my head..and not on the story pages...lol

a/n: FAQs

q)**Is it just me, or does it seem that edward has given in a little too easily?**

a)About Edward giving in too easily. He thinks everything is fine because the dream's been realized-that Bella is out of danger now. But Bella remembers how hopeful he had been in Hawaii initially too - and how quickly he abandoned that hope the minute Alice had her dream. So, in her head, she's wondering, what happens the next time something goes wrong, like Alice having another vision? She wants to know that next time, he's going to be there for her, not cut and run, in the name of saving her. I sorta stole that idea from new moon too, where Edward comes back after Italy and is like everything's okay now, Bella, I'm back. And Bella scolds him, reminding him that he might cut and run again if he thinks she "needs" that -ie, if Jasper takes another bite at her.

q): **All the "that" talk had me a bit confused**.

a)I probably should have made it more clear, the last chapter has been a couple weeks. But "that" was Bella and Edward's way of describing the fact she was able to tell him over the phone how to steer to stay out of danger. They were really don't know what happened there, and they aren't ready to even go into the specifics that first day, so they just keep referring to it as "that." And when they make love, and Bella has her first orgasm(omg, that's such a clincal word, I hate it), she breaks the awkward post-orgasmic abandon by teasing Edward back with "How did you DO that?"

q) "**Why was Edward being such a perv in the last chapter?"**

a)Haha, I actually got a number of inquiries and now I feel bad I made him look like a big sex perv. But there two reasons for him coming off frisky. one reason was just him realizing how wonderfully distracting it could be to Bella and her intentions to go back home to her life in Eugene. The second reason is the bigger reason though. Edward in this story is not used to intimacy-not even with the closest of family members. And the sharing of food and the sharing of sleep and the sharing of sex all involve a deep form of intimacy. So, it's not so much he's being a big perv with the sex, it's just another expression of intimacy he can share with Bella.


	20. Destinry p 2 Final Chapter

**Chapter 20: Destiny, p. 2**

**a/n: Thanks for all of you who have stuck with the story. I appreciate your reviews and comments and questions.**

**a/n: just for this chapter, Rowena and Nalani are the grandma and grandaughter that Alice and Edward met in Hawaii the first time how figure out Edward's abilities.**

**a/n: I have on my profile page the chapter song, Zero 7's "Destiny" as well as links to pictures of Tahitian Black Pearls if you've never seen one.**

xxx

from chap. 19:

_Or the part about how I was hellbent on us taking this slowly, with us going on as business as usual. We'd had enough sacrifices in the last year in the name of love. I didn't want us to repeat the pattern._

_This time around we'd do it right. Nothing drastic. Nothing extreme, or self sacrifical - because we knew how that ended up._

_"Just remember Edward," I whispered in his ear."We're steering away from the operatic and miraculous, and setting our sights on monotony."_

_"Mediocrity even," he chimed in with a smile._

_"Yeah, something like that."_

xxxxxx

**BPOV**

Montony? Lives up to its name.

Mediocrity? Been there done that. For like the first twenty years of my life.

Living la vida loca? Got a little taste of it, and was ready to head back to the crazy.

The first four hours I was resolved, feeling self - satisfied after giving my "Tomorrow's Another Day" speech to an admiring Edward.

Take that Scarlett O'Hara.

But then I got home. To my twin bed with a crappy mattress. A cat who simply yawned with my arrival. Unblue walls.

And week-old quinoa and turkey bacon on my side of the fridge.

"Live a little Librarian Girl," I chanted as I did an about-face and headed back towards the front door. If I hurried, that Kosher Deli on the corner of Edward's street would still be open. Falafel, humuus, and Edward, all placed delightfully on his bed for a midnight snack....

But there was one little obstacle between me and my getaway plan....

"Where are you scurrying off to, looking all squirrely and shit?"

Angela sized me up with one scrunched eye.

"I need to go get some humuus." I picked up my pace.

"Where," she shot back, picking up her pace faster.

"Just like about 300 miles down the road..."

Within minutes, she had me restrained on our living room sofa and making me tell her the whole sordid tale of the past week.

"Did he finally tell you his big, dumb secret?"

Yes.

"Did he tell you he was at Music Fest? And that he thought Paul was your boyfriend because you kissed him?"

Uh huh.

"Did he tell you he thought you'd forgotten him?"

Several times.

"And that he loved you?"

Lost count.

Then she heard about car crash near misses, and going back to Edward's.

The rest of the story didn't take too long to tell.

"Sleep. Eat. Talk. Love. Repeat."

"Well, the regiment's done you good. You look well rested, and there's a hint of post-coital glow on your cheeks there.."

Not to mention that my skirt felt a tad tight around the waist....

And then I confided in her things I couldn't confide to anyone else: about the fact that I didn't know how to proceed, if I was being honest with myself.

"My heart tells me to run back to the humuus and the boy. But my head reminds me how that worked out last time. That I need to get back to business as usual, and take this as slowly as possible so we do it right."

Angela just shook his head.

"Geesh, you guys are two peas in a dysfunctional pod. You're both stuck in this sort of romantic binging and purging cycle. Hey, here's a thought: how about instead of compulsive fixation or total deprivation, you choose.. moderation? Balance?"

Huh. Never even crossed my mind.

"Don't go rushing to live with him right away. Then he'll flunk out because you two will never get out of bed. Both of you stay put for the short term where you are, where your schools are. But start planning on how to close the distance gap. Be creative. Where there's a will, there's a way."

xx

The next couple months months flew by.

I got back into the groove of my old life -with my old school, and old jobs, and old apartment. But we tinkered with that moderation thingy as much as possible.

Edward's school schedule was rigid, but he was able to work a more condensed schedule with his job. I did the same thing, changing some hours and classes around, which gave us most Fridays off, along with the weekend.

God bless good bosses rewarding good workers.

And on the days we weren't physically together, we talked on the phone constantly. It was different how we interacted, when we weren't in person. In some weird way, it was easier to talk about the harder things that were more easily pushed to the side when we were entangled on beds and couches. Things that Edward may have had a harder time admitting to face-to-face.

It was in those moments, late at night, in the dark, that we confided what scared us most. Our fears were the same - that the other would take off the rose-colored glasses one day and see what the rest of the world saw in the daylight.

A freak on his end.

An ordinary girl on mine.

We just had to keep reminding ourselves it was those fears that pushed eachother apart in the first place.

Edward and I took turns visiting eachother on our long weekends. Sometimes we met up halfway.

Monotony worked well in these instances - bedroom takeouted three day weekends never got old for us.

But it was time for us to venture out more. I had a feeling the only way for us to ease our deepest fears was to test them in the real world. That which does not kill you makes you stronger and all that good stuff.

We took baby steps at first - simple dinners with Angela and Ben. Ben showed Edward the Peter Pan with the noose he bought me. Edward cracked up and replied that "Peter Pan" got off easy.

"Well, before he got the noose, Angela and I played hacky-sack with him a couple times. It was Angela's version of a stressball."

Edward loved that most about Angela; how loyal she was to me, even if it put a bullseye on his forehead.

Ben and Edward eased into a true friendship.

Ben would tease him about his pretty boy look.

"Your hair, it's truly is one of the natural wonders of the world. Or else the result of hair products that cost more than my car."

Edward made fun of his penny pincher ways.

"Take Angela out to dinner without a coupon in your hand for once. Dammnit, man!"

Ben never strayed from his eight dollar barber. But Edward began to enjoy the delights of Thrifty Town. They'd take off on their own on Sunday mornings often, checking out garage sales. And if they had an especially successful outing, Ben would treat Edward to a Costco lunch.

But not at the snackbar, where lunch could be had for as cheap as a dollar and fifty cents. No, Ben had to make up the money he invested in the Costco membership fee by eating as many free samples as possible.

Edward soon became his partner in Costco double-dipping sample crime.

"They probably have your guys' mugshots on the side of the table to warn sample workers," Angela chided one day after they came home particularly full from Thai chicken wings and potstickers.

We watched from a window one Sunday morning as both of them washed our cars outside in the complex parking lot. Ben may have been careful with his money; but reliance and gesture wise, he was one of the most generous boyfriends around.

"Bella, does Edward have many friends?" Angela's face was serious, not a hint of sarcasm in it for once.

I shook my head no.

"Huh." She stared back at me for a moment before continuing. "You know, I didn't want to say this to you in the beginning. But I thought Edward was really weird in Hawaii. And once you guys started hanging out again around here, he only reinforced that impression."

I couldn't help but crack up - if she only knew the half of it.

"I mean, don't get me wrong. I still have moments where I feel like I'm talking to E.T. trapped inside the body of Aberchrombie model, which is jarring in and of itself."

She stopped herself, worried she offended me. Of course she hadn't - she was more perceptive about the divide between Edward's looks and demeanor than most.

Edward himself said as much.

"But, lately, I was thinking. It's not that he's weird, so much as somethings just don't come naturally for him. Like he's just learning how to do some of this stuff for the first time. Like being with you. Or being around us even, with you as a couple. I don't know if I'm making sense."

More than she realized.

"You know, that's probably why we work, Angela. We're both learning how to do some of this _stuff_ for the first time together. We're what you call latebloomers. Don't let the Aberchrombie hair fool you."

We both looked back outside at the boys. Ben was scolding Edward for not turning off the hose while he scrubbed the hood.

"Cheap ass," Angela muttered, before we both cracked up.

"I think Ben's good for Edward," Angela added. "And I think Ben likes being good for Edward."

I couldn't have agreed more.

"If Edward should take learning cues from any boyfriend, I'd want it to be Ben. He's a keeper."

Angela sighed: "Now if Edward could get Ben to stop buying clothes from Costco just because he has a coupon for them. There's only so many aloha shirts you can own."

**APO**

_A couple months later...._

Emmett ended up being the most gifted.

The somewhat obnoxious, overbearing, overly confident big brother of every boy's nightmares was the undercover genius in the family.

From the start, Bella and I had joined forces to figure out what to do with Edward.

After the last year, it became clear just how little he expected for himself. Even when life offered him more in the form of Bella, he'd rejected it.

He'd thought himself too damaged for her. And he was damaged in a way - all the secrecy over the years(his secrets, the secrets of others he'd been forcefully privy to without them even realizing it) had gotten the better of him.

We as a family hadn't even realized it.

Bella and I wanted to make sure he had enough support this time around to not let those demons get the better of him.

But there was one little complication.

He found out Emmett and I had told the whole family about him, even Jasper and Rose.

Edward was pissed, and not up for a big family, touchy-feely, healing reunion anytime soon once he found out.

I appealed to Emmett about what we should do.

"He feels too exposed. Betrayed, that we told a secret that wasn't even ours."

Emmett listened to all my concerns before answering. " Alice, it's going to be okay. You guys indulge his dramatic tendencies too much."

I thought this was Careless Emmett coming out again, and told him just that.

"I'm not being careless. I just think the more you guys feed into his abilities being this ominous thing that's going to cause his doom, the more he feeds into it as well. He starts giving it more power than it really has over him, and that's when all the shit hits the fan."

I didn't understand what he wanted us to do then, if he thought we were overreacting.

"You guys need to just chill and help him laugh at himself. The more he can laugh at it, the less hold it has over him. The less he thinks he's destined for some particularly tortured fate."

I didn't quite see how his solution would work in practice, until Emmett put it to the test.

We finally got Edward to come to dinner at our parents' house - mainly due to Bella's insistence.

He showed up, ready for some dramatic family intervention.

It was tense and quiet throughout the meal, until Emmett cleared his throat.

"So, let's not beat around the bush here, sister and brother dear. We all know now about what you guys have dealt with since you were kids. And that's understandable you guys wanted to keep it secret the whole time, not knowing how others would react. But shit, let's face it-you guys haven't made the most of your abilities. Talk about wasted talents..."

Chairs began to shift. Throats began to clear. It was sink or swim time for Emmett.

"I mean Jasper and me were talking about this the other day. We both have mortgages, future weddings to finance, extra mouths to feed in the next couple of years. If we had that X-Men juice flowing through our veins, we'd be pulling some serious Ocean's 11 to the tenth power in Vegas."

Bella let a giggle slip.

"Think about it. Alice can have one of her little dreams to let us know which casinos would be the best to hit up, and Edward can use his bag of magical mastermind tricks to figure out what the dealers are thinking. We'd hit the jackpot in a new casino every night. After a week's work, we'd all be able to retire in Fiji."

He pointed over at Edward.

"You in, bro? You could be the Brad Pitt to my George Clooney."

Jasper chimed in: "You said I could be Pitt. Edward can be Damon."

Emmett started shaking his head. "You can't pull off Pitt. Edward has that cute pixie Pitt nose. You're lucky if we let your ass be Casey Affleck. You aren't bringing any X-men superpowers to the table..."

They continued fighting over casting choices, while the rest of the table erupted in laughter.

Just like that, Emmett shined a spotlight on the pink elephant in the room, made us all publicly acknowledge it, and went on to change the direction of the conversation in a matter of minutes.

And as he and Rose formally asked Edward, Bella, Jasper, and I to be a part of their wedding line, he threw me a quick wink that said explicity:

"I told you it would be okay."

From that day on, that was how our family dealt with the long held secret between my twin and I. Edward's abilities were talked about casually, given the status of a neat skill he possessed. The way Jasper could do a hook-shot, or Emmett could bench press 350 pounds.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Behind the scenes though, Emmett was more sensitive to the very real and weighing consequences of his gift. He mentioned to all of us that when Edward lived with him, he tried to "cleanse" his thoughts around Edward, so as not to add to the weight of thoughts he often was dealing with. He tried hard to make his actions align his thoughts, and to keep those thoughts positive.

"I saw a change when I did that, honestly."

After his explanation, I just stood there, shaking my head.

"You're Professor Xavier. Professor X."

"What?" He asked with a confused look.

"If Edward and I are X-men, you're the guy who takes all the little mutants under his wings and protects them."

I leaped forward to hug him, marveling at how much our family had been through in the last year - but came out stronger for it.

xx

_8 months since their re-meeting..._

"I hate to say this, because I'm not sure if it's a compliment or not, but it's like they were made for eachother."

Rose and Emmett's wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked gorgeous, the groom looked dapper, and Bella actually handled her four inch bridesmaid heels with ease -- after a two day tutorial from me.

We were in the middle of the reception now at the head table, eating our entrees. Bella was originally sitting by me, but Edward had struck up a deal with Jasper. Bella sat in his seat during dinner while Jasper got to sit by me. We were watching the two love birds now, equal parts love fest and train wreck, with opened mouths.

Edward kept putting his hand over Bella's eyes, while pretending to dig his butter knife into his finger, his ear, his forehead.

He kept saying a little too loudly, "where is it now?" to Bella. Bella would answer, he'd take his hand off her eyes to show her something, she'd laugh. And then they'd start the odd exercise all over again in a fit of giggles.

Jasper just shook his head: "I hate to say this, because I'm not sure if it's a compliment or not, but it's like they were made for eachother."

I couldn't have agreed more.

"They were. And if that's not an example of God working in mysterious and neurotic ways, I don't know what is."

Welcome to Bella and Edward's world.

After the deep dark secret unveiling, Bella and Edward began to visit the homebase more often, as did the rest of us. A new cohesion began to brew among us all for the first time, in different combinations. Bella, an only child, seemed to relish her new sibling status. Rose, Mom, and I often had to fight with the boys over who got Bella for an afternoon or evening. She was in high demand on both sides of the gender line. Edward interacted more with the family than he ever had as well, no longer hiding behind a piano or a canvas.

And yet, with all the new connections he was making, real connections that I knew would help keep him grounded better, Bella was still the one who kept him grounded most.

She took over my Edward duties in social situations. I used to be the one who intervened when I could tell he was getting overwhelmed, and would usher him out of the situation as soon as possible.

Bella's ways were different though. She took Emmett's approach and ran with it. Instead of trying to give him an escape plan, she became his fellow conspirator.

I'd watched her for months now, in awe with how well she could calibrate her response when he was getting overwhelmed. Sometimes she'd simply give him a reassuring kiss, and have him focus on her as she talked softly in his ear. You could see the tension just melt from him.

But more often, she'd simply turn it into a game. Earlier in the reception line was a perfect example. The cramped quarters and endless line of people randomly hugging him was becoming too much. Bella threw me a knowing look and then whispered:

"Is your Uncle Randall thinking what I think he's thinking?"

A quick glance made me see her point; our dear old uncle(twice removed) was staring straight into Rose's cleavage as he congratulated Emmett.

Edward leaned back in: "Yes, and then some."

They both broke out into conspiratorial laughs while Bella looked for another target to zone in on.

It was her most effective approach really; shifting his focus to something specific, turning it into a game almost - a game for two.

No longer a trial for one.

Jasper whipped me out of my thoughts: "Well, I guess there really is someone for everyone."

Bella held her hand up right then, looking smugly at her ring finger.

"It's an odd little ring," Jasper whispered. "Did he really buy it at a garage sale?"

He had, with his friend up in Eugene. Months earlier, apparently, knowing no other ring would fit Bella so perfectly.

"She hates anything ostentatious. The situation in Africa turned her off of the diamond trade. I met her in Hawaii, and Tahiti isn't too far off. And nine out of ten mermaids prefer pearl jewelry," he joked when I asked him about his choice. "It's from the ocean too - sorta like Bella."

The ring was beautiful really - a black Tahitian pearl with shimmery strains of purples and greys set in a simple silver band.. But I questioned the apropriateness of it for an engagement ring. It looked more like costume jewelry..

But, with the enthusiastic blessing of Emmett and Rose, he presented it to Bella at the rehearsal dinner the night before.

His proposal was awkward and shy and sweet - everything that made Edward as loveable as he was.

Her acceptance was awkward and shy and sweet - everything that made Bella as loveable as she was.

And as she looked at her finger, beaming with pride at the odd little ring my brother bought for forty dollars at a garage sale, Edward had been right -no other ring would have fit Bella so perfectly.

It hadn't been an easy road for them so far. Edward still feared his need for so much private time was isolating for her. Pretty faces eyeing Edward constantly could make Bella question herself. They still had a hard road ahead, with plans of marriage put off until she finished up school.

But watching them now as they laughed and whispered into one another's ears, I knew they'd make it. They'd find a way.

"Who would have ever thought," Jasper said with a smile as we watched Edward nuzzle Bella's neck. "Who would have ever thought for ol' Edward."

I did, I silently answered; thinking back to that dream so long ago that put everything into motion, of a pretty girl with a flower coming to change my brother's life.

xx

**BPOV**

_One year after their re-meeting..._

The sun was just coming up over the horizon now as we settled down on top of the big black rock.

It was the only request I had for our trip back to Hawaii.

Edward had bigger plans - another visit with Nalani and her grandmother. With me in tow this time.

He'd never gotten over wanting to understand that day I had saved him. My "gift" had never shown itself again since that day - further proof of my adrenaline theory.

Emmett cracked up when he heard about our Hawaii trip itinerary:

"Great, who do you guys think you are? Some fustrated X-men trying to form an alliance with other giftted mutants? Tell Professor Grandma Xavier there's a new X in town and I'm coming for her crown. Or wheelchair."

We went and visited them. Edward told them how everything turned out between us - at least the part he knew about. About our seperation - our grand reunion. My odd ability to steer him to safety. They listened quietly, the grandmother especially. She touched my head several times, smiling sweetly. But the smile always ended with a puzzled look.

"Your gift is too good," Nalani whispered with a laugh. Rowena and Nalani agreed on one thing: I had protective gifts of some sort. But how those gifts manifested? They didn't have a clue.

"They are so protective, they are protecting themselves from us," Nalani said with a wink.

Edward was the revelation of the day though. The more they tried to focus on me, the more they kept coming back to Edward.

I was too closed off - to them anyways. Edward though?

Edward wasn't what he thought he was.

He had always processed his ability as some keen body languager reader. In Hawaii, he realized it was more than just body language - that his abilities went further than that.

"You have more abilities than you realize. You can do more with your gifts than just import thoughts. You can export your thoughts as well." Rowena looked concerned with that revelation. "You need to understand these abilities though, Edward. Don't ignore them. They won't disappear by ignoring them; if anything, they will grow in size and force until you have no choice but to acknowledge them."

It was as if her words were spoken in in slow motion, and everything else around me drowned out:

**"You have more abilities than you realize. You can do more with your gifts than just import thoughts. You can export your thoughts as well**.**You need to understand these abilities though, Edward. Don't ignore them. They won't disappear by ignoring them; if anything, they will grow in size and force until you have no choice but to acknowledge them**."

It was like finding the missing piece of a puzzle Alice and I had secretly been trying to solve for months. Alice never had a vision like the one that caused Edward and I to part -- hadn't since then.

She had been racked with guilt the whole time, thinking it was all her fault.

"I know others' thoughts can infiltrate his mind; but, you're saying Edward can infiltrate others' minds too, Rowena?"

She nodded. "He doesn't know how to really use it yet, from what I'm seeing. But yes, he has the ability."

"Would his twin sister's mind be the mind he could infiltrate easiest of all," I asked.

She nodded more forcefully this time: "Edward and his sister's gifts work in tandem, like two blades on scissors. Their gifts work together--"

"-and can even bleed into one another, those gifts?" I tacked on.

Rowena pointed a finger at me. "Very perceptive, Bella. Yes."

That explained it all - how all of this began.

xx

I waited until the next morning to explain it all. It was time for him to know the whole truth.

We watched the sun rise in silence on the big black rock. A thermos of coffee and freshly-made malasadas sat between us.

"Edward, you know the day we met your family at this beach? And went to dinner? And then dancing?"

He looked at me, smiling in acknowledgement.

"And you took me to the beach outside of the club? And I was being so stubborn with you, not believing that our relationship could last past Hawaii. And you were so sure about it, convincing me that it could work?"

Edward's smile faded with those memories - and how the following year would play out as I had feared.

"Yes."

"At some point, right before I ran into the water, I changed my mind. I thought maybe you had a point. Maybe it could work."

I could tell Edward didn't know where I was going with this - so he remained quiet.

"Do you remember that very moment, Edward, when I stopped struggling against the thought of us staying together after Hawaii? To take our relationship back to real life with us?"

His eyebrow raised incredulously. "Of course I do, you took your bra off like two seconds later in the water. I remember quite well, trust me."

He tried to deflect with a joke, but his clouded expression indicated that wasn't all he remembered.

"This is important, Edward. Be honest: After you finally convinced me, and I ran in the water, did you have a moment, however brief it was, where you weren't sure that we could make it together back home? Even though you'd been arguing that very point to me the whole time?"

"No," he said , his eyes shocked by the very implication. " I never doubted us. I never doubted you."

Aha.

"Maybe not me. But....what were you thinking in those moments after I gave into you? After I said we could make this work back home, not just in Hawaii?"

Silence. But then he finally spoke.

"You were running into the ocean in your underwear. Water and underwear. That was pretty much all my mind was registering at the moment." He shrugged his shoulders, as if that answered it.

"Okay...do you remember after that?"

"I remember thinking you were a very silly girl, for thinking I could leave what we had behind in Hawaii."

"What else?"

He closed his eyes now, trying to focus.

"The water was so cold when I got in with you. Your teeth were chattering, and your shoulders shaking. You looked so small and cold in the water right then. Vulnerable."

He became silent now, his face showing a rush of emotion.

"Anything else?"

Edward nodded his head. "I didn't like seeing you all alone in the water. Even when I had you in my arms, it bothered me."

He opened his eyes, as if something came to the forefront of his thoughts.

"Have you ever wanted something so much, Bella, and then you actually get it? And all of the sudden, you go from wanting so badly, to feeling scared? Because now you don't want to lose what you finally have?"

I couldn't help but laugh: "Of course. Why do you think I was resisting having more than a holiday fling so much? I didn't want to lose what I thought I couldn't have to begin with."

He took my hand in his again. "I did have that fear go through me. That I didn't want to lose you." His lips turned up crookedly to one side." It didn't last long. Your bra was completely transparent by then."

Still trying to deflect...I marched on.

"What fears did you have go through you."

"I felt a lot of things rush through me seeing you in the ocean like that. Dread. That thought of losing you. Something taking you away from me. You drifting away from me..."

I asked him what he meant about me drifting away. He looked at me like I was being simple minded.

"Bella. I'd never had a girlfriend. I was in my twenties and had lived with my parents my whole life. I'm a freak. You know I could go on with the list of reasons for why you'd drift away."

Bingo.

It was then that I finally told him about Alice's second version of the dream that she had the day of the crash. How the perspective of the dream was different. Nothing outside us was ever trying to break our hold, trying to hurt me. Edward had broken the hold all by himself, head down, hellbent on seperating himself from what we had.

All because he didn't think he think he deserved us.

How the dream came to fruition - how in fact it was a self fulfilling prophecy. How, in his attempt to keep me safe while we were both driving that afternoon a year earlier, he paid no mind to his own safety. He blindly ran red lights, bypassed cars on the wrong side of the street, vaulted into oncoming traffic.

"As if you could save me by harming yourself. By seperating us all over again," I scolded.

He just rested his hands in my lap. He kept his eyes downcast.

"I don't....understand though. I don't understand why the dream happened in the first place then, if it wasn't a warning."

And that's where Rowena came in.

"Edward, Rowena said you and Alice were like two blades on a pair of scissors. That your gifts can bleed into eachother. That night, that moment, when you worried what would happen with us back in real life, worried you would end up disillusioning me, and make me drift away? What happened right afterward, Edward?"

He looked up in recognition, like a lightbulb just switched on in his head.

"Alice. Alice came to the beach."

"Rowena said you don't know the extent of your ablities yet. People infiltrate your mind - but you can do the same. Your gifts bleed into Alice's."

He looked out into the ocean, his eyes wide now.

"My thoughts seeped into Alice's head. She thought it was a vision."

And it was a vision in a sense - a vision of how Edward thought our story could only end one way.

We talked more about the strange events of that day - almost two years earlier. Most importantly, we talked about how it happened; so easily really, without Edward even realizing it. How so much could have been avoided - if had just talked to me.

"Rowena was right. You need to understand what your abilities are-or your abilities could overpower you again."

We would have to come back to Hawaii again soon- so that Rowena could help him understand it. We could never let his abilities go unchecked again.

."A whole year wasted," he echoed. And this is why I waited a whole year to even him tell him the whole story - because I knew this would be so hard for him. To know all his efforts, all his sacrifices, had been dependent on a mistake. That everything essentially began from his own doubt in us.

"Not wasted, really, Edward. You know how I look at it? Both of us weren't ready in Hawaii for eachother in real life. We just weren't. I didn't think

I was enough for you. In looks, in life. I was a mousey librarian who hadn't been on a date in over a year."

I cut him off before he tried to give me a self esteem building sermon on my alleged beauty:

"And you're a freak."

That got him to smile -and cut me off before I could give him a self esteem building sermon of my own:

"You think we would have ruined us then, even without the dream?"

I nodded affirmatively. " And maybe nothing would have ever made us ready for eachother, with the exception of losing what we feared losing the most."

And it was true for me. The whole time he offered himself to me beyond Hawaii, I refused it, dismissed it. Not because I didn't want him. I couldn't picture being enough for him beyond a five day retreat. Going back home, having him see my modest life without the rose colored vacation glasses. My modest looks even, once the bikinis were traded in for baggy sweatshirts and jeans. I wouldn't have fought for him, because I thought it would be a losing battle.

And I knew that went double for him.

"I can't speak for you, Edward. But for me, that lost year taught me to fight for what I wanted."

Edward opened his arms, and I made myself comfy in his lap.

"I feel the same way. I still worry that I'm not enough for you. But nothing could make back down from us now. Nothing."

He got quiet now as he held me. I knew he was only beginning to process everything that I'd been thinking about for a whole year.

"It wasn't all a loss. I got a mural out of it, you know," I reminded him. He simply nodded, his chin bumping into my shoulder.

I turned around so I could look into his eyes. He needed to hear what I was saying.

"You know my favorite thing about the mural?"

He shook his head.

"That you didn't make us Peter and Wendy. Neverland broke them."

Edward laughed out loud: "I remembered you telling me that. But a lost boy isn't much of an improvement."

I stared at him in disbelief: "All this research for the mural and you still hadn't read Peter Pan?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"I just cared about the mermaid part, to be honest."

"But you missed the best part of all."

I took his hands in mine as we stood up, inching backwards until I knew I was as close to the edge of the cliff without falling off the side.

"In, Peter Pan, the Lost Boys found their way back home. Unlike Peter Pan, they move on, grow up."

He kissed me on my nose, a shy smile grazing his face. I could still make him shy at times, even two years after the fact.

.

"Do you remember asking me if I saw you in ten years, right before you almost got smashed like a pancake in that intersection?"

He nodded.

"I answered your question silentlly. Or more like wished in that moment what I saw in ten years for you."

"What did you wish?" His face was full of anticipation now.

It was my turn to feel shy. He could still make me shy too, even two years after the fact.

"Oh, it's dreadfully boring for wishes. Almost embarrassing."

"If it embarrasses you, then I'm definitely interested, " he reassured.

Here goes nothing.

" I saw us both, in the same place and time and moment in ten years. We're painting a mural together. One with a happy ending of little Lost Boys going back to London to grow up and Mermaids trading their fish tails for dry land legs and real life. Together.

And the mural wasn't for a hospital this time around, but for a new office. Your pediatrics office. I'm still in school, even a decade later, and publishing papers in obscure academic folkloric journals. And no one will ever read them, but you'll be my biggest cheerleader and read every single thing I write. Even the ones my mother won't. And I'll pay you back with really great ideas for murals, like the one we're painting in that moment.

And maybe a little one will be flopping around by our feet, letting her paint slicked fingertips pepper the mural painting. And her dad will simply laugh at the contribution - and turn the little yellow fingertips into baby chicks on the wall."

He smiled brightly, though his eyebrow arched suspiciously. "That's a pretty detailed wish to have in the space of a couple seconds."

I bit my lip. "Okay, some details were added in the past year. But they were only added with Alice's blessing."

Edward's jaw dropped in shock. "Alice's blessing? Or dream?"

"Shhh.." I hissed with a finger over my lips. "You aren't suppossed to know. It's a surprise." I looked upwards:" In about nine years anyways."

His lips brushed against mine before I could finish. Sweet and eager, his kisses were still. Even a year later.

"That's some answer to my question. I'll try and keep up with that checklist."

"Just keep holding onto my hand and you'll never fall behind, " I whispered, before stepping back off of the ledge. I pulled him along with me, just as I had from the beginning. We'd done it countless times now; and yet, the excitement and fear that mixed together while plunging downwards toward the water always made it feel like the first time. Edward's eyes fixed upon me as we descended - and then we broke through the surface of the water. Silence invaded my ears and salt water rushed into my nostrils and bubbles surrounded my eyesight. But Edward's hand held onto mine with a firm, unwavering grip. And just beyond the bubbles, I could see the phantom shape of a lopsided smile.

His hand pulled me up quickly through the water to the surface, strong and steady. And I knew, I just knew, that hand would be strong and steady from here on out - and that he'd never let go again.

**xxxx**

**a/n: Thanks again for reading the story, lovelies. I really had a blast writing it. Viva La Oahu!lol**

**eta a/n: Yes, Alice's vision told of them having a little rugrat in about 9 years time...**


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